Wedding Blog
A dear friend of mine mentioned a tradition she’d seen at a wedding she’d been to recently. She’s not getting married, nor is she really paying attention to details at weddings, but this one stuck with her for some reason. She mentioned love letters, a wooden box, two wine glasses, and a bottle of wine. It’s supposed to work something like a unity candle, or pouring grains of sand into one vessel. But when she explained it to me, I liked it more than these two options. And so did Mr. CB.
The tradition goes something like this: The couple writes love letters to each other. In their letters, they detail why they fell in love with each other and what they really, truly admire about the other person. The letters get sealed up before they are read by the person they are intended for.
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The sealed letters are brought out at the end of the ceremony. They are put into a wooden box that the couple supplies. Along with their letters, they put a nice bottle of wine into the box with two glasses. Once all is in the box, the wedding party hammers nails into the box to close it.
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The point of all this? If, at any point, the marriage is in serious jeopardy, the couple is to open the box, read the letters about why they fell in love with each other in the first place, and drink the wine together before making any irrational decisions.
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While, some could see this as a somewhat solemn ritual and not a celebratory or joyous tradition, I see it as being realistic and somewhat romantic. It’s a metaphor for keeping the marriage based in truth and what is real. The hope is that you won’t have to open the box but, who knows, maybe on your 40th anniversary, it’s a treat.
Mr. Cowboy Boot and I were immediately drawn to this tradition. We love wine and can think of several vineyards that mean something to us. If times were tumultuous down the road, I could see those certain wine bottle labels bringing us back to more carefree days and to the things we love about each other.
Ms. Cowboy Boot in Tuscany
Before we were on Capri (where we got engaged), we spent a few nights in this gorgeous agriturismo in Tuscany called Torraccia di Chiusi. Every day we walked on an old pilgrimage road through vineyards and stone houses into the town of San Gimignano where we did a very Italian tradition: fare una passeggiata every evening. That means to take a walk; to simply stroll and enjoy the atmosphere, the people, the stores, the language.
Those are some of our favorite memories. And, if we ever needed to break open The Box, we’d be reminded of this. And, of being with each other in a foreign environment where we had hurdles, but mainly just romance.
Are you including any symbolic traditions in your ceremony? If so, what?
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Share this post: A Nontraditional Tradition
i love this idea! i may have to think about how to incorporate this into our wedding…
I’ve never heard of this idea, but I love it! Especially for the CBs and what it would mean to you. I may do this too… we are getting married at a winery after all 
What a beautiful idea! I will definitely have to bring this up to my FI. I can’t think of how this idea would be introduced to the guests… In the program? Announced by the officiant? And how would it be worded so that it wouldn’t sound depressing?
This is awesome!! And the Amalfi Coast and San Gimignano hold a special place in my heart too!!
Ohhhhh I love it! At my friend’s wedding this weekend, she, her hubby and his two kids were all pouring viles of sand in, and it fell over. It was kind of “them” that it spilled everywhere - but I think this idea is so much more fun! Thanks for sharing!
@Lexatron: It would be introduced to the guest by the officiant. He/she could explain the significance of the box and that, should the marriage begin to falter, the couple is to open the box and reflect on why they fell in love in the first place. I don’t think that’s so depressing.
I love it. I personally find it romantic in it’s actual acknowledgement of the fact that a)tough times WILL OCCUR but b) remembering why you love each other, and how you fell in love is a powerfully evocative process that can keep you together through irrationality and feelings of doubt and worry. As someone with parents who got divorced after 30 years of marriage, I like that this tradition is honest in its acknowledgement of reality, but optimistic in its incorporation of love:-)
I love this idea — and I’ve been struggling to come up with a ritual (I love rituals) that makes sense for us. Most are too schmoopy for one or both of us, but this one I really like because it’s honest and it’s useful.
I’ve seen this popping up in a lot of ceremonies lately - I think it’s a sweet idea, and a great way to acknowledge that you will work through the tough times together - I especially like including a certain anniversary (I’ve seen 25 a lot) to open and read and drink the wine together, regardless.
One important tip to remember: make sure you choose a bottle of wine that’ll still be good in 20 years!!
We’re planning on doing this during our ceremony as well. One thing that our officiant noted is that the box/wine/letters should be oppend on our 25th (or 10th, whatever) anniversary to celebrate our years together (perhaps even share a glass of wine with our children over the age of 21:) ). HOWEVER, if there is a problem along the years, then we should open it, drink the wine and read the letters as well. So really - it’s a celebratory box…not a sad one!
