Wedding Blog
If you are planning a wedding, don’t plan on building a house. Building a house sort of dropped (like a cement block) into our laps. I don’t know if I shared with you how this all came about, but here’s a little background. When my maternal grandma died, she left me and my parents a pretty good sum of money. Instead of spending it or putting it in a college fund, my parents decided to buy some property.
When Mr. Joey and I got engaged, they started talking about giving us part of the double lot. Then in January, everything was a go. Building prices were down, we could get the money, my Dad (the contractor) had time this summer — everything fell into place. In March, the lot was signed over to me and I became a property owner. Just in time to pay property taxes — my parents are no dummies. 
It wasn’t my intention to plan a wedding and build a house at the same time. The cards fell into place and my Dad gave me a “Build it or Bust” speech. So we went on with building it. In hindsight, I should have tried to convince him to start later — like after the wedding. Just the permit process has been all consuming. I feel like I can’t put anything into my regular life, let alone wedding planning. I don’t know how many times I’ve gotten a call from someone at 2PM telling me to pick up something here and get that notarized there. Luckily, because I’ve made my life flexible for work, work is now being flexible for my life.
It’s hard to stay positive about one good thing (the wedding) when the other good thing (the house) is draining me of all my energy.
People ask me what I want for bachelorette parties or showers, and all I have to offer is, “I don’t care, as long as I don’t have to do anything.” I can’t get excited about table settings when all I can think about is if our soil engineer will get his comments to the city by Monday. I thought I could separate the wedding and house, but somehow these two different milestone events have become so tied together that I can’t think about the wedding without thinking about the house.
The house was supposed to be done right around the time of the wedding. If we had been on schedule, we would have gone from the airport after the honeymoon to the new house. Our registry indecisiveness has revolved around the house. Everyone who knows we’re building is expecting to see a house when they come to town. Let’s just say there’s a lot of stress when I think of the house and then the wedding.
My Mom told me not to stress out about it. She says stress will make for an ugly bride. But how can I not stress about two somethings that have taken up so much of my life for the last 3 or 4 months? Sometimes I think we should have eloped, sold the land, and bought a condo. I want to be excited about both events — they both are true blessings — but most days I’m too tired, too overwhelmed, and too busy to be excited.
Are you tackling a huge project while planning your wedding? What is it, and how do you balance the two
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Oh miss joey, I feel for you. I am studying for the bar while wedding planning and it is so hard to keep the two separate. Hang in there!
Ha! We are renovating and planning at the same time. The renovating started in January, and we didn’t get engaged until April. Of LAST year. We are officially moving in at the end of the month, 3.5 months before the wedding. The house is nowhere near finished, but we can live there, among boxes and lumber.
Hang in there! Stressful now, but it will all be worth it in the end when you planned a wonderful wedding, have fabulous hubby, and are relaxing in your new house!!
Omg, I know the feeling. My fiance is foreign service so we JUST found out we are moving to Chengdu after the wedding, I’m in Nairobi for work a week before the wedding and we too are finishing a house (though my MIL’s not ours)
Good luck and give yourself some space to freak out when you need to, let people do things for you when they volunteer, and remember that eventually, life will go back to normal and will probably be almost boring after what you are going through
We’re renovating a small house while trying to plan. It’s in no way the same magnitude as building, but still stressful! Thankfully we have to move in end of the month, so most of it will be done, and I can focus on wedding things. Until then things like invites, centerpieces, and ceremony details have been put on the back burner for sure!
JLS, I just saw your comment and I think we could be living the same life!
oh miss joey…i feel your pain! i am going to close on our apartment this friday! although i’m super excited (since the closing process took about 4 months) there is still loads to do on the apartment. we bought it as a dump and thought we would give it the TLC to make it a place where we want to live….but our wedding is vastly approaching. its in August and I cant help but freak out a bit. it just seems like there is still so much to do with the apartment and the last minute wedding items that i am beginning to feel overwhelmed! i am sure it will all work out in the end (at least thats what i tell myself).
I’m there with you only it’s several large work projects that MUST be deployed before I leave for the wedding, and the need to move my future-in-laws cross-country in the months leading up to today. The in-law movement resulted in us inheriting lots and LOTS of boxes so I can’t tell what is wedding gifts/wedding supplies/ or in-law storage. I find myself working until late on work projects only to come home to the land of boxes….sigh…I’m not really sure how I’ve balanced all of it other than it just happened. Thankfully our wedding is this weekend….now if I could only find my shoes!!
Hang in there Joey…..it will get better!!
Hi Miss Joey. I am planning a wedding in Scotland from Singapore. Wedding in in a month. I have spent the last 10 months (successfully!) applying for MBAs whilst also working 80 hour weeks as a corporate lawyer in a big firm. In the next 4 weeks before the wedding, I have to finish up at work, pack up our apartment and move it all into storage (but remember everything I need to take to Europe for wedding & honeymoon), fly back to Scotland, do all the stuff other bees do months before the wedding like bachelorette parties, hair trials and dress fittings, honeymoon shopping, sort out all our DIY flowers within a week, then get married and at last hit the honeymoon for some relaxation.
In fact, it’s 4.20am now and I’m still in the office. Woe is me! Will dark circles fade in a month?!
In short, I feel your pain about other biggies going on at the same time as the wedding planning. But we are strong ladies, no? All these challenges are opportunities and gifts!
