Wedding Blog
Decades ago, I think it was pretty much decided that the bride would change her name when she married. If her intended was Ima Buttlicker, she’d be Mrs. Ima Buttlicker. There was no discussion; I doubt it occurred to many women that they had other options. Most brides today find themselves open to choose the option that suits their lifestyle, values and preferences. Many of the bees have written about changing their names (or not!). To name a few…
Mrs. Jasmine changed hers. Mrs. Hydrangea tried to do something different (but Texas wouldn’t let her). Mrs. Dahlia kept her maiden name, and Miss Cheese is going to decide later. The boards are always “buzzing” (heh, I pun!) with name change issues, from drama to logistics.
Through my posts on Weddingbee, many of you hive members have noticed my esoteric approaches to various aspects of wedding planning. In a comment on another post of mine, MrsSpitzer said:
…Most of the time I am surprised and refreshed by your unconventional approach to weddings… I would really say keep with your non-traditional (non)wedding theme…
[Read the entire comment in context here]
I’m not consciously trying to project a theme on my wedding, but it’s pretty much impossible not to. Look at my posts so far. And my lifestyle as you know it. I’m the Girl Who Isn’t Doing Traditional Weddingy Stuff.
[source]
If you were to ask any of my close friends or family for a few words describing my personal views in life and the living thereof, you’d likely get a few of the following: Liberal. Progressive. Hippie. And even, feminist. And my upbringing certainly was such. My level-headed, well-educated parents made sure their only daughter knew she was capable of anything she wanted to do (with a heavy emphasis on academics and some less-than-subtle nudges down the road to career-womanhood). It paid off; I did indeed grow into a well-educated career-woman. A well-educated career-woman who happens to love cooking elaborate meals and keeping a tidy home, and believes in taking the husband’s name at marriage.
Hehehe.
I have a lot of culturally-outdated notions that would be right at home in the 1950s - but that’s a liiiiitle too off-topic for this blog, which is about weddings, and is not about me and my random thoughts (unless they are related to weddings).
As my wedding day approaches (4 months, y’all!! woo!), friends and acquaintances occasionally approach the issue with me. “Miss Mary Jane,” they say. “You aren’t going to change YOUR name, are you?”
But I am. It’s a “traditional” thing, and I’m 100% for it. There’s never been any question in my mind. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside to think that soon we’ll be Mr. and Mrs HisName. We’ll be a duo, a team! Legally, outwardly, and on paper. With sexy black outfits and shiny guns!
[source]
Well, maybe not with the guns.
But guns or no guns… I don’t feel that it’s worth it to have to explain my last name situation every time we do paperwork. I don’t want to have to prove that we’re married whenever one of us has to deal with the other’s account, bill or other identity-sensitive situation. And in the future, I don’t want to deal with confusion about our children’s last names. I’m also not terribly attached to my maiden name. I respect and love my family dearly… but I also have one of the most common names in the United States. The Social Security records department isn’t going to miss a Jones*. By contrast, Mr. Mary Jane has an unusual last name (but a good one! He’s not Mr. Angry Boogermonkey or anything!). By taking his name I will be the only one with my first/last in the country. That’s pretty cool! (Yes, I will have to spell it to people. I already have to spell my uncommon first name everywhere I go, so why not take it all the way?!)
Meg at A Practical Wedding has done a couple of posts about addressing invitations - namely how to avoid absorbing the wife’s identity in the husband’s name. I think it’s awesome that she provided this resource, and I can’t stress enough how important I think it is to make sure people are called what they wish to be called. But both of Meg’s posts deal with the idea that addressing a couple as “Mr. and Mrs. Joe Blow” is an awful practice. Personally, I don’t mind being “Mrs. Joe Blow”. If and when Mr. Mary Jane and begin to receive mail addressed this way, I’ll be flattered. I think it’s really cute, romantic, and old-school. In a few years, we’ll be “Dr. and Dr. Blow”, which will be hella cool too.
