Wedding Blog
The French Bulldog invitations are off to the printers… YAY! But before we could send them out we had to answer the tricky question of when to start the ceremony, and more importantly, what to put on the invitations. If you’re reading this thinking, ‘Um Frenchie, shouldn’t they be the same time?’ I envy you for your punctual friends and family.
Papa Frenchie and I are always waiting downstairs for my Mama Frenchie and Sister Frenchie to be ready. I had a friend in high school who we’d tell something started at least an hour before it actually did, in hopes of her being on time. Although none of my current friends are that bad, I’d prefer that people don’t have to sneak in in the middle of our ceremony, or miss it entirely.
There is also the matter of traffic. The majority of our guests will most likely be driving 65 miles from Orange County to Rancho Bernardo, which, according to Google Maps, takes a little over an hour. But, that is with no traffic.
So, what is our solution? We lied. Our invitation says that our ceremony will begin @3:30 (just like the website and the map), but we’re really going to begin at 4. Annie, the winery’s coordinator, suggested placing a sign at the entrance to the pavilion that says something like:
What have you done to ensure that your guests get to your ceremony on time?
|
Share this post: Tricking Our Guests
We had to do the same thing because my family is notorious for being late. The invites say 4pm but it will really start on or around 4:30pm.
love the idea! we are having a 30 min cocktail time before the ceremony to ensure that everyone is ready for the ceremony on time (including us!) on our invite it says “cocktails prior to ceremony at 5:00, ceremony begins at 5:30″ let’s hope it works!
Ha! Oh man. We’re not fibbing the ceremony time, because there are three in a row, and we’re the middle one, so I can’t worry too much if people are late — since we won’t be able to hold off for their benefit. But, I think it’s too funny that you have a plan, and that this is it! 
Sounds like the winery will be getting a lot of money from your guests! I personally wouldn’t be very happy if I was one of your guests and got there on time at 3:30 just to find out had I to wait around for the late guests to arrive. I would just tell people the actual time and if they are late then it is their own fault and I would hope they would have enough common sense not to disturb the ceremony in progress.
I hadn’t even thought about this yet but that is really smart! Most of my family is pretty on time but FI family is hit or miss so we may be doing a little of the same trickeration =)
Our ceremony time is what will be listed on the invites. If someone is late and misses the ceremony, it will be ok. As someone who is generally early or on time I think I would be frustrated to have to hang around for 30 minutes.
I don’t think you need to say anything….the seating of guests and all of that should take some time and they will be able to mingle a bit. If you can provide water and lemonade before your guests will be pleased as punch IMO.
@keyedontie & @aja0829: I can understand why you would be upset, but I’m also doing this just in case there is a lot of traffic. As someone who is always on time I would be sick if I got stuck in traffic and missed the ceremony. Annie did tell us that if everyone is on time and we are missing anyone, she’ll let us begin early
Man, I wish I would’ve thought about doing this!! 
I’m so worried my out of town guests (90% of my guests are out of town) will be late but my goal is: my invites say 2, I’m walking down the isle at 2… lol… we went to a wedding this weekend that started at noon… and actually started at almost 1! The 4 of us that came together were on a time crunch since we had a 5 hour (that turned into almost 6.5!) drive ahead of us and work in the am…
The coordinator at my venue told me to put the time on the invite 30 minutes earlier than the real start. She said that in her experience, by the time people trickle in, get a program, get seated and quiet, and the people in the processional are ready to go, it’s almost 30 minutes past anyway. They are providing sparkling water to people before the ceremony.
I have a few relatives who are notoriously early to everything, so to them, I may whisper that it will really start a half hour later than it says, otherwise, they’ll get there an hour and a half early. For everyone else, it should be just right.
Our ceremony will be at 4PM and that is the time I will put down for the invites…HOWEVER…I did include “church doors will close at 3:45PM” I did this is hopes that everyone will adjust their drive time to be there by 3:45, as my guests will also be traveling from Orange County, but to the Santa Barbera area! YIKES! =) I really will have the church doors closed at 4PM..I’ve been to too many weddings where ppl walk in right in the middle of the vows or something obnoxious!
