Yes We Can!

June 15th, 2009 @ 11:24 am by Mrs. Bear Cub

Probably one of the most difficult things to learn in a marriage is teamwork. There’s no milk left in the fridge? He picks it up on the way home. The dog needs to go to the vet ASAP, but he’s stuck in meetings? Maybe you can drive the dog there, while he agrees to pick the kids up from school later. This give-and-take cooperative isn’t always easy; most of the tasks we need to learn to share end up changing daily!

When Mr. Bear Cub and I moved in together, we tried to tackle this aspect of our relationship with a game plan. The easiest thing to pin down is house chores - they’re always there, constantly needing to be done. again. and again. We decided that if there was one chore that either of us detested, and the other was more ambivalent towards, that person could be off the hook. That’s to say, if you can’t stand doing any one particular chore around the house, your partner loves you so much that they’ll always do that chore for you.

Obviously this works best (most visibly) with big chores, things that always stack up. I hate doing dishes. I hate it. My skin is left really dry and my nails really brittle. I cook the most often, so it’s really tiring to have to wash dishes after hours of cooking. He, on the other hand, hates doing laundry. He’s not really familiar with separating lights and darks, and only knows one setting on the washer. Solution: I do all of the laundry, and he does all of the dishes. Always!

Before you start thinking that I got the better end of the stick here, it’s not all black and white.

I don’t mind putting dishes away, but he sees a mountain of clean dishes as a reason to not clean more (there’s no room to put more dishes in the drying rack). No problem, I put the dishes away after he cleans them!

Obviously there are innumerable more things that we help each other out with daily - this is just one example of the simplest way we’ve found to share our responsibilities.

How are you learning to be a team with your fiancé? Is he responsible for some specific chores, and you others?

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13 Responses to “Yes We Can!”

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Melissabegins (message) 843 posts, Busy bee

I definitely think that splitting chores is the easiest way to get along. Things can be readjusted but it’s good to start w/ comprimises like yours! Ours is similar - I do the laundry and folding, and he mops. Those are the 2 biggies that neither of us want to handle.

6/15/09 @ 11:36 am (reply)

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minneapolitan (message) 733 posts, Busy bee

We’ve divided up chores in a really similar way! There are things that I hate that he doesn’t mind, so he just always handles them (cleaning the bathroom, garbage, cleaning pots & pans) and vice versa. We both wanted the work to be divided as evenly as possible and it’s worked out! Bigger things that we both hate, like laundry, just get done together.

6/15/09 @ 11:38 am (reply)

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Jenniphyr (message) 1,397 posts, Bumble bee

=D We’re in sort of a similar situation. My fiance has called the laundry (woohoo!) partly because I hate it and don’t know how, and also because he likes his stuff cleaned more than once a week (what I grew up with); he’s also called the dishes (though we’ll hopefully alternate a little, or I’ll always dry); I am, however, stuck with vacuuming and any yardwork because of his allergies. Which is why we’re looking at getting a condo! =D

We’ll probably split the cooking 50/50. I’ll make him a sandwich for lunch the next day when I make mine the night before (’cause otherwise he won’t do it and will starve!), and we’ll share supper, though he’ll probably make it more than me. Especially since I’ll be working shift work (I’m going to be a nurse).

He’s also going to be the one that stays home, because he can work from home. I…am not sure how I feel about this. But we’ll figure it out.

6/15/09 @ 11:38 am (reply)

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CHK (message) 398 posts, Helper bee

Oh man, I think I got lucky on this one. I HATE grocery shopping. Boyfriend doesn’t mind it, but isn’t as good as I am at cleaning bathrooms. The deal is that while he’s grocery shopping I clean the bathrooms. It works for us! He’s also a much better cook than I am, so the deal is that if you make dinner you don’thave to do dishes. We both still do our own laundry though…

6/15/09 @ 11:47 am (reply)

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Gilneas (message) 1,029 posts, Bumble bee

Well.. technically, he’s supposed to do the dishes, and I’m supposed to fold the laundry… but I often end up not folding the laundry :/ I think it’s ok because I do the rest of the cleaning (like.. scrubbing the toilets!), AND I do the cat litter, which trumps everything!

He also doesn’t drive, so I have to drive everywhere. He buys me gas, and lunch a lot for that.

6/15/09 @ 11:51 am (reply)

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Kathy

Its pretty much divided by inside and out, pretty traditional, and that sits just fine with both of us, yet we are willing to cross the line when the need arises. I hate having to work on the cars, lawn work or shovel snow (but love planting flowers and cleaning the deck) He never does dishes, but will fold a load of laundry in a heartbeat. When I broke my foot, he really pulled through, and had to do 99% of it, and did a great job.

6/15/09 @ 12:24 pm (reply)

Member

redbullfanatic (message) 190 posts, Blushing bee

He takes the trash out, I do the laundry. I do most of the cleaning but I’ve taken that on because I actually enjoy cleaning (weird). If I have something I need him to do I just say babe can you take care of this and he’ll do it, otherwise he’s pretty clueless as to what needs to be done. We have decided that dishes will get done by both of us. I scrub, he rinses and puts them on the rack to dry. We both despise dishes but we found that if we do it together it goes by so much faster!

6/15/09 @ 1:00 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Mary Jane (message) 1,516 posts, Bumble bee

We go back and forth depending on whose busy and who’s cleaning stuff, but one thing I generally do is the trash, and he often does the dishes. I dont’ mind putting dishes in the dishwasher, but actually doing them in the sink pretty much grosses me out. Wet old food, ew. He also folds socks, which I really don’t like doing. Teamwork’s great stuff!

6/15/09 @ 1:15 pm (reply)

Member

polkadot (message) 86 posts, Worker bee

We split most things (cooking, dishes, laundry, yardwork) but he always takes out the trash/recycling and I always clean the bathroom. I used to do all the laundry until the day he left a cigar in his shorts pocket (?!?!) and I washed it with some of my shirts. After that, we decided to each do our own laundry, and it’s worked out fine ever since

6/15/09 @ 1:20 pm (reply)

10.

Member

West Coast Bride (message) 672 posts, Busy bee

We split things up too but we don’t make it an “always” kind of thing. We have specific tasks that we’ve taken on out of habit, but It’s more about maintaining the overall balance of responsibility for our housework/personal management than it is about completing our assigned tasks.

6/15/09 @ 1:56 pm (reply)

11.

Member

Carbon Girl (message) 428 posts, Helper bee

Wed definitely split them up in a forever kind of way. I am thrilled I do not have to clean the bathroom! He does that while I vacuum and sweep!

6/15/09 @ 2:19 pm (reply)

12.

Member

Bridebella (message) 349 posts, Helper bee

We did the same thing and I got the same deal - I do laundry, he does dishes. I’d almost rather do the dishes, but my fiance doesn’t fold to my standard–which really aren’t that high!

6/15/09 @ 9:07 pm (reply)

13.

Member

infamia (message) 150 posts, Blushing bee

We divided things up too and it works out great…

6/16/09 @ 9:23 am (reply)