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At times throughout our planning process, I have felt like I am on a little island alone emailing vendors, researching details, scheduling appointments, trying to adhere to our budget and timeline, worrying about everything. Ready.to.pull.out.my.hair. Understandably, I have gotten tired and frustrated.
A few times I have hit the wall and lost it. My fits (I’ll call them “bridal tirades”) haven’t been too severe, but let’s just say they don’t paint me in the most attractive light. I’ve noticed that I usually manage to utter lovely sentiments similar to, “Why am I the only one that cares about this wedding?” Mr. G, my mom, and others have been lucky enough to hear this a few times since we got engaged. Apparently no one understands what I am going through. Riiight, because no one in history has ever been married before. My feelings are completely unique. Uh-huh.
Despite my sometimes jaded perception of reality, I am definitely not the only person who “cares” about this wedding. A lot of people care. They just have their own lives. And their own lives don’t revolve around my wedding. It’s no offense to me or the wedding, but while I sit and deal with wedding-related business, life goes on all around me. Who knew?
A couple of weeks ago, I decided I would never, ever pull that “no one cares” crap again. Any outside help I receive will be deemed an honored favor. Friends and family will be met with “thank yous” and love, rather than my scowling face, regardless of if things are going smoothly or not.
I don’t think that I am a selfish person. But, sometimes this wedding stuff has gotten to my head. I’ve needed a little self-reminder, “Hey, Miss Glitter, grow up!”
Have you had any wedding-related meltdowns? How have you kept it together?
This sounds all too familiar. I just remind myself that everything will be fine and whoever is upsetting me has their own life/stresses and doesn’t need my drama. Especially my fiancee. He has a stressful job and is extra helpful… just not always when I’m flipping. So I just remind myself to chill, and come back to it another time with him when he’s not so stressed.
No, not yet. But probably will. I bet you looked cute when you threw your, erm, bridal tirade! [I'm not enabling.]
I think you are so smart to realize this and keep yourself in check. Ultimately, looking at things in a more positive light (instead of “what are people NOT doing”) is going to make you feel better too. Don’t worry — it will all get done! At the end of the day, it’s the relationships that are important, not the “wedding details.”
yes definitely. At the outset of planning, I told myself I would not become “that bride.” the one who can only talk about wedding-related stuff, the one who looked flustered all the time, the one who stressed out about a certain shade of purple, etc. But I did become that bride and every month I had to put myself back in check. I’ve had a few meltdowns which I am embarassed about 
The single most humbling event happened just this past weekend at my bridal shower. I was surrounded by so many women who were pregnant, newly engaged, about to give birth, busy with work, one that was on the brink of being laid off, and another who was busy with school..and they all came out to support me. It was a well-timed reminder at how much people DO have their own lives…and how the little things they can do should be appreciated.
Glad you wrote this entry Miss Glitter !!
I am having a meltdown this week. But I cant complain- my man is totally involved, my parents are excited and very involved… It’s just people keep calling to say how excited they are and I am juggling grad school & work & wedding planning…
The way I am dealing with it…. >looking both ways when I say this so no one hears me< Is that I am currently working on getting a leave of absence through work so I can instead juggle only grad school & wedding planning…. Not work/school/&wedding planning. Bad me. But I think it will increase my level of sanity! Which is a good thing right????
I am trying to remain calm and not scream out “I am getting married someone tell me how awesome that is!” While thinking “Don’t everyone call me to tell me you booked your flight! I am excited for you but I am in the middle of a class lecture/or work!”
@peony80: That is so great you were surrounded by people in various moments in their life! I love those moments when you just pause to realize everyone is in it together no matter what differences we have- our lives are continuously evolving. And we ned each other to get through it.
Bravo Miss Glitter. Good post.
I had a major one a few weeks ago, when I suddenly realized we no longer had a year and a half to plan the wedding and nothing had been done since we’d booked the venue… four months earlier. I got really upset with my fiance for not being willing to do any of the research on any of the vendors without my giving him so much detail on what to look for that it would take less time for me to do it myself.
I finally had to realize that, while he cares very much about the wedding, he just doesn’t care about the details… not in the nitpicky way that I do. So I can ask for his help if I don’t have a specific image of what I want, or I can accept that the party is my baby, not his.
I decided to leave the planning of the honeymoon to him, which is exciting to him and not particularly to me, and to ask for his help more when there are actual, tangible tasks to be completed (and less research).
Who me!? Bridal tirade? NEVER!
In case my inherrent sarcasm is not fully expressed above, I think I could’ve written this post.
Haha. Great post. I read a quote somewhere: “No one cares about your wedding as much as you do.” I remind myself of that whenever I’m feeling a little alone on that island. 
I think we all feel like that at some point, some sooner than others hehe.
