Wedding Blog
With less than three weeks until the wedding, the stress of everything is really starting to wear on me.
I really don’t have that much wedding-related stuff to do (at least, stuff that’s very important), but I do have to move out of my apartment by June 30 — which includes slapping a layer of paint on the walls because the roomie and I decided to get creative with color about a year ago.
On top of that, I really want to have everything done by next Friday so that I have a full week to take care of any last-minute details that pop up.
Everything really got to me last night, and I ended up crying on the phone with Mr. Bunny.
“There’s not enough time!” I wailed. “I’m not ready to get married!”
Mr. Bunny struggled not to laugh. Apparently I make funny noises when I cry. 
“Of course you’re ready,” he said, matter-of-factly. “You’re more ready than I am.”
“I’m not emotionally ready!” I insisted, still crying. “We haven’t met with the pastor enough yet!” (As background, Mr. Bunny and I went to 2-3 months worth of counseling with a Christian counselor and have met with our pastor 3 times already.)
“You’re totally ready,” Mr. B said. “Besides, the wedding isn’t the end of everything. We’ll still be here after the wedding.”
He was right, of course. We don’t stop growing in our relationship and learning more about each other and how to be a good couple after our wedding. Hopefully, our wedding day is just the beginning of this. It’s only the end of the first stage of our relationship and the start of a new period of learning about each other.
It was exactly what I needed to hear. I stopped crying immediately and started laughing along with him, joking about our honeymoon.
This type of exchange is typical of Mr. Bunny and me and shows one reason why we’re a good fit. I didn’t always know that Mr. B and I were meant to be together, though, and I haven’t always been able to shake off my worries so easily.
It’s a little hard for me to write about this, but I want to be honest, so here goes.
I have issues with anxiety. I know many people, especially women, have trouble dealing with stress, and my own struggle has been so bad that it’s diagnosable as Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
I have always been a high-strung person, but my anxiety level has typically been manageable, with a few exceptions. Fortunately, I’ve never had panic attacks. For some reason, my anxiety has been at its worst the past two summers, making it difficult to work or be happy at all.
This is how it feels: I realize suddenly that I feel terrible even though nothing is physically wrong. I get a lump in my throat that doesn’t go away for days. Everything is a disaster. Everything spells doom for me, or for my relationship with Mr. B. If one thing is fine, then I blame the way I feel on something else.
High levels of anxiety are often associated with depression, and I struggled with that last summer as well. The “catastrophic thinking” that characterizes GAD convinced me that I would never feel better and that I would never be happy again. And if I would never feel better, well, why would I want to live like that?
The absolute worst month was July 2008, but in the midst of that dark, dark time, I got to see the depths of Mr. Bunny’s love for me. He was always understanding, always strong, always caring, and never stopped telling me he loved me.
This was when we first started talking about getting married, and I thought, wrongly, that our relationship was to blame for how I felt. I told him I wasn’t sure I could marry him.
That time was rough on both of us. We went to visit his family for the Fourth of July, and one night, as fog rolled over the Tennessee hills, we had a whispered talk that made me think that I could, indeed, marry him.
Mr. Bunny convinced me later that month that I should go see a counselor, and she recommended after our first meeting that I see a doctor and get on some medication. Apparently my anxiety scores were off the charts. :/
I tell you all this because I know that it’s something a lot of people struggle with. I see posts on the boards from women wondering whether or not they should call off their engagement, and here are my thoughts on the matter: Ask yourself, “Why do you want to get married, and why to that particular person?”
I don’t believe that there’s a “one” you’re supposed to be with. I believe that a well-rounded adult can be happy in a relationship with many different people. If you break off your relationship, it would hurt, but you would find love again, eventually.
I am with Mr. Bunny because I love him, yes, but also because I know he will make a good husband and father and because I am ready to be married. We have a good working relationship, we push each other to be better people, we share our faith and have similar dreams and goals for our lives. All of these are great reasons for us to get married to each other right now.
