Weddingbee Blog

I think about my mom a lot as I get older. She has always been the best mom possible to me, even though I wasn’t always the best daughter to her. (I was a pretty “typical” angsty teenage/college girl.) My mom, an intelligent, witty, polite and sensible woman, devoted her whole life to raising me with those same traits and more. She wasn’t my best friend growing up, but now that I respect her firm attitude toward parenting, she means more to me than ever.

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So it really sucks that she lives over 1500 miles away. (Yes, I did grow up just 20 miles from Grand Forks, but just as my parents and I were starting to forge a healthier relationship, they had an opportunity to move to a more desirable location on the East Coast. Of course, I supported this… but it sucks not having them around.)

My mom and I have a lot of differences, but we’re really similar in a lot of ways, too. We like similar colors and similar clothing styles, for example. We shop at the same stores. We’re the kind of mom and daughter who might show up at the airport (after not seeing each other for 6 months or more) wearing the same color shirt, pants and shoes. Possibly even the same exact shirt. (This has actually happened more than once. Unplanned.)

Every time I see my folks, it’s harder to say goodbye. We’re all getting older and the way life is going so far, I don’t know that we’ll ever live within reasonable driving distance of each other. It’s hard to swallow now; I’m sure it’ll be worse once Mr. MJ and I (eventually) have kids.

What does this have to do with wedding planning? Well, I don’t have her around to go shopping with me. To help with planning. To meet for lunch to chat about flowers and shoes and paper products. I can’t go over to her house and whip out her old wedding album for some courthouse inspiration. I’m very thankful for email, Google Docs, digital photos and the telephone, but it’s definitely not the same. My parents will be flying in a day or so before the wedding, and they’ll leave the day after the party.

This post is for all the moms and daughters out there who are missing out on a lot of fun stuff because of the distance that separates them. We can’t all jet across the country at a moment’s notice to go to dress boutiques or hair trials together. But we can try to include our moms as much as possible. If you miss your mom, let her know. And find ways for her to get involved from a distance.

If your mom is nearby, don’t forget about her in the midst of your planning. I’ve done this before, and I know my mom was hurt. I thought I could do it all by myself - and I did - but what I forgot was that even though it was MY wedding, it was also HER daughter’s wedding. It’s a big, bittersweet deal for a mom. Include her if you can. And listen to her advice. You don’t necessarily have to follow it. My mom and I don’t always agree, but I recognize that she’s probably having a certain opinion for a reason, and that reason may deserve my consideration.

Is your mom (or someone equally important to you) far away? How are you sharing your wedding with them?