Mr. Y and I both have chronically late folks in our families. We printed the actual start time on the invites, but (like heather25 suggested) will have a couple of huge glass dispensers with water and pink lemonade as pre-ceremony refreshments. Considering the venue, I don’t think anyone will be in a rush to get things going. :o)
As a guest, I enjoy mingling with everyone prior to the ceremony!
We had the same thoughts since our ceremony is 40 minutes outside of where most people will be staying. The actual time is in our invites, but our map tells them the expected travel time without traffic. I have a feeling there will be some stragglers during the ceremony, but I’m not too worried about it!
I think it’s a good idea. I’ve had to drive a long way for a wedding before, got in an accident as I was pulling out of the parking lot, and almost walked into the front of the church instead of the back when I was late!
We’ll probably start prelude music about 15 minutues before the time on the invitation and start the ceremony 15 minutes after the time on the invite.
We struggled with this, since we’re concerned with traffic as well - hit or miss. But we should be ok, as we’ve blocked off rooms at 2 hotels (most everyone is staying overnight) and will provide a shuttle to transport the majority of guests. Our site will provide beverage service a half an hour before the ceremony officially starts, which will be a nice incentive to (or soften the blow for) guests who arrive a half an hour early!
The same thing as you!! We’re putting 3:30 but our ceremony will start at 4. We don’t have traffic to contend with. In fact, our guests only have to go 10 miles max to get to the ceremony, but it always takes people a while to get settled. Haha. Good idea about the sign.
I have the “guests might be late” issue too, because of something we like to call “Puerto Rican Time”, which is usually 20-30 minutes later than whatever time was originally specified 
We’re probably going to provide transportation from the reception venue/hotel to the ceremony site (which is an hour away), so we have to specify a time that is 1-1.5 hrs earlier than the ceremony… and I’m still worried that even if I say “the bus will leave at X’oclock sharp”, people will be late and miss the ride to the ceremony :-\ so we might have to say the bus will depart 2 hours before the ceremony so that people will be able to get there in time for it!
Hey, from one wedding attendee/bride to another bride, I think you can leave the sign off and NOBODY will notice the half-hour gap!!! Serious! Then you avoid pissing off people like keyedontie and aja0829. I’ve been to so many weddings and most of them started at least 15 min. or half an hour after I got there, on time. There’s plenty to do for the people who arrive on time. They’ll simply see that people aren’t sitting down yet, and they’ll mingle and wait in line to sign the guest book, probably look for the restroom and check out the scenery. Then half an hour later they’ll hear the announcement that the wedding is starting and they won’t even realize half an hour passed!
My future MIL is NEVER on time- as in over an hour late for everything. And makes a fuss when she finally gets there and insists on attention (almost two hours late to our engagement party, over an hour late to my bridal shower, and so many more). We are actually having pictures taken prior to the ceremony to ensure her timeliness (two hours before to be exact). It’s incredibly frustrating to plan our activities around her inability to think of others, but whatever works, we will do.
We’re lying, too. Putting 11:30am on our invites, with an actual goal of starting at 12:00pm. I go to a LOT of weddings, and ceremonies never ever ever start on time. Plus my fiance’s family is perpetually late.
Are the guests going to be outside? I’m just asking because I’m majorly sun intolerant and if I found out that the wedding I hustled to get to (since I also hate being late!) was outside and was actually an extra half hour later, I’d be kind of mad. I can understand wanting to allow for traffic (heck, I’m in L.A., if anyone understands traffic it’s us!), but I’d think that people who wanted to be at your ceremony would leave early enough to account for traffic. For ours, we told everyone that the doors were closing at a certain time (I can’t remember, it’s been awhile) and we held to it. My MOH, who is notorious for being late, was there super early, from Hermosa Beach, because she knew it was important. It seems a bit unfair for those who show up on time for the fake ceremony time to have to be punished for the ones who didn’t think ahead.
P.S. Can you tell I just attended another wedding with a ceremony trickery? I guess I’m just a little sensitive!
