Wedding Blog
{Tell me you loved the movie “Adventures in Babysitting” as much as I did. Yes, the one back in the ’80s with Elizabeth Shue. When I moved to Chicago, I suddenly understood the whole drive-into-the-scary-city premise. Anyhoo…}
So, armed with my newly-married force field (ya know, the one keeping away normal frustration, at least until the word “husband” doesn’t seem so mind-blowing), I headed happily off to the Social Security Administration and DMV, armload of paperwork in hand.
Side note 1: I keep all “important documents” in a little zippy waterproof folder. When I need to do something official, I grab the whole zippy folder. Didn’t make it clear I needed an original birth certificate, Miss Snooty Government Gatekeeper? Well, here you go! Think I don’t have a copy of my very first voter registration card? HA! Proved you wrong! Yea, I’m a dork.
Side note 2: I didn’t head off to change my name as happily as I might have suggested. I’m still slightly ambivalent. But I want my kids to have the same last name as my husband and me, so I’m going with the Band-Aid Theory on this one (rip it off before you have time to dread it). On the plane home from our fabulously lazy honeymoon, I asked Mr. Cheese to indulge me by outwardly and overtly acting like this was the best darned thing I could do to show my love for him. He obliged, offering to take me out for drinks to celebrate (though we instead broke out the new blender and made our very first batch of pina coladas).
Armed with the second Twilight book, I waltzed into the Social Security Administration. In my state, you start there, and the receipt from your transaction is a requirement at the DMV. No problem. 45 minutes and a friendly chat with the helpful name-changer later, I had the slip of paper declaring my new identity:
Marisa MiddleName MaidenName NewLastName.
Yea. Mouthful. I couldn’t bear to lose my middle name this time around; I’m named after a super fantastic aunt. Nor was I willing to drop my maiden name. That name welcomed me back with open arms after the first time I shoved it to the middle slot, so I’m sticking with it. So I asked if I could keep them all, and she obliged. Score!
Off I went to the DMV, driving across town to the location staffed with the most unusually friendly people. Seriously. When I went to get my motorcycle endorsement, they took my picture eight times. Eight! I’m an eye-closer, and the woman couldn’t bear to let me go with such a bad picture on my ID. What’s an extra 15 minutes of driving for service like that?
I filled out the paperwork, felt a small tinge of pride when I was asked to produce the correct paperwork (yea, yea, teacher’s pet even at 29), and figured I’d be done in an hour. Then he asked if I knew my license was suspended.
Um, what?
Yea. So, one of the unfortunate side effects of moving five times in two years is that mail doesn’t always get to you. Important mail. Mail that tells you that your license is suspended. Or, to be more correct, WAS suspended almost six months ago!
Grrr. And Argh. And GRRRR.
I left with a picture ID and a big honking hole through my driver’s license, irrationally afraid of what my parents would say (yea, at 29). My mom wasn’t fazed (she is my mom, after all), but my new hubby was horrified, then laughed and laughed.
So today I go through the whole shebang all over again, except this time I have to start at the courthouse where I’ll pay my hefty fine before heading back to the DMV. With the third Twilight book, because I finished the second one last night.
Anyone else have, um, challenges to getting the name change thing done?
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Share this post: Adventures in Name Changing, Part I
Oh, that totally sucks! What a downer! I hope I don’t have any problems like that when I go to change my name!
eek that sounds like it sucks. at least you had new moon 
I haven’t changed my drivers license yet and I’ve been married for 3 years. It expires next year and I’ll change it then. Sorry your license was suspended! What a bummer. On a side note though isn’t Twilight awesome!?
I LOVED Adventures in Babysitting! I was just talking about if with my BFF the other day. Sucks you had to go thru that, but at least you got to keep your old names and catch up on some Twilight
Oh Cheese..that sucks! But at least you have Twilight to keep you company!
That’s what I’m doing with my name, too… for the same reason and with the same ambivalence. 
Yikes! Been there, done that with the license suspension. Except I got rear ended by a high schooler and I got the hefty fine for my license being suspended. Sucks big time. I think the third Twilight book may be my favorite. Oh who am I kidding, I love them all!
Good think you found out about your license before you got pulled over!