The thing that helped me the most in deciding whether or not to marry Mr. Bunny was stepping back and looking at my emotions objectively. Just because I wasn’t feeling happy didn’t mean that there was something wrong with my relationship. Many people go through life looking for someone who will make them happy, but no one is going to make you happy all the time. It’s easy to blame feeling bad on the person you’re with, when in fact it might have nothing to do with him or her at all. I urge you to consider your reasons for getting married and base your decision on that, not on your feelings.
If you’re unhappy and you’re not sure why, seeing a counselor or therapist could help you figure out why you’re feeling the way you feel. In my case, I think my sister moving away and my grandfather’s death contributed to my problem.
I’ve been on low-dose anti-depressants for almost a year now, and I can say this to those of you who struggle with anxiety. In my case, at least, the drugs do help. Before I got on medication, I couldn’t get through the workday without crying. But now, I can’t remember the last time I cried because of work. My emotions don’t stop me from tackling everyday life anymore.
Those reasons I gave for marrying Mr. Bunny are what I remind myself of whenever I start trying to blame my anxiety on our relationship.
The title of this post is from a song by Ingrid Michaelson that I found shortly after Mr. B and I got engaged. It describes very accurately what it’s like when you’re consumed with worry about a relationship and the sweet relief it is to let go and trust that whatever happens, you’ll get through it together.
Giving Up
by Ingrid Michaelson
What if we stop having a ball?
What if the paint chips from the wall?
What if there’s always cups in the sink?
What if I’m not what you think I am?
What if I fall further than you?
What if you dream of somebody new?
What if I never let you win, chase you with a rolling pin?
Well what if I do?
I am giving up on making passes and
I am giving up on half empty glasses and
I am giving up on greener grasses
I am giving up
What if our baby comes home after nine?
What it your eyes close before mine?
What if you lose yourself sometimes?
Then I’ll be the one to find you
Safe in my heart
I am giving up on making passes and
I am giving up on half empty glasses and
I am giving up on greener grasses
I am giving up
I am giving up
I am giving up
I am giving up on greener grasses
I am giving up for you
I am giving up for you
I am giving up
<3 to you all,
Miss Bunny
|
Share this post: Giving Up
Miss Bunny, I’m so happy to hear you’ve found a way to deal with your stress and anxiety. Not everyone has the strength to face their anxiety and depressive thoughts. I know we’ve never met in person, but the way you write about your thoughts on marriage convinces me that you are 100% ready. You’re very lucky to be able to emotionally tackle such difficult things! :hug:
Thanks for your post Miss Bunny. You are so brave to blog about this! I know there are so many people out there who struggle with anxiety and depression, and it’s great to put it out there in the open so that people can talk about it. And of course, preparing for a wedding is a stressful time for everyone! I’m so glad that your Mr. Bunny is so supportive. It sounds like you guys have a great thing going 
Congratulations on doing so well! I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and went on anti depressants but they didn’t work, so I am trying to fight it on my own. You are doing amazing!!!
I hope that you have wonderful days leading up to your wedding and many wonderful years ahead!
very interesting take on love and relationships - i feel the same way, that people can find love and happiness with more than one person. I think it’s realistic and also shows the amount of love you have for the one person you do marry. Nice work and thank you for articulating that! It’s not a popular viewpoint from a bride-to-be so kudos.
And good luck! Moving is a big drag, but a wedding and honeymoon is the best motivation ever!
Brava, Miss Bunny! What a courageous post! I have never been diagnosed with GAD, but I definitely struggle with anxiety and the like from time to time, and it has *definitely* cropped up during this past year. Reading about your struggles makes me feel like I’m not the only one whose life (and wedding planning process) hasn’t always been skipping through meadows. Great song choice, too!
Thanks for sharing your personal story. It’s true that so many of us deal with some type of depression or anxiety, at some time or another, and the blame tends to fall in strange places. It sounds like you have a partner who truly cares about you and wants you to feel good about yourself. Really what more can we ask for in a mate? Way to go, Bunny, for taking his suggestion. It shouldn’t be hard to hear those words about needing help, but it is! So glad you are feeling good and have a wonderful relationship to grow in.
Thank you for sharing this with us. I’ve had mild depression for just about as long as I can remember, and can understand how it can make the teeniest things feel like everything is just about going to fall apart.
