Wedding Blog
We’re really not trying to be P.I.T.As. (That’s pain in the, um, you know what.) But early in the planning, Mr. Bruschetta and I agreed we wanted to encourage our guests to embrace a dressier look for our summer soiree. After we secured the date with our two venues — the St. Thomas of Villanova Church and the F.U.E.L. House (both gorgeous buildings inside and out) — we discussed precisely how formal a wedding we were envisioning.
And, although Emily Post would cringe and scoff, we’ve decided to print the guest attire on our invitation, so there is no confusion or uncertainty among our family and friends — and no one arrives under-dressed (and ultimately feels uncomfortable).
What makes me uncomfortable, though, is the notion that wedding dress code should correspond to the time of day the celebration takes place. I’m opting to focus on the evening start to our reception (a 5:30 cocktail hour, with the reception concluding at 10:30), rather than the afternoon ceremony — since I really don’t feel that an earlier celebration should dictate less formal attire. Mr. Bruschetta and I have agreed that male guests should consider a dark suit (or a tux for anyone who wants to kick it up a notch), while females could select a gown or cocktail dress (as my girls will be proving that knee-length can still be formal). But I’m struggling precisely how to define our guest attire.
Weddingbee reader El Capataz recently shared a link to a helpful resource filled with information about what to wear to a black tie event.
And when Mrs. Penguin was in the midst of her planning, she wrote a post about the spectrum of guest attire. For our purpose, I’m toying with phrases like “black tie optional”, “black tie invited”, and “black tie preferred”, unsure which would best communicate to guests the feel we’d like our wedding to have.
Ultimately, I realize this post is simply focused on one aspect of our wedding (and a frivolous one at that); however, we’re really hoping our guests will have fun with the more formal vision we’ve created for the wedding — and consider getting some attire inspiration from Mama and Daddy Bruschetta’s mischievous, attention-seeking and aptly named “tuxedo” cat, Pita.
So, hive, help me out. What description should we use on our invitations to convey the suggested attire to our guests? Are you planning on a dressier feel for your wedding — and your guests? How are you suggesting specific attire for your own wedding?
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Share this post: Decoding the Dress Code
Black tie optional– it lets people know that this is a formal event, without making them feel that they have to go out and get something special just for the event.
On my wedding website in the “details” section, I put “suggested dress: formal” and it worked just fine. My ceremony was at 2pm and my reception was from 5-10.
My brother and his wife included “black tie welcome” on their invitation. I thought it was a nice way of saying we’d love if you wore a tux, but it’s up to you 
Since we’re having a small wedding I know the people we are inviting will know what is appropriate to wear…the person I’m worried about the most is my man’s father. He actually went to a funeral in shorts, sandals and a Hawaiian shirt. No joke. He thinks because he’s a surfer and we live at the beach that a Hawaiian shirt is appropriate for the beach AND a fancy dinner.
I’ve been to many wedding with black tie optional and they’ve definitely been formal events. Men in dark suits, but many in tuxes, and women in dressy cocktail dresses, some long dresses. It’s funny, though, because with our wedding I am worried people will be too formal. We are inviting a fancy new york crowd to a rustic country wedding and I worry they might show up in way too formal attire. So I am struggling with how to make the dress code known too.
We are hoping that the invitation gives off a formal, elegant feel to it. It’s going to be an indication of what’s to come, which means to DRESS UP. Haha. Our STDs were also fancy, and the feedback I got from family showed me that they did understand that. If some people show up dressed a little more casually, it won’t bother me.
At my sister’s formal even wedding, her husband’s uncle showed up in jeans, a flannel shirt, cowboy boots, and a cowboy hat. Seriously. But at least he came.
I think I would be most receptive to “Black Tie Optional”. Personally, I wish I got more invitations suggesting formal/semi-formal attire. A lot of people LOOK for reasons to dress up. My wedding will most likely be casual, but I’m sure most will show up in somewhat dressy clothes just because they feel that’s most appropriate. I’m praying that MIL doesn’t show up looking like a Spice Girl (pretty much her “going out” look).
our wedding is done and through…but i totally i wish that i listed the attire on our wedding invitations. someone showed up in jeans…which made me so mad. still angry about it. (the wedding was this past may 24). i found it so rude and disrespectful!
good for you!
Most people look a little odd dressed in black tie attire in the afternoon, especially in the heat of the summer.
I think with the formality of your church and your reception, black tie optional will be just fine, no matter what time of day. Besides, if anyone who is NOT attending your wedding sees your guests, they’ll just think, “hey, there’s a wedding!” Can’t wait to hear what you decide to go with…we’re doing something similar!
I’m having a similar issue because our ceremony is on the beach but the restaurant (and feel of the day) is formal. On the website in my FAQ page I said Dress Code: Formal. The restaurant requires a jacket. This will generally stop the jeans or old flipflops that so frequently show up at beach ceremonies.
We knew we were going to have some confusion because the wedding was on a beach, but the reception was a nighttime affair. So I posted an explanation on our wedding website, and spread the word to everyone I knew so that when people asked, or pondered a wide base of people knew.
I once received an invitation that listed “Attire: Evening Chic”. I thought that was a very hip twist on the Black Tie concept! It was also a summer wedding, late afternoon ceremony with evening reception/dinner/dancing. This was a couple years ago, but as I recall everybody looked great (no jeans) and it was a gorgeous and FUN wedding!
