A dear friend of mine mentioned a tradition she’d seen at a wedding she’d been to recently. She’s not getting married, nor is she really paying attention to details at weddings, but this one stuck with her for some reason. She mentioned love letters, a wooden box, two wine glasses, and a bottle of wine. It’s supposed to work something like a unity candle, or pouring grains of sand into one vessel. But when she explained it to me, I liked it more than these two options. And so did Mr. CB.
The tradition goes something like this: The couple writes love letters to each other. In their letters, they detail why they fell in love with each other and what they really, truly admire about the other person. The letters get sealed up before they are read by the person they are intended for.
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The sealed letters are brought out at the end of the ceremony. They are put into a wooden box that the couple supplies. Along with their letters, they put a nice bottle of wine into the box with two glasses. Once all is in the box, the wedding party hammers nails into the box to close it.
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The point of all this? If, at any point, the marriage is in serious jeopardy, the couple is to open the box, read the letters about why they fell in love with each other in the first place, and drink the wine together before making any irrational decisions.
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While, some could see this as a somewhat solemn ritual and not a celebratory or joyous tradition, I see it as being realistic and somewhat romantic. It’s a metaphor for keeping the marriage based in truth and what is real. The hope is that you won’t have to open the box but, who knows, maybe on your 40th anniversary, it’s a treat.
Mr. Cowboy Boot and I were immediately drawn to this tradition. We love wine and can think of several vineyards that mean something to us. If times were tumultuous down the road, I could see those certain wine bottle labels bringing us back to more carefree days and to the things we love about each other.
Ms. Cowboy Boot in Tuscany
Before we were on Capri (where we got engaged), we spent a few nights in this gorgeous agriturismo in Tuscany called Torraccia di Chiusi. Every day we walked on an old pilgrimage road through vineyards and stone houses into the town of San Gimignano where we did a very Italian tradition: fare una passeggiata every evening. That means to take a walk; to simply stroll and enjoy the atmosphere, the people, the stores, the language.
Those are some of our favorite memories. And, if we ever needed to break open The Box, we’d be reminded of this. And, of being with each other in a foreign environment where we had hurdles, but mainly just romance.
Are you including any symbolic traditions in your ceremony? If so, what?
i love this idea! i may have to think about how to incorporate this into our wedding…
I’ve never heard of this idea, but I love it! Especially for the CBs and what it would mean to you. I may do this too… we are getting married at a winery after all 
What a beautiful idea! I will definitely have to bring this up to my FI. I can’t think of how this idea would be introduced to the guests… In the program? Announced by the officiant? And how would it be worded so that it wouldn’t sound depressing?
This is awesome!! And the Amalfi Coast and San Gimignano hold a special place in my heart too!!
Ohhhhh I love it! At my friend’s wedding this weekend, she, her hubby and his two kids were all pouring viles of sand in, and it fell over. It was kind of “them” that it spilled everywhere – but I think this idea is so much more fun! Thanks for sharing!
@Lexatron: It would be introduced to the guest by the officiant. He/she could explain the significance of the box and that, should the marriage begin to falter, the couple is to open the box and reflect on why they fell in love in the first place. I don’t think that’s so depressing.
I love it. I personally find it romantic in it’s actual acknowledgement of the fact that a)tough times WILL OCCUR but b) remembering why you love each other, and how you fell in love is a powerfully evocative process that can keep you together through irrationality and feelings of doubt and worry. As someone with parents who got divorced after 30 years of marriage, I like that this tradition is honest in its acknowledgement of reality, but optimistic in its incorporation of love:-)
I love this idea — and I’ve been struggling to come up with a ritual (I love rituals) that makes sense for us. Most are too schmoopy for one or both of us, but this one I really like because it’s honest and it’s useful.
I’ve seen this popping up in a lot of ceremonies lately – I think it’s a sweet idea, and a great way to acknowledge that you will work through the tough times together – I especially like including a certain anniversary (I’ve seen 25 a lot) to open and read and drink the wine together, regardless.
One important tip to remember: make sure you choose a bottle of wine that’ll still be good in 20 years!!
We’re planning on doing this during our ceremony as well. One thing that our officiant noted is that the box/wine/letters should be oppend on our 25th (or 10th, whatever) anniversary to celebrate our years together (perhaps even share a glass of wine with our children over the age of 21:) ). HOWEVER, if there is a problem along the years, then we should open it, drink the wine and read the letters as well. So really – it’s a celebratory box…not a sad one!
Ummmm I think this is going to be our “sand” ceremony. I wanted to do something but wasn’t sure, and I think this is going to be it. Thanks so much!!
Oh and I am SOOOO excited – my future SIL just had her baby and its a boy!!! I’m an aunt all over again. I can’t wait to get off work to go see them!!! 
Just had to share!
I love this idea, and would just want to do it for the sentimentality of it. My inner wino is also thinking do MULTIPLE boxes…create a new one every so often throughout the marriage, and new letters to see how your relationship evolves!
Wow! Thank you for telling us about this! Neither of us could get excited about unity candles or a sand ceremony, but this celebration and reminder of love would be perfect. I hate to think of tough times on the wedding day, but as we keep reminding ourselves, it’s about a marriage, not just a wedding, and that ceremony is about preserving your marriage. Awesome!
I had never heard of this! I love it! And I guess if it seemed too depressing for some, it could just be used as an anniversary treat – much like couples have the top tier of their wedding cake!
This is beautiful!!! I absolutely love the idea, though when I tell people about it I probably won’t mention that it’s for arguments…I like the 40th anniversary idea. Thank you so much for sharing.
Mrs. Cowboy Boot, Santa Fe Age and Occupation: 25, Magazine Editor Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Artist and Whitewater Rafting Guide Engagement Date: April 28th, 2008 Wedding Date: October 2009 Venue: Devil's Thumb Ranch, Colorado About Me: I grew up in Los Angeles and have since lived in San Diego, Boston, Italy, Hawaii, New York City, and Santa Fe. I speak Italian and love pasta. My real passion is the outdoors, though. When I'm not at work, I'm snowboarding, hiking with my two dogs, mountain biking, surfing, cross-country-skiing, or boating New Mexico's rivers. Despite my boyish love for adventure, I'm a girly-girl at heart and am overly-excited to pull off the romantic, vintage-inspired, country wedding of my dreams.
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