Wedding Blog
Our anniversary is fast approaching, and I feel like a major dud. Mr. Peng has been asking me for at least 5 months what I’d like to do for our first married anniversary, and I’ve constantly shrugged it off, saying I’d think about it another time. Mr. Peng mentioned his desire to travel the world more intensely in the next few years, before we think about spawning. To tell you the truth, I absolutely hate planning vacations. I’d honestly rather stay at home and watch TV for a week without getting off the couch than have to research, compare, choose, plan, and pay for a trip. I love going on trips, but frankly, having to be involved in even a sliver of the planning discourages me completely from wanting to take the trip at all. Finding the best deal, worrying about what the exact right time to buy a plane ticket, the sinking feeling you get when you book your trip only to find a better deal a month later… it just sounds like a big bunch of bull crap to me. How is that fun, at all?
Mr. Peng wanted to go to Paris this year, and we put it off for too long to really plan an international trip for our anniversary. Strangely, I’m not really that disappointed. If Mr. Peng didn’t take the lead on planning such a trip, I really have no motivation to do so myself. We’ve resolved to take a trip closer to home… right now we’re thinking of spending a few nights in the Napa Valley, a mere 38 miles from home. I’m really keen on the idea… we can stay in a nice hotel if we like, and would feel WAYYYY less guilty about spending money on really schmancy meals (French Laundry? OK… probably not. I’m not sure I could ever enjoy a $500 meal, unless the meal came home with me and cleaned my house for a month). But, I have a feeling Mr. Peng is a little disappointed.
He’s got quite the travel bug. I just feel like 1 year after the wedding, having paid for a major chunk of it ourselves, I’m still recovering from the financial enormity of it all. I’m not ready to blow $5K on anything, even if it’s a romantic trip to Paris (where I’ve already been, but Mr. Peng hasn’t). Mr. Peng likes to remind me that we’ve only got one life to live, and I can’t spend my entire life snuggled up on the couch, no matter how comfy and smelly I can get there. 
One day, I’ll be changing a gross poopy diaper and realizing what a horrible mistake it was to not take the big Paris trip on our first anniversary. I have a faint feeling that he’s right.
But, on the other hand, sometimes I just really don’t think that our first anniversary is a big deal. This year marks our 8th anniversary as a couple, and we’ve never done anything for our previous anniversaries bigger than a nice dinner out. We’ve never really exchanged gifts for the occasion, either. Somehow I just don’t feel like being married for a year is a bigger deal than, say, our fifth anniversary as a couple, back in 2006, where even then, I don’t think we did anything more than go out to dinner.
How big do you plan on going for your first anniversary as a married couple? Is our first married anniversary a bigger deal than our 8 previous anniversaries as a non-married couple?
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Yes, this exactly! Not married yet, but when we do get married we’ll have been together for 7 years. A lot of my married friends have gone on big-fabo trips for their 1-years, but I don’t see us doing so. We are similarly terrible about celebrating our (dating) anniversary, which is on New Years and usually involves one or both of us hungover. The exception is this past NYE, when he proposed, and then we got hungover.
I also hate planning trips but love going on them. So many options! Decisions! Wah, I hope FI is up for planning the honeymoon for us.
Why not wait a couple years and celebrate being together for 10 years? Or do something big for your 5 year wedding anniversary? Or say screw it all and celebrate for a random number, like your 2nd or 3rd year of being married?
I’m not sure what we’ll do. But I will say that French Laundry is worth it…And hey, if you’re not going to go to Paris, why not savor some of Keller’s cooking–it’s cheaper than a plane ticket! Hope you have a great day no matter what you end up doing!
We don’t celebrate anniversaries either. I’m not sure we really know the exact date of our anniversary come to think of it.
Oooo, I’m interested to see what the hive things about this. Because our first wedding anniversary will be several months after our ninth anniversary of being together — and I wonder if I’ll still want to celebrate the “dating” anniversary in June (nine years is a lot, you know?!) — and if we’ll feel the pressure to “reset” our count (that’s a lot of time/”credit” to lose!).
