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You may have noticed in all of the posts I’ve done about dresses thus far, I’ve never prefaced them with death threats directed at Mr. Mary Jane. I don’t ask him to leave the blog, and I don’t demand that he avert his eyes from dress-related announcements.
It’s not because he doesn’t come here - he does. He reads my posts, your comments, everything. The fact of the matter is, I want him to see my dress. I don’t know what I would do if he did not want to see it. The thing is, Mr. Mary Jane is awesome. 
Seriously. He’s always honest about the way clothes look on me. He tells me if something doesn’t fit my body correctly, but he also goes a step further by letting me know if he thinks an outfit meshes with my personality.
He’s been behind the camera for most of the photos I’ve posted of my at-home dress shopping adventures. He’s provided feedback on every dress. And the dress-of-the-moment* is hanging in our closet right now, front and center. I would feel so much less confident about my wedding day beauty if I made decisions about it without input from my best bud. It just so happens that my best bud is also my groom.
I do feel a little sadness that Mr. Mary Jane and I won’t have a heartfelt wedding day “reveal”. However, we’re going to be getting ready in the same room and driving to the ceremony in the same car, so it’s really best that it works out this way. It’s a lot less complicated.
Do you need your FI’s opinion on things that traditionally would be out of his jurisdiction? Has he seen your dress?
*Let’s face it. With my track record, I’ll probably change my mind a few more times before we get to the big day!
I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL!
My hubby was there at every dress shopping excursion. He was actually my only companion when I purchased my dress and I bought it with his opinion being my only non-self opinion (even my mom didn’t see it before I put down the deposit!). He has great taste and often knows what looks good on me before I figure it out myself (and I’m pretty good at dressing myself as it is!). It comes just with him knowing my body and my personality. He also critiqued both of my hair and makeup trials, and hung around the bridal suite while I was getting my hair and makeup done and saw the results before I put my dress and veil.
My husband saw my dress online, but I didn’t want him to see it on me. We didn’t have a big reveal moment, but I was ok with that.
He will see the dress beforehand and we are getting ready together. I put no stock in most of this hoopla
When I first bought it, I planned to show it to him right away, completely forgetting about the tradition. I then hemmed and hawed for 5 or 6 months, keeping it in a closet at my parents’ house rather than our own in case I decided I wanted him to see it first on the day of our wedding. I wound up letting him see it as I was getting ready/leaving for my bridal portrait shoot with Mrs. Avocado. I figured I wanted him to be able to see my bridal portraits, and I wanted a goodbye kiss from him for good luck on the portraits, so that was our “reveal” - in the hallway of our house, just the two of us.
My fiance found out I was tempted by a cathedral length veil. He apparently thinks long veils are very silly, so I canceled the order and started consulting him. The process involved showing him a picture of me in my dress so we could think about what would look best with it. (I think the reveal won’t be lost–there’s still something special about a seeing his beloved walking down the aisle, dressed up to the nines for him.) After looking at dozens of veil designs together, he finally realized that he “just doesn’t like the way women look in veils.”
So, involving him has been a bit more difficult than I thought. But, I hope, worth it.
The first thing I did, after I bought my dress, was call my fiance and describe it over the phone. And then when I got home, ten minutes later, I whipped the dress out and immediately showed it to him as I walked in the door (as I took it home with me that night). I never intended it to be a big reveal, and I like that he knows!
I’m with you on this one. I appreciate his opinion - plus I’m getting married in his country, so I want to make sure the dress is appropriate. No matter what, the guy is going to have his socks knocked off when he sees YOU in the dress on the big day.
I think that’s a fine way to approach it. Before I got my dress, I wanted to be sure my FI was okay with me stepping away from the expected look. For a while after I first got the dress, it was in a dress bag he had access to but said he never peeked. Then I showed it to him and he loved it. I loved his reaction. And we’ll get ready together and he’ll see it again.