I feel fortunate that it wasn’t at all hard for me to decide on my new moniker. This is what I want for myself and for Mr. Mary Jane.
One more, just for fun (because I like polls):
*Not my last name.
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Bravo for your post. I feel the same way as you do. Many people have been surprised at my intention to change my name, but I think you can still change your name *and* be a feminist. I loved your quote: “My level-headed, well-educated parents made sure their only daughter knew she was capable of anything she wanted to do” For me that’s the key–we get to choose what’s best for us.
My head spun a little bit when I got to your first poll…so many options! I’m 99.99% sure I know what I’m doing, though, and will definitely be posting about it in the future!
The great thing about feminism is that you can do what YOU want. I’m not changing my name, but I certainly don’t judge people who do and assume they extend the same courtesy to me.
I am having such a hard time with it! I feel like I am giving up who I have been for the last 25 years… but at the same time I want to be a “unit” as a married couple.
Oh I don’t know!!! One day I am changing, one day I am hypenating, one day I am keeping mine… I don’t know WHAT to do!!!
Miss MJ, I’m also very excited about becoming Mrs. His Name. It’s probably my favorite part about becoming married!
I voted as an other!! We’re both taking on each others names in a way. I’m moving my maiden to a middle, and he’s taking it as a middle too. Then we’ll both have his last name. I’m SUPER excited that he was so open to doing this — I was absolutely devastated by the idea of changing my name. I love it, it’s got so much history and is just too awesomely Irish to give up. And his is… incredibly common, especially for the MN area. I wasn’t comfortable being the only one who changed something, so this solution worked out really well for us.
And yeah, seriously, just because someone chooses to change her name doesn’t mean she’s giving up her feminist cred.
My FI has been swooning over the thought that I will be changing my name. His ex-w never did take his name, and he always felt rejected by that. He considers it the ultimate form of acceptance (taking his name).
For a long time, I assumed I would change my name when I got married.
But, as I get older and the wedding gets closer…I can’t imagine changing my name. It’s MY name, what I’ve been known by my whole life! It helps that my fiance’s mother never changed her name when she got married, so he’s never thought that matching last names is necessary for a family.
I thought about going the Mexican route, where I become Mrs MyLast de HisLast. But, as his last name isn’t Spanish, it sounds funny. Plus, I don’t think it’s fair for me to change my name while he doesn’t change a thing.
So, we’ve both decided to take on the other’s last name as a second middle name. We’re both attached to our current middle names and don’t want to change them. Anyways, I’m Mexican - I accumulate names like it’s my job!
Once we’re married, we’ll still be known as Mr. HisLast and Mrs. MyLast. Legally, I’ll be MyFirst MyMiddle HisLast MyLast and he’ll be HisFirst HisMiddle MyLast HisLast.
Great post, MJ. I’m doing First Maiden His. My maiden name is unusual and hard to spell and pronounce. I love it, but people have been having difficultly with it my whole life. His is simple and easy to spell — plus I like the tradition in taking his last name.
1st. You made me realize how close my wedding is (damn you!)
2nd. I feel you on a large part of this post 
3rd. Angry Boogermonkey…tee hee hee
I already have a hyphenated last name - three generations of women in my family have kept their last names (well, my grandmother technically hyphenated) - so I’m in a special boat.
I want us to take each other’s last names as second middle names - so I would be First Middle Hislast Maiden; and he would be First Middle Mylast Manname.
This is complicated because my last name is actually Maiden-Maiden. So we’re looking at having 5 names. I think that is insane. So I think what we are going to do is that ultimately, I will drop one of my last names. Then I will either add his as a second middle (only if he adds mine though) and then only have one last name.
Mostly, this is because I don’t really want to be married to somebody and have a hyphenated last name, because everybody already thinks I’m married - so it’ll be hard when everybody calls him Mr. Maiden (not that that can really be avoided if I’m keeping my last name.) I just think it would be weird.
