Weddingbee Blog

Decades ago, I think it was pretty much decided that the bride would change her name when she married. If her intended was Ima Buttlicker, she’d be Mrs. Ima Buttlicker. There was no discussion; I doubt it occurred to many women that they had other options. Most brides today find themselves open to choose the option that suits their lifestyle, values and preferences. Many of the bees have written about changing their names (or not!). To name a few…

Mrs. Jasmine changed hers. Mrs. Hydrangea tried to do something different (but Texas wouldn’t let her). Mrs. Dahlia kept her maiden name, and Miss Cheese is going to decide later. The boards are always “buzzing” (heh, I pun!) with name change issues, from drama to logistics.

Through my posts on Weddingbee, many of you hive members have noticed my esoteric approaches to various aspects of wedding planning. In a comment on another post of mine, MrsSpitzer said:

…Most of the time I am surprised and refreshed by your unconventional approach to weddings… I would really say keep with your non-traditional (non)wedding theme…

[Read the entire comment in context here]

I’m not consciously trying to project a theme on my wedding, but it’s pretty much impossible not to. Look at my posts so far. And my lifestyle as you know it. I’m the Girl Who Isn’t Doing Traditional Weddingy Stuff.

[source]

If you were to ask any of my close friends or family for a few words describing my personal views in life and the living thereof, you’d likely get a few of the following: Liberal. Progressive. Hippie. And even, feminist. And my upbringing certainly was such. My level-headed, well-educated parents made sure their only daughter knew she was capable of anything she wanted to do (with a heavy emphasis on academics and some less-than-subtle nudges down the road to career-womanhood). It paid off; I did indeed grow into a well-educated career-woman. A well-educated career-woman who happens to love cooking elaborate meals and keeping a tidy home, and believes in taking the husband’s name at marriage.

Hehehe.

I have a lot of culturally-outdated notions that would be right at home in the 1950s - but that’s a liiiiitle too off-topic for this blog, which is about weddings, and is not about me and my random thoughts (unless they are related to weddings).

As my wedding day approaches (4 months, y’all!! woo!), friends and acquaintances occasionally approach the issue with me. “Miss Mary Jane,” they say. “You aren’t going to change YOUR name, are you?”

But I am. It’s a “traditional” thing, and I’m 100% for it. There’s never been any question in my mind. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside to think that soon we’ll be Mr. and Mrs HisName. We’ll be a duo, a team! Legally, outwardly, and on paper. With sexy black outfits and shiny guns!

[source]

Well, maybe not with the guns.

But guns or no guns… I don’t feel that it’s worth it to have to explain my last name situation every time we do paperwork. I don’t want to have to prove that we’re married whenever one of us has to deal with the other’s account, bill or other identity-sensitive situation. And in the future, I don’t want to deal with confusion about our children’s last names. I’m also not terribly attached to my maiden name. I respect and love my family dearly… but I also have one of the most common names in the United States. The Social Security records department isn’t going to miss a Jones*. By contrast, Mr. Mary Jane has an unusual last name (but a good one! He’s not Mr. Angry Boogermonkey or anything!). By taking his name I will be the only one with my first/last in the country. That’s pretty cool! (Yes, I will have to spell it to people. I already have to spell my uncommon first name everywhere I go, so why not take it all the way?!)

Meg at A Practical Wedding has done a couple of posts about addressing invitations - namely how to avoid absorbing the wife’s identity in the husband’s name. I think it’s awesome that she provided this resource, and I can’t stress enough how important I think it is to make sure people are called what they wish to be called. But both of Meg’s posts deal with the idea that addressing a couple as “Mr. and Mrs. Joe Blow” is an awful practice. Personally, I don’t mind being “Mrs. Joe Blow”. If and when Mr. Mary Jane and begin to receive mail addressed this way, I’ll be flattered. I think it’s really cute, romantic, and old-school. In a few years, we’ll be “Dr. and Dr. Blow”, which will be hella cool too.

I feel fortunate that it wasn’t at all hard for me to decide on my new moniker. This is what I want for myself and for Mr. Mary Jane.

One more, just for fun (because I like polls):

*Not my last name.