Wedding Blog
Scene: 5 AM, two nights before Hot Cocoa wedding. Miss Hot Cocoa on the floor of Hot Mama Cocoa’s house, boxed in entirely by programs.
Action: She opens one of the programs, and curls, slow motion, into a fetal position. Program grows legs, kicks her in the shin, and runs off laughing.
Voiceover: “Program 5; Hot Cocoa 0.”
Flashback: Four days before Hot Cocoa wedding. Miss Hot Cocoa picks up printed program insert from printing company. Insert looks like it was printed by a dot matrix printer; somewhere in the process of PDF’ing the document, sending it via email to the printing company, and the company printing it out and copying it, the resolution got unacceptably anemic. Mr. Hot Cocoa looks at program, dryly notes that it’s not 1990.
Voiceover: “Program 1; Hot Cocoa 0.”
Flashback: Three days before Hot Cocoa wedding. Miss Hot Cocoa hauls ass to Kinko’s to redo the program inserts. Kinkos manager gives her the proof to look over; she signs off. Five hours later, she returns, looks over the proof again, realizes there’s an incorrect page break… on a document she’s “proofed” at least ten times. Oh yeah, Miss Hot Cocoa was once an editor and teaches writing for a living.
Voiceover: “Program 2; Hot Cocoa 0.”
Flashback: 8 PM, two nights before Hot Cocoa wedding. Hot Mama Cocoa, Hottest Sister Cocoa, and Miss Hot Cocoa sit down to assemble programs. Miss Hot Cocoa notices that one of the groomsmen’s names is spelled wrong.
Voiceover: “Program 3; Hot Cocoa 0.”
Flashback: 3 am same night. Rest of the Hot Cocoas have gone to bed. Miss Hot Cocoa still stamping cherry blossoms on the inside of the programs. The programs begin to spawn. She keeps stamping, but there are more and more of them. Meanwhile, the cherry blossoms are not drying; purple ink smudges everywhere.
Voiceover: “Program 4; Hot Cocoa 0.”
Return to original scene: 5 AM. Miss Hot Cocoa surveys the scene around her. 180 programs. Punched. Folded. Glued. Stapled. Stamped. Picks one up. Finds one more spacing error.
Program wins. Hot Cocoa gives up.
In my next post, I’ll share the details of making the programs. I’m off to nurse my wounds.
Did one of your DIY projects take on a life of its own and try to consume you?
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Share this post: Our Programs, or How I Learned to Make Do With “Fine”
Oooo, do I spy Feel Script? Programs are definitely one detail I hope I don’t leave for too close to the wedding…because then I know they’ll stress me out big time!
oh man! sorry about the programs. i love the way you wrote about it, too cute!
Ohhh, I’m sorry, HC! Sometimes it DOES seem that your DIY projects are out to get you!!!
This is hilarious. I am going to need to know where you got the braided fasteners though.
This post is too funny. I’m sorry you lost to your programs 
From here they look better than “fine”! I love the frog things!
well, from here they look fab!! And I love the narrative, haha
Ugh, your programs and my (non-existent) invitations must be spawn from the same ream of paper. I gave up on my invites though…good job on fighting through the end! They look great HC!
oh my gosh that sounds like a nightmare, I would have torn my hair out! They are such pretty programs though!!!
This is my nightmare!!!! I am so overwhelmed by programs, it’s not good…. we don’t even know the content of the damn things, let alone the design! 
Haha,, great commentary! From here, the programs look great though.
@heather25: The frog buttons I got from China, for pennies!
@Miss Joey and @Miss Taffy: I’m with you girls. Kick their butts!
hehe, love the commentary. and look, you survived the attack! programs 5, hot cocoa 10. you deserve the 10 for making out with your sanity intact
my invites hate me - apparently if I had done them right I could have saved myself 15 hours of agony.
What a nightmare! This happens to me a least once a semester with a design or drafting project… I feel your pain.
P.S. EXCELLENT POST!
My goal is to not have ANY projects to do the week before the wedding. Seriously I want it all done before then! I just want to pack the car, and get there, and not have to lift A FINGER! Because when I get into a time crunch…I start throwing things. That double happy stamp would have been through the drywall at that point!!
that sounds just like my experience! I HATE PROGRAMS!!!!!!! they are the devil.
Your post was so full of pain and anguish, it brought tears to my eyes… when I wasn’t covering them with my hands in terror, that is. =(
I’m so sorry to hear that you had to experience that RIGHT before the big day. I read your post and watched the short clips of your “chewish wedding” post and I thought everything looked wonderful - so although you went through hell with the programs it all came out wonderfully in the end!
this was still a funny story! I am so not looking forward to the programs. I know the instant we make them, something will change!
I can’t wait to see the DIY for your programs because they are the one thing (after the invitations finally got done) that have been STRESSING me out! This is not making me feel better about it, but at least I will know where to even begin with the process!
AAH! my banquet invites are like you programs — i have the same double-happiness punch and a ‘door’ design. i skipped the frog buttons because they cost me $1 each here. eek.
sorry to hear abt the pesky paper products, but hey, you still had such a lovely lovely wedding!
I feel your pain! I could have written a very similar post about my programs…names spelled wrong, printing mistakes (on some?!?). I ended up giving them to my bridesmaids to finish because I couldn’t take it anymore!
As sad as the situation makes me for you, this is one of the funniest ‘bee entries I’ve read in a while. Love the format.
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Mrs. Hot Cocoa, Boston/Los Angeles
Age and Occupation: 31, JD/PhD Student
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 32, Medical Student
Engagement Date: May 30, 2008
Wedding Date: March, 2009
Blogging Since: April, 2008
Venue: Ritz Carlton, Marina Del Rey
About Me:
I am a professional student by day and an amateur cupcake taster, bargain shopper, and wedding planner by night. I am obsessed with NPR, the Food Network, paper, dance shows, Anthropologie, post-structuralist theory, Weddingbee!, "The Office," and celebrity gossip. When not procrastinating from my dissertation, I spend time catering to Jellyby, our overly anxious shih tzu, and getting to know Mr. Hot Cocoa. We have only been dating for fifteen years, so it's like I'm in love with a stranger! From the East Coast, we are planning a Jewish-Chinese Extravaganza in L.A., where we both grew up.
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