Wedding Blog
I was chatting with my friend Jeremy (of the panel) about registries and whether he and his lovely bride Dani got many gifts from it. I’ll admit, I’m a little worried about it. I’ve been stalking our registries; I admit that, too. Anyway, as we were chatting, I realized he must have thought that I was really superficial about presents. I’ve blogged way too much about our registries already, and I’m sure this was the 3rd or 4th conversation we’ve had about them. So, I decided to come clean about why I’m paranoid about gifts.
I’ve gotten some pretty weird gifts over the years. Yes, everyone gets weird gifts, but this has been pretty consistent throughout my life. I once got a can of peaches for Christmas. My Dad had just seen this S & W commercial where people were really happy about getting canned fruit, so he decided to copy it. He was joking, of course, and later gave me a card with some money. That’s kind of cute and funny, but that’s where those types of gifts end.
Some of the funnier gifts I’ve been given:
You get the picture. In most cases, I didn’t need a gift. A simple card would have meant more. So, of course, wedding gifts scare me. None of my relatives would ever show up at a wedding without a gift. Even if I didn’t want gifts, they’d bring them. Is it wrong to not want the sign that says, “Jesus will bless this home and this marriage”? I saw my aunt eyeing it last time we were out.
So, I’m paranoid about gifts. Do you blame me?
Two questions:
P.S. - Now I may actually welcome a new toilet seat! 
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Share this post: Sometimes It’s Not Better to Receive
You’ve created your registry and hopefully people will buy you things off of it…some wont’…theres a good chance you’re getting the jesus sign!
It will really depend on your friends and relatives, I don’t think theres a general rule beyond, people set up registries to aid gift buyers, if people didn’t often buy off of them, people wouldn’t set them up.
You need to let it go, gifts are always given with good intention, and yes, sometimes they are totally crappy, but that’s when the thought counts.
@2009cndbride: See, I’m not so sure that gifts are always given with good intentions. I know people who will just pick up any old thing because they don’t want to be the only one who showed up without a gift.
You’re right though, I do need to let it go.
I think most people shop off the registry or give money. We only recieved one gift which we did not like and it really wasn’t that bad it just was not our taste. I plan on giving it to the Goodwill for someone else to enjoy
There’s not really much you can do besides register and make it known that you have registered. The awful gifts are just funny. I would recommend trying to return any that you can and giving the rest to the Goodwill so that at least someone else can find a use for them!
We actually didn’t get many gifts, but a lot of cash and gift cards. Of the actual gifts we got, the ones that were not on our registry, weren’t that bad. Except the picture frame that had matting for a collage with our names on it, but my first name was spelled wrong…I’m actually happy my name was spelled wrong, because the frame and matting are not my style.
This post made me laugh out loud. I know where you’re coming from. Personally I’m not a fan of “tchochkes” as we call them here in NY. My future mother in law loves to buy me these knick knacks anyway even though she knows I don’t like them or have room for them (sigh). I mean, I don’t think a 29 year old needs a candy dish as apresent. I do appreciate the thought, but it’s just not up my alley. Anyway, there’s nothing wrong with wanting what want - that’s the whole point of a registry. Hopefully people don’t deviate from it too much.
My GIL (Grandparent in Laws) either re-gifts and/or shops at the dollar store.
Everytime.
Last year we got a cheese grater with hard, dried up cheese stuck in it. At my bridal shower they gifted us cups and plates that were clearly from the 60’s. I felt a lil’ bad for them, because one of my friends didn’t know the gift was from them and when I opened it up she made a humourous comment about them being super old. Yikes.
I totally know where you’re coming from. While I appreciate their gifts (even if they are used and what not), I’d really rather recieve nothing than have to find a home for something I can’t use. I’m hope that doesn’t make me sound rude, I don’t know how else to explain it. :oP
I wouldn’t mind the 10lbs of Jasmine rice though. LoL!
You shouldn’t really feel bad. You do have to let it go because it’s something can’t control… but as a fellow thoughtless gift receiver… it’s annoying. A gift given with intention and thought is one thing - something that was given with zero thought is annoying! It makes me feel wasteful when I have to find a place to donate those ceramic (chipped!) snail bookends. Hopefully, I am not being a bad person…. but I understand your pain.