I should add that I usually factor in getting to a ceremony a half an hour before the designated time, so if the ceremony were a half hour later than THAT, I’d have to kill an hour, possibly in shoes that I didn’t choose sensibly. Because I’m dumb like that, shoe-wise. I also think leaving the sign off would be better, because it may make early birds pissed off, they may never know otherwise.
We didn’t have to start on time. Our officiant said we could wait until everyone had arrived to begin. I think we were just a few minutes late.
I actually think the sign is a great idea because then people know that the ceremony isn’t just starting late (they tend to start to wonder if there is a problem)
I wrote about how disappointed I was that I had started our ceremony at 5:00 on - the - dot since some people ended up being a few moments late and many people commented the same thing as keyedonte…that if people are late that’s their own damn problem. I truly think that sentiment would only be expressed by someone who hasn’t yet had their wedding. Once you are standing there in your white dress and realize that someone you invited to your wedding isn’t there yet, you aren’t mad at them, you are just hoping they are ok and wishing they would get there soon so you don’t have to start without them.
that’s too funny! I think my guests might be offended that we planned on them being late. It’s hard to come up with balance between accommodating and just going ahead with the plan whether or not people made it on time!
Will any of your guests read the info here and find out??
not by lying to them
@Mrs. Corn: Do you think that depends on the size of the guests attending? I know I didn’t notice ANYONE coming in or out, or who was missing because we had more than 200 people in our church (the whole school was invited), and honestly I think I would have been mad if someone hadn’t shown up on time, knowing they had known what time the ceremony started, and what time the doors were closing as per the invite. Then again, we had mostly in-towners, and the out of towners stayed nearby and got rides with family.
yeah i’m DEFINITELY lying. my family is ALWAYS late, and also we’re having a backyard wedding so everyone has to be shuttled from the parking lot of a nearby store. so i’m saying 30 minutes earlier as well
I’m also putting an earlier time on the invite at the strong suggestion of our venue coordinator. Our ceremony site requires transport to the actual location, so that will take some time and a few trips to get everyone over there.
for your venue especially, this is a really good idea!! If your wedding is in August, then you will be fighting Del Mar Fair traffic ….. which is terrible!! I’ve sat for hours driving from OC to downtown in the summer because of the fair + all the other vacation destinations down here.
Haha, I’m totally doing the same thing! I recently went to a friend’s wedding and Mr. Lab made us late getting on the road. So by the time we got to the very small church (in the rain!), we had to sit in the back annex and listen to the service there because we would have surely interrupted the ceremony! I felt SO bad!
Wow hot topic!
@Mrs. Kiwi: The ceremony is outside and that is one of the reasons I want to have the sign. If ppl do get there early (or on time) I want them to know they can go sit in the shade somewhere else instead of sitting in the sun in the ceremony location for however long. Thank you for bringing that up though, it reminded me to talk to Annie about the Umbrellas we’re renting
@Miss Labrador: Something similar happened to us @ a wedding last year. I felt horrible!
I’m locking them in at our reception site to ensure they’re on time
heehee
This is a smart idea. My wedding will be in Sept at La Jolla and my side of the famiy and friends (including myself) will be coming from LA. I am thinking about putting 45 mins before actual start time on the invitation. =)
On our invites we’re putting “Please arrive by 3:45 for pre-ceremony refreshements. The ceremony will commence at 4PM.”
So we’re giving them that 15 minute window as ours is at a camp down an old highway. We’re also including travel time both with, and without traffic so people can get that. Then again, we’re also promoting carpooling as its a small capm without lots of parking.
I think it’s up to you…you know your guests better than anyone. I do think that supplying beverages or maybe champagne for the early (er on time) birds may be a nice touch. We didn’t lie on our invitations, but we knowing that people usually abide by the 20 or so minutes early to a wedding rule, we provided hot beverages (winter in MN…bbbr) and champagne. It didn’t cost much and people loved it. Or maybe you could host the tastings in the tasting room for your guests? Just a thought…
Ugh I wish I had thought of this before sending out the invites. We only get our venue for 2 hours before the ceremony then once the ceremony starts we have it for 4 hours.
