Wedding Blog
I have a hard time dropping the f-bomb (and obviously I mean fiancé)! I always thought I would relish in the days of fiancé-ness, but now that I’m here, I feel pretentious whenever I say it. Usually I can avoid it by simply saying ‘Mr. Gloss’ rather than ‘my fiance’, but for people who don’t know his name, it is hard to avoid! Mostly this happens in work/elevator conversations, when discussing weekend plans, etc. with coworkers who may not know my fiancé’s name.
Before, I would say, “Oh, my boyfriend and I are going to do so and so this weekend,” and now I have to replace that word with fiancé. Or during introductions—I can’t say, “this is my boyfriend Mr. Gloss,” and I avoid the f-bomb like it’s the plague. So, instead I say, “This is… Mr. Gloss,” usually with an awkward pause to replace where I avoided saying ‘my fiance’.
It’s absolutely not a commitment issue, and I am very excited to be able to say ‘My husband’, I just have a huge problem saying fiancé.
Has this happened to anyone else?
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It’s a weird hoity toity word isn’t it? Boyfriend sounds childish, fiance sounds pretentious, husband sounds ok! I called him “my lover” for a bit, it was pretty funny to see reactions!
haha.. i thought i was the only one! i too struggle with saying the f-word and just say his name whenever i can. 
Haha, yes, I feel pretentious or something… you’re not alone!
I feel pretentious using that word too. I mostly call him by his name.
I totally agree! I think it sounds pretentious too I still use it sometimes, because it’s so efficient…and well, because he is after all…my fiance! But, I usually say “husband to be”. Thanks for this post! I thought I was only one who felt funny about the word!
Umm…I guess I’m the oddball out - I LOVE saying “My fiance”!
I totally agree and am so glad I’m not the only one who feels this way!!
I totally feel your pain, and until reading this post, I had not linked “pretentious” to my uneasiness, but that’s EXACTLY it!
My FI told me that he felt prententious using “girlfriend” because he’s “older” (33…aka…not old). lol
Same for me! I hate the f word…for whatever reason, I feel like it makes me sound snobby. I was fine with boyfriend, I’ll be excited with husband…but fiance…ergh.
I, too, find it awkward to use “fiance.” But, my “fiance” will remind me when I call him my bf that he is actually my “fiance.” I agree that it’s a bit pretentious and perhaps it sounds too feminine for a guy.
I have the same issue… it just sounds weird. I still call him my boyfriend. You should start calling him your betrothed. 
“Oh, this is my betrothed, Mr. Gloss.” I doubt it would solve your problem, but wow, that would be a crack-up.
YES! We tried to think of a different word. We thought of hatbox and birdcage but those didn’t work either. I actually just started calling him my husband. I know it’s cheating but we LOVE it. He’s saving wife for after the big day.
I am 100% with you!!! I hate the word fiance. When we first were engaged I said “boyfriend” to one of my bridesmaids and she said “You mean you fiaaaaaaaance” (jokingly!) and from that point on I could never say it! I also, cannot wait to be able to say my husband, it just seems so much more natural.
YES! i just feel awkward with it and so usually just use boyfriend
YES! I am so glad I’m not the only one who feels like this — I get teased all the time bc I almost never refer to him with the word “fiance.” It totally does sound pretentious to me. We jokingly say pre-wife and pre-husband instead
YES! Me! I totally feel pretentious saying it, I don’t know why!
LOL, I have the SAME problem! So instead, we call each other “financiers..” I think it’s from the movie Young Frankenstein??
Anyone remember the Seinfeld episode where Eliane goes to a party and this woman keeps saying “where is my fiaaaaaanceeeee? I just can’t find my fiaaaaaannnceee!” It does sound so pretentious and funny!
THANK YOU!!! I hate saying the word fiance!! It is very awkward and we speak more in spanish so we don’t use that word very often so it is just weird!! Glad to know I am not alone on this
If it makes you feel better, even though we’ve been married over a month, I just referred to my husband as my boyfried! Whoops - he just laughed. I wasn’t good at saying fiance (I would still say boyfriend in the types of situations you mentioned) and apparently I need to work on saying husband as well!
For a while I avoided it because it felt awkward to me. But finally - after hearing him intro me as his fiance and the way it made me butterfly inside - i bit the bullet and started saying it. It really only took a couple of times of saying it before it felt natural. After all, i love that he was my fiance, why shouldn’t I be proud to say it?
The feeling that the word “fiancé” is pretentious likely comes from the fact that it’s french. The english language is basically the conglomeration of french and german. We took basic words from german (like house/haus etc), and high-class words from french (like maison/mansion etc). If it makes you feel better, you can say “verlobte” instead of fiancé, but you really shouldn’t feel bad about saying “fiancé”. That’s the english language!
