Wedding Blog
I’m not exactly sure how to write this post. While I think I am like many brides out there trying to navigate all of the various ideas about what I am supposed to be as a bride, I sometimes feel a little left out. As I am sure you all can see from my profile there, I am a Black woman (with dreadlocks, no less). While I love the wedding blog world, and while I acknowledge that there are many great Black women writing wedding blogs, I still don’t feel that Black brides are adequately represented. Apparently, I’m not the only one.
As much as I can identify with lots of brides, it’s always nice to see someone that looks like me or may share a similar cultural background. It’s not that I can’t identify with women different from me, either. For example, one of my favorite bees of all time was Mrs. Hummingbird. I can’t imagine someone so different from me, but I was totally feeling her!
Also I’ve got a particular problem with finding resources because of my hair (more on that later). The wedding world does not really offer many resources for women with dreadlocks. 
I do have some ideas that I am excited to share with you, and will do so in later posts. Don’t start me on makeup… oy!
Instead of complaining, I figured that I would take matters into my own hands. I started blogging as much for myself as well as for the faint hope that someone else would find some helpful information and inspiration from something I’ve posted.
That being said, for my short time here on Weddingbee, I want to blog about this wedding process as it relates to ALL women. I think that while we’ve got a universal experience as people transitioning into marriage, there are going to be some variations on how we experience this time in our lives and what we need to do to prepare for the day. Besides, I don’t want anyone to feel left out.
I’ve added some resources for Black brides below that I found and thought were interesting. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but all are definitely worth a look.
African American Brides - a good general blog.
African American Wedding Hairstyles - a great place for hair inspiration. The great thing about this blog is that it includes pics for Black women with ALL types of hair textures, from long, straightened hair, to locks, to two-strand twists and afros.
Brown and Bridal - an online community with emphasis on its message boards. They’ve also got bloggers, too.
Afrobella - a great general blog for Black women with an emphasis on natural hair and makeup and beauty tips. I’m a bit of a makeup/beauty products dunce, and have learned quite a bit here.
If anyone has found more, please share!
|
Share this post: Feeling Left Out?
I love this post! I am not a Black woman but definitely can see where you’re coming from and I bet you’ll be a great resource to other lovely ladies planning their weddings!
I have to say I think your hair looks awesome in your pic, and I am looking forward to some hair-related posts!!!
I think you are spot on. I rarely see women of color in the bridal magazines. I feel like the “WIC” represents pretty much one type of bride, which I don’t identify much with (and I’m caucasian). And even though I have straight, fine brown hair, I can’t even find a wedding hairstyle that suits me. Most of the pictures are all so “fussy” looking with tiaras, pins, weird tendrils, crazy updos. No thank you! Also, my fiance and I are paying for everything and our budget is tight. We have to forgo some things (favors, guestbook) because they are just not that important to us. All the magazines and blogs make you think you NEED these things in order to have a successful and memorable party which is not true at all! Although our experiences are all different, please don’t think that you are the only one who sometimes feels “left out”. I really look forward to more of your insightful posts
Great Post!! I think we all have our moments when we fall prey to the WIC, and I think we all have moments when we feel so different from what’s being shown in magazines. I mean, could they at least pick one Bridal Model with boobs? Just one, so I could kinda picture it on me???
So glad to have another perspective!! Love your hair by the way!! Can’t wait to read more.
I like your straight up way of writing! My little sister has got dreads and she’s one of the most beautiful people I know. She’s learned heaps of things to do with her hair. It always amazes me of all the stuff that she manages to do with her dreads, like curl them! I have to say, a bride with dreads is a gorgeous bride!
Love this post. I’ve also noticed that there is a huge lack of representation of Black women. I always thought that was odd.
I’m as white as they come, but I always wondered why black women and models weren’t featured more frequently in bridal magazines. Thanks for your post I loved pouring over the links!