Ummmm I think this is going to be our “sand” ceremony. I wanted to do something but wasn’t sure, and I think this is going to be it. Thanks so much!!
Oh and I am SOOOO excited - my future SIL just had her baby and its a boy!!! I’m an aunt all over again. I can’t wait to get off work to go see them!!! 
Just had to share!
I love this idea, and would just want to do it for the sentimentality of it. My inner wino is also thinking do MULTIPLE boxes…create a new one every so often throughout the marriage, and new letters to see how your relationship evolves!
Wow! Thank you for telling us about this! Neither of us could get excited about unity candles or a sand ceremony, but this celebration and reminder of love would be perfect. I hate to think of tough times on the wedding day, but as we keep reminding ourselves, it’s about a marriage, not just a wedding, and that ceremony is about preserving your marriage. Awesome!
I had never heard of this! I love it! And I guess if it seemed too depressing for some, it could just be used as an anniversary treat - much like couples have the top tier of their wedding cake!
This is beautiful!!! I absolutely love the idea, though when I tell people about it I probably won’t mention that it’s for arguments…I like the 40th anniversary idea. Thank you so much for sharing.
What a neat tradition! I think that I would have trouble keeping the letter a secret, which is good — but also I would want to hear what my groom has to say for me. That’s a pretty wooden box, by the way!
Our officiant actually told us about this ceremony as well and we loved the idea but the logistics of transporting a sealed wooden box with glass in it back to the DC area from Wisconsin were just too complicated. I would have loved to have done it though!
@Miss Cowboy Boot: I don’t think that “depressing” was quite the right word. Ohh, finals week - Why do you make me so inarticulate?? I’m sure that it will come together beautifully!
You’re right…this is somewhat romantic. And honest. Because really, is there a perfect relationship? Most couples could probably use that little reminder, especially in rough times.
Oooo, I like this one, I’ve also considered a truce bell
Wow I like this a lot. We’re not really wine drinkers or drinkers at all…but I love the love letters part…even without the wine! We write little love notes to each other before the other one goes to work or when the other one is in bed…and I think I love this idea!
We are SO doing this, although I don’t think it will be part of the ceremony or reception…more of a private thing between FI and I. What about using whisky or another alcohol that ages better?
That is such a great idea! You could also do it, so that the box is opened on your 1 year anniversary! It would be a special way to relive your wedding day and to keep close the heartfelt things you shared on that day! Then, you wouldn’t have to worry about it sounding depressing or about the wine going bad!
Cool idea! Just a word to the wise (although you probably already know this if you are a wine fan): Pick the bottle of wine carefully and make sure to store it in a cool place.
My FI’s godparents bought 2 bottles of wine when he was born for him to open on his 21st birthday. When we opened them, they were basically vinegar. It was such a lovely idea and we absolutely kept the bottles. They were signed by every family member at the hospital, which was so special because some of those people are no longer with us. The signing of the bottle may be something that you could add to this idea too!
I love this idea! I am totally going to try to get Mr.Snow into this as well!
This is such a wonderful idea! I wish I’d thought of this before our wedding. Our rabbi suggested that we read our ketubah to each other any time we have a particularly bad fight, so I guess that will have to be our “wooden box.”
Love this idea! At one of my showers, one of my friends did something similar for me. I had to pick petals off of a rose and for each petal and to state a reason why or what it was that I loved about my hubby to be. The petals were placed inside of a double heart jewelry box which was engraved with our names and wedding date. The point was very similar to the love letter thing. If I should ever feel irrational during our marrraige I am supposed to open the box of dry petals and think about all of those reasons I had once stated about loving him. It was (and still is) such a nice touch.
oh wow that’s a beautiful and realistic idea. the part about drinking wine before making irrational decisions is a little iffy though, unless they couple are happy drunks 
thanks for sharing. i’m definitely gonna tell my fiance abt this!
OMG, that is the sweetest thing EVER. I’m so doing this now. Booooookmarked! And I don’t see it as solemn at all. I think that this may start a new tradition in the near future!
That is incredibly romantic… like “The Notebook” romantic. It’s hard to believe that something so grounded and realistic can be touching. Thank you so much for sharing this.