How did you list your “new” name on your marriage license? I wanted to keep my maiden name as part of my middle name too, but on our marriage license its listed as Heidi Marie MarriedLastName. Just wondered if SSA would still allow me to be Heidi Marie MaidenLastName MarriedLastName. I’m planning on starting this process next week, so thanks for the post!
Good idea, going as soon as you got home… I think I’ll do that to. Rip the band aid right off
Sorry about the suspended license - that sounds like something that would happen to me
I absolutely love Adventures in Babysitting! I remember when I wanted to have Elizabeth Shoe’s cozy brown jacket and her awesome purple sweater with matching leggings . . . absolutely classic! I appreciate the story about the name change too . . . I’m slowly learning to accept it and I want to do for the same reasons you listed. But at the same time, I still like my name. We’ve been through so much together! Oh well, new chapter in life right?
ahhh, love to know that other women in their late twenties speed through Twilight just like me! Is it wrong to fantasize about the werewolves?
awww poor Mrs Cheese! I feel your pain on the DL front. Last time I went to the DMV they were like, uhm do you know that you have like a BAZILLON dollars in fines? Yeah apparently I never paid a parking ticket for like 2 years. I don’t even remember getting the ticket! haha
The Twilight books are good company though! I know, I flew with them cross country 6 times in the last 5 months planning my darn cross country wedding.
Ugh what a pain! I have a question: when you sign your name or write your name on things do you plan on just using Marisa NewLastName? Is the Marisa MiddleName MaidenName NewLastName just for “official” documents? Do either of those questions make sense??
@EAQ219:
Yeah, that’s what I want to know too! When you go with Lori Middle Exh(in my case) NewLastName is your new legal name (first, last) Lori NewLastName? What do you write on credit cards, checking accts, etc? Is the whole thing spelled out on your driver’s license and SS card?!?! Help! And I’m assuming you’re alphabetized by the new last name…..
Well, the bank asked me what I wanted, so I went with easy: Marisa NewLastName. But I sign MarisaMiddleInitialNewLastName… just like that, all connected, for a stupid reason: my first name and new last name both start with an M, and I can’t manage two M’s in a row very easily. My signature is so scrawled that I stopped bothering with anything but my first name’s first initial years ago.
Technically, as per the SSA, I have two middle names, not two last names. Make sense? “Official documents” requiring my full name will have to include all four names, but anything else is really up to me.
Thanks Mrs. Cheese!
I think that’s what I’m going to do. Have 2 middle names and use both names on my checks to “belong” to both my sons and my new hubby and his kids.
I totally agree with your approach — do it all at once and bring a good book! Wished I’d done that rather than dragging it out over six months!
Honestly, I’ve been putting this off, because I didn’t want to deal with the PITA without going to SSA and the Secretary of State (our Michigan version of DMV). Mrs. Cheese, you’ve inspired me, I think I’m going to take the morning off tomorrow to try to get these done.
What a nightmare! So then you drove home with your hole punched license? Too funny. You’re lucky you didn’t get pulled over in those 6 months! Glad it all worked out though. I’m tempted to go the four name route like you, but will probably end up dropping my middle name. Four names just seems so daunting. I would have nightmares of forgetting which middle initial I used on which forms…
Wow, that stinks about your license! Did you drive yourself home afterward and did they even tell you why it was suspended! So glad you’ve got it all done. I’m going tomorrow to finally finish at the DMV (again)!
Quite an experience you had there! Hope the fine wasn’t too bad!
@DCKate:
Four names really isn’t that daunting. If you like your middle name, go ahead and keep it. I was given four names at birth; First, Middle, 2nd Middle, Last. On everything except my official government documents, I don’t even bother to use my 2nd middle name. I know it’s there, but I never use it, and most people don’t even know it exists.
To add to the confusion, my parents never called me by my first name, so in my personal life, I am known only by my second and fourth name. Really, it sounds more confusing than it is. You can set up your bank accounts, credit cards, etc. the way you want. You don’t have to include all your names. So, if you are attached to your middle name, I vote for keeping it, putting it on legal documents, and dropping it everywhere else if you’re worried about confusion.
Suddenly I feel like this comment was really confusing…
Wait! WHAT? Do you actually NEED a voter registration card!??