I totally agree. I didn’t know what to expect when I was searching through wedding blogs and sites, but I did notice that there is definitely a lot of people/groups not represented. Props to you for taking matters into your own hands
Wow your gorgeous! I am not a black woman but I am looking forward to reading and perhaps learning from your experiences as a fellow august bride.
I def agree. I think we all at some point feel this way. I’m a curvy bride and my dress is a “Womens” gown…not just a gown…but a Womens gown! Now do they put it in this section just to make us stand out…Hello I know Im no size 2! Lets just shout it out to the world…”Shes a big girl!” And when she ordered it she told me I was a size 14W! Mind you 14 sounds great from where I was last summer at size 18…but theres that W again!! I love hearing different brides of all backgrounds. Great post.
Great post! I also wish there were more wedding resources that were a little more in touch with the reality of who exactly is getting married as not everyone fits into the cookie-cutter mold of wedding magazines and TV shows. The biggest reason I love Weddingbee is because there are so many different brides represented. I guess our wedding is fairly traditional, but I still love to read about wedding styles different from my own. I think you are a great addition to the hive and I’m looking forward to reading about your plans!
I don’t know if this will help or not (or if this is allowed?), but Offbeat Bride has featured some dreadlocked brides. Maybe you can get some inspiration there, too?
Miss Swan,
I just want to say hooray for you. It’s nice to see diversity in the Hive. I feel a little left out sometimes because although I’m white, I’m an old bride. I’ll be 36 on my wedding day.
Great post! I’m glad the situation motivated you to try to change this and blog about it. I’m excited that you’ll be sharing your perspective on Weddingbee!
Oh Miss Swann…I am sure you are not the first (nor the last bride) to feel left out. Like you, I feel like I have very little in common with a lot of brides..I’m not too girly, I’m not religious, I’m not in my 20’s like a lot of the brides, and I have not been waiting my whole life for my wedding date. However, I have gotten a lot of ideas and inspiration from many brides who I probably don’t share many things in common with. I think you should share some of your knowledge, frustrations, ideas about things that matter to you–I bet you that there are a lot of women out there that would appreciate them..I can guarantee you that you are not the only African American bride reading this blog..and they would probably appreciate some of your insights. Maybe by sharing some of your ideas and putting yourself out there, this blog will become even more diverse, and encourage more African American women (or women of all ages, color, race, faith, etc.) to share some of their experiences. So hang in there, and remember that not two brides are the same..nor they shouldn’t
..oops, I meant to say that brides shouldn’t all be the same.
I totally agree and I too feel under represented at times. I’m short, a little over weight and I have big boobs… you don’t see a lot ladies with my body type in bridal mags. Every dress I feel in love with in a magazine would never keep my girls in check.
I’m too am glad decided to blog
Thank you so much for this post I literally squealed with joy last night when I saw your picture. I love this site but as a Black bride (also with natural hair) I was even feeling left out here. You are amazing and I can’t wait to read more from you.
PS - definitely send any pictures of brides with afros that you come across my way!
One blog I read by a black bride is One Bride, One Groom, and a Broom at: http://www.bridegroomandbroom.blogspot.com/
She also has a list of other sites on her blog, and there might be some good ones there!
Great post, I can definately relate! I’m Latina and sometimes I feel like I can’t relate to the images portrayed in the wedding mags. I remember when I first started planning my wedding, I Googled around to see if there were any wedding sites targeted to Latinas. Sadly, the websites that turned up were for finding Latin American mail order brides. 
So, I’m glad to see that you’re stepping in and helping to fill a void!
Miss Swan I think you are my wedding planning twin :).
I did happen to see a pretty brown girl on the COVER of NY Brides last week. I think it was NY Brides or NY weddings at Borders. I got so excited, but I’ve decided to stop buying magazines, so I didn’t get it.
Besides the fact that I think there is a lot lacking in marketing to African-American Brides, I am so happy to see a few “older” brides on here as well.
