Wedding Blog
One of my longtime friends, Special K, and I hung out one weekend a few months ago in the hopes of finding some makeup for the wedding. Well, actually, it was more like a trip to try and break me from my fear that makeup makes me look like a clown. I’ll save that for a separate post…
Anyway, I let Special K take the lead in speaking with the cosmetic counter ladies. The problem is that Special K let it slip that we were hoping to find makeup for me for my wedding. WRONG MOVE!! We were summarily dismissed and asked to make an appointment for a “wedding trial” that would require a $50 minimum purchase. Um…WHAT?!! Isn’t this a recession? We’re hoping to possibly spend money on something that is, under these economic conditions, not a necessity, but we must come back later because it’s for a wedding? I totally don’t get that.
I feel like the “W” word (WEDDING) can be the kiss of death when trying to plan. Some people have done experiments with pricing, and found when they contact companies and or service providers that they will increase the price when told their services will be for a wedding.
Granted, I don’t know if this is happening now in this economic climate, but do weddings have some sort of mystique about them that tells vendors that engaged couples and their families want to spend MORE than other people having another type of event? Have weddings grown in size and price so much that we engaged folks have subconsciously let vendors think that we will always take the more expensive route?
Anyway, while I can’t answer all of those questions myself, I was very wary about using the “W” word again too loosely.
Anyone have this happen to them?
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Share this post: The “W” Word
Yes. When talking to vendors, I told them I was “throwing a big party” at the end of May. Once I got their quote, I’d drop that it was a casual wedding reception. One crazy woman tried to raise my quote for the exact same stuff “because it’s a wedding and your expectations will be higher.”
Yea, that sound would be me walking away.
I have seen it happen to friends and myself. For instance, my friend was at a party and liked the DJ so when she spoke with him he said he was $125 an hour. Once she mentioned the “W” word, he quoted her to start at $1K. I think it is absolutely nuts. Even with my hairdresser. A regular updo is $50 but a bridal updo starts at $75.
We’ve toyed with the idea of telling vendors it’s a family reunion, but lying didn’t seem right to us either. I’m with you about the recession - I hear the prices that some people want, and I think: “In this economy? Are you serious?” I think that the inflated prices that were congruent with the housing market haven’t quite balanced out yet.
I am SO tired of hearing about all of this! Stick to your guns, ladies, and don’t give in to this “wedding rate” nonsense. (sigh) We can do it.
I got the same thing at the make-up counter (that I needed an appointment). I also got the ‘OMG you are doing YOUR OWN make-up for your wedding’ gasp… multiple times 
I was at a bakery looking for a small cutting cake. They had birthday cakes in their displays that were similar in size to what I wanted just without all of the extra birthday stuff, these cakes were priced at $30. When I told the sales lady that is what I wanted for our “wedding” she quoted me $90 for the same cake only for a “wedding.” Needless to say I went with another baker.
@kmally: The same thing happened to me! The place that I was at had simple, beatiful cakes that I didn’t even want changed AT ALL - but they still wanted to charge me more because I was using it for my wedding.
Aww Swan. I heart you. I’ll do your makeup for you (I am actually pretty good lol). But keep asking around, or maybe check some of the Sephora people. They are generally pretty good with accomodating exactly what you want and just want you to buy one thing not guarantee buying 50 bucks worth of products.
It’s not that they think you WANT to pay more, but that they think you WILL. And it’s really exploitative. But we all know that girl who stomps her feet and cries until mom and dad’s checkbook comes out, don’t we? They’re banking on the fact that weddings are built up to be your perfect day, and you’ll get what you want, whether or not it’s fair. It seems fair to me for us to say “event” or “party” when we’re discussing pricing– we expect the same service from them whether it’s a wedding or not. So they would be the ones being dishonest, no? Gah. This kind of thing makes me crazy!
Oh yes … and my favorite question of all when inquiring about the price of something: “What’s your budget?” Well, why don’t you just tell me what you’d typically charge for this service and we’ll go from there, hmmm?
I’m with spwingal, I definitely thought about saying I was planning a “large party” but felt weird about lying, even if vendors so often put you in a position to make you want to do so. But the only vendor I’ve encountered so far that I felt wanted to rip us off was a decor guy who wanted to charge $1,000 to hang *20 paper lanterns.* Yeah, he was one of those “what’s your budget?” guys and I stupidly gave him a number (though my number included the lanterns AND fabric draping, in my mind — he just heard the lantern part). When he sent back a $2,000 quote and I said, “no thanks,” I could tell that he knew he screwed up but I also wasn’t going to haggle with him because who wants to do business with someone like that?
