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I couldn’t be more excited and grateful that guests are responding to our invites and sending in their RSVPs in a timely manner. In the past, I admit to some bad RSVP behavior, such as sending it in right at the deadline, or after. I think once I even forgot to send one back all together, and had to email my response to the bride-to-be. Terrible!! I was in college, and absent-minded… but still, that was no excuse.
Now that I am on the receiving end of the RSVPs, I have been bothered by something.
It’s such a small thing, and I know I shouldn’t particularly care, but it has been mildly upsetting to me when guests have declined the invitation by simply checking “no”. It’s less about the guest’s decline, and more that they didn’t care to write anything else. I’m not asking for a two page manifesto outlining their reasons for missing the wedding. But, it wouldn’t hurt anyone to write, “Congratulations,” or “Sorry we will miss it, but thanks anyway,” or “Glad we won’t be attending your wretched affair.” 
I know I am being overly sensitive and maybe too touchy, but, to me, it feels kinda rude. It’s the equivalent of asking someone in person if they’d like to attend your wedding, and them responding with “no” and just walking away.
I am so glad to learn these lessons through experience. I have yet to decline a wedding invitation, but I know now that I will never decline without writing a thoughtful message to the couple getting married, regardless of my reasons for not attending.
Do you consider certain RSVP-related situations to be rude or in bad taste? Were you surprised at yourself for caring?
i agree! the simple no seems kind of blunt and rude. just a simple “we’re sad to miss it” makes a world of difference.
I agree, although that’s partly the fault of how RSVP cards are designed I think. Still, I understand it hurts!
Marking just NO is the least of my worries. I’ve had people write 6-8 on the number of attending even though it says 2 reserved. Now that is just plain rude.
I completely agree, whether you have a space for a message of not there are many ways to decline politely and just marking “no” seems a bit harsh. I think even worse than the no is the non-responder. At least the “no” had the courtesy to put the thing in the mail. I had many non-responders who just ASS-U-MEd that we would know whether they were coming. The fact that we work so hard stamping and in some cases making these RSVP cards to make it very simple for our invitees and they still can’t respond makes me really annoyed and even think differently about a lot of the people I invited!
As I was reading your blog I was laughing at the simple fact that I 100% agree with you! I just received my very own Aunt and Uncle’s response card with a NO and nothing more to it! I called my sister in such disbelief! They couldn’t say anything else????
Miss Glitter~ Great Blog!!!!! I am so happy to see I am not the only one that feels this way!
I agree! That’s plain unfriendly. I’m doing RSVP postcards, though, so I doubt there will be extra room for notes on my nos. I’m in for some hurt feelings. 
i would feel the same way if there was no note or explanation for someone saying “no”. in an effort to encourage guests to leave a note, on the back side of our rsvp postcard we have a section called “words of wisdom” and a few lines.
you are not alone! I had the exact same reaction with every no decline - my now husband thought I was nuts. But I really got upset over it - and was relieved when someone would write a note saying sorry they could not attend. I definitely had a few surprises from people that I was ’sure’ would come and when they said no and didn’t include a note - I was upset. Almost there Miss Glitter! 
I have felt this way and am so glad that I am not the only one!
I do agree with TicaChica completely! We are 5 days past our RSVP deadline and I have yet to hear a peep from a few of my college friends! Nothing! Not even an “I got your invite.” And some of the guilty ones were married not too long ago! They should have learned!
I do have to laugh at myself and fiance sometimes. We will get worked up and then just start laughing cause we stop and listen to what we are saying and never thought we would be saying this!
Wow, I’m not alone! I was really surprised I cared - especially that I cared enough to write a whole freakin’ post about it!! I guess the little things do matter.
@honeymyheart: I love the idea of a “words of wisdom” section! I think a few of the Bees have done that, too.
@LittleBear: Ahhh, I feel your pain. We are just a couple of days from our deadline, and there are many non-responders. When I wrote this post, the “nos” were bothering me, but now they seem to be the least of my worries….
And you’re right. You do have to laugh at yourself sometimes. It’s the only way to stay sane!
Agreed… I don’t think I’ve ever had to reply “No” to a wedding but I try to include a little note with all my RSVPs, so would definitely put one in a no.
We spruced up the response card by changing the responses to:
____ In person
____ In spirit
We’ve gotten all sorts of creative responses, including “Guess we’ll have to be there in person, since we have no souls…”
I am really happy that our guests thought enough to write a response. I am sad, however, that some people have chosen not to send back their RSVP cards. They’ve got 4 more days until they are officially late!
I think you’re perfectly justified in wanting a comment. Of course, in the old days, RSVP cards weren’t even included . . . those who were invited knew to write a note to the hostess accepting or declining the invitation. I guess over time, to encourage responses, RSVP cards became the expected. I have a friend who commented that it was rude that a bride didn’t send RSVP cards with her invitation, but noted it on her invitation. I left my friend speechless when I mentioned that good manners would have required her to pull out her stationary and draft a note!
I completely agree!! I also found one of my rsvp’s to be in complete bad taste. The couple checked off regretfully decline then crossed that off and checked will attend and then a happy face. I was like huh? What is that?
You are not alone. I have had this problem with several RSVPs. A few of them have really upset the fiance but he just calls and asks them why. The worst one was the RSVP from his uncle. They declined their invitation but made sure to note that they would be sending a gift, no congrats or anything. I think I would rather have them there than the gift.
i had the exact same reaction when my cousins declined our wedding invitation. They just responded “no” and I was so hurt, because they had never even mentioned in person to me that they couldn’t make it and why.
People I’ve never met before wrote paragraphs about how sad they were to miss it, and my own family was pretty dismissive!
I know it feels bad when its just a “no” with no note, but it isn’t bad etiquette or even rude. They responded honestly and in a timely manner. It would have been nice of them to include a well wishes or an explanation, but it doesn’t make them rude for not. That being said, once I got a few and got my feelings hurt, I will never again send an RSVP as a “no” with no note, because i felt that pang of hurt and wont put it on anyone else.
AH HA!! FINALLY…this is something that has been buggin’ the H-E double hockey sticks out of me for the last few weeks. I even got a declined from a good friend (or at least I thought) with no email no phone call or explanation….what gives people? I know that not everyone thinks this is the most important day EVER, but at least pretend you care!
Totally agree–the “no”’s hurt a lot, and I wasn’t prepapred for it to be that way! Almost all of our guests were local, and they were all family, or our closest friends, so we really didn’t expect as many no’s as we got. Prepare yourself for the non-responders though–the people who just never responded in any way, and never sent a card or a note or even a phone call hurt much more than those who at least took the time to respond!
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Mrs. Glitter, Los Angeles Age and Occupation: 27, Research Consultant/Writer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Accounting Engagement Date: May 6, 2007 Wedding Date: June, 2009 Venue: Millenium Biltmore Hotel About Me: I was born and raised in West Los Angeles, California. I spent eight years in the Northeast working and completing my education. Having split time between two sides of the country has given me a true appreciation for both coasts. It has also provided an overabundance of cross country drives, flights and long distance relationship fun/misery! I love my family, my doggy Emma, fabulous wine, Anthropologie, politics, reading, being outdoors, exploring new cities, and good movies! My fiance and I are complete opposites, but somehow we have managed to fall completely and hopelessly in love.
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