This was actually an easy decision for me - I’m hyphenating so that I can use his last name privately and my last name at work. I work with a rather dangerous group of clients and the more distance I can put between my work and personal life the better! (even though I LOVE my job…and yes I already checked with them on this, lots of my coworkers do it and it works just fine)
I am changing my name legally, but continuing to use my maiden at work. marriedname@workemail.com ends up sounding terrible - and there are a million Danielle Marriednames out there, vs. Danielle Maidenname, where I am the only one in the US.
I plan to add my last name as a second middle name. I love being a “Jones” and as common as it may be, I am extremely attached to it and it means a lot to me. I thought about keeping my last name at first, but it would mean a lot to my FI if I changed it so I’ll take his and keep mine, with no hyphen. He’s afraid that if I hyphenate people will still call me by my last name. I’m a traditional girl in many respects but the thought of giving up my last name completely affected me more than I thought it would, so in my heart I just can’t let it go.
Very cute names you came up with. I am just over 2 weeks away from my wedding and still don’t know what I’m going to do. Part of me wishes FI cared and wanted me to take his name. But because he doesn’t expect me to, but will let me, and I’m not all that excited about doing it, it may not happen. It might happen later.
I’m lazy, and have become professionally established under my name. I’ll re-examine this issue when/if we have children, but I’m pretty sure I’ll just stay who I am.
I feel ya, Miss MJ! I think the name change decision is a very personal one, though a lot of people don’t stop to think about that when they ask the question. My basic explanation to people is that changing my name is that it doesn’t compromise my secure sense of independence and agency as an equal partner in the relationship, and it makes West Coast Groom and I feel like a team/unit in a more public way.
I wanted to keep my maiden name as my middle name, but NYS doesn’t allow that. My marriage license reads my husband’s name as my “new” last name, and when I got married my name legally changed. I have not changed my name on my legal documents (SS card, etc.) I’m stalling.
i’m changing my last name to his on all legal documents and paperwork (and moving my maiden to become my middle) but i will continue to use my maiden as my last name in work settings, personal settings, etc. where it won’t matter
I was married before, and took my ex’s last name without question. When we divorced, I kept my ex’s last name because of our son. When I marry my FI, I will hyphenate ex husband’s lastname-FI’s last name, at least until my 5 year old son is old enough to understand. Its funny, because I never in a million years thought I would be one to hyphenate, funny what life throws your way when you’re not looking!
I, too, completely agree with you. I think the times have changed enough that people don’t assume you “belong” to your husband in the same context as cattle (or whatever) just because you took his name. Having the special bond of the same last name kind of seals the deal for both of us, but he also left the decision completely up to me, of course. I struggled for a long time with this decision, and ultimately, taking his name made me happy. And I’m not changing who I am or what I stand for.
The only time I wouldn’t change my name is if I was strongly rooted professionally in the public eye, and needed my namesake for that reason.
We were married a couple months ago, and i will be using my married name socially and for things like banking, on ID, etc. At work though I will continue to use my married name. i graduated from med school a couple years ago and would be a bit sad not to be dr. lambchop anymore! it’s also nice because if people look up my publications they will get them.
i like the idea of having a family name for a few reasons - my last name is my dad’s last name and while i love him very much i know that patriarchally speaking, its still his. i chose to be with my husband and would love to share it with him. also, from a safety perspective, i work in mental health and my patients are fabulous but occasionally there can be safety and boundary issues and some women in my field have talked about the extra security that having a different name professionally can provide.
it’s worked pretty well so far, and i like the idea of having a secret identity at work!
I clicked “other” for the first poll only because I’m doing two different name changes. I’m a writer and have a lot of things published already under my maiden name, but I’ve always had a love-thing for my middle name. So, I will legally be Jesstagirl HisLastName, and on print I’ll be Jesstagirl MyMiddleName. It’s kind of my way of keeping my own identity, but only on paper. Plus it will help keep the crazies at bay.
