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… That is the question.
Mr. Mary Jane and I are getting married, but we’re not having a wedding. We don’t expect any showers or other wedding-related celebrations either.
While we are planning to send out 50-60 wedding announcements, my rational thought regarding this is: Why would anyone feel that they should get us a gift?
[source]
If I received a wedding announcement from someone, I’d think “Oh, how nice for them!” I would not, however, get the urge to grab my 20% coupon and head to the nearest Bed, Bath & Beyond. Would you?
Mr. Mary Jane and I discussed this very thing a few days ago. It’s our thinking that we should probably give people the option of buying us a gift. We’re certainly not going to ask for any, but perhaps if people are going to search for our registry anyway, we might as well have a registry or two there for them to find.
What do you think, hive?
I say go for it. Don’t go overboard, but yes provide a registry with some key items that and Mr. Mary Jane would want. It makes things so much easier for you and the people who would like to purchase something for you.
Register but don’t include it on the announcement- if people want to send a gift- it at least gives them the option to give you something you want!!
Do the people getting the announcement read your personal blog or Weddingbee? Because if they do, you might get gifts even if you don’t register for them!
I agree with Miss Peep Toe — don’t include it on the announcement…rely on word-of-mouth to let the news spread instead!
I agree with Miss Peep. If it’s not on the announcement, they won’t feel obligated to send a gift. But if they want to, there are some options of things you really want!
Nope, it won’t be on the announcement.
@Miss Bruschetta: Hardly anyone I know knows about my blog or weddingbee 
I didn’t vote because I think that people may want to send you money or a target gift card or something, but I don’t think it is necessary to register in this case. Just MHO, however!
I say go for it. There may be some people that will want to do something nice for the happy couple even if they could not share your moment with you.
I think your close relatives and friends will want to give something and the registry will help them figure out what you need/ want. I would stick to 20 moderately priced items, not 200!
We’re pretty much in the same situation and we’ve registered for a few things because some people have asked us where we’re registered. Another person gave us an engagement present without even asking us about registries, which was great too! For people who have no clue what your personal style is, a registry is a fabulous thing.
My only concern would be that some people would look at the announcement and think that you’re hinting for gifts. Obv your’re not, and announcements are proper for your situatuon where it’s a really small wedding. But, regardless, there are going to be people that think “we weren’t important enough to be invited, but now they’re expecting a gift?” I say this b/c I’ve seen people do it. Since announcements are so rare, people don’t know the protocol behind them.
Anyway, I’d worry that a registry may just compound their negative thoughts.
If I received a wedding announcement, we would send a card or $$. In most cases, a couple not having a wedding needs the money.
The same line of thought would hod true for any of my family or family friends.
Agree with AmyM83!
I think it may look greedy for you to have registries. If people want, they will send gift cards.
Plus, you’re not having a shower, which is when the registries are used for the most part.
I say register then people at least have the option of buying from a registry and if no one does you at least get the completion discount! At bb&b you get 10% on top of 20% off coupons!
I would guess that most people who want to send a gift will either send you a check. Maybe you could give your parents a couple of ideas of THINGS if people call and ask what you need.
(”Mrs. Mary Jane–you’ll be married then–just mentioned the other day that they’ve broken almost all of their wine glasses!” )
In general, I think its silly that people assume they need to register for anything. If you don’t want to register, then don’t. It’s really simple.
If you think people might want to get you something, then register at a charity. We didn’t think registering was right, so we just put a note on our website that if people wanted to remember the moment, they could donate to heifer or a charity of their choice. It worked perfectly.
We eloped the first time and sent out announcements and received a ton of gifts! It was surprising, but we were already registered because we had been planning a real wedding. So, we got a lot of great gifts!
I personally love getting family & friends a little something (even if the cost is minimal) as a congratulatory gift when I hear about special events, even if I’m not personally invited.
Wasn’t there a post on love languages by a few of the bees? Gift giving is probably mine.
I say register for a few things, even if they don’t get purchased you could always take advantage of the registry discounts the stores offer!
yea we didn’t want to register either, but we started getting engagement gifts immediately after we got engaged (we didn’t even send out an announcement). We eventually caved in and registered. That said, you don’t have to register, bc ppl will get you the gifts anyway - and personally I rather prefer to be surprised.
Well, I know anything goes these days, but technically, folks who receive wedding announcements are NOT obligated to give a gift.
I just find it a little odd that you would want to have a registry so that folks who receive announcements (!!!) can buy you something, but the only ones present are your parents and siblings. As a potential “guest,” personally, I would be peeved, and would think that’s a pretty ballsy move. I’m not important enough to witness your ceremony, but you have the chutzpah to create a registry so that I may get you something? Come again?
IMHO, I think that your family members, friends and co-workers will most likely gift you something anyway, and I think that you should graciously accept the gift–whatever it may be.
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Mrs. Mary Jane, Grand Forks, ND Age and Occupation: 26, Instructional Designer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Lead Programmer Engagement Date: February 28, 2009 Wedding Date: September 2009 Venue: City Hall About Me: I'm a career woman on the surface and a homemaker at heart. I love fast cars and high heels, and my favorite food is cake. Mr. Mary Jane and I are both full-time employees and students, and we just bought our first house. We love to curl up on the couch with buttery popcorn, Sour Patch Kids, and the latest Netflix arrival -- whenever we can get a break from everyday life.
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