Wow. Our story is somewhat stressful too, but nowhere near what you’re dealing with I’m sure. We just got engaged, and we’re planning on having an east coast wedding next summer… but we’re moving to the west coast in 2 months. That gives us 2 months to do most of the wedding planning that needs to be done on the east coast, while at the same time trying to figure out our move to the west coast, find an apartment, say goodbye to friends, etc.
Good luck with your house! I’m sure you will be *thrilled* once it’s finally done.
Miss Joey, I completely understand how you feel! Last May my FI and I started building a house. Much like you, we had a family member (FI’s dad) who agreed to build the house for us (along with FI who is a teacher and had the summer off to help). I was upset at the time that we were building a house together without a commitment (and by that I mean, ring) from FI but he kept saying that he didn’t want to be building the house and planning a wedding at the same time. I never understood this until we got into the thick of building and all my free time was spent picking out paint colors, countertops and bathroom fixtures. Not to mention the legal and municipal issues. Looking back I can’t imagine doing both but my thoughts are with you!! Just remember that everything will work out in the end and if everyone is disappointed that the house isn’t finished when they come for the wedding, they can take on the tast of finishing it themselves!! (some people don’t realize what work it is!!!)
p.s. we ran a month and a half over our timeline…..
How amazingly wonderful that you have a job and a home (in the works) to call your own during these tough economic times!
Aw, you must be feeling so drained right now–big hugs. That being said, take this experience as a learning experience about how much you should pack into your schedule at one time. I have learned over time to guard my time and approach new projects carefully in the name of keeping a peaceful and healthy household. But on th eother hand, sometimes things just get unavoidably nutso and you have to cling to your partner to survive!
I’m stressed w/ Wedding Planning, school and work I can only imagine how stressed you are with your house!
I keep telling myself that come the end of August we’ll be married and I’ll be finished with another quarter of school
Me too. wedding planning, our new house, school and work. But we merely bought a house. building one’s a whole new ballgame. Ugh.
we are planning to buy a house soon, but we’ve been so busy with wedding planning… i can’t imagine getting a house built on top of wedding planning!
[...] I said in my last post that it’s been hard to get excited about anything, but that’s a bold faced lie. I can get [...]
I can totally sympathize. I’m working full-time, finishing up my masters degree at night, we just bought a house (an old one that needs lots of work), and then the wedding (we are about 4 months out). I don’t have much down time or even time to cook healthy meals and work out. It definitely has dampened my excitement for all of these events that would otherwise be very exciting.
My mom is trying to encourage the FI and I to look into buying a house before we get married. The government has some awesome incentives right now for new home buyers, mortgage rates are still low and it’s still a buyers market. We’re going to “look into it” (aka see what we can qualify for) and casually start looking around. While that should be such an exciting prospect, it’s not. I’m terribly worried that we could end up rushing into something and make a huge mistake. Plus, if we buy before we’re married we’d want to make sure the house would be big enough for little ones so when we start having kids we wouldn’t have to get another house. The whole thing is completely daunting to me.
Good luck to you Miss Joey, I’m sure your house will be beautiful and you’ll just have to look forward to the first night there to get you through the stress!
MyPurpleWedding: We are sort of in the same boat, we definitely wanted to buy a house before we got married. We’re in the process now, however, it’s a couple months ahead of schedule. Just remember a few things, you have to close by 12-1-09 to qualify for the tax credit, plus a bunch of other things. Also, make sure you know all the other costs other than closing costs. We knew most of them but we we’re just sprung with a couple thousand dollars in fees that we were not aware of beforehand. I feel rather stupid that I didn’t ask the right questions. However, we’ll be fine, but I wish it were easier to find out what each step and each cost is leading up to buying a house. Good luck, I hope you research more than me, that’s my #1 advice to you!
@Natakie16: Thanks for the advice! I’m big on research and so is my mom so I think we’d be ok there. We haven’t even gone to the bank yet to see what we would qualify for. I really don’t see how it could happen but I’m willing to explore it. The FI and I don’t live together and we won’t until after the wedding. That seems like it would complicate matters even more. Not to mention that neither of us has money we could put down on a house….or to spend on the fees associated with buying. Anyhoo, like I said, we’ll explore the possibility but I’m not expecting anything to happen. Good luck to you!
I feel your pain!
In January, my husband and I were THIS close to moving to Washington DC (2000 miles away). Suddenly our situation changed drastically, so we decided to stay put in Texas and put down roots. We signed to build a house on March 1. We got married on May 23. And the house will be ready at the end of June. Talk about too many MAJOR things going on at once!! (Did I mention I also finished classwork on my master’s degree in May?)
We’re not as involved as it sounds like you are — we signed with a large builder who took care of all the permits, etc — but we’ve ended up over there at least twice a week since they broke ground at the beginning of April.
When anyone lately has asked me for wedding advice, I say the same thing: don’t plan a wedding and build a house at the same time!!
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Mrs. Joey, Seattle
Age and Occupation: 28, Project Administrator for Public Health NGO
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, High School History Teacher
Engagement Date: June 24, 2008
Wedding Date: August 2009
Venue: Eastside Catholic Chapel and Lake Union Cafe
About Me: I'm a Seattle girl through and through except for the fact that I don't drink coffee. I love my job most of the time because I get to travel and work with brilliant people who are trying to prevent Malaria. I love DIY projects of all sorts, cooking, and watching sports. I'd wear anything at Anthropologie and could spend all day on Etsy. I love to travel but shouldn't because I always get myself into unbelievable situations!
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