Weddingbee Blog

Over the weekend I had a mini blow-up at Mr. Joey over the ceremony. I was looking at readings for the wedding when he whined about how long the ceremony was going to be. This isn’t the first time he’s made these comments, and he isn’t the only one to make them. As usual, I was prepared to just bite my tongue and pretend I didn’t hear the comments. Of course, he noticed my silence and asked me what was wrong, and of course, I told him.

At first, I too was a little annoyed with the number of elements in our Catholic blessing. It seemed longer than we wanted it to be and there was little flexibility within each component, but I’ve accepted that. We decided together that we were going to get married in the church for our parents, and this was part of it. I’ve done my best to try and find readings that reflect our love for each other, and tried to add cultural elements to the ceremony. In the end, I’m OK with the fact that the ceremony is going to be 45 minutes to an hour long. This is the most important part of getting married — the part where you promise to be together forever. I don’t feel like 45 minutes is too long to devote to that.

I told Mr. Joey if he really was unhappy with the length or the blessing in general, that he could arrange for an alternate location for the ceremony and let everyone (particularly our parents) know there is change, and that I’d be fine with it. I would not continue to plan the ceremony if he was going to pout about its length or contents.

I cannot change the Catholic Church, but we can change whether that’s where we celebrate our marriage. It sounds a little Bridezillia-ish, but I couldn’t continue to plan what I saw as the most important aspect of our wedding day if he wasn’t fully on board. Pouting and complaining isn’t being fully on board.

Mr. Joey came around fast. He apologized and said he didn’t realize he was upsetting me when he complained. He also agreed that 45 minutes isn’t too long for the ceremony. He came around quickly, but others might not have. I have had more than one person complain to me about the length of our ceremony. I know Catholicism isn’t for everyone, and I’m not asking people to convert or anything, but I am asking that if they attend, they don’t complain about how bored they are or how long it was. My sister had a courthouse wedding and it took ten minutes. And that was just a courthouse wedding. I really want to tell my ceremony complainers to bite me. Just kidding. I was just making sure you were still with me. Seriously, I want to tell them to not come to the ceremony. I mean that in the nicest possible way. I won’t be offended if they only show up at the reception. The drive to the chapel is long, and if they think a Catholic ceremony is too much for them, then I am happy to celebrate with them later at the reception. No hurt feelings here.

Actually, that was going to be our original plan. We were going to have a tiny ceremony (immediate family only) on a Friday afternoon and then have a huge party the next day — something a little more casual. We thought about a huge BBQ (or taco truck) with friendor bands and partying all day long. Our main reason for doing an immediate family only ceremony was because of a wedding we attended a few years back.

We went to a ceremony that was pretty long. It wasn’t religious per se, but it had a lot of elements and symbolism from different religions. It was a lovely ceremony, and one of the more unique I’ve seen. But all anyone at our reception table could do was whine about its length. When it came time to discuss our ceremony, Mr. Joey and I both remembered that wedding, and opted to leave everyone else out of the ceremony. But then of course, the same people who whined about sitting through the long ceremony whined (in a friendly way) that they would really like to be present at ours. And my extended family was a little offended that we’d even think of not including them. So, we opened the ceremony up to everyone.

So now here we are again dealing with the ceremony whiners. What would you do if you were in my place? Would you tell people honestly that they don’t have to attend the ceremony? Does that seem too harsh?