I’ll actually be eating at the French Laundry on Friday so this post is sure timely. We enjoy Per Se, so I’m sure we’ll enjoy the FL.
You should celebrate your anniversary however you want. We are not huge anniversary celebrators either, however, the FI and travel every chance we get. I LOVE planning trips.
We are planning to celebrate it and do it BIG…after that we will just celebrate our 10th, 25th and 50th anniversary.
Oh Pengy!! You should definitely do something special just to celebrate the two of you! An anniversary is just a reason to do it and many people don’t think to do it otherwise. Like, you my fiance and I have been together 7 years already and often dont go crazy with a celebration either, so I get it. Do something a little more special than the norm. And if you really want to go to Paris, it’s really not that late. I know that the Passport Agency in SF (I’m sure there are others) will help you get your passport even if you are only 2 weeks away from your travel date!!
http://travel.state.gov/passport/about/agencies/agencies_900.html
I read many people on yelp did it in ONE day– and not for any more money than the regular rush service ( about $100). At least look into it! you could find a really great last minute deal on travelzoo or something! But if not, definitely celebrate!!
@ Miss Bruschetta, I totally agree with you about the “credit” loss. We just celebrated 10 years together in April and are gettign married in May. I suspect in the future years we will plan a vacation around this time to be able to celebrate both. But what do I say when people ask me how long we’ve been together? Eleven is way more impressive han one right?
Hi Mrs, Pengy! I totally feel that the first anniversary is worth doing something special, after all, you’re married now and it’s legal! My FI and I have been together for nine years now, and we celebrate a couple of ‘our’ anniversaries- the first date anniversary, the engagement anniversary, etc. I’m sure the wedding anniversary will be another in a long list! Now having said all that, we don’t go all out for each one, but we do give each other a little card or something small like candy. The first wedding anniversary should be special, but it should be special to both of you- if Napa Valley works for you, then go for it and have a great time!
Our first anniversary is coming up in July but we will be traveling quite a bit in August for a few weddings so I don’t think we’ll be traveling anywhere either. I don’t think it’s any less special if you don’t travel internationally, but I think it is nice to do something - a getaway to Napa sounds great! Think of it this way, you want to set the precedent for always having to look something to look forward to each year, whether it’s a huge trip to Paris or just a weekend getaway.
Hmmmm. Some things that stick our for me from what you said
1. Mr. Peng seems disappointed
2. Mr. Peng has voiced his desire to make travelling a financial and personal priority at this stage in your life
3. You feel a little in doubt and like he may be right
4. You’ve been shrugging off the question/delaying answering until it was too late to do the trip anyway.
Do whatever you feel like doing for your anniversary (a small trip is how we often choose to commemorate our dating anniversary) but make sure you and Mr. Peng sit down and talk about the financial realities of what you both want. My H2B and I both want to travel extensively together, and it doesn’t come cheap, or without an organized savings plan where you look honestly at the figures and make it happen (or not, depending on how the discussion goes!)
Happy anniversary!
@West Coast Bride: You are ABSOLUTELY right! I was talking to Mr. Bee about this earlier, and just like you, he suggested that we should have a more in depth talk about our finances. If you asked me what I wanted right now (money aside… even if we were rolling in it) I would say that I want a small trip, and I think he’d prefer a bigger one, so we should meet somewhere in the middle. You’re right that if we decide to make big trips a priority, it would take a big reorganizing of our day to day lives (eating out less, sacking away more money in the vacation fund). Thank you for reading between the lines for me 
I really do think a lot of it comes down to discussing our financial realities with each other. We don’t combine our finances because I’m self employed, so we’re both pretty clueless about what we both have going on in our bank accounts!
i don’t think the anniversary itself needs to be celebrated in a huge way–and napa is gorgeous and would be a great celebration. But if mr. p wants to travel, you should! I have the travel bug too and if FI was not into travelling I’d be so sad.
I LOVE planning vacations, I almost love planning them more than actually going on them if you believe it. I know a lot of friends who are planning to do a bunch of traveling before having kids, and I know it’s hard and definitely different but I know my travel bug is a result of being taken on trips by my parents since a young age. I think it really opens kids’ eyes to the rest of the world and provides educational experiences to take them along. Just a thought.