Ha. I love the Mr. and Mrs. Smith photo because that will be my name…how original, right? I always wanted something polish-sounding, for some reason.
Weird.
When I was little I felt a lot closer to my family than I do now. I’m kind of looking forward to changing it. Funny how time and life experience changes things.
I’m excited to take the Mr.’s last name! I already have my gmail saved and everything
I already have a hyphenated last name (my parents gave me each of theirs) and both of us really like our last names so we’re keeping it as-is.
I’m not changing my name and have been clear about it since day one. But it wouldn’t bother me if someone called me Mrs. X because technically that is who I am am. Chances are I’ll be known as “X’s mom” more than Mrs. X but I get what they mean
I’m keeping my last name - proudly! I’ve loved it for 33 years. Moreover, I think a lot of men would feel … unmanned… to be called Mr. Anne Fabulousness. Or they’d laugh & wouldn’t take it seriously … being called by a woman’s name? Seems ridiculous… So, my personal rule is that if a man would take offense, than I would take offense.
This is unrelated to your post, but have you seem the adorable courthouse wedding posted on Snippet & Ink yesterday? I instantly thought of you!
http://snippetandink.blogspot.com/2009/05/real-wedding-shona-michael.html
I am sooo stuck on this. I am extremely attached to my last name, and am either keeping it or hyphenating with his. I love his last name, but I just can’t bring myself to let go of mine!
I am proudly keeping my name and wouldn’t even think to do otherwise. Coincidentally, it’s not traditional or common for women to change their names in my fiance’s home country (Italy). Both his mother and sister kept their last names.
I haaaaate mail that’s addressed Mr & Mrs HisFirst HisLast. Is it so hard to do Mr & Mrs HisFirst & HerFirst TheirLast, thereby not ignoring BOTH of the lady’s names?
Funny enough, though, I’m changing my name (will continue to use my given name professionally). My mother remarried, took my stepdad’s name, and had more children— it sucked having a different last name from my family & household. I’m excited that in my new family, we’ll all have the same name, and no one will question whether I’m really my brother’s sister
I think I fell in love with you at “Ima Buttlicker.” We’re bff’s now. Even if you don’t know it. I’m still giggling.
I am keeping my name in my professional life (so nothing changes on my business cards or with colleagues) and hyphenating for everything else. (so my drivers license is hyphenated, passport, etc.) This is mostly because when we have kids we will give them his last name and I want to have some connection to them. I was going to keep my name but I realized it only matter to me in a professional context. I don’t really care if I get invitations and whatnot addressed to Mr. and Mrs. hislast - no big deal.
Oh, and I like that you’re not traditional and you’re not Not Traditional. You’re yourself. That’s even better.
I think it’s kind of ironic that in the wedding community, there is so many ruffled feathers over addressing invitations “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith” but we all call our fiances/husbands “Mr. Bride’s Username”.
I am lazily keeping my last name on official docs right now (signing out all four on time cards at work), but the plan is eventually to just make the switch over to his. I had wanted to just move to two middle names and add his, but our state didn’t recognize his two middle names when we went to get our marriage license so I don’t see how that is going to work. And he did feel a little like I was rejecting him by not going wholeheartedly for his last name. It wasn’t a big enough deal for me to hurt his feelings over it.
I haven’t done anything yet with regard to changing my name. It’s last on my priority list. However, it seems important to Mr. P–who by the way is literally Mr. Smith!!!
ANGRY BOOGERMONKEY!!!!!!! 
I’m changing mine, but only because I kept my married name from before (I HATED my maiden name), plus I had kids so I wanted to have their name. It’ll be weird not to have the same name as them, but I didn’t want to be the woman that hyphenates all of her married names.
i was never really attached to my last name. in fact, i remember saying i couldn’t wait to get married so i wouldn’t have to sit in the front of the class anymore.
the bf strongly prefers i change my name after marriage and i’m fine with that. i think he was geared up for a discussion when the topic was broached and was mildly surprised when i was fine. hahaha.
the only thing i want to do is keep my maiden name on my masters’ diploma when i recieve it since i started the program and spent a significant amount of time with that name. it’s more symbolic to me than anything else.