I REALLY wanted my hubby to see my dress and go dress shopping with me, but he outright refused because he wanted to be surprise. But, he’s my best buddy and I really wanted his opinions and advice because I wanted for both of us to like the dress.
I don’t care about him seeing my dress, but he’s adamant about not knowing anything about it til the wedding day. It’s pretty stressful trying to keep it a secret!
It’s going to be a complete surprise, other than the fact that he knows it is white, until my dad walks me down the aisle. My FI wanted it that way…and I do, too. Kinda fun for us that way.
Just out of curiosity, what other stuff is traditionally out of the groom’s jurisdiction?
*sigh* I really wanted his opinion on my dress, especially since he wants the event to be a little more formal and I was considering a less formal dress. Even after I decided on a different dress I wanted to show him the less formal one to validate that I made the right decision and yet he STILL refused to see it! So I said fine, but there’s no chance of getting out of seeing it after the wedding.
Silly traditional boys. 
Ha! I love that you’re deciding for yourself what traditions/details to keep and which to discard. The fuss some of the bees put on about “no grooms beyond this point” and death threats and such has always seemed a bit silly to me.
That being said, I know that when it comes time to pick a dress the romantic in me will struggle against the practical side that wants to pick a dress I know both J and I will love.
Mr. Bruschetta’s been adamant about not knowing any aspect of my wedding day look. And I’m fine with that, but I’ve definitely shared specifics about flowers, the bridesmaid attire…and other things in which he probably isn’t interested — but he’s such a sport, and lends an ear, and (if asked) an opinon.
Me: D’you want to see the dress? It’s supposedly bad luck.
Him: Whatever.
I showed him the dress. We are still married.
FI wants to see the dress. He wants to see pics of me in the dress. He wanted to stay in the same hotel room the night before. Then when I say “Hey, why don’t we stay in the same hotel room?” He freaks out. LOL! He thinks he’s not a traditionalist…until he has the option. Then it’s all tradition!
my FI does not want to know a thing about my dress. And like many of you, which is very cool as it indicates a partnership rather than some antiquated notion of man and wife (we define that ourselves right?), he is my best friend and I trust his opinion more than anyone. I haven’t shown him the dress out of respect for his wishes but I wouldn’t stress if he did see it. For those of you who’s FI have seen it/seen it on you, there will be *nothing* like when the hair, makeup, shoes, dress combined with hi, the ceremony, are happening at the same time. it will be like he’s seeing it for the first time as he won’t be thinking about the dress, he’ll be thinking of the gorgeous and amazing woman he’s about to marry!
I dont have my wedding ‘fit yet, but I just know I won’t be able to keep pictures of me in the dress during fittings etc. to myself. I’ll be dying to show him! His opinion really matters to me and I think I’ll need to hear what he thinks… Of course, I don’t want to show him pics of my hair/MU trials - THAT will be MY BIG REVEAL!
Wow - you have such a different perspective than all the other Bees. I am always curious to see what their comments will be to your posts. Is it just me, or do they seem to not comment on your posts as much?
I’ll probably ask his opinion when it gets down to really choosing the dress, but since I’ve only been looking in magazines and online, I’ve found that we have completely different tastes. If I like it, he doesn’t. He even went so far as to call birdcage veils ridiculous - and I totally love them.
But I think it will all go out the window when he finally sees me, no matter what I choose. So while I value his opinion - I probably won’t rely much on it.
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Mrs. Mary Jane, Grand Forks, ND Age and Occupation: 26, Instructional Designer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Lead Programmer Engagement Date: February 28, 2009 Wedding Date: September 2009 Venue: City Hall About Me: I'm a career woman on the surface and a homemaker at heart. I love fast cars and high heels, and my favorite food is cake. Mr. Mary Jane and I are both full-time employees and students, and we just bought our first house. We love to curl up on the couch with buttery popcorn, Sour Patch Kids, and the latest Netflix arrival -- whenever we can get a break from everyday life.
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