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Several months ago, we received a surprising bit of news that has since led the Bruschettas to alter some wedding plans to accommodate the situation.
No, we’re not expecting. But one of Mr. Bruschetta’s groomsmen, Tony — or more specifically, Tony’s fiancee — is. And the baby is due a mere two days before our wedding, which means Tony might well be hustling out of the church in the middle of our ceremony — if he’s able to be there at all.
When we first learned the baby’s due date, we weren’t worried about its birth impacting our wedding. However, we soon realized we weren’t comfortable with the notion of one of the wedding party members leaving in the middle of the mass — and wanted to avoid a missing groomsman, if possible. So, Mr. Bruschetta talked to Tony one-on-one to come to an agreement about what would work best for everyone. And Tony voluntarily stepped down from his groomsman role.
Although there’s certainly nothing wrong with a lopsided wedding party — at this point, ours was three groomsmen and four bridesmaids — Mr. Bruschetta did have a friend, Jon, with whom he’s remained close, but who didn’t quite make the “cut” when we were naming our wedding party. (Which, I realize sounds awful, but it’s really just one of the [few] negatives of a longer engagement — simply put, friendships evolve.) If a “b-list” is controversial for a wedding guest list, I’m sure this scenario is even more frowned upon by etiquette gurus. But, the fact remained that Mr. Bruschetta wanted to honor this close friendship, so when we were on a recent double date with Jon and his girlfriend, Mr. Bruschetta asked — and received a delighted acceptance.
Since we hadn’t yet picked out the groomsmen attire, this late addition didn’t really impact our wedding at all. Jon is unruffled by the tardy invitation. If we had faced the same situation, but on my side of the wedding party, would it have gone so smoothly? I’d like to say yes, but wonder if a female friend might be less forgiving after being asked to join as an alternate wedding party member.
Have you replaced a bridesmaid or groomsman? Please share your story!
I think women in general tend to take it more personal. (why me? why now? what’s wrong with me? how dare you make me second choice?, etc.)
Guys are more mental and tend to go with the flow. I think you would have had more issues if you were replacing a maid.
I haven’t had to do any of those.
Congrats to Mr B’s friend on their pregnancy! How exciting to have a new baby around 
I’m so glad this situation worked out well with no hurt feelings
We had to have a “replacement”, as one of our groomsmen got shipped off to Iraq a month before our wedding. The guy who filled in was honored, and not hurt in the least. I also added on my sister in law after I realized I was a dork for not asking her in the first place, and she was totally happy that I did, even though she got added on a little bit later in the game than the other girls.
by ‘mental’ I meant logical and not so emotional.
My fiance and I had decided on having 5 BMs and 5 GMs. I went ahead and asked all of my BMs but it took him a while to “officially” ask his friends. A couple of months (!!) later he finally got around to it… and he asked 7 of his friends! So much for balance! At that point though, everyone knew of my 5 BMs and I felt that adding 2 just for the sake of balance wouldn’t be fair to anyone. So here we are with an uneven bridal party, but I think so far it’s worked out for the best!
I was recently asked to be in a Sept. wedding, I know she has had her ‘party’ picked out for awhile (me not included) but considering its all family (except me) I wasn’t really offended - #1 after family is still pretty good in my opinion!
I think the key piece will be if the bride or groom feels OK about it and communicates it in a spirit of enthusiasm.
we had a lopsided wedding party and never heard a peep about it. sounds like it worked out well for all though, that’s great!
Actually my Maid of honor was the one who ended up preggo with a due date just 2 weeks prior to my out of town wedding. She also stepped down from her duties and I had originally decide an uneven party was in my future. THEN, I had another BM step down due to a prior obligation….. hgeesh! At this point I had no choice but to invite a “back-up” luckily she was FANTASTIC about the situation and has been the most involved of anyone in my bridal party. I had asked her to be involved in the wedding early, telling her I didn’t know exactly what her role would be, but that I needed her there and this may be the difference. Good luck to anyone else facing the same situation!
Babies ruin everything! J/k…a joyous occassion except when wanting to include best friends in the wedding party. My close childhood friend was to be a bridesmaid but then…she became pregnant (mind you, she was the bm to keep saying, make sure nobody’s pregnant) and is due 2 days before the wedding. I had to ask a groomsman step down rather than asking another person to be up at bat. I didn’t feel comfortable with adding yet another bm (I already have 5 and would have had 6).