I like the use of the word ‘invited’; it makes it clear that formal wear is desired but is in no way a dictation of what they should wear. With phrasing like that I think most people would choose willingly to wear formal attire!
I like Cupcake’s suggestion. Although I’m not a fan of making this statement at all, her’s is the one that sounds the most open and friendly about the whole thing. Also, as I’m sure others have probably told you, make your invitations very formal and people will get the idea that way.
i think we put “formal attire requested” knowing that we’d get anything from semiformal to floor length gowns. however, everyone was appropriately dressy.
we used “black tie optional”. no one seems to be confused with that wording. i think people will understand that it’s going to be a party but they get to play dress-up!
Black tie optional means just that optional and if you don’t have a tux a dark suit and let’s women know gowns, cocktail dresses. I personally assume that for any wedding I attend in the Philadelphia area. I think you’ll be fine with that. I’d suggest putting it on the reception card and not on the actual invitation.
Don’t do eeeet! I find “black tie optional” to be so weird; either make the wedding black tie or not at all. Also, like the pp suggested, you are getting married in Philly at a beautiful venue, most people are going to dress really well. No guy’s going to come in faded khakis and no woman’s going to show up in flip flops. I’ve been to “black tie optional” weddings in NYC and elsewhere and people just wear what they’d wear to other city weddings in nice spaces: suits for the guys, cocktail dresses for the girls. If anything, put a quick note on your wedding web site. Attire on the invite, though? In your case, overkill. People are going to dress up no matter what.
we’re having an afternoon ceremony also followed by a late dinner and dancing.
we too want a fairly formal attire and since our invitations were unique and whimsical we opted to write “formal and festive attire is requested” at the bottom of ours…everyone i asked about this (for their) opinion had positive feedback on that it was a kind and fun way of asking guests to dress up for the occasion
Hi!
We got married 2 weeks ago, with a 4pm ceremony, and a 5:00-6:30 cocktail hour, followed immediately by the reception until 10pm.
On our invitations, we just gave the usual formalities; however, we included an info card (since we also hosted a welcome bbq at our house on Thursday for early-arriving out-of-town guests, and a farewell brunch on Sunday for everyone) with all the places/dates/times for the bbq/brunch on one side, and the ceremony and reception on the other. Beneath the reception info, we included the following phrase:
“Cocktail or semi-formal attire; black tie optional.”
It laid it out on the table for everyone: no jeans, no khakis, something on a nicer scale… all the way up to the tux! (And we did have some non-bridal-party guys in tuxes, and most ladies wore knee-length dresses that were cocktailey (Moms and Grandma, of course, wore floor-length)… of course, a few people are always gonna show up underdressed, but almost everyone got it right.)
And nobody was the least bit offended by our including the detail on our info cards; the only people who commented about that inclusion said they were glad we specified our attire requests on the cards, and were grateful to us for taking the guess-work out of it for them.
Overall, I’ve learned there’s virtually no right or wrong way to do it. The info card (business card sized, btw, so it was super cheap) was a huge help, to us and guests, and 99% of people got it all right.
Hope this was helpful!!
Cheers,
Chris
PS - I don’t know if we’re allowed to plug our vendors on here, but the girl who did my invitations - custom, and for CHEAP - was amazing. Please message me if you’d like her info!!
Because my hubby and I can err on the side of goofy (and because we were literally married in a barn), I wanted to make sure to stress that it was a “grown up” event. We used the phrase “Semi Formal Attire,” to signify “no need for a tux and a ball gown” but “put on a suit and put on a nice dress” (although some ladies wore some beautiful pants suits which worked too). It’s not really the prettiest of phrases, but no one contacted us about being confused and everyone looked so nice!
We put “Black tie suggested”. Our wedding is all black and white and we thought it would be a great touch. So far, the majority of people we’ve heard from are either wearing a tuxedo or a dark suit. And women are wearing most likely black or dark blue/dark purple dresses. Everyone is excited though- how often to people in the ‘real world’ really get to get totally dressed up?
Why in the world would you have a ceremony on a sandy beach if you want people to show up in super formal clothes and then go party all night? That would be so uncomfortable. I would hate to be wearing panty hose on the beach and sweating and getting sand in my shoes and then having to go to a five hour reception. Also, think of how you were feel if you were going to the wedding of a slight acquaintance. Anything that would annoy you in that situation (like, omg, I can’t believe she wants me to go to the beach in a cocktail dress!), don’t do.
I have a feeling that no matter what I put on the invitation, there are going to be people in jeans. That is just the way some on my dad’s side of the family are. I guess I don’t really mind so much because it is going to be an outdoor backyard wedding, but come on! You don’t have any khakis??
Emily Post has a helpful chart that explains the differences between “black tie”, “semiformal”, “white tie”, “dressy casual”, etc. http://www.emilypost.com/everyday/attire.htm
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Mrs. Bruschetta, Philadelphia
Age and Occupation: 25, Communication Professional
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Physical Therapy Graduate Student
Engagement Date: November 30, 2007
Wedding Date: August 2009
Venue: St. Thomas of Villanova Church & the F.U.E.L. House
About Me: I’m a self-proclaimed grammar geek who loves singing (like, really belting it) in the car. My mister and I are planning a vibrant summer soiree celebrating our passions – including food and Philly – and when we make it official, we’ll have been together for eight years! Being super competitive is in my nature, and talking excessively is in my genes. I’ve got a terrible sense of direction, but can always easily find my way into Mr. Bruschetta’s arms.
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