Wedding Blog
You may have noticed in all of the posts I’ve done about dresses thus far, I’ve never prefaced them with death threats directed at Mr. Mary Jane. I don’t ask him to leave the blog, and I don’t demand that he avert his eyes from dress-related announcements.
It’s not because he doesn’t come here - he does. He reads my posts, your comments, everything. The fact of the matter is, I want him to see my dress. I don’t know what I would do if he did not want to see it. The thing is, Mr. Mary Jane is awesome. 
Seriously. He’s always honest about the way clothes look on me. He tells me if something doesn’t fit my body correctly, but he also goes a step further by letting me know if he thinks an outfit meshes with my personality.
He’s been behind the camera for most of the photos I’ve posted of my at-home dress shopping adventures. He’s provided feedback on every dress. And the dress-of-the-moment* is hanging in our closet right now, front and center. I would feel so much less confident about my wedding day beauty if I made decisions about it without input from my best bud. It just so happens that my best bud is also my groom.
I do feel a little sadness that Mr. Mary Jane and I won’t have a heartfelt wedding day “reveal”. However, we’re going to be getting ready in the same room and driving to the ceremony in the same car, so it’s really best that it works out this way. It’s a lot less complicated.
Do you need your FI’s opinion on things that traditionally would be out of his jurisdiction? Has he seen your dress?
*Let’s face it. With my track record, I’ll probably change my mind a few more times before we get to the big day!
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I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL!
My hubby was there at every dress shopping excursion. He was actually my only companion when I purchased my dress and I bought it with his opinion being my only non-self opinion (even my mom didn’t see it before I put down the deposit!). He has great taste and often knows what looks good on me before I figure it out myself (and I’m pretty good at dressing myself as it is!). It comes just with him knowing my body and my personality. He also critiqued both of my hair and makeup trials, and hung around the bridal suite while I was getting my hair and makeup done and saw the results before I put my dress and veil.
My husband saw my dress online, but I didn’t want him to see it on me. We didn’t have a big reveal moment, but I was ok with that.
He will see the dress beforehand and we are getting ready together. I put no stock in most of this hoopla
When I first bought it, I planned to show it to him right away, completely forgetting about the tradition. I then hemmed and hawed for 5 or 6 months, keeping it in a closet at my parents’ house rather than our own in case I decided I wanted him to see it first on the day of our wedding. I wound up letting him see it as I was getting ready/leaving for my bridal portrait shoot with Mrs. Avocado. I figured I wanted him to be able to see my bridal portraits, and I wanted a goodbye kiss from him for good luck on the portraits, so that was our “reveal” - in the hallway of our house, just the two of us.
My fiance found out I was tempted by a cathedral length veil. He apparently thinks long veils are very silly, so I canceled the order and started consulting him. The process involved showing him a picture of me in my dress so we could think about what would look best with it. (I think the reveal won’t be lost–there’s still something special about a seeing his beloved walking down the aisle, dressed up to the nines for him.) After looking at dozens of veil designs together, he finally realized that he “just doesn’t like the way women look in veils.”
So, involving him has been a bit more difficult than I thought. But, I hope, worth it.
The first thing I did, after I bought my dress, was call my fiance and describe it over the phone. And then when I got home, ten minutes later, I whipped the dress out and immediately showed it to him as I walked in the door (as I took it home with me that night). I never intended it to be a big reveal, and I like that he knows!
I’m with you on this one. I appreciate his opinion - plus I’m getting married in his country, so I want to make sure the dress is appropriate. No matter what, the guy is going to have his socks knocked off when he sees YOU in the dress on the big day.
I think that’s a fine way to approach it. Before I got my dress, I wanted to be sure my FI was okay with me stepping away from the expected look. For a while after I first got the dress, it was in a dress bag he had access to but said he never peeked. Then I showed it to him and he loved it. I loved his reaction. And we’ll get ready together and he’ll see it again.
I REALLY wanted my hubby to see my dress and go dress shopping with me, but he outright refused because he wanted to be surprise. But, he’s my best buddy and I really wanted his opinions and advice because I wanted for both of us to like the dress.
I don’t care about him seeing my dress, but he’s adamant about not knowing anything about it til the wedding day. It’s pretty stressful trying to keep it a secret!
It’s going to be a complete surprise, other than the fact that he knows it is white, until my dad walks me down the aisle. My FI wanted it that way…and I do, too. Kinda fun for us that way.
Just out of curiosity, what other stuff is traditionally out of the groom’s jurisdiction?
*sigh* I really wanted his opinion on my dress, especially since he wants the event to be a little more formal and I was considering a less formal dress. Even after I decided on a different dress I wanted to show him the less formal one to validate that I made the right decision and yet he STILL refused to see it! So I said fine, but there’s no chance of getting out of seeing it after the wedding.
Silly traditional boys. 