I am really surprised you essentially asked him to leave your wedding party. Frankly, I would be offended if someone did this to my husband. I don’t really understand why the small chance of him leaving to attend to his delivering wife made him ineligible? I’m normally a very positive person on these boards, but this seems like a very strange request on your part? What would have been so awful about that?? I’m honestly befuddled.
I had to “replace” my moh, and I couldn’t have said why better then the way you put it, friendships evolve. Some people who think you are very close with can turn out not really understanding what they are agreeing too, in my case it was much deeper then just wedding related tasks. Luckily though the bm that got “promoted” was more then happy to step in and not insulted at all.
It just seems strange to me that someone who is important enough for you to ask them to be in your wedding is expendable because there is a slight chance that they might have to quietly slip out during your ceremony. I would be devastated if I were ever asked to “step down” from a wedding party…
We have not replaced anyone, but we will be lopsided. I just would rather have four of my close girlfriends than ask a fifth girl just to have the numbers match.
I did have a friend last year who had to have two bridesmaids step down because of some falling out. It was devastating to her, but things change.
@chicagowife: I agree. Is it really that big of a deal if the friend has to step out in the middle of the ceremony? Odds are it wouldn’t happen anyway.
@chicagowife
I can understand why the Bruschetta’s came to the decision they did. There is a very high likelihood their groomsman wouldn’t have been able to attend their wedding, or any of the pre or post-wedding festivities. If his fiancee goes into labor a few days before, it’s unlikely he’s going to want to tear himself away from her and their new baby for a full days worth of festivities. If she hasn’t gone to labor at that point, he will spend the entire day distracted and anxious. I think this was as much a relief to the Bruschetta’s as it was to their groomsman, who may have felt obligated to remain in the wedding party despite the changes.
If I found out I was due around the time my fiance was to be a groomsman in a wedding, there would be a BIG part of me that would be relieved if he stepped down. I would be nervous enough, without the added stress of not knowing if he’d be around when I went into labor.
I agree with Lindsay. @chicagowife, honestly while the likelihood of their groomsman’s wife going into labor during the ceremony is low, the likelihood that she woudl have already delivered and they have a several days or week old baby on their wedding day is high. It’s not that they didn’t still love or appreciate him, but that life complicates matters, and it would be likely he couldn’t stand up there with them.
I replaced a bridesmaid in one of my good friends wedding. And it was three weeks before the ceremony! Of course, her situation was a little different… the bride received a package from the bridesmaid one day and opened it up only to find the bridesmaid dress and a letter. The letter stated that she didn’t feel like there had been any effort to include her in the wedding planning and she didn’t feel like my friend (the bride) had been a very good friend. It went on to say that she no longer wanted to be friends, etc. The worst part? The bridesmaid had complained early on that she wasn’t going to be able to afford the dress and oh by the way, she ended up ordering it 3 sizes too big bc she was hoping to be pregnant come wedding time. The brides mother paid for her dress. When my friend called me and told me what had happened and asked if I would be willing to step in, I was honored and happy to do it! We didn’t know each other when she got engaged so her not asking me right at the start wasn’t a big deal at all. I think standing up for one of your friends should always be considered an honor no matter how late in the game you ask them!
Phew! I’m glad that worked out for you. What a sticky situation!
I had a BM drop out of the wedding because she was pregnant and due right before the wedding. I also found a “replacement”, who was delighted to join. We too have a long engagement and my friendship with my new BM has definitely evolved since we were first engaged and I picked the bridal party. I couldn’t be happier to have her in the wedding and I think she is excited too!
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Mrs. Bruschetta, Philadelphia Age and Occupation: 25, Communication Professional Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Physical Therapy Graduate Student Engagement Date: November 30, 2007 Wedding Date: August 2009 Venue: St. Thomas of Villanova Church & the F.U.E.L. House About Me: I’m a self-proclaimed grammar geek who loves singing (like, really belting it) in the car. My mister and I are planning a vibrant summer soiree celebrating our passions – including food and Philly – and when we make it official, we’ll have been together for eight years! Being super competitive is in my nature, and talking excessively is in my genes. I’ve got a terrible sense of direction, but can always easily find my way into Mr. Bruschetta’s arms.
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