I love untraditional traditions. We are doing a foot washing ceremony at our outdoor wedding. We will be doing a symbolic washing of each others feet to demonstrate our caring for and honoring each other at all times.
@Miss Cowboy Boot: Do you have any more information on your stay at Torraccia di Chiusi?
Thank you CB! I showed it to Mr. Meatball and he loved it as much as I did - so we’re going for it! How amazing and meaningful, I love it!
@Cacey: I highly, highly recommend it. While it’s not very well-marketed to Americans, the woman who runs it, Maria Grazia, speaks really good English. When we were there, the only other visitors were Italians which made it feel really authentic. If you like to walk, it’s about 3 km on a dirt road into San Gimignano. If you have a rental car, it’s centrally located for visiting other Tuscan towns. We actually didn’t have a car but it was fine. You can take the train (we took it from Florence) to a bus and the agriturismo will pick you up at the bus stop (which also happens to be at a tiny little wine stand) ; ). It’s a bit pricey, but well worth it. They have a cook on-site who makes dinner and he’s fabulous. If you can, book a cooking class with him (Bruno). He doesn’t speak a lick of English but Maria will translate, the meal will be exquisite, you’ll learn little tricks, and they’ll give you a personal menu and aprons at the end. Oh, and bring home bottles of their olive oil. We still crave it a year later.
OH MY COSH MISS COWBOY - YOU JUST STOLE MY HEART!!! Since our wedding is at a winery, we LOVE wine AND we are incorporating wood into the wedding we have to borrow this idea from you. What a great way to share with the wedding party and guests. Since we are having a non-traditional ceremony this will be perfect. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!
We’re doing this. Our officiant has been doing this ceremony for a few years with his couples and suggested it to us. My fiance, who I thought would totally not want to do this, was way into it. I think it’s one of only five things he’s gotten truly excited about over this wedding.
In ours, however, we’re supposed to either open it in troubled times or on our tenth anniversary, whichever comes first. I think that helps keep it a bit happier than having its sole purpose be for use in troubled times.
My sister did this at her wedding. Our parents are divorced and so are her now-husbands. In some way it was a nod that they KNOW times will get tough at some point, because both our families had watched that happen. I think going into marriage thinking “that won’t happen to me” is delusional. Tough times hit people for all kinds of reasons. Embracing that at some point in your marriage times will get tough and you might need a lifeboat does not mean you aren’t in love or marrying the right person. It’s realistic.
Also, every single person at the wedding LOVED this and thought it was just so romantic. It’s not a downer at all.
I love this idea. I heard about it a while ago. We are totally doing. However, we are having a Catholic ceremony, and it will most likely not be allowed in the church. We may do it at the rehearsal dinner or incorporate it in the MOH and BM’s speeches at the reception.
After this I immediately told my fiance and we decided to do it at the rehearsal dinner with either our parents or our grandparents nailing it shut as a nod to their longevity in marriage.
I love this idea, and I like the thought of opening it on our first anniversary, like some of the other readers have suggested. =)
The only problem is I don’t drink wine…hmm….
I just adored this idea when I first read it. Now I’m trying to put it in our program and have no idea what to call it. Has anyone got a good name for this non-traditional tradition?
I love this idea….I don’t think I would do it as part of the ceremony but it would be a nice idea for us to write letters and seal them up privately and then open them years and years down the road.
Hey Miss CB! I was wondering how you’re going to explain this part of your ceremony - are you putting it in the program, or will your officiant explain it? We’re going to be doing this too (thanks to you and this post!), so I’m just wondering how to go about it at the actual ceremony.
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Mrs. Cowboy Boot, Santa Fe
Age and Occupation: 25, Magazine Editor
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Artist and Whitewater Rafting Guide
Engagement Date: April 28th, 2008
Wedding Date: October 2009
Venue: Devil's Thumb Ranch, Colorado
About Me: I grew up in Los Angeles and have since lived in San Diego, Boston, Italy, Hawaii, New York City, and Santa Fe. I speak Italian and love pasta. My real passion is the outdoors, though. When I'm not at work, I'm snowboarding, hiking with my two dogs, mountain biking, surfing, cross-country-skiing, or boating New Mexico's rivers. Despite my boyish love for adventure, I'm a girly-girl at heart and am overly-excited to pull off the romantic, vintage-inspired, country wedding of my dreams.
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