Soooo we really need to start on time at 5:00pm….argh.
very very crafty!!! i’ll try to be on time 
we’re doing travel-themed so i didn’t lie about the time but added “Please arrive at least 30 mins before departure time”
anyway we’re having a very small group of family/friends (40) and they know what a stickler i am for punctuality, so i believe we’ll be okay *fingers crossed*
I’m with you on this. I personally don’t think that waiting 30 minutes is a big deal, even an hour for early birds who want to make sure they are there by 3:30 and show up at 3 isn’t bad if there is shade. they will likely get a chance to mix and mingle with your other guests. Also I think its nice that there is the wine tasting option if they want it. I was planning on doing this as well, as I have some family members that are notoriously late.
I’ll be honest, I think it’s rude. I show up half an hour early for weddings, and if I found out the bride purposely started later than the scheduled time, for reasons besides that her mom is stuck in traffic, I’d be PISSED. That’s an hour I’ve waited now. I really think you should be more considerate of your guests that are considerate of you than the inconsiderate ones.
What is that beautiful font you used for the sign. It’s so pretty.
We’re doing the exact same thing, and it’s been done to me in the past. More than once - ha ha… The first time, there were refreshments provided, pictures to look at, and a very extensive program to peruse - the time flew by even though we had arrived half an hour before the “invitation” time, so an hour before it actually started. The second time wasn’t so great - the sister of the bride knew about the half hour delay, so she left so that she’d be there for the “real” start time, and ended up being half an hour late. And they waited for her… and this ceremony was in a church with not a whole lot to do but sit in the hard pews and twiddle your thumbs - not so pleasant! That was an hour and a half wait for a lot of people… I think if it’s well planned, and kept as “secret” as possible, it’s a great idea, especially when you’re taking into consideration the travel factor (as we’re doing…) Go for it
I think you should do what makes you feel most comfortable. I do think, though, that passing around a word-of-mouth warning to the chronically late, even as a “joke,” would probably accomplish your goal. Or perhaps you could only fib 15 minutes instead of 30? That way those who show up early or on time wouldn’t have to wait a really long time. Also, you could probably nix the sign at that point. I doubt that if the ceremony was running 15 minutes “behind” it would really bother anyone, especially if there are refreshments etc. to keep them occupied.
@Tiffany: The font is called “Fling” and I got the link from Vintage Glam Blog here
I think trick your guests by all means (I hate late people!) but I wouldn’t have that sign up saying the ceremony is going to begin later than you stated. It lets them know they’ve been tricked, and they might not appreciate that. I would just start at 4pm, and everyone can just assume that you were waiting for latecomers, and that weddings always start late anyway!
I agree with the posters who say just to leave the sign. Most weddings do end up starting later than the invitation stated, and if your guests are mingling, they probably won’t even notice. If there are guests you know are going to be there super early, maybe just let them know ahead of time that you’re actually starting at 4:00. I have to say I like the idea of starting late, especially if you are worried about traffic. I know I would be panicked if I were stuck in traffic and afraid I’d be late to a wedding. Still though, if I showed up 1/2 hour early only to see the sign that the wedding was actually scheduled for a later time, I’d probably be a little annoyed. Just forget the sign and chalk the lateness up to normal wedding day delays.
I love it! I do the same thing with my friend who likes to show up 2.5 hours late. Gah
| Visit our sister sites | Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Fertile Thoughts Infertility Support |
Mrs. French Bulldog, Orange County
Age and Occupation: 28, Administrative Assistant & Interior Design Student
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Purchasing Analyst
Engagement Date: November 8, 2008
Wedding Date: August 2009
Venue: Bernardo Winery
About Me: I've lived in Atlanta, Dallas and Laguna Niguel; although I've lived in Orange County, CA most my life, I'm a Southerner at heart. I work full time for a Commercial General Contractor (aka my father) and I go to school for Interior Design at night. I love modern design, music, wine, crafting, DMailing, my family, my Westies, and of course, Mr Frenchie! Mr Frenchie and I met 3 years ago on Match.com and have been best friends ever since. I love his "old soul" and how he laughs with his whole body, among many other things. We are planning our summer wedding at the winery near his hometown, just 45 minutes south of Orange County.
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |
| 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 |
| 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |
| 29 | 30 |
Latest Gallery Pics