I feel odd using the f-word, too. You could go really old school on everyone and refer to Mr. Gloss as your betrothed! ;o)
@Catalina: Do you say novio for fiance? In Chile, “novio” means fiance, and “pololo” means boyfriend.
I couldn’t agree more. I hate that word…I just doesn’t sound right. I avoid it as much as possible.
Me too! I just introduce him as my bf, but I can’t wait to call him my husband!
I try to avoid saying it as well. And then it’s a little awkward how quick people are to correct me when I say boyfriend. I know we’re getting married…I just don’t have to throw it in your face 9 times in a conversation!
august15bride you aren’t an odd ball. I like fiance as well. Yes its a little silly, but I only get to call him that for a short period of time so I’m trying to enjoy it while it lasts.
I avoid saying “fiance” too and usually just call him my boyfriend (although random people have corrected me after seeing the ring).
He doesn’t really like when I do that though (”but I’m not your boyfriend!”) so I’m trying to warm up to fiance.
I’m with you. I thought it sounded a little pretentious…even though when people said it to me about their significant others I certainly never thought that, it’s different when it’s your own hang-ups connected to it. I was very happy to replace it with husband!
I avoid it b/c I feel like if I do say it, that I am asking for them to congratulate me (which people usually do!). It’s like I’m yelling, “I’m engaged!” just by using the term fiance. I end up calling him “my guy” or “my man” or I just use his name.
hahaha! This is TOO funny! we BOTH hate that word, so we just butcher it whenever we have to use it and call each other “FEE-an-KEE”
Sometimes for fun I call him my man candy. He doesn’t really like that. You could always try calling him your guy or your signifigant other or your partner if those works better for you.
I think it’s because it’s a french word. Saying french words in English just feels weird sometimes.
Wow, Meg, when my fiance and I got engaged we were FEE-an-KEE’ing at each other too!
And it’s awkward for me too, especially being younger than most engaged people… lots of times in a social situation I don’t want to call attention to the fact that I’m engaged in the middle of a casual conversation, but people may not know his name.
I’ve lived in Italy since we got engaged (going home next week though!) and it’s actually convenient - they have the same word for “fiance” and “serious boyfriend” so I can use fidanzato and be completely accurate but ambiguous.
He loves saying it but it always feel akward to me. Especially when we have been living together for over 4 years now and we have a gaggle of kids. I just jumped the gun (so to speak) and called him my husband
I try to call him my fiance but I usually end up calling him my boyfriend. With each other, it’s easier because we use it jokingly. We usually butcher it and say fi ance like in the move Raising Arizona.
@Jamielee: Exactly! My FI & I played around with it after he first asked me in Mexico. “Where is my fiance? I’ve lost my fiance…” Now we just sporadically say “Maybe the dingo ate your baby” because Elaine’s line was so funny.
My FI still calls me his girlfriend & I call him my fiance, but just feel funny about it.
@Marigold - Betrothed! so funny. Everytime I hear that word I feel like I’m in a bad romance novel. I don’t know that I dislike the F-word, or maybe it’s just my subconscious, but I usually just call him my boyfriend. Much to the dismay of my grandmother who always thinks we’ve called things off when I call him my boyfriend. Urg. I’m ready for HUSBAND!
I do a mix of his name, fiance and ocassionally boyfriend. I mean, he is still a boy and my friend!
Yes, yes, and YES! We’ve been engaged for a whole year and I STILL feel pretentious saying fiancé. I swing between “boyfriend” “fiancé” and “his name”… Can’t wait for “husband” already!
If I can’t just refer to the mister by his name, I tend to switch back and forth between boyfriend and fiance. Boyfriend definitely feels more natural.
LOL OMG! I thought it was ME! Yes, I have that issue as well. I try my hardest to avoid saying “Fiance” and I think sometimes it hurts the mister - he does wait until we’re alone to voice his concern - whew, thats always a relief. It’s easy to say the F-word on weddingbee though
I thought I was the only one who didn’t like the “F-Word”. I sometimes call him my fee-ancy, like “fancy” with an I.
I too feel that the F-bomb is pretentious sounding, but I don’t want to disrespect him by not showing our future committments so I just suck it up and use it when only necessary.
I’ve dropped the F-word and just started referring to him as my partner in crime
Too funny - I hate using it, too. He likes it, but then it is more often me who has to introduce him to new people, not the other way around. I prefer boyfriend but I think that makes him a little bummed. Sometimes I just use partner, even though we’re heterosexual, I think it is accepted among most of the people I know. Marriage wasn’t such a big deal to me anyway, so I guess I’ve thought of him as my “partner” before, during, and after the engagement.