10 lbs of rice??
We got a lot of gifts off our registry. I’m really impressed with my aunt who looked at the registry to get my towel colors, then purchased them at another store and had them monogrammed. I just think the quality of what she purchased is sub-par, but no biggie.
So funny! We got a crystal vase for a wedding gift, and when we opened the box (to make fun of the hideous thing, obvs), there was a card in it, address TO THE COUPLE WHO GAVE IT TO US! Yeah….we got re-gifted, and they didn’t even take the time to remove the card! We LOVED that though….so funny!!!!
I didnt want gifts either. We are both established already with kitchen ware and what not and really didnt need one thing.
@mary-alice-me: Yes, rice. Not sure why and of course I was home from Manchester so I could use the rice. My parents were very happy to get it.
What’s wrong with bunnies!? 
Totally kidding. No, I understand your worries. I’ve gotten some pretty bad gifts over the years. Who gives a teenage girl a trashcan for her birthday!?
ha ha. sorry, but it is funny. (a bit?)
We got mainly gifts from our registry - I’d say only about 4 people at the bridal shower went off registry. For the wedding, most people gave money, but a few gave gifts that were from the registry or off the registry. At least you didn’t receive my worst gift ever…one Christmas, a cousin of mine gave me a pack of 5 tampons as my gift - yes she wrapped up and gave me a free sample pack…it gets better, though, as one of the 5 tampons was missing from the package!
Mostly people purchased things off of our registry although we did get a few unrequested and odd gifts. I feel your pain though as I too have received some of the oddest gifts over the years. We have turned it into a fun thing to talk about after Christmas every year - which one of us got the weirder gifts. Just as a few examples, things I have received.
1. 2 boxes of Strawberry Creme Pudding - there was no check or money following this gift. She was serious.
2. Perfume samples - not the mini sized ones, the one time use ones that they pass out as you are walking by the counters.
3. Shapeable foam soap meant for children
4. A ceramic shoe that holds a cell phone
5. A stuffed poodle
I keep a box of all the most random and ridiculous items bc then I can go back through them and they make me laugh. Who buys and wraps pudding?
A cousin gave us the red Swingline stapler from Office Space, and a friend gave us a little robot with glowing red eyes, because “what wedding is complete without a kill-bot?”
I have great photos of the kill-bot climbing over wedding decor, waiting in line for the bathroom, etc. He meant it as a commentary on how short our registry lists were (we asked over and over again for charitable contributions in lieu of gifts, but gave up), but it ended up being certainly one of the more memorable wedding gifts. It sits on a bookshelf in our living room. Well, more like it lurks.
I totally understand your post. I didn’t get presents quite that silly, but our families go for the $25-sometimes-cheeseball-handpicked-gift more than the big registry item or cash. We had a modest wedding, were in debt from it afterwards, and didn’t get everything off our registry. I felt really jealous of my friends who got everything from the registry at the showers and huge amounts of checks and cash at the wedding. Just like some people’s families give them the down payment on their house and some people’s families give them a Jesus sign instead. I’m in the Jesus sign family. Oh well! What can I do? It’s just a cultural difference/familial difference, and it’s completely out of your control, and you’ll get over it.
Ditto Dumpling’s comment….only our received regift complete with card to the couple who gave it to us was 5 ginormous gold and marble candle sticks. They are so heavy I can’t pick the bag up without assuming the “heavy lifting safe squat” position.
I knew to expect this from my side of the world so I’m just rolling with it (as I have been my whole life…I once received a jar of dill pickles so maybe that family member saw the same commercial as your dad). My FI on the other hand is really having a hard time with it b/c everyone he knows shops from a registry.
The thing is for me it’s still kind of them to think of us, even when I wish they would just stick to a nice card with a note. OH…and I ALWAYS win the prize for the worst/best gift at white elephant parties
First I should say I totally believe in re-gifting… if you know the other person would actually use/like what you’re giving them (and its never been used by you before). For example, I’ve gotten a lot of really nice candles, but I have a super phobia with fire, but I know tons of people who love them.