I think bridal mags are a big ripoff anyway. They’re either way expensive or completely filled with ads. The models are airbrushed and tall and have teeny tiny waists, who looks like that? Any advice they offer is either ridiculous or common sense. They’re kinda fun to flip through, but for the most part … they suck
Ok–I am now addicted to waiting for your posts
This was one of the reasons I started my own blog–while I found so many ideas in bridal magazines and on popular websites, I wasn’t seeing much of myself. And of course as a bride who’s planning a wedding there are commonalities to be found on most blogs, but I have dreads, too and sometimes it would be nice to talk to someone who understands the questions “How are you wearing your hair for the wedding?” Um, what do you mean, it’s LOCKED.
But in starting my own blog I found some other sites, so I’ll share:
http://africanamericanweddinghairstyles.blogspot.com/
http://cassandrabromfieldbridalblog.blogspot.com/
this bride was recently married:
http://jessicaralph.blogspot.com/
and there are some more that i read–if you want to know the links, just ask me!
Thank you Miss Swan for the post. I don’t think it really occured to me that there aren’t really many publications in the wedding world that are marketed to black women (I, myself, being one). I did pick up an issue of New York magazine (weddings issue) who had a beautiful black model on the cover, and I was inspired. They also tend to mix up their photo shoots to show all ethnicities. Keep the blog recommendations coming- these are great!
So great of you to offer help! I know there are women out there who will appreciate your insight on wedding planning (including me)!
Our lack of representation in bridal magazines isn’t surprising considering we have the lowest rate of marriage.
Here’s a useful tool in the hair and makeup category for AA brides: http://photos.essence.com/list/hair. They’re collection locs and natural hairstyles is lacking but it is helpful in the makeup department. Always need pictures of examples.
Btw, I like that you follow Racialicious.
Thank you thank you thank you. I too am an African American bride…with super short hair and absolutely no inspiration photos. Thank you so much for contributing! I can wait to read more from you!!
I think you said a lot. There really isn’t a lot out there it seems for African American women and weddings. Its a shame. Perhaps you are on the cusp of something?!
Also, I sorta relate to you on the hair front… I have naturally curly hair (though, I’m white) and I cannot find A SINGLE STYLIST in my area that can style my hair curly!!! Everyone wants to straighten it, because when they try to style it curly for me, they MESS IT UP BADLY! Ugh. Such a pain!
I’m sure you’ll figure it out.
Thanks for posting this. I normally “lurk” on this site and use some of their WONDERFUL ideas (the bees are GREAT) but I’ve never been inspired to comment! I too am an African American bride with natural hair! I’ve blogged some of my trials in my own blog (where I also talk about other things not wedding related). and i’ve noticed my greatest hits are my entries that address African-American hair!
I can’t wait to see your ideas. Keep up the good work! People need us to write, so they can be inspired
Thank you thank you for this post. I agree in the fullest that the African American Bride is not represented in the Bridal Industry. So it will be nice to follow your blog! So kudos for you taking charge and Kudos to wedding bee finally adding a little more diversity!
Love this post! As an African-American woman, I totally hear ya. I actually bought the NY Mag Weddings issue with the A-A bride on the cover but was saddened to see that she wasn’t even in the rest of the magazine. I think they just did it so black women would buy it. What a ruse!
Well, I’m glad someone said it, because I’ve been feeling it. I’m not African American, but I’m having an ethnic wedding and sometimes I feel left out too.
For example, in my culture, brides don’t carry bouquets and we don’t do much for temple decor - so although I drool all over the beautiful flowers, charms, pew decoration pix, I won’t need them. I’m also a very free spirit, I love the outdoors and I dream endlessly about weddings on a beach or in english gardens… again, can’t do it. There are complicated issues with an outdoor wedding… It’s hard to explain even, and it makes speaking to vendors a little more complicated. I will need to keep some things “cookie-cutter” mode, but I’m trying to find ways to incorporate the things I want in my wedding, that I can have, even if its not conventional, or WIC as you call it.