Pengy girl, I love trip planning. I’ll plan you and Mr. Peng’s trips for you
@Mrs. Penguin: Boston is like halfway to Paris?
Joking aside, I tend to be on the side that wants to travel as much as possible before we start a family. We have already gone on vacation this year already, and have another trip planned. Nothing fell around our anniversary though. Travel tends to be more expensive in June and the other summer months!
We’ve never really celebrated anniversaries either, or done the gift thing. We’ve been together almost 8 years too! The wedding anniversary feels different though. We plan to do presents and maybe dinner. Perhaps we’ll save a trip for the 5 year.
Oh - man, I didnt even start thinking about our anniversary. Is buying a house a good way to celebrate??? LOL Trips are fun though. cant wait to see what you decide to do (so maybe it will give me an idea)
But Im with you on the 500$ meal…
I’m not a big traveler either. I tend to enjoy just relaxing at home. So does my fi luckily. Although we both enjoy hanging out at home, we somehow ended up spending a lot of our date-aversarys away, our 1 year we did nothing, 2 and 3 year were in Disney and 4 year was in NH, close to home, 5 year was nothing. I think we eneded up going away more because it was during Spring Break in college than actually because of our anniversary.
Although I enjoy the comfort of home, I think it is nice to spend special occasions away. It gives you alone time to reconnect and it seems like Mr. Penguin really wants it. Maybe you can compromise and let him choose what to do this year and you get to choose how you celebrate next year, as long as you are comfortable with splurging on the trip this year.
@Mrs. Penguin: Anytime:-) We don’t have combined finances either, and that makes the prioritizing of your monthly expenses that much more important if you have expectations of trips (or babies, I suppose!) in your future!
Of course it’s a bigger deal than your 8 other anniversiars as a non-married-couple! 
Maybe you guys can work together to plan the trip, esp if Mr. P really wants it You’d want him to do the same for you, right? Or at least do something you guys haven’t done for the past 8 years. Maybe somewhere closer than Paris, but still exciting!
Congrats on your upcoming anniversary! Maybe you should think about planning a special trip for Mr. Pengy. I’m sure he feels like he needs to justify a big trip to Paris and I think he was using your anniversary as an excuse for that trip. I know you might not feel like planning it, but I think it’d be something nice to make Mr. Pengy happy. Maybe the trip to Paris isn’t as exciting for you because you’ve already been there - maybe you should look into a destination where neither of you have been before.
It’s funny but I don’t think we’ve ever celebrated an anniversary together (owing to the fact that I have been deployed for every.single.one. But we will be getting MARRIED on our 4 year anniversary! How sweet is that?
good thing my fiance loves to plan trips…I’m happy to let him plan our one year anniversary getaway to Geneva.
Ok, I’m dreaming. We can’t even afford our Italian honeymoon.
I’m a big fan of traveling (before babies!) so in preferences I’m on Mr. Peng’s side.
However, it’s unclear so I’m making a bit of an assumption but you seem to be saying that He wants the trip but the expectation is that You’ll plan it. That doesn’t seem to make sense. Especially since it’s the planning and not the traveling that you’re opposed to. Having him do all the planning sounds like plan that would help you two compromise because you’d be more likely to enjoy the bigger trip (the money would still be an issue of course).
Also, there’s no reason you can’t go to Paris in the middle of your second year! An anniversary is just an excuse for a big celebration and you don’t need excuses! Other than love. (Okay, that’s a bit too cheesy but still.)
Just went to Napa for the first time two weeks ago, and have to make a recommendation: Try Thomas Keller’s cooking the affordable way by hitting up Bouchon. Bouchon is bistro food at its finest, and you can get a wonderful meal for under $100. (If you like seafood, don’t miss the steamed mussels - I was in foodie heaven).
Plus, across the courtyard from Bouchon is Bouchon Bakery, which has giant macarons that are to DIE for! Have fun and happy anniversary!