Now I must say I HATE receiving gifts no matter what the occassion or who’s buying. This may have stemmed from the time I got an ironing board…. when I was 8! Ever since then seems like it going down hill. I also got rice (15 lb bag) last christmas. Most of the time I more stunned than anything to properly react to the gifts. Grandma last year got us disposal napkins…. I always wonder if she’s secretly trying to tell us something.
I’m convinced it’s part of getting married. West Coast Goom and I had a good many laugh at some of the kooky crap we got (and I specifically mean from the people who grabbed something random at the last minute, like you said, not the ones who bought us things that we didn’t like but knew they had put thought into). Obviously obsessing over bad gifts is obsessing over gifts period, which you’re right to try and get over. Free yourself from expectation and then it will be (at least one day) funny.
My fiance is a caterer, and we’ve been living together for the past three years, so we already have the basic home-making gifts you generally see on the wedding gift table (ie. kitchenaid mixer, place settings, linens) Instead, we’re hoping to redo our bathroom tiles, and register at Lowes for the tiles we want…
Hey Miss Joey! I haven’t had a registry to speak of, but I read your post and giggled; it got me thinking about the oddest gift I ever received. I received more than 300 tiny ceramic bunnies from my grandma- each individually wrapped in tissue paper for CHRISTMAS. I don’t know about you, but a family of 300 Easter-related ceramic animals doesn’t really sound like the ideal Christmas present for a 16 year old. You’re not alone in the realm of relatives with terrible gift taste. Ha. Good luck with your wedding and your registry- I’m sure everything will be wonderful!
People not giving gifts with good intentions is a whole other ball game…since you really can’t do anything about it (since the you’re not grateful card would be played), I’d certainly let that go, and when it’s your turn to give a gift, I recommend a flaming bag of dog poop. Hmm, likely wrong, but might feel good 
In any case, since it’s bothering you AND out of your control, let go, focus on the great gifts that you do recieve and grin and bare the rest.
Why not just register for some bizarre stuff? Then you can go, “Cool! Who bought us the evil robot??”, rather than wonder why the heck you got one in the first place. (Makes more sense, no?)
I absolutely hate it when people get all “you’re superficial and you need to let it go”. The thing is, it’s a WEDDING and gifts are expected. You should either buy off the registry if one is provided or at least put some thought and research into a gift or just give some cash. If you can’t afford to give anything, that’s okay, but don’t give the “it was lying around so I’ll re-gift” type of gift. The point of the registry is to get a head start to build your house into a home. Most weddings probably cost around $50 per person in attendance so the least they could do is get something off the registry (which should have a large range of prices). I know a wedding isn’t about receiving gifts, but it is part of it and you shouldn’t have to feel bad about getting random stuff you can’t use or will have to return. /rant
I don’t think you should worry yourself about it too much (although I have to admit that you have received some really suck-ass gifts). For the most part, people stick to the registry or opt for cards with cash/gift cards. You MIGHT have a very few wayward gifts that don’t make any sense and a “Jesus will bless this home and this marriage” sign, but for the most part, I’m sure you will be happy with your bounty.
@Miss Labrador: Ditto! I couldn’t have said it better
P.S. This wasn’t a gift for me but a friend of ours received a white chocolate swan basket with chocolates inside. We couldn’t stop laughing!
@ Miss Joey: What gift did you get back (that you had gifted).
I had my shower this past weekend, and there wasn’t anything particularily unusual about the gifts- I would say only about 3 (of 30 attendees) gifted non-registry items- I feel like I dodged a bullet!
@laurajane: I gave someone a book they mentioned they wanted to read. And a few weeks later, I got it back. I know I got it back because I scribbled out the price in orange sharpie (all I could find).
