Wedding Blog
One big struggle for me in our city hall wedding planning process has been figuring out what to call the darn thing! Is it traditional, or is it off-beat? And is it even a wedding at all? Ack!
The debate about tradition.
In a previous post, I referenced the “traditional roots” of the wedding I’m planning, and some commenters called me on it. Everyone has different backgrounds, cultures, and beliefs, so tradition is different for everyone. What defines a traditional North American Caucasian/non-ethnic wedding? Is it a Christian celebration in a church with 4 bridesmaids and 4 groomsmen, followed by a sit-down meal and a dance with a DJ? Or is it a trip to the court house with family and friends in tow? Is it a Vegas elopement, or a Florida beach wedding followed by a chic cocktail hour?
While I’m willing to concede that a semi-casual civil ceremony may not fit many people’s definition of “traditional”, I am still unsure of where it actually DOES fit! I follow Offbeat Bride, and I would hardly dare to call my wedding “Offbeat”. It seems like many of the weddings and couples featured there are much more eccentric and unique than ours is going to be. So, what the heck is my wedding?
…And is it even a wedding?
Tradition (or the breaking-of) aside, is my wedding even a wedding? I often refer to it as a wedding out of simplicity, but is it really? When I talk to others about wedding planning, I know they’re picturing dress alterations, invitations and catering, and I feel like it’s false representation. Sometimes I think: ‘We’re not having a wedding. We’re getting married.’ But we are not eloping, either. Eloping involves running off and getting married without telling anyone. I would not be spending the six months before my elopement blogging about it in a public forum.
So… what am I supposed to call it? Can you think of one or two words that sum it up? I’ve used “(Non)Wedding” on this blog, but that would probably confuse anyone who didn’t know the back-story. “Civil Ceremony” comes to mind, but I do want to stress the fact that it IS our wedding; we’re not planning another big wedding later on or anything. I’m sick of having to say “City Hall Wedding With Our Parents” or “Carefully-Planned Elopement-Type-Of-Thing” .
So hive, I plead with you - can you help our wedding find itself?! What are your thoughts on these descriptions of our day?
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I find a courthouse wedding simple & practical. not sure if those are pretty adjectives, but these are words i view positively.
anyway, why should you be pigeon-holed by adjectives? 
I’d call it a traditional wedding. According to dictionary.com a wedding is defined as:
the act or ceremony of marrying; marriage; nuptials.
My grandparents got married in a courthouse, so did my FI grandparents.
I would say traditional, because like you said, tradition means different things to everyone. If I were to have a Jewish ceremony (even though I’m not Jewish) it would still be traditional…just not a tradition in my family.
As far as the term “wedding”…that’s what you’re doing, right? Being wed? Even though civil ceremony and courthouse marriage work, it’s still a wedding.
According to Myriam Webster:
wed⋅ding /ˈwɛdɪŋ/
–noun 1. the act or ceremony of marrying; marriage; nuptials.
This is what you are doing so call it a “text book” wedding
As far as traditional goes, to each his own. Maybe by doing this you will start your own family tradition. I love that you are making it all about you.
I think if you really go back, “tradition” is a lot simpler than what we do now (for American white people at least )
My parents had a small ceremony at their church, and served punch and desserts afterward (I’m not even sure if they cut a cake…) My mom’s friend made her white & pink dress that she wore for many years. I wouldn’t hesitate to call it traditional, which is why I don’t hesitate to call yours a traditional wedding either!
Hey, I’m having “wedding” and a “civil ceremony,” so who the heck knows what’s going on. Call it what you want.
I think I’d use an adjective to modify and call it “simple traditional”.
Quasi-elopement? Or, I like doctorgirl’s idea to add “simple” to further modify whatever description you choose!
I say that a court house marriage is “old-school”. That’s how a lot of people used to do it back in the 40’s, 50’s and 60’s. It’s actually kind of interesting to see a revival of it.
I like MissAuburnTiger’s suggestion of Textbook Wedding! It implies Traditional without stepping on any toes.
I voted for traditional and I think if it were me I’d refer to it as a simple courthouse wedding when people asked. I agree that it’s totally text book! You’ll be wed, it’s a wedding despite the lack of hoopla. ^_^
I’m with RinaRoo! When I was reading your post, I thought old-school. The way you are doing your wedding today, used to be very common. Especially during the depression era and during WWII.
You could glam it up and call it a 30s (or 40s) style wedding. 
If you like the word “traditional” then use it, because tradition is such an objective thing. As a matter of fact, a traditional wedding for you might even be a courthouse wedding! BTW I would say the term “Courthouse wedding” might work but it sounds so serious to me.
I think it’s still a wedding. You’re having a ceremony and a reception - the scale is just smaller. I might even say, “We’re having an intimate wedding.” or “We’re having a private ceremony.”
I love that you’re embracing this. I only wish my family was as understanding as yours and are supportive of this type of wedding!
I’m thinking it is a bit classic, maybe-old school, and possibly even “vintage”. When you say civil ceremony, it conjours up images of sailors and armymen going away to war, just wanting to marry the love of their life. In a way it is kind of more romantic, because it is willing to forego the hoopla of our weddings, just to be united as one.
Let us know what you come up with.
You’re having a wedding, just without all of the fluff. 
I voted traditional. Maybe it’s not a traditional church type wedding, but being the non-religious person that I am, a traditional wedding without a church would be a civil/courthouse wedding. Am I making any sense?! LoL.
I like hoe midwestelle put it; “You’re having a wedding, just withough all of the fluff”.
You can can your nuptials whatever you want! But if you’re really having an identity crisis about it, I’d definitely call it a wedding.