I’m trying to convince my fiance to change his last name to mine, but he’s having none of it. I don’t want to take his last name for a variety of reasons (mostly having to do with the fact that my last name is my mom’s maiden name, and the fiance does not have a relationship with his father). I’d also love to pass down my last name to our children. Our current compromise is that we will each drop our middle names, and take the other’s last name as our only middle name.
@TexicanMexican: I wanted to keep my last name as a second middle name, but Texas apparently won’t allow it. Guessing by your screen name that might be an issue for you too!
I’m 100% with you on this whole post, I was nodding in agreeance throughout. I went through the “but I’ don’t want to get rid of my last name!” phase but realized that it would be easier to have his last name (and now I am really excited about it!). I’m going to go from an uncommon must be spelled all the time last name to an even more uncommon spelled like one word but pronounced like another word last name. Plus, our first names rhyme so at least I know it’ll sound right together!
Oh, and when I had the whole I may keep my last name talk with the mister, he told me that he would stand by me whatever I decide but he was hoping I would take his last name. That coupled with all the women in my family have done that, and it pretty much sealed the deal for me. I’ve been practicing how I’m going to sign it
We’re going to be Dr. & Dr. eventually too! I will only be a Mrs. for 2 years, and then several years after that he’ll join me as Dr. too
I would’ve liked to keep my maiden name, but it will be soooo much easier to just suck it up and take his last name in the long run. Mr. S has a son from a previous relationship with his last name and I didn’t want our future kids to have a different last name from daddy and their half-siblings and I didn’t want to have a different last name from my future kids. Did you get all that? hehe.
We joked about creating a new surname, but Mr. S would come up with some ridiculous name.
In the end, I took his name.
This was a hard decision for me b/c I LOVE LOVE LOVE my name - First Middle and Last and think is flows very well and I’ve always been oddly proud of it. My sister and I are also the last Mylastnames in the line and once we get married there will be no Mylastnames to carry out the name - this makes me a little sad. I thought about hyphenating my name but then my name would be REALLY long and it just didn’t make sense. I also considered making my last name my middle, name but I really like my middle name too. In the end I decided to change my last name to Hislastname and we compromised that all our children will have Mylastname as their middle name.
On a funny side note - Both our last names combine in a fun way and I keep trying to convince Mr Frenchie to change both our names to the combination It’s not working.
@mvp_bride: Is that true? I haven’t looked too much into it. But I know plenty of people in Texas with two middle names. Does social security mind? We both like the idea of second middle names, and will be put out if it doesn’t work.
I went through the whole sadness of losing my name, but I added it as a middle and when I write my name places I just sign with the 3 names. I’m sure I’ll let it go eventually, but for now that’s what I do so I don’t feel like it’s lost forever.
I was 100% sure that I would be changing my name after the wedding. No hyphens, not a full change - I was just going to tack his name onto the end, and then it wouldn’t bother me if I had people still using the old name or just using the new name, etc.
Then my boss handed me a new set of tax forms to fill out, and I realized that I just couldn’t do it. It wasn’t me.
Luckily my husband doesn’t particularly care (and even at one point, early in our relationship, that he’d consider taking his future wife’s name - how’s that for nontraditional?), and there’s a family precedent for keeping my name. We aren’t sure exactly what we’re going to do when we have kids, but we’ll figure that out when the time comes.
I love that you feel so comfortable with this one traditional choice in the middle of so many nontraditional wedding choices. I think it shows that you’re making these choices based on your own tastes, and not because you feel pressured by any external forces.
@TexicanMexican: I hope you’re right! I had read Mrs. Hydrangea’s post about not getting to use two middle names, but I would love to keep my last name as a second middle name. Maybe that’s just for the driver’s license?