I think you have a good list of blogs to search through for ideas and I would recommend that if you can get away with it, go for it! There may not be many brides out there with dreadlocks, but don’t let that get you down… if you have something in mind, make it work! Good luck and best wishes! (I will keep you in mind if I see anything that might inspire you and forward it your way :))
Hey, everyone!
Thanks for the warm response. I was a bit apprehensive as to how this post would be received.
Looking at some of you comments I think it’s fair to say that this representation of a variety of ALL women is severely lacking not just in the wedding world.
@princetonbride & futuremrsmorgan - I will definitely be doing a post on natural styles that are not locs.
@Jessebel - I’ve been looking for that link. Thanks!
@LaToya - I do like taking a look at Cassandra Bromfield’s blog.
Thanks for all of these great links, everybody!
The WIC is even more lily-white than the rest of mainstream media and I don’t think that helps anyone. I am super-psyched to see you here, Miss Swan.
Wooo Hoooo!! As an African-American bride, I am so glad to see we are finally represented on Wedding Bee!! So proud to see you up here!!
Thank you Miss Swan for keeping it real! Many cultures are under represented in the bridal industry which makes it difficult for someone like me to relate. As a Latina, I too find it difficult to find inspiration for such things like hair because my hair just isn’t always easy to manage. It really does have a mind of its own or I like to say it has a level of b*tchiness.
Thank you Wedding Bee for allowing Miss Swan to bring a bit of her flavor into the wedding world. I am looking forward to hearing about your planning! Good Luck!
another brown bride here! yayyy! haha. la toya already mentioned all the sites i visit (latoya’s site is fab, too! and her venue is SICK. as in amazing.). i also check out bridal bff and gangsta bride. =) ms. swan, you are SO insightful. i really enjoy your posts, and your hyperlinks are so timely and helpful.
I feel you about the sense of being “left out.” It doesn’t help that the media perpetuates all these “black women can’t get married” stereotypes. I’ve been tackling some of these issues in my own blog–it’s amazing how people of color are almost completely omitted from wedding media! As a photographer/bride, am frustrated at the lack of representation of “us” by high-end photographers–they’re the ones that get featured in all the magazines in the first place!!
I’m so happy to see you here! It’s essential that Weddingbee feature not only wedding planning in general, but different perspectives & viewpoints as well. Welcome!
Great post. You have said all that I’m feeling while planning my wedding. I look forward to reading your post.
I was just telling my FH the other day how disappointed I am that there are so few black bloggers (and Bees!) out there. I am white but I was really sad by the lack of diversity. Thank you for this post!
Be a trailblazer! I’m sure lots of African American brides out there would be glad for more resources, and for all of us, regardless of ethnicity, are thrilled just to follow the ‘adventures’ of a fellow bride
big welcome again!
I’m so glad that your here, Miss Swan. Finally, someone on this site that looks like me. I have natural hair and have been dying to find an appropriate style, but have just decided to wing it and be my own inspiration. The lack of representation in the wedding media is disturbing and disheartnening, so I’m glad that brown girls are blogging more and more. I’m trying to get my own wedding related blog up ASAP to add my voice into the mix…
BTW, I too love that you’re into Racialicious. I found that post when I was furiously seeking resources for AA brides.
Thanks for the great post! I think pretty much every bride can relate to feeling “left out” in some way or another. It’s just part of life. And I would definitely be interested in knowing all the things that make an African American wedding unique.
This was a great post. I very rarely comment, but like you I’m having some of the same issues with the wedding industry. I’ve decided to take the parts that are of value to me (decoration inspiration, money saving tips, etc) and use them, and discard the ones that don’t (hair - I also have locs, makeup, etc). I’m glad that you are on here to rep for the sistas.
I find it hard to relate to the people in many wedding pictures and websites, so I can’t imagine how you must feel. It is all girly girls with long silky hair. I must say that I was very excited to see an African American bee! I feel like we were really missing diversity here on wedding bee. I look forward to reading your wedding journey!