Plus, remember what ariel over at OBB says - being “offbeat” is not a contest; it’s what you consider offbeat in your own terms.
I’d say your wedding is offbeat - in a good way!
Tradition varies from family to family, as does culture.
For wedding, I like the dictionary citation: it’s a verb: the act of being wed. It’s not to describe a party!
Actually I would venture to say that your wedding is classic and ours are the ones that are not the norm. Back in the day (like way back in the day) many people had simple ceremonies civl or otherwise and then a small gathering afterwards. Weddings have become much bigger in scope now. I think that the great part of living in the time that we do is the fact that there really shouldn’t be be labels on what we do. It’s ours to define. Needless to say, you’re having a wedding, girlfriend, a small one, but a wedding nonetheless.
I think you are having a wedding, b/c to me a wedding is the event that ends with you being married. My parent’s wedding was in my grandmother’s living room. There were 6 people in attendance counting them and the minister. After they were pronounced husband & wife they walked into the dining room and had the same lunch my grandmother would have served on a normal Saturday afternoon. Your plan reminds me alot of their approach and I love the nostalgia of it!
@MissAuburnTiger: This kind of “is” our family tradition. My parents, his parents, my grandparents, and I think his too!
I’m glad so many of you agree with my idea that it’s a kind of tradition - even classic, taking us back to “simpler” days. This is what I believe (yet when I write about tradition + my wedding, I get PMs and comments saying I should not be calling my wedding traditional! hence, inspiring this post :D).
why not refer to it as a “simple ceremony”.
@mechiebaby: “I think if you really go back, “tradition” is a lot simpler than what we do now (for American white people at least )”
But what does “American white people” mean? I’d consider myself an “American white [person]” but while a lot of people are saying that back in the day traditional weddings were simpler…this isn’t true for everyone. My family is of Polish decent and in that culture, to my understanding weddings have always been large. My wedding, with about 100 people, is smaller than my parent’s wedding(which lasted all day and served multiple meals), which in turn is smaller than previous generations weddings(which were multi-day affairs!).
That said, I do think Miss Mary Jane’s wedding is a different kind of traditional….I’d call it a private ceremony I think.
it’s still a wedding no matter the venue, besides, wasn’t courthouse weddings the norm back in the 30s and 40s? for some reason your calling it a (non)wedding always bugged me but i figured it was your prerogative so i let it be. lol.
It’s your families tradition, so I say it is Traditional
and it’s your wedding, so I say call it a Wedding
@tea: heh, that’s what I thought, but when I call it a wedding it seems to bug some people who are busting their butts planning a larger celebration.
My grandparents were married in a civil ceremony with two friends as witnesses. Then they had a bigger reception later. I’ll have to ask my grandma (if she can remember) whether she called it a “wedding” or a “ceremony” or what. ?
I think you should go with what feels right to you. To me, a wedding is a wedding if there are three people or three hundred. You are getting married, loved ones will attend, eventually there will be food and drinks. Heck, even without food and drinks…it’s a wedding!!
There’s a blog called “a practical wedding”. I think of your wedding as a practical wedding. I also think it’s fair that since it’s a tradition in your family you call it traditional.
@srh: I love A Practical Wedding
@Risa: I have no clue what “american white people” means. For me, I guess it means I’m a “mutt” - my family doesn’t follow traditions of any specific ethnicity or culture, nor do we identify as any particular one either (e.g. Italian, or Polish, etc).
“North American Caucasian/non-ethnic wedding”
Your decision to lump “caucasian” and “non-ethnic” together implies that white North American is the default. Caucasian/white is also an ethnicity like any other. Even if you feel like you have “no” ethnicity because you don’t follow traditions, there’s a good chance you still celebrate holidays that are mostly associated with white america.
Just call it your wedding–I don’t think you’re the first bride where people hear that you’re planning a wedding and they make all kinds of assumptions about everything that entails. Certainly happened to my sister and I both in our planning!
(a) It’s your tradition, you define it. Courthouse weddings are totally traditional in your family, so hells yeah, you’re having a traditional wedding!
(b) You’re getting married, being wed, therefore it is a wedding. Just because it’s not the type of wedding prescribed by the Wedding Industrial Complex, doesn’t mean that it’s not a real wedding.
I think what you’re doing is AWESOME. And totally wish that I could have a courthouse wedding, too. Alas, traditional Indian parents mean 250 person madness.
Also, I always thought elopements were just when a bride and groom went and got married without their families involved. You’re having your families involved!!
Tradition is based on how you define tradition. If having your wedding in a courthouse is traditional in your eyes, then so be it. Someone else may think it’s offbeat. To each her own!
Call it what you want Ms. MJ, it’s your wedding girl! And if someone disagrees, let them, they can call their wedding whatever they want!
@Risa: sorry! What I meant was to differentiate between say, traditional Hindu weddings, which are also multi-day, extravagant affairs. I am also a mutt similarly to Ms Mj, and didn’t stop to think about European cultures carried over… I hope I didn’t offend you, and apologize if I did…
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Mrs. Mary Jane, Grand Forks, ND
Age and Occupation: 26, Instructional Designer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Lead Programmer
Engagement Date: February 28, 2009
Wedding Date: September 2009
Venue: City Hall
About Me: I'm a career woman on the surface and a homemaker at heart. I love fast cars and high heels, and my favorite food is cake. Mr. Mary Jane and I are both full-time employees and students, and we just bought our first house. We love to curl up on the couch with buttery popcorn, Sour Patch Kids, and the latest Netflix arrival -- whenever we can get a break from everyday life.
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