Oooh, I completely understand what you’re going through. I’ve had many meltdowns leading up to my wedding, and they weren’t pretty at all. FI, oops, my husband (officially as of this past Saturday =) ) was kind and understanding enough to see that I was really stressed out on all the details and let me just vent. I commend you for being able to see that your friends and family members also have their own matters to tend to, and that your wedding might be shuffled a bit in their lives. What really helped me was to step away from all the madness and return to it when you’ve had a chance to re-energize in taking on the task again. Good luck!
No I’d have to say I haven’t reached that point. My stepmother has been soooooo amazing helping me plan the wedding from several states away, and she and her family (well, they’re mine too but you know what I mean) and throwing me a shower, and I am so touched and grateful. I thought everyone would be too busy to help me so I’ve been so surprised and happy whenever anyone asks me if they can help or asks me how the planning is going.
My vendors have all been great so far, but I’m going to look at the two things that are making me nervous so far- linens/decor and flowers. These are two things I just can’t DIY because of space restrictions (I live in a small condo) and the fact that I’m working two jobs right now basically. I might get to that frustration level starting next week, but I hope not!!!
@LLauRRa: Yep, I’m constantly telling myself to chill out. It helps!
@Miss Perfume: Hahaha! Thanks, sweets. I’m almost positive I didn’t look cute. But let’s pretend…
@chicagowife: Amen!
@peony80: Aww, I love the story of your bridal shower. Sounds like you’ve got some wonderful women in your life!
@yello: Thanks!
@Sparkles: Wow, it sounds like you’ve got a ton of stuff on your plate! Try not to stress (easier said than done). Best of luck!
@A: Assigning tasks to your FI is a great way to reduce stress! Often they want to help us, they just don’t know exactly how to.
@Miss Gloss: Hahaha!
@Grey56: Great quote! And good way of keeping yourself in check.
My only major meltdown was when one of my bridesmaids told my fiance that I’d been nightmarish when I was trying on the dress–in front of me. I hadn’t been a nightmare! It hurt my feelings that she thought I had, and that she would tell him something like that.
I didn’t yell and scream, but I did have to excuse myself to go and cry in a corner. I had to remind myself not to be so sensitive. No use in turning into a bridezilla out of the fear of becoming one. That doesn’t even make sense!
Not yet. But I’m sure it’s just the calm before the storm. The novelty of wedding planning has worn off for sure! The long list of to dos now feel like chores. Fantabulous post!
Ooh, I think we’re all on that island together with you! I am, at least. So glad others feel the same.
I am definitely with you there–I have had a few minor meltdowns and mostly related to feeling like my mom, sister (MOH) and fiancee were apathetic to the wedding planning. I have to remember as well, that other people still have things going on in their lives and probably dont care about whether we have orange roses or dahlias.
I totally get what you are saying, because I have had them myself. The stress has not been too bad, but there have been at least a couple of times I wondered how I was going to do everything and say…still do laundry and cook dinner. However, I,too, have realized that all-too-soon this “bridal” strain will be over and I will have only memories to think back on, so I am trying to approach the entire thing with the realization that it will not be coming around again. And we are all growing up!!
man I just had my first mini-meltdown this weekend. I live a continent away from where we’re getting married, and all of our relatives who are local have been very eager to help us out. The only problem is - they’re not actually doing anything! They’re outsourcing to one person then another person in the family!
While I’m taking care of 95% of the wedding coordination abroad, the other 5% isn’t happening. I asked them to find out information on booking table linens cheaply. Haven’t heard a thing in 2 months!
Then yesterday, my mom asks me if I know what I’m doing for table linens yet. I said, NO I don’t know - those who have said they’d help aren’t doing anything! Then she suggested I check things out on the internet myself. I could, but then what’s the point of people “helping me out”? Planning your wedding long distance via the net isn’t the easiest thing in the world.
Sorry for the rant!
Basically, I know what you mean!
I haven’t expected anyone else to be excited as I am, mostly because I love planning events. So it’s turned into a little project to me. I ask for input and opinions from FI only because I want him to be happy with decisions made and the direction the wedding is headed.
Only thing that has bugged me is that mom has not been nowhere as excited about the wedding. Has kinda disappointed me only because I want her to be excited that her only daughter and child is getting married. But we can’t have it all, so I have just learned to be happy with what I’m doing and “grow up” and stop worrying.
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Mrs. Glitter, Los Angeles Age and Occupation: 27, Research Consultant/Writer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Accounting Engagement Date: May 6, 2007 Wedding Date: June, 2009 Venue: Millenium Biltmore Hotel About Me: I was born and raised in West Los Angeles, California. I spent eight years in the Northeast working and completing my education. Having split time between two sides of the country has given me a true appreciation for both coasts. It has also provided an overabundance of cross country drives, flights and long distance relationship fun/misery! I love my family, my doggy Emma, fabulous wine, Anthropologie, politics, reading, being outdoors, exploring new cities, and good movies! My fiance and I are complete opposites, but somehow we have managed to fall completely and hopelessly in love.
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