Are All Thank Yous Created Equal?

Are All Thank Yous Created Equal?

June 1st, 2009 @ 1:40 pm by Mrs. Quiche
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As the post-wedding days fly by, I realized it was about time to design, think of, write, address, stamp, and send thank you notes. Seem overwhelming? Even typing all of those steps out makes me start to sweat and panic, and I only have a fraction of the “normal” amount to send.

In the past, I’ve divulged my love for Dear Abby and Margo. No B.S. advice, handed down to you daily. I also love Annabel Manners—etiquette and advice for the preppy girl in me. While perusing her site (and justifying my LOVE and expense for a LWD - little white dress), I came across this service - “That’s Gratitude” - personalized, handwritten thank you notes. Done by someone else.

I have to admit, I can see how this service is appealing to some brides. The wedding is over. The excitement, anticipation and energy that propelled you through all-night DIY sessions is OVER. Also, it’s possible that YOU are over the wedding. Done. And the thought of writing out 200 thank you notes makes you want to grab a bottle of wine, hop under the covers, and curl into a ball. This service could be for you - I mean, no one would know (unless said note is sent to your parents/siblings/best friend/etc. In such cases, pull out a pen, people!).

I’ve received many different kinds of thank you notes over the years. Short and simple. Long and personalized. One of my best friends from college who had an incredible, 400 person wedding sent out a photo thank you - a picture of them on their wedding day with the same printed out thank you message to everyone. And I loved it (and would have done the same thing!). As a guest, it honestly does not matter to me what kind I receive. Yes, I gave the gift… but it really isn’t about that at all.

I know there will be a lot of varying opinions on this, and I welcome a healthy discussion. How do you feel? Would you honestly care if you found out your friend used a service like this to “write” her thank you notes?

Tags: etiquette, thank-you |

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52 Responses to “Are All Thank Yous Created Equal?”

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Member

irmango (message) 192 posts, Blushing bee

i started doing personalized thank you’s, but like you said… i’m OVER it. solution: photo thank you’s with a generic note. easy!

6/1/09 @ 1:46 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Joey (message) 1,031 posts, Bumble bee

I think we may break etiquette and send notes as we receive gifts. This way, we’re still into the wedding and the gift when the note goes out.

6/1/09 @ 1:50 pm (reply)

Member

West Coast Bride (message) 708 posts, Busy bee

I really feel like it depends on the size of the wedding. It doesn’t really feel like much of an honour to be invited to a wedding of four hundred people anyway, so I probably wouldn’t care if I got a generic thank you note from that sort of wedding. That said, it would bother me if I got a generic message, or an out-sourced handwritten note, for a smaller wedding. Our wedding was just two weeks ago and I’m eager to write my thank yous. I really can’t express my gratitude enough to those whose presence made such a difference to us, and I find it quite surprising that other people see it as such as chore.

6/1/09 @ 1:52 pm (reply)

Guest

lou

God, that’s awful. If you don’t want to write an individual thank you note to everyone that’s one thing, but don’t pay someone else to do it for you! (I don’t mean you Mrs Quiche, just the people that use that service).

Have I done my thank you cards yet? No (we’ve only been back one week). Do I find it a daunting task? Yes. But if I can’t take 5 minutes to say thank you to someone that took a whole day (and in some cases, weekend) to be with us at our wedding, then I guess I’m not that grateful after all!

[Maybe the name of the company is meant to be sarcastic - "THAT'S gratitude!"]

6/1/09 @ 1:54 pm (reply)

Guest

lou

@West Coast Bride:

I agree … when you think of it as writing 100 thank you cards, it seems like a chore. When you think of it as “I must thank xxxx for coming all that way and not leaving the dance floor all night, despite being 3 months pregnant” then it doesn’t seem as bad!

Just take them one at a time people!

6/1/09 @ 1:56 pm (reply)

Hostess

Lillindy (message) 7,974 posts, Bee Keeper

Considering how long it took me to finish mine, I would consider using that service & if someone else did, more kudos to them!

6/1/09 @ 1:58 pm (reply)

Member

nvybaby82 (message) 306 posts, Helper bee

We had our thank you cards printed on etsy from the same creator as our invites. Simply says thank you on the front and the inside has a short blurb… granted I’ll probably personalize these a little by specifically mentioning the gift, but this DEFINITELY made the task easier…

6/1/09 @ 1:58 pm (reply)

Member

EAQ219 (message) 1,448 posts, Bumble bee

I don’t really think it’s that bad. Besides, out of all of your guests who knows your handwriting well enough to notice? I get why some people don’t like it, and I know I’ll hand write my thank-yous, but this is definitely not something to get worked up over.

6/1/09 @ 2:00 pm (reply)

Member

KellyV (message) 2,526 posts, Sugar bee

In all honesty, I only get offended by thank you notes if I dont get one. I couldn’t care less if its personalized, computerize, or written by somebody else-ized.