Thank you for the post. I, too live in NYC and see the lack of representation of women of diverse backgrounds in this wedding world! I go to many of the planning events and find myself as the only woman of color in the room. I certainly hope the industry will surely start to reflect the beauty of all. Happy Planning and I look forward to reading your posts!
Hi Ms Swan!
Props to you for your openness. I could imagine your hesitancy as you were prolly writing this entry but it was written beautifully. No matter what look or feel or color of the bride my #1 tip is do what you want within means of financial and mental sanity. Looking back at my wedding there are some minor regrets of DIY stuff I didn’t do. At the end of the day, it’s about what the bride and groom want, damned what any of the magazines will say…lots of them are outdated anyway and use the same ads. kekeke. <3 happy wedding planning!
Miss Swan, almost a year ago I married my hubby and he has dreads all the way to his booty and is from St. Lucia. As soon as I saw your profile I was so excited!
When we were planning we kept looking for inspiration images and finally we just set out on our own and we had the best time and the hottest wedding party with a St. Lucian (his sister), Dominican, Mexican, American Indian, and my white-bread siblings. Weddings belong to everyone! Your voice is appreciated. Bring it on!
What a great post! When I started perusing wedding mags and online wedding resources, I felt like it was 98% Caucasian. That’s one of the many reasons I felt connected to WB from the start. Being Asian American, I felt a sense of community and acceptance.
I think it does help to see pictures, hear experiences, and get tips from brides with similar backgrounds. Absolutely.
I’m so glad you’re here, Swan! You’re already making a positive change.
I totally understand what it means to feel out of place. I’m a country southern belle, Asian girl foodie who loves DIY and arts and crafts and is a baller on a budget. I still wanted my dream wedding though and did two unthinkables during my wedding planning process. I did not go on diet and used silk flower centerpieces that I purchased on sale. No regrets on the flowers but I do wish I could have lost 20 pounds before the wedding. Oh well, I loved everything about my wedding anyway.
Miss Swan, I really wish you had got accepted for Weddingbee sooner! (Or applied earlier, if you didn’t). I’m not black, but I just like seeing all about the different things that are important to, or issues for, different brides.
I sorta feel your pain and sorta don’t. I’m caught in the middle because of my extremely mixed background. I wish that I could relate strongly to one race but my family just doesn’t have a clear cut history with strong traditions. Sometimes it makes me sad that I never celebrate holidays with the passion others do. So in that sense, I feel like out as well. Where are all the mixed/bi-racial blogs about weddings?
Oh Miss Swan, I knew I fell in love with your writing from the very first post but this one takes the cake. You’re SO REAL!!!! I adore weddingbee but was disappointed to see little to no representation of Black brides. It’s not just weddingbee as you pointed out, but pretty much everything in the wedding market. It can be disheartening, but thank you for these links. I look forward to more from you!!!
Ms. Labrador, I feel you, too. We’re trying to have a Southern/Dominican wedding. Very difficult as a lot of my family doesn’t know what Dominican is (chalk it up to living in a small bubble with little travel). They’re not going to understand why it is that we need to play Salsa & Merengue or why we have to have bilingual people present to help those who do not speak English.
Diversity in the wedding world is hard!
| Visit our sister sites | Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Fertile Thoughts Infertility Support |
Mrs. Swan, New York City
Age and Occupation: 31, Legislative Representative
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 33, Finance Guy
Engagement Date: August 9, 2008
Wedding Date: August 2009
Venue: Battery Gardens
About Me: I am an un-crafty but resourceful, Caribbean-born but New York-raised woman who's been known to analyze "Dancing with the Stars" and “So You Think You Can Dance”, buy stinky cheese, and use way too many parentheses. I keep lists for fun, am constantly daydreaming of my next international travel adventure (four continents down, three to go), debating sports (let’s Got Mets/Giants!) and dancing around my apartment to stay sane. I am excited to share our wedding planning journey as I hope to plan a streamlined, personal, and fun wedding with the greatest life partner I could ever imagine, Mr. Swan.
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |
| 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 |
| 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |
| 29 | 30 |
Latest Gallery Pics