Oh yes oh yes. I started telling bakers that I wanted a simple cake for my in-laws’ anniversary party after a while. I don’t think they believed me, though.
Yes I have had the same issue. It really annoys me that just because I’m getting married they think I want to fork over thousands of dollars.
Ugh, I ran into this problem a lot, especially with hair and make-up. Regular “special occasion” updos were significantly less expensive than a “bridal” updo, which really put me off. When I asked around, the general response was “because brides are a lot more picky than a regular customer.” That seems like a really ridiculous reason to me, because when it comes down to it, it’s the same amount of work - the type of customer is a crapshoot, just like any regular appointment. Unfortunately, I didn’t see a way around it, especially when I showed up at the salon with all my BMs and my mom!
I’ll second trying Sephora— I’ve had some great experiences there with trying out products and getting a minimal sales pitch. Since they don’t work on commission they’re more willing to spend time with you, even if you just want a lipstick
I cannot believe that! I haven’t had that experience because I am too sheepish to lie in the first place. Just in googling the topic, though, people say, “Don’t use the word wedding.” (http://www.google.com/search?q=using+the+word+wedding+cost&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-SearchBox&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&sourceid=ie7&rlz=1I7ADBF_en ) if anyone is interested. It’s a shame. I can’t imagine taking advantage of people like that, but I guess some can be so heartless.
Hmm, I always get advice about not telling vendors that it’s for a wedding, but I just can’t bring myself to it. I feel like they will automatically know that I am lying and will be offered crappy service withouth my being aware of it. The worst part is going into the wedding planning process and looking at vendors without having a clue as to what the average price range for a service is.
I think I’m making my wedding planning process easier by going the DIY route with all stationery and papery, the flowers, the make up (sort of), the hair. Our venue takes care of the catering and we get a free cake out of it. My biggest fear is the photographer!
i have found the same thing down here in South Florida… it seems that the only two industries not affected by the recession are funerals and weddings!!!!
Ditto shopping at Sephora!
I’ve encountered that as well. I told my fiance’ I don’t even want to hear the “W” word any more!! I have been telling vendors that I’m having a celebration at a family home (the reception is at my future in-laws house) just so that I stopped receiving ridiculous bids.
I’m the type that calls corporate offices when I’m unhappy. I think it’s ridiculous how people upcharge for weddings. When I went to prom, they did the same thing to me, telling me I had to buy $50 in makeup. I definately didn’t set up an appointment, and went right back to the counter on prom day without mentioning prom - Got it done for a $14 purchase instead.
They should be thankful you’re even looking at the high-priced makeup…
A long time ago I tried to rent a house to hold a small reception (20 people). When I received the contract, it had about 3 paragraphs of wording threatening me that if this was a WEDDING RECEPTION the price would triple and that if we snuck a wedding reception, they’d come in and fine us and boot us out. Nice. Stupid W word. I think people assume that brides (or brides’ parents) NEED this stuff, so they WILL pay. 
I read an article that said that getting flowers for a wedding was an 800% markup on average!
sometimes the markups are SO silly.
We’re getting bouts and saying they’re for a banquet.
When looking for a venue I avoided telling them it was a wedding at all costs until after they gave me a quote. I had a place once I told them it was a wedding try to up the cost because “There are extra services needed for a wedding.”
Uhm, BS, I discussed what we needed when you gave me the original quote, jerk.
I hear ya, sister! Miami vendors get ridiculous when it comes to the “W” word. I think they assume that we’re willing to pay whatever it takes.
I had this problem with a florist. She literally upcharged the bid by 1,000s of dollars because it “was a wedding”.
They upcharge because they know they can get away with it. It’s shameful… but by now I’m so good at haggling, that I actually have vendors lowering their prices for me just by me starting out with the right words! That happened to me with a make-up person yesterday, and it was the coolest thing!
Oh yes, I never mentioned wedding until I had a price quote. No one tried to raise prices on me after I mentioned it, thank God. The W word is crazy for price gauging…
I used to work for a florist and if a customer came in and if they mentioned the “W” word then there was a 20% price increase (versus regular price) to whatever they ordered.
That’s why I’m doing my own flowers thankyouverymuch.
Doctorgirl,
Could you suggest to us some pointers for starting out with the right words?