I hear ya sistah! I can’t use that word either (unless I’m rubbing it in my bosses face LOL). Mr. GB722 is the same. He just calls me his wifey (which I love!). 
I absolutely have that same issue, not sure why. I even go so far as to call him my boyfriend still, even with a ring on my finger…haha. I am looking forward to calling him my husband though!
When we were first engaged, I thought fiance sounded weird and always felt silly saying it but now I don’t mind at all. It just took a little getting used to.
I just got engaged last week and it still makes me giggle!
When I don’t feel like saying fiance (which I’m used to now by the way) I use the word “partner”. I think it’s quite nice, and Mr. Doctor really is my partner in everything… I might still keep saying that after we’re married, because I like it better than husband!
Heh heh, I didn’t see Shelliduke’s post before I posted. High five to the use of partner!
I felt the same way. I couldn’t wait to stop saying boyfriend but then I quickly hated fiance. I guess I always felt that it sounded like code for “I’m planning a very expensive and formal wedding.”… Crazy I know but it sounds like we’re not alone! Now it is 8 months past our wedding and I still feel a flutter when I say husband
Mr. Bookworm had a buddy whom he roomed with for 4 years and he was engaged for 3 of them. He called with lady his finance so many time it drove Mr. BW to hate the word. I call him training Hub’s instead, and I’m the-wife-to-be. I don’t mind, I’m not really a fan of it any ways.
I agree! I am always concerned I sound snotty when I refer to my FI as my fiance! Glad to know I’m not the only one!
As someone else mentioned, it was Seinfeld that ruined it for me. I usually just say boyfriend still… it seems silly to change his title - especially with people who already know us - just because he bought me a ring and promised to marry me!
I too feel really pretentious using fiance and have no problem with husband… I wonder why that is?
I have been engaged two years and when I refer to someone elses boyfriend is sounds so strange! It is a complete 180 from how I used to feel weird about saying fiance. It will change I guarantee!
I just can’t get behind the possessive pronoun. It seems to have this whole “ownership” thing for me, for some reason. I used to say “the boyfriend,” then mostly only referred to him by name, and now I use his name or “the husband.”
Yup, I feel really pretentious saying fiance too and avoid it whenever possible. Sometimes I even say Mr. Rhiannon if I know the person doesn’t know his name, figuring that they’ll catch on. Weirdly, though, I like it when he uses it to refer to me!
I hated “boyfriend” too, since it always made me feel like I was in high school. Can’t wait for the simplicity of “husband!”
At work, I sorta pause and awkwardly nod my head when I say “Mr. Bruschetta,” hoping my coworkers will fill in the blank that I’m talking about the fiance.
Oh, I’m so glad someone else is having this issue. It just feels so strange and I have this weird stumbling pause and people call me out on it.
Just after we got engaged, a friend of ours said to Mr. Cane, “well, why don’t you ask your fiancee?” and he looked puzzled and then it dawned on him and he had a deer in headlights look. It was comical.
It is coming more and more easily every time I say it. Pretty soon though I’ll have to switch to husband. YIKES!
yes! I hate the sound of that word. I try to avoid it too. I always sound like some snobby bridezilla when I say it.
It kind of feels like oversharing in a way. Telling someone I have a boyfriend is one thing, saying I have a fiancé feels intimate, and private.
I had this problem, too! And few people could understand it. I think it’s probably because I’ve known so many people who had extremely long engagements (I’m talking 5+ years) without even setting a date, and I wanted to avoid being mistaken for that sort of couple.
(Sidenote: I in no way mean to malign that sort of ongoing engagement; I just wish there were separate terms for “we’ve been dating a while and eventually want to get married but haven’t set a date yet” and “we have set a date and are actively planning a wedding.”)
Anyway, I’d usually just stick with “my boyfriend” despite it not quite fitting… or “my soon-to-be-husband,” despite it being wordy… and everyone at work knew I was getting married and just called him “your man,” which I found hilarious enough to encourage (and still do, ha). I do love hearing people refer to their “betrothed,” though.
I feel the same way! I still call him my boyfriend and probably will continue to do so until we get married.
At first, yes…I didn’t like it — it sounded awkward. But I’ve grown to like it, he’ll only be my fiance for a short period of time before he will be my husband, so I want to enjoy it!
well I don’t think it needs to be said after all these comments, but me too!
there’s no other way to say it, but it feels like an over share. Oh hi person I see in the elevator once a month! oh, no these are my fiance’s keys. … oh, January 3rd, don’t worry, you’re not invited :-/
i wouldnt say it at first either! but now its second nature. ill be excited to be his wife !
i think it feels weird cos i sometimes feel like i’m indirectly telling someone LOOKIE!!! I’m a bride to be!!!!!
i’ve mostly got over the weirdness and say it to co-workers who know i’m getting hitched (but do not know his name).