I personally plan on making our 1 year wedding anniversary a big deal only because it is going to be a mild stone! We plan on taking a big trip for our anniversary. I thinnk its going to be important becuase we did it!
When we got married, we agreed that we’d continue to celebrate our “first date-iverary” instead, because it has more meaning for us and conveniently is Memorial weekend.
Either way, we don’t do much for our anniversaries. We use it as excuse to go out for a really nice dinner, maybe splurge on some concert tickets, etc. I’ll be 8.5 months pregnant for our dateverary this year, so I’m not sure what we’ll do. Our first wedding anniversary will be with a 2-3 month old. Maybe we’ll get a sitter and go out… but we may simply toast ourselves and growing family over a glass of wine in our backyard.
Even thought we’re not married yet, we’ve already planned that we’re going to Israel. It will be around our birthdays and our close friend is moving there this summer (it will also be around her birthday). It just seemed like the perfect opportunity to be able to visit and see the world, especially since neither of us really have. It will be a splurge but also a cheap trip in the long run since when else will we be able to see the world without Hotel Fees?!?!?!
@Miss Bruschetta: I recently wanted to celebrate our 6 year dating anniversary…it’s not quite 9 like you, but it’s more than the time we’ve been together as marrieds. There was A LOT of discussion about it and we didn’t end up doing anything and I was honestly pretty hurt by it since we always celebrate. Somehow it just still holds a little more of a special place it my heart compared to our wedding anniversary, so I totally feel ya. Okay, now I’m gonna scroll back up because I’m interested in what everyone else said about this also.
@Mrs. Penguin: I totally forgot to mention in my post before, I’m just like you and HATE planning trips…too many decisions!
i love planning trips, tee hee!
incidentally we have a wedding to attend in Poland & Germany a year after our wedding, so that counts as a big anniversary trip, yaay!
I know exactly what you mean about planning trips. They’re a hassle to plan and the actual TRIP part goes by so fast you don’t enjoy it longer than you planned for it… DarN!
The mister and I are close to our 7 year anniversary of togetherness and we usually take the Friday off from work (so bad hehe) and make it a long weekend. We don’t do anything extravagant, but we’ll go to Santa Cruz, Monterey or some other place local - it’s a date weekend without work or anything/anyone else - just the two of us.
My husband was sent to a conference that started on our first anniversary, so I tagged along. It didn’t hurt that it was in England. For our second anniversary, he’s being sent to a conference in San Diego. Might go there, too. Frankly, this whole conference thing is working out for us–we pay for my flight, his employer pays for his travel, a rental car, and the hotel. I spend the day doing touristy things, and we spend the evenings trying new restaurants.
We dont’ do much for our anniversary either. We use it as an excuse to treat ourselves; like if there is a concert we want to go to and it is around our anniversary. Even though we’ve resolved to not go to so many concerts, we justify it as our anniversary present to ourselves. Haha
However, once you are married I think it is totally different. Dating is dating and it is great, but your wedding anniversary is when you officially started your life together as husband and wife. For this reason, it worked out perfectly that our wedding date is right before Spring Break. I have two children from a previous marriage. So, now we can celebrate our anniversary with a trip and not have to worry about the kids. Not to mention is right around the anniversary of when we officially started dating.
In a nutshell, I think you should treat your wedding anniversary more special.
Your 1st wedding anniversary is traditionally celebrated with paper so tickets would fit with the theme!
We will be celebrating our 12th wedding anniversary this year and with 2 small children that won’t be a big trip! Enjoy the time when it is just the two of you, I would say go for the trip to Paris.
Have a great anniversary.
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Mrs. Penguin, Northern California
Age and Occupation: 27, Weddingbee Editor in Chief
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Doctor of Physical Therapy
Engagement Date: January 29, 2007
Wedding Date: June 7, 2008
Blogging Since: September 14, 2007
Venue: Winery in the Gold Country
About Me: I love the Spice Girls, dogs with underbites, bean burritos, making messes, high fives, avoiding showers, crossword puzzles, blogs, weddings, and blogs about weddings!
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