I’ve been tempted to “forget” to mention that it’s a wedding, but it didn’t seem right to me. I didn’t want to make any vendors mad because I wanted to ensure the quality of their work instead of making them mad at me…
However, I have asked every single vendor if they are offering any promotions or discounts given the economy. Surprisingly, it’s worked quite a few times - getting free shipping on our invitations, getting an extra discount on our reception site, and negotiating with our photographer to bring down the price. Really, it can’t hurt to ask if they have any “recession specials”. The worst they can do is say no, but you might be pleasantly surprised!!
My fiancee sent me this link, she said it sounds like a frequent complaint of mine. It is true, I believe that there is a markup for weddings and have considered testing my theory… maybe when the planning is over.
Anyway, a word of advice. My fiancee and I have had good success negotiating with vendors. However, prior to negotiating we would research and put together a solid cost estimate (Excel and Google are your friends), which was the basis for our negotiations. Occasionally, we would write a specification for services and give a price for a successful quote.
Remember, the vendor is attempting to make you pay the maximum amount possible while you are trying to pay the minimum. I look at their quote as a starting point for negotiation, don’t be afraid to tell them they are high, especially if you have done your homework.
As for the makeup - I had similar fears since I hardly ever wear any makeup (and my now husband kept asking why I had to wear makeup at all). I ended up going to the Bare Escentuals store where they do half your face at the counter and you do the other half (to practice applying the makeup as they suggest). I purchased what they recommended (since I figured 30 was as good an age as any to start a makeup collection other than a few things from CVS 
) and then did my wedding makeup myself, which was easy & free - I was also really happy w/ how it looked (very natural)!
Wow, that’s crazy. I never thought about the “W” word that way, but I’m going to be more observant with the way I use it now!
I’ve been a little careful about the W word, too, but mainly because I feel like my wedding isn’t “wedding” the way most people expect. To be called out on it — Yikes!
That’s been happening to me a great deal! I only drop the W word when I know it will get me somewhere. Which sounds terrible now that I think of it!
For makeup, I’m on the Sephora wagon! I just went yesterday with my MOH and was completely overwhelmed by the selections. The girl that helped us went above and beyond to help us find what we wanted. She tested everything on me until we found exactly what I imagined. AND it was all products I could use every day. I don’t know if all Sephoras are like that, but my experience there was positive!
hey all,
We’ve definitely haggled, asked for reductions or gotten things “on sale” if the vendor was having one. I also didn’t go have a conversation with a vendor if I knew there was no way we could afford them. I do not advocate lying (Mommy Swan would not be happy with me), but I think there needs to be a dialogue of sorts between service providers and us brides. Part of me wonders if the view of weddings in popular culture has driven all of this. Hmmm….
When I know I’ll be dealing with vendors, I usually leave my engagement ring at home and tell them that I’m planning an event. Make sure you lead the discussion in providing the specs that you need quotes for. Whenever they try to ask a question not related to the specs… such as trying to ask what the event is for… I usually tell them, “we’ll talk about that later; I’d like to finish the discussion on hand before I forget something”. Of course, don’t bother bringing it up later
There are certain places you should never mention the “W” word. If you do, you are going to be over charged for the same services someone going on a special date. Vendors (not specifically vendors solely dedicated to weddings, but our every day vendors) tend to think people will pay way more for the same service, if it’s for a wedding.
Big pet peeve of mine, cannot STAND it. I downloaded some caterering prices off the Internet and a similar banquet menu nearly DOUBLED when it was listed as a wedding menu!
And I have heard the “high expectations” and “difficult brides” excuse mentioned but not actually to me.
Absolutely! Especially with reception vendors, I’ve noticed. Going into this whole wedding planning thing, I knew I wasn’t going to want most of the “traditional” wedding elements - no cake mash, no garter toss, no first dances… in fact, no dj. No open bar. Etc. But the second you say the word “wedding,” they start piling on the extra charges for everything a bride “should” want.
I’ve started calling mine a “family dinner party” when placing pricing inquiries to avoid that sort of thing.
I read that in a tips thing here on WB before I started planning. I always made sure to book the event, and THEN tell them it was a wedding AFTER we agreed on pricing. If the vendor changed the price (which happened with one of them…) I told them that I was paying for the same service, and that they either honor their estimate, or else I would book with another more honest vendor. (That actually worked, although I didn’t end up using them anyway since the makeup trial went…SO WAY WRONG…)
I completely agree! Anytime you say the word wedding the price doubles. Thats why I tell my clients to tell people they are having an “event” or a “gala” because you have the same type of vendors and aspects of a wedding but without the price tag.