Ha! I love that you’re deciding for yourself what traditions/details to keep and which to discard. The fuss some of the bees put on about “no grooms beyond this point” and death threats and such has always seemed a bit silly to me.
That being said, I know that when it comes time to pick a dress the romantic in me will struggle against the practical side that wants to pick a dress I know both J and I will love.
Mr. Bruschetta’s been adamant about not knowing any aspect of my wedding day look. And I’m fine with that, but I’ve definitely shared specifics about flowers, the bridesmaid attire…and other things in which he probably isn’t interested — but he’s such a sport, and lends an ear, and (if asked) an opinon.
Me: D’you want to see the dress? It’s supposedly bad luck.
Him: Whatever.
I showed him the dress. We are still married.
FI wants to see the dress. He wants to see pics of me in the dress. He wanted to stay in the same hotel room the night before. Then when I say “Hey, why don’t we stay in the same hotel room?” He freaks out. LOL! He thinks he’s not a traditionalist…until he has the option. Then it’s all tradition!
my FI does not want to know a thing about my dress. And like many of you, which is very cool as it indicates a partnership rather than some antiquated notion of man and wife (we define that ourselves right?), he is my best friend and I trust his opinion more than anyone. I haven’t shown him the dress out of respect for his wishes but I wouldn’t stress if he did see it. For those of you who’s FI have seen it/seen it on you, there will be *nothing* like when the hair, makeup, shoes, dress combined with hi, the ceremony, are happening at the same time. it will be like he’s seeing it for the first time as he won’t be thinking about the dress, he’ll be thinking of the gorgeous and amazing woman he’s about to marry!
I dont have my wedding ‘fit yet, but I just know I won’t be able to keep pictures of me in the dress during fittings etc. to myself. I’ll be dying to show him! His opinion really matters to me and I think I’ll need to hear what he thinks… Of course, I don’t want to show him pics of my hair/MU trials - THAT will be MY BIG REVEAL!
Wow - you have such a different perspective than all the other Bees. I am always curious to see what their comments will be to your posts. Is it just me, or do they seem to not comment on your posts as much?
I’ll probably ask his opinion when it gets down to really choosing the dress, but since I’ve only been looking in magazines and online, I’ve found that we have completely different tastes. If I like it, he doesn’t. He even went so far as to call birdcage veils ridiculous - and I totally love them.
But I think it will all go out the window when he finally sees me, no matter what I choose. So while I value his opinion - I probably won’t rely much on it.
All I can say is that sometimes the reveal does not go as planned. Let’s say you’re clumsy. The kind of person who cut her finger open at dinner the last time she wore a white dress, which was high school graduation a decade before her wedding (the robes were white, thus white dresses). The kind of person who cut her finger while fiddling with flower arrangements the morning of her wedding. The kind of person who figures, mere moments, after getting (late!) into her dress, as her mother is carrying the train and they are walking through the church to meet her groom and photographer, that surely the finger has quit bleeding and the bandaid can safely be removed. The kind for whom that is just not true.
The kind who then hightails it, mother behind, to the church office to ask the pastor where the first aid box is, because she needs another bandaid, stat! And then who rounds the corner, bleeding finger in an outstretched fist (no blood on the gown and trying to keep it that way), smack into her groom, the groomsmen, and the photographer. The kind whose first words to her groom are “where’s [pastor] Amy?” (I don’t know what his reaction to seeing me was because I wasn’t really even looking at him.)
But of course, the next step–and my mother would have never forgiven me if I hadn’t allowed it–was to hold up my bleeding finger for the photographer to capture, since my clumsiness with knives is part of family lore. Poor photographer. I think this is why he didn’t put any of our pictures on his website. I had to convince him that he really needed to take the picture.
Oh, and it was my ring finger too.
I did have revenge on my mother, though. I gave her a very nice bread knife for Christmas. Her finger soon sported its own bandaid.
Just to say that sometimes the planned surprises fall apart.
I feel the same way about including my fiance in the dress decision, but he insisted on keeping it a secret. He’s given me a lot of (unsolicited) input on what kind of dress I should get though! It would be a lot easier if he would just look at what I got.
I agree about my fiance seeing my dress–and everything else–I don’t think it’s a big deal. And, since we’re far away from out loved ones, I need someone local to help me decide things!
Also, while he’s very observant, when it comes down to it, I really can’t hear him exclaiming, “I love your basque waist!” or “what a delicate princess neckline!” Or (god forbid) “are those Swarovski crystals bedazzling your antique lace cathedral train?!?” 
(note: my dress will have none of those things)
I mean, really. He’ll think I’m beautiful. Done. Then again, he thinks I’m beautiful when I’m in sweats on the couch… I kind of wonder about that sometimes…
I would like some sort of “reveal”, though, because I so rarely A. dress up in a pretty dress, B. get my hair done, C. wear fun jewelry, AND D. wear a veil (?) all at the same time!