Interesting comments…I don’t think it’s fair to assume that everyone should reimburse you the cost of their dinner… after all you have chosen to honor them with an invitation to your wedding. My parents remember getting tea towels and very inexpensive gifts… but it’s not the gift that they remember it’s the presence of the guest! Some of your guests may have a limited income, but that doesn’t mean that they love you any less than the big pocketed relative with a bankrolled gift! I understand and am fully compassionate to the strange and unusual gifts… I think every one gets those… And regifting a nice gift… that is acceptable… but remove the tags!!! My cousin got multiple duplicate gifts at her wedding of a beautiful afghan and I think that she kept them all and gave away a few of them…
i understand good intentions but it’s just because my FH and I are very “anti clutter” people, and when we receive gifts we don’t need/want, it’s really hard to accept it and have it laying around
My parents got us… NOTHING for our wedding (is this common?). When I asked my mom if she thought that someone may have taken a few gifts or cards, because we hadn’t received a gift from my parents, brother, brother in law’s family and a pair of close friends. My sister bought us 2 wash cloths.
She told me that “we looked at your registry and there wasn’t anything left” — there were actually about 40 things left, so I told her that. Then she said, “well, we didn’t like anything on your registry, so that’s why we didn’t get you anything.”
Huh…
One friend gave us a stone-aged “digital photo frame”… a frame that you load 40 photos that you have had printed, and you pull an arm down to rotate through the 40 photos. We had to throw them away, because we know that it’d end up in some other unassuming bride and grooms gift pile if we donated it to goodwill.
@Miss Labrador: That’s really the best way to put it. Yes it’s beyond our control, but I’m totally hinting at our registry for people. I don’t want someone’s used whatever. Nor do I want something I gave you three years ago and you shoved in your closet. I’d honestly rather if you can’t afford/be bothered, don’t bring anything at all. Just show up and support us!
i don’t mean to laugh but that post was funny! i think that is so messed up. sometimes i think that if you are not going to put in any thought into a gift just show up empty handed. seriously.
oh man, some of those gifts are hilarious. i hope i don’t get random gifts! eek!
Oh my god, your post cracked me up. It reminded me of the “best” gift I’ve ever gotten. An ex-boyfriend of mine bought me a crystal with his FACE lasered into it for Christmas one year. It was both horrifying and hilarious at the same time. It makes me ever so grateful for my fiance, because he knows my taste, and large hunks of crystal really aren’t at the top of my wish list.
As far as our wedding goes, I’ll definitely appreciate when people buy off the registry, but I will also appreciate those people who take the time to pick out something else they think we’ll like just as much. Some people just don’t like buying off a registry, and I’m cool with that. Obviously there will be the people who just grab whatever, but in that case, I’ll probably just turn around and donate whatever it is.
We had a very simple and inexpensive registry on bb&b (most expensive item was about $100), and it was completely bought off and w/ guests repeatedly asking us to add more items!
The second most gifted thing was a check/cash or gift card. That worked out easily.
There are a few crazy (aka useless) items given that are not on the registry, but then I didn’t really care. They showed up at my wedding with their well wishes and that’s all that mattered!
I want the evil robot that sounds fantastic, please share photos somehow!
I am another who will no doubt be getting some unusual items and I know exactly which family members they’ll come from.
We are also committing the heinous crime of asking for money if anyone asks. We’ve lived together for 6 years just moved to a smaller house and are all ready jammed to the rafters with stuff.
We didn’t mention gifts in our invites at all.
I can still hear the gasp ofhorror from one Aunt when she found out though! I’d just rather people came and enjoyed themselves really.
This was so funny. My “best” gift was a broken camera for Christmas when I was 8 or 9 so I could practice. : )
My mother bought me the life-sized three foot tall Barbie doll one Christmas……
I was like 12. I didn’t play with Barbies anymore. It was the worst Christmas ever… it ended with everyone crying and them taking me to Wal Mart to buy me what I really wanted.
I feel really guilty now. LOL
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Mrs. Joey, Seattle
Age and Occupation: 28, Project Administrator for Public Health NGO
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, High School History Teacher
Engagement Date: June 24, 2008
Wedding Date: August 2009
Venue: Eastside Catholic Chapel and Lake Union Cafe
About Me: I'm a Seattle girl through and through except for the fact that I don't drink coffee. I love my job most of the time because I get to travel and work with brilliant people who are trying to prevent Malaria. I love DIY projects of all sorts, cooking, and watching sports. I'd wear anything at Anthropologie and could spend all day on Etsy. I love to travel but shouldn't because I always get myself into unbelievable situations!
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