Or were you just overprepared?
Name changing is going to suck for me, not bc I don’t want to…. I totally do, but I suck at paperwork. And both my kids have different last names than me……and I didn’t go to SS and update my name after my divorce to give me back my maiden name that was decreed or whatever in the divorce… Are they gonna make me do double paperwork? Oh man…. red tape beauracracy!!!
I like the rip the bandaid… I hear you on asking your husband to tell you it’s important to him. Mine refuses. Have fun with the reading!
@Miss Starlet: Heh, heh. Sorry to worry you. No, I was being silly on that one. You don’t need a voter registration card.
In my state (TN), you take your marriage certificate and proof of citizenship (driver’s license, usually) to the SSA. They give you a receipt. From there, you go to the DMV with your SSA receipt, marriage cert, and old driver’s license, and (in theory) you get a new one. Voila! In practice, you evidently discover that you have to pay old parking tickets or have a suspended license.
Once you have a new driver’s license or photo ID, you go to your bank and they’ll change your name… but sometimes they ask for a marriage cert as well, so may as well take it with you.
At work… oh, the red tape. At work, our email is linked to our payroll and benefits, so it’s taken me three days to figure out what to do when. Signing him up for benefits was easy, but name changing, not so easy. Call your HR person, and hope they know what to do. I work for a huge corporation, so it’s not that easy. I had to scan and email my marriage cert so that the main HR people could change our employee system, then that backfeeds into all other systems (payroll, benefits), AND THEN you ask for a new email address, but only if it hasn’t happened automatically, AND THEN you ask to have your old email forwarded. Ugg.
As far as banking, I don’t want to mess with the bank I use now in terms of issuing new cards (they’re a PITA - Bank of America), so I’m leaving that account alone for now and opening a new one in my new name. I’ll switch direct deposit over, then get my name changed on each credit card or utility account as I switch them from one account to another so I don’t miss any.
It’s funny who requires a marriage cert. At one credit card, they just took my word for it and mailed a new card (wtf?). At the cable company, they want proof. Um, whatever.
i think I would have a heart attack if that happened to me!
Motorcycle endorsement?? I always knew you were awesome, but now even just a little more so! Yay for chicks with bikes!
Suspended! eeeek!!
I do that thing with the folder too. I bring EVERYTHING. I call it my “identity theft” folder. I make it impossible for a disgruntled employee to push me off just because I don’t have the required Library Card or Student ID’s from all attended colleges or whatever. I too, am a “teacher’s pet”. 
I never considered 4 names. Although my first aname has 8 letters ma last name has 10 and his last name has 8 (luckily my middle name is only 3) so that may just be too long for the forms but we’ll see. If I publish anything before I get married I would kind of want to keep my name for professional reasons but I don’T have anything against his name and it means a lot to him that I take it and I too want to match my future children.
I’ve had two middle names my entire life (actually my mother meant for my first two names to be one…SSA says if theres a space, it’s a middle) Anywho…I’m kind of looking forward to dropping the maiden and second middle names…what a headache (regardless of how much I love them!)
Sorry about your DL, but yay for Twilight!
Team Jacob!
OK! Phew! Good info!
be prepared, be prepared, be prepared….. that will be the mantra!
Everything went smoothly with my name change … but I also experienced the same ambivalence! I always thought I’d be ready to change my name as soon as possible but it was strange thinking I was going to be Megan Newlastname instead of Megan Oldlastname. Once I changed it and started using it it became more normal though.
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Mrs. Cheese, Knoxville
Age and Occupation: 29, Engineering Manager
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, CAD Designer
Engagement Date: July 31, 2008
Wedding Date: May, 2009
Blogging Since: October 16, 2008
Venue: Our home and the two acres it sits on
About Me: I’m an emotional girl who loves sentimental things, parenthetical asides, and trying to do things herself. I can cook, sew, am a whiz at planning, terrible at delegating, and totally in love with my fiancé (who will be my second husband but first love of the rest of my life). For our home/ garden/ DIY wedding, we’ll be moonlighting as interior designers, home improvers, and gardeners with the help of our fabulous friends and neighbors. We can’t wait to be married, and are learning how fun getting married can be.
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