Our generation is different. We’re caring less and less about hand addressed envelopes, personalized thank yous, even considering electronic invites and STDs. Times change

A Thank you is a Thank you and you know that they took time out of their day (regardless of how much or how little) to thank you for being a part of their day. I don’t need a huge sense of satisfaction or a pat on the back for going to a friends wedding and celebrating with them and showing a token of my happiness for them. Any little thing is fine by me. I dont think it has anything to do with being un-grateful, Im just looking at it purely from the receiver’s POV. Now for mine, I will likely personalize SOME (I know FMIL and some family would be offended bc they are very old school) but the rest are getting a photo with the “Thank You” Parasol and a note.

Sorry if that sounded like a rant, didnt mean for it to

6/1/09 @ 2:03 pm (reply)

10.

Guest

Jessie

If someone takes the time to buy and wrap a gift and enclose their own wishes for you, then you are obligated to send them a meaningful and personalized thank you note. Period.

6/1/09 @ 2:07 pm (reply)

11.

Guest

Miss Red Head

I am still 3 months from my big day so I am still in the mind set that I would like to create and send thank yous. My idea at the moment is to create a thank you postcard for the obvious, less postage! I am hoping to create a postcard with our picture from the wedding day and see what happens!?
Honestly I am one of those people who does get a bit offended if the person doesn’t personalize a thank you in some way. Even if it’s a little as signing your and your husband’s names it makes it better, come one, you can sign your name! I don’t like the lazy thank yous!

6/1/09 @ 2:20 pm (reply)

12.

Guest

sally

I agree withy Jessie, 100%.

6/1/09 @ 2:26 pm (reply)

13.

Guest

butterfly

I agree with Jessie.

It is absolutely offensive to fail to send a written thank you note. It doesn’t have to be long, or even on fancy, wedding-related paper. It cannot, however, be pre-printed or outsourced to anyone except the groom. (And, yes, people beyond your immediate family do know what your handwriting looks like, presuming you send out holiday/birthday cards and sign them! Imposters will definitely be detected.)

Also, Miss Joey, you’re not being unmannerly–invitations are supposed to go out pronto. Good for you!

6/1/09 @ 2:33 pm (reply)

14.

Member

jmc (message) 882 posts, Busy bee

I think that outsourcing your thank you notes is really not very thankful.

6/1/09 @ 2:33 pm (reply)

15.

Member

Sparkles (message) 706 posts, Busy bee

That is hilarious!
Well I guess if you have a ton of people coming to your wedding and you get a ton of gifts, I can see where this makes sense. (I would probably hold a big thank you note card gathering at my house and have some one read off the list of gifts… someone assigned to sealing the envelope and place the stamp on it if I really needed the help for a HUGE wedding…) But personally, I would prefer to send the thank you notes myself.
It’s just about taking the time/effort to do it.
We have been getting gifts slowly trickle in. I tried to send the thank you notes out as soon as I got the gift… and I have just asked the FH to “autograph” the card. ;o) Then again, we are only having about 65 people attending our wedding… it’s a bit more manageable.

6/1/09 @ 2:37 pm (reply)

16.

Member

kim0309 (message) 115 posts, Blushing bee

We did the photo of us on the wedding day holding “thank you” signs. When we got them printed we did half as postcards and half as note cards. This let us personalize for those we are closer to and send shorter notes for the others. Everyone loved getting our thank you notes and we see note cards and postcards alike posted on everyone’s fridge when we visit.

6/1/09 @ 2:38 pm (reply)

17.

Member

jmc (message) 882 posts, Busy bee

I should clarify to say that I don’t think that sending a thank you note that has a generic message is unthankful (as some have described) but these tricky services that use handwriting and you pass off as your own work… I think that is super shady.

6/1/09 @ 2:38 pm (reply)

18.

Member

Sparkles (message) 706 posts, Busy bee

@Jessie: a lot of people aren’t taking the time to wrap the gift. Most of the purchases of our gifts were directly sent to us from the store i.e. Macy’s or Crate and Barrel… all the guest had to do was click and enter their credit card info. I know what you mean… but people choose to take the path of least resistance i order to show SOME thoughtfulness by sending/receiving something. At least anything is being exchanged. I don’t share the mentality of buying thank you notes filled by someone else… But I know of people who would choose to do the service because life is hectic for them, and it is either something or nothing in their mind.

6/1/09 @ 2:40 pm (reply)

19.

Guest

jenn

i don’t understand why some people are so against generic/computerized thank you’s. if you had over 300 guests, that’s a lot to write… even if you do split it with your husband. some one personalized their card for you… fine. that’s one card. but having to write over 300 thank you’s?? wow. i can’t even imagine. i guess if you had a small wedding, then personalized thank you’s wouldn’t be so hard. oh well… depends on the person i guess. personally, any thank you would be okay with me.

6/1/09 @ 2:42 pm (reply)

20.

Member

JuneBride451 (message) 30 posts, Newbee

@kim0309: I really like your idea about having some thank you’s as postcards and others as note cards! Good Idea!

6/1/09 @ 2:52 pm (reply)

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