My partner was uncharacteristically traditional when it came to not wanting to see me in my dress before I walked (by myself!) down the aisle. Even though it wasn’t that important to me, it was a really fun moment for us both.
I’m always surprised, though, by women whose partners have requirements or really specific expectations about what kind of dress they wear. The only thing he knew beforehand was that I loved my dress - shouldn’t that be enough for anyone?
He totally saw all my dress choices and has now seen the dress I’m wearing I just really didn’t mind and don’t really have girlfriends and my sister lives far away, so he really is the one I talk to the most and therefore I can’t keep anything from him.
I didn’t even really have to ask FI wants the “reveal” at the aisle. Were very traditional for some things and despite the fact we are having a completely unconventional wedding.
I like the idea of the reveal at the aisle, and its what we are doing…HOWEVER…my FI is my bestest friend in the universe, sorry girls but he’d be my MOH too (if that was possible!)…I value his opinion above almost all others (granted he has a hard time envisioning things off the rack)…but its hard for me not show him dresses I like and get his input etc…So I guess I’m pretty jealous that you have the support!
It’s funny–my FI is not allowed to see my dress, but I have shared with him everything else! I’ve shown him my earrings, hair piece(s), shoes, etc. I respect his opinion so much, and it’s really hard for me to keep secrets from him!
My FI is my best bud too! I can totally relate. While I am trying to keep my dress a secret from him, we will be together probably most of the day on our wedding day before the ceremony…soooo…the jig’s up!
Not only did Mr. S see my dress, he actually went dress shopping with me and helped me pick it out.
I am pretty glad to hear a lot of women get their fiance’s input. I also showed my fiance dresses I am looking at to get his opinion. I have not let him go with me to the bridal salon. It just seems appropriate. His opinion is always the first one I get for anything else and this is the dress I will be in when we become man and wife. Why shouldn’t his opinion count on it?
MY FI doesn’t want to see the dress. I did have him look at dresses in magazines. I value his opinion, so it was great to know what styles he liked.
I’m the same way. When I was dress shopping, I narrowed my choices down to three dresses. I loved all three for different reasons and couldn’t pick. So I showed him all three - explained what I liked about each and what concerns I had if any and then asked him which one he though was best. He immediately had a favorite and in 4 weeks, that’s the dress I will be wearing down the aisle:)
C was there when I tried the dress on and bought it, so yeah, he knows what it looks like. It helped when he picked out his outfit and matched his tie to my purple dress:)
I so understand! My FI went with me to try on dresses and even helped in picking it out! He always knows what looks good on me and what doesn’t so his opinion was vital to me!
My FI doesn’t want to see it, doesn’t want to see the shoes, the veil, the hair piece, he wants it all to be a surprise. And I feel the same way. We both love surprises. He had to see my hair and makeup because I had to come home after the trial, he even joked about how I should take it all apart before I came home 
I LOVE that you posted that he has seen your dress. I have been wondering how I will keep my dress from him for so long! I share everything with him and the thought of keeping such a huge and fun “secret” from him is driving me crazy!! Now I may just have to let him see it and and maybe just not me in it - I still want the whole “WOW” factor - but we shall see, I guess.
Don’t you LOVE that you share everything with him? It’s my favorite!
It was like this in reverse for the engagement ring. He and I both wanted the “complete surprise of him having picked it out all by himself” moment, but it’s just not us. I’m a perfectionist and he was worried that he may not pick something I’d want to wear for the rest of my life. It works for some people, but not for all. Even now with my dress, I keep wanting to show him photos of me in it (I’m the worst with secrets concerning myself, lol) but I’ve resisted so far. I’ll have to keep the dress at his mother’s to keep from being tempted to show it to him when it comes in.
I totally agree with sharing dress and accessory info with the groom. The whole reason I’m getting all done up is to look beautiful for him, so I want to be sure he likes my choices. I showed my fiance all the dresses I was considering, including pictures of me in the few I was allowed to photograph and asked him his favorites. He nixed a couple and gave a couple thumbs up. Luckily, he liked my favorite He wants a little surprise, so I didn’t tell him my final choice.
I’ve shown him all other accessories I’m considering and he’s been on many a shoe shopping expedition with me. The only thing I want to keep secret is undergarments
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Mrs. Mary Jane, Grand Forks, ND
Age and Occupation: 26, Instructional Designer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Lead Programmer
Engagement Date: February 28, 2009
Wedding Date: September 2009
Venue: City Hall
About Me: I'm a career woman on the surface and a homemaker at heart. I love fast cars and high heels, and my favorite food is cake. Mr. Mary Jane and I are both full-time employees and students, and we just bought our first house. We love to curl up on the couch with buttery popcorn, Sour Patch Kids, and the latest Netflix arrival -- whenever we can get a break from everyday life.
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