@Miss Swan: An attempt has been made to expose the wedding industry: http://www.amazon.com/One-Perfect-Day-Selling-American/dp/B000YT9D7I/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1242348884&sr=8-1
for my lunch reception, i said it was a “family gathering” and paid $35/head. the prices for a wedding was $65/head and up — and they throw in “complimentary” decor (tacky anyway) and some beverages.
i’ve steered clear of the W word ever since!
Love the post but I’m not sure what’s worse say wedding or needing services on NYE
This happened to me with a boudoir shoot I wanted to book for a wedding present to the Mr. I initially told the studio it was actually a present for my boyfriend’s birthday (technically not a lie - his birthday is just before the wedding) and I got a surprisingly reasonable quote.
When I wrote back to confirm a time, I STUPIDLY said in the email I had to be done by 5pm as I had my bachelorette party to get to. Duh. Now they knew I was getting married, and guess what, I haven’t heard from them since…..duh again. Shows how good I am at white lies….
So my advice would be, if you are not going to mention the W word, at least get your story straight in your head first!
The best way to sum this up is by viewing these two videos:
( warning for those at work, pg 13ish… mild profanity .. s-word. also yelling dialogue, so turn your speakers down, eh?)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gimiDBAK2wA
and
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ff13zZ0h0k&feature=related
quite funny, although some will find the woman’s insistence at the end quite irritating. anyhow, sorry about your experience, and enjoy
I think a lot of these comments are based on emotions not facts. When you are making a large purchase (such as a wedding), you have to do your research. Most couples/persons paying the bill are not aware of the actual costs of weddings.
What should be of primary concern is having a wedding within your means. It’s that simple. If a 3 tier cake for $850, then buy something else. Do not be mad at the baker because the birthday cake is $25 and the wedding cake is $850. Let. It. Go.
To poster #41. So, what you’re saying is you encourage your clients to lie. Which makes you look like a liar.
As a former makeup artist myself, you are charged $50 for a trial whether it’s a wedding, a prom or a special night out on the town. The cost is due to that person being off the floor for about an hour, unable to make sales from walk up customers because they are with you. You are paying for their time, which is fair. Don’t you want to paid when you go to work? Especially if you get bonuses based on your sales?
As for hair costing more for a wedding it is the same side of the coin. A bride wants to look as perfect as she can on her wedding day. A stylist will take an extra 30 minutes of time on the bride to make that happen. Is that not worth an extra $25? Just think about it. When you’ve been in a wedding and you go to the salon with the bride. Doesn’t her appointment always take longer than yours? Would you rather they charged you all the same cost for varying services? Probably not.
Weddings require more staffing than ‘a casual party’. Staffing = labor. Labor = money. Somebody has to pay for that server to be there. Weddings generally have a timing schedule to them and everything needs to flow just so. In order to have everything flow you need to have more hands on deck. More hands on deck = labor. Labor = well, you know. Or you could ask your caterer to staff with fewer people. Then, when things are running late because your event is understaffed and the venue charges you extra for being over your allotted time (not to mention the limo, photographer and DJ) you can pay that cost to all of them then. Hhmm, beforehand planning or last minute costs. You decide.
No one is out to ‘get’ brides. If you do feel that a vendor is being unreasonable DON’T BOOK THEM. You can go into Neiman’s and be taken advantage of price-wise. So, don’t put this awful view on the wedding industry.
@Megan, I think the number of first-hand accounts above regarding price hikes after the W word has been dropped is more than enough to prove that the Industry is every bit the monster people are seeing it for. If I want a stylist to take more time on my hair because I’m the bride, I deserve to pay more. The problem comes in when they don’t LET me have the normal service because they found out that I happen to be getting married. If vendor’s know you’re a bride, they take away your freedom to choose the basic options and force you to upgrade to ‘higher quality’ because of their unfounded assumptions that that is what you want and need.
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Mrs. Swan, New York City
Age and Occupation: 31, Legislative Representative
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 33, Finance Guy
Engagement Date: August 9, 2008
Wedding Date: August 2009
Venue: Battery Gardens
About Me: I am an un-crafty but resourceful, Caribbean-born but New York-raised woman who's been known to analyze "Dancing with the Stars" and “So You Think You Can Dance”, buy stinky cheese, and use way too many parentheses. I keep lists for fun, am constantly daydreaming of my next international travel adventure (four continents down, three to go), debating sports (let’s Got Mets/Giants!) and dancing around my apartment to stay sane. I am excited to share our wedding planning journey as I hope to plan a streamlined, personal, and fun wedding with the greatest life partner I could ever imagine, Mr. Swan.
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