I’m definitely taking his last name as my own. I’m hoping to have two middle names ( first middle maiden married), but haven’t checked to see if Maryland law will allow it. If not, I’ll be first middle married…
As for your other poll — I’m rather infuriated when I get mail addressed to “Mr. & Mrs. HisLast.” We each kept our names. Yesterday, the culprit was the mother of the bride, inviting us to the wedding reception; the groom is a professional friend of my husband.
I’m offended that whoever put together the list, be it the groom as he was gathering up names and addresses or the MOB as she was labeling the envelopes, either did not bother to figure out what my name is (groom) or did not feel like including it (MOB). Either way, it’s an insulting form of laziness, particularly as my name is easy to figure out (check my husband’s Facebook page) while our address is difficult (we’ve moved recently, post-marriage, and aren’t in any directories, print or online).
For what it’s worth, I wasn’t offended when people gave us cards on our wedding day addressed to Mr. & Mrs. HisLast, as our name choices were only formally announced at the end of the wedding ceremony, so those people didn’t have prior warning.
I took my husband’s name and it was really strange at first — I felt really weird/bad when people called me the new name. But I’ve gotten used to it and I’m so glad I changed it — it shows were a team. And I like people being able to call us “The Smiths!” It just seems more real.
SUCH a refreshing post — I feel the exact same way! I am a feminist career woman, but I was excited to take my husband’s name and I’m really glad I did it. For me, it shows the world that we’re a team and a unit. And I love being able to be called “the Blows.”
I feel sexy when he calls me Mrs. Hislastname. and I want the same last name as my kids. Even though I do love my last name and about half of my friends call me by that (mostly my guy friends). In fact, we made sure to get married before I get my MD so that I can have his name on my med school diploma (thus eliminating need to hyphenate which may have been an issue if my med school diploma didn’t match my professional name).
Oh, and on formal invite we’ll be addressed as Dr and Mr. Hislastname, not Mr. and Mrs… which I also like.
We’re taking each other’s names. So, I’ll me Mrs. Phoebe Lynn Hisname Hername. And he’ll be Mr. Michael Joseph Hername Hisname.
My grandmother asked me to take my mom’s maiden name as my middle name because I don’t have one, so I’ve started the process of changing my name. The thought of having to do this again in the (somewhat) near future does not sound appealing. That being said, no matter what I do on the legal front, I will not change my last name. I won’t mind being called Mrs. Soandso but I like my name the way it is now.
I didn’t realize I’m attached to my last name until I actually thought about changing it to his. Though I love the idea of having his last name, it makes me sad to part with mine. So I don’t know what I’m doing yet. I have a feeling I might hypenate or keep my lasts name for certain parts of my life (job, side job, etc.)
I wanted to me a Mrs. HisLast, but I wanted to retain BOTH my middle and my maiden because I have such weird love/hate relationships with both. I’m hypenating — sort of.
On my new SS card (and DL) it say First Middle Last HisLast. When I write it out on anything in full, I write it First Middle-Last HisLast. That way I get all my names but can still be a Mrs. HisLast without worrying about the hyphenating issue. Plus, only one of my initials changes that way
I understand that in these days and times many women are strong, money making, head of the house, hear me roar type of girls…but I dont see why taking his name changes that. You are still you and always will be. Though there is nothing wrong with him taking your name…but I dont see why not take your spouses name whether it be him or you…you are married and taking the name honors that bond. I can’t wait to take his last name. Great post MJ!
@D.Marie: I think the main reason women began to not change their names when they got married was because originally the name change signified a change in ownership. Before marriage, the woman was the property of her father. After marriage, she became the property of her husband. Refusing to change her name with marriage, or even taking on a new name, was a way for a woman to proclaim that she was independent and not property.
If women are strong, money making and heads of the house, why is it necessary to change names upon marriage? I don’t think anyone on this thread has made their name decision lightly. However, I will admit that a big part of being “me” is my name. That’s why I will keep my last name and my fiance agrees with me on this point.