I’m in the minority here. I like fiance! I feel way too old for boyfriend, gee are we in High School???? (ok, I’m old)
But since we live together people always refer to him as my husband and I’m sick of correcting them.
I feel like saying the word fiance is soo…loaded. First, I feel like I’m prompting people to ask about my wedding plans (ohhh…when’s the day? congratulations, etc.) and most of the time i don’t feel like talking about it (with strangers). I also feel like I am pointing out how committed he is to me and that we’re “above” being boyfriend/girlfriend somehow. I just call him my main squeeze! I label all the new pics on my facebook “Me and my Main Squeeze.”
@LoriLori: I agree, boyfriend got to the point that I wanted a distinction between middle schoolers that sometimes hold hands and someone I was intending on spending the rest of my life with! Though I’m not a huge fan of fiance either My guy has gotten so tired of it that he has switched to “future wife” until we’re married…although that’s in a week and half so not too far away!
Totally agree! I really dislike the word fiance, and although I’ve started to get used to using it more, I still avoid it when I can. I can’t wait until I can call him my husband, because I have no problem using that word!
I, too, always hated using the F-bomb…it just felt so pretentious and not natural so I would avoid it at all costs. I’m still also trying to get used to saying Husband, but it’s much better than fiance.
OMG Yes!! I just started a new job and every time I mention my fiance I feel not only pretentious, but like it forces people to ask you about your upcoming wedding. I hate it. I’d rather call him my boyfriend or husband. Maybe I’ll just say significant other.
I absolutely detest the word. I hate using it and try to use boyfriend instead, but I get called on it by my friends all the time. 
I don’t know if I feel pretentious, but I definitely feel funny saying it! Whenever I introduce him as my fiance, I feel like I’m asking for a congratulations. And I don’t know why, I didn’t think anything of it when other people have introduced me to their fiance’s.
I totally feel the same way. I use boyfriend or first name all the time, fianceee just sounds so formal and we’ll be engaged for over 2 years before we get married so I don’t feel like it is really appropriate to use for so long. I guess I use it when talking about wedding related things like on the bee and with vendors becasue it makes sense.
After a year and a half of being engaged, I’m so over the “f” word. I’m ready to call him my husband, but I’m kind of tired of repeating our wedding date and the details over and over and over… to people.
I have trouble with it too. It’s just so weird. and like you said, it feels a little pretentious to me. Almost like you’re begging people to look at your ring… or fishing for them to ask you about your wedding… or something. :S I’m glad I’m not the only one!!
It took me a while to get used to it, but now I don’t have any problems. The problem is going to be switching over to husband in a few months!
Nope! I’ve thought for a while that boyfriend sounds much too… childish? for the stage we’re at. I’m looking forward to fiance!
Agreed - Fiance doesn’t roll of my tongue. I avoided it at all costs. But, once we were married and I could start saying Husband, I thought that was weird too. Guess I’m just not a fan of changes.
I totally feel the same. The word fiance makes me think of those women who waive their left hands around when they say it, hoping someone will comment on their ring. I only started using it because it sounded more professional when I was doing interviews (I changed schools to be closer to him so it was always an interview topic).
I could not have said this better myself! I 100% agree w/ this statement and feel as though I’m being pretentious when I drop the f-bomb. I don’t want people to feel like they HAVE to ask me about my wedding because that’s not how it is! Sometimes instead of saying his name, I’ll say “My boy-toy”, LOL!
I hate that word but I also hated boyfriend. We’ve been together six years. I’m not sure how I’ll feel about husband. I had a close friend who insisted on calling her man by these things instead of his name. It drove me insane.
I still can’t call him my FI… people are correcting me all the time & I’m like “meh.. same difference” lol because to me it doesn’t make a difference. Maybe once he’s my husband I’ll be able to call him my FI. lol
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Mrs. Gloss, Boston/Maine
Age and Occupation: 24, Designer/soon-to-be Architect
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Systems Engineer
Engagement Date: May 23, 2008
Wedding Date: August 2009
Venue: SS Katahdin/Lakeside Tent
About Me: I don't like nickels or the skin that forms on pudding when it's in the fridge for too long. I couldn't live without Pantone markers, fountain soda (3/4 diet, ¼ regular Coke), run-on sentences, or ridiculously oversized sunglasses. I will try to DIY almost anything and am just OCD enough to make most of it work. I am truly excited about having all my family and friends together, becoming Mrs. Gloss, and having amazing photos to prove it!
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