One aspect that hasn’t been touched upon her is name as an ethnic signifier. My last name clearly identifies me as Hispanic, even if many people don’t think I “look” Hispanic. If I were to change my name upon marriage, I’d lose that part of me.
Being married is a tremendous bond. Some people want to change their names, others don’t. I think that the opinions voiced on this thread, in addition to traditions in various countries, show us that neither practice is obligatory to reflect commitment to marital status.
HELP! FMIL’s first name is the same as mine! AND we both go by the same nickname/abbreviated version of that name. I had always (pre this relationship!) assumed I would change my name to husband’s and had no desire to keep my last name or hyphenate but now… it’s hard to stomach being not only the second Mrs. Doe, but also the second Mrs. Jane Doe. Weird! Thoughts?
i’ll be using his last name on an informal basis (eg: signing up for random things, memberships) but retaining my maiden name as my legal name because we’re making a big trans-continental move and i don’t wanna complicate the already-painful paperwork
I am using his last name and just got a new piece of luggage, I had it monogrammed with my new initials even though we aren’t getting married for 9 months!
I actually am hyphenating my middle name to include my last name. That way I still have my full birth name, but will also be accepting my fiance’s.
I can’t imagine not being Mr. and Mrs. HisLastName, and I definitely don’t want the confusion that comes with not changing my last name, but it’s going to be interesting. I’m changing to a Spanish last name, and I’m definitely white and only know 10 words in Spanish, most of them so I can banter with the cooks at work. I suppose my MIL managed though, she’s blond haired and blue eyed!
I’m having these problems too and not finding any answers. It’s the only thing I want to scream and rip my hair out about this wedding. My fiance and I have wanted to combine our last names and create a new surname since before the planning started. If we were in New York, we could do this without any problems. But we’re in Illinois. where apparently it takes petitioning the courts and paying about $400 a piece. We’re doing it no matter what but you can bet I want to sue the state. Men are not allowed to change their last name in IL at all in marriage. It disgusts me and seems ridiculously sexist but people think I’ve over reacting. This same thing happened in CA and the man sued with the ACLU. I’m an activist though, my fiance isn’t. I couldn’t be more upset about all this stupid stuff. My wedding is in 9 days and I still don’t care about the details of the wedding but I do care A LOT about this situation.
I’m a huge fan of knowing the proper etiquette for everything, but also fully support anyone’s decision to do whatever the heck she wants. So, I want to throw this out there in case it helps any of you who are having trouble making up your minds. According to The Old Rules, if Jane Doe marries Joe Blow, she becomes Mrs. Joe Blow, (or Mrs. Blow, for short) whether or not she changes her name. This book has a good explanation: http://tinyurl.com/kv4quj Basically, “Mrs.” should be thought of as “wife of”, not “married woman”. So, if you want to legally be Jane Doe, but also want your family home to have a doormat that says, “The Blows” and get invitations for Mr. & Mrs. Blow, that would be 100% okay. (Of course, in this era anything is 100% okay, but this way if the Snooty McSnootersons are giving you a hard time about it, you have some ammo to use against them.)
As a side note, please try not to be offended if you receive invitations addressed to Mr. & Mrs. Joe Blow. The sender is just following the rules of etiquette, which are just supposed to be a tool we can all use to stay on the same page, and avoid offending each other. Of course, if it happens repeatedly (more than a handful of times), feel free to politely let the sender know what title you prefer for her to use when addressing you in the future…
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Mrs. Mary Jane, Grand Forks, ND
Age and Occupation: 26, Instructional Designer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Lead Programmer
Engagement Date: February 28, 2009
Wedding Date: September 2009
Venue: City Hall
About Me: I'm a career woman on the surface and a homemaker at heart. I love fast cars and high heels, and my favorite food is cake. Mr. Mary Jane and I are both full-time employees and students, and we just bought our first house. We love to curl up on the couch with buttery popcorn, Sour Patch Kids, and the latest Netflix arrival -- whenever we can get a break from everyday life.
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