I’m glad that you have a better grasp on your emotions, and are able to deal with this and tackle it in a way that works for you. Remembering that love and relationships continue to grow, even after a marriage, is a big step to take, and one that I hope you will always remember.
@Alex
The concept of “mindfulness” was recently introduced to me by a good friend for those trying to learn coping strategies. I am just starting to read “The Mindful Way through Depression” by Mark Williams et al. I will let you know how it goes if you are interested.
Miss B, so glad that the Mr was your saving grace in finding a cure to your depression. I fully believe that some of the darkest times in your life prove the love others have for you. The FI and I have been through some horrible times in the past 5 years (!) but we have never waivered from each other. We have been each others leaning posts when needed, and sometimes beating posts if absolutely necessary. We finally understand each other and I wake up everyday next to him so grateful that I found a man who truly understands and still loves me despite my many flaws. One of my favorite things about him? When he falls asleep before me and I’m laying next to him watching TV, and he’ll roll over and open his eyes with the cutest smile and tell me how much he loves me and that he dreams about me every night even though I’m right next to him. He melts me heart
Good for Mr. Bunny to point you in the right direction - reading the first part of your post I thought, “Miss Bunny needs to see a doctor!” It is a hard thing to tell someone because not everyone is willing to accept medical help - not just with anxiety but with other issues.
I, too, feel the same way you do about love/marriage relationships. I’m with the mister because I was ready to get married, he is a good husband/will be a good father, and I love him. If I had never met him, I think I probably would have found someone else. Don’t tell him I said that, though!
Miss Bunny, thank you for being so honest. For the past few years I’ve dealt with anxiety and depression, triggered by perfectionism and grad school. It was only through the encouragement of my now-husband that I sought counseling, went on meds, and feel much stronger now because of it. (That sounds more point-blank than it was).
The more I open up about it, the more I find how common anxiety and/or depression are for women in North American culture. It’s so so so important to do something about it! The weight of anxiety and depression can be too much to bear on top of other things in life. Kudos to you for working through it! What a blessing to have a guy who listens and understands and supports you, too.
Miss Bunny, your post reminds me of Cheese. I have loved reading her posts because she is honest and I think helps us all realize that no relationship is perfect, no matter how perfect you wish it could be. I appreciate the fact that you put yourself out there. I hope your post can help other women who are feeling the same way. I wish I had such an honest woman as yourself in my life a few years ago when I had my hysterectomy (at 20). I felt as though I couldn’t make a good wife because I couldn’t have children. And as much as it hurt us both at the time, it helped me to realize how much my FI loves me and that he’ll love me no matter what.
Miss Bunny, thanks so much for this. With six weeks till my wedding, this is EXACTLY how I’ve been feeling, and I’ve really been struggling to separate stress/anxiety about getting all the little things done (we’re moving half way across the country the day after we get back from the honeymoon) with my feelings about getting married in general. And I know deep down that I AM ready and that our relationship is really wonderful for me (I love that exchange between you and Mr. Bunny–been there!) but I’ve been feeling really, really blue. We’re headed to a counselor together on Friday, thank god.
I’m so glad you’ve been able to work through this! And thank you, thank you, thank you for being honest about it.
Thanks for sharing Miss Bunny. I too struggle with GAD and have made great strides in my treatment. Kudos to you for sharing your story! It is an encouragement!!
Thank you so much for discussing this with us, Miss Bunny. I too, have always been an anxious person and had panic attacks but it wasn’t until I got engaged that it really set in.
My fear of divorce and becoming a statistic took over within a month of our engagement.
Through the suggestion of other bees, I started talking to a counselor and taking medication.
I thought I was alone in this but the more I read the site, the more I know that we all are in this together!
Thank you so much for posting!
I started suffering from anxiety and panic attacks after my mom died 5 years ago. But back then, I didn’t tell anyone-not my dad, not my best friend, not my SIL (who had also just lost her mom), or my brothers. I thought I had to be able to “deal” with it. Finally, within the last year, I’ve been able to talk to my fiance about it. About 5 months ago, one night while driving the 45 minute drive from my old job to home, I was a mess. I thought I was going to die and talking to my fiance on the phone was the only thing that got me through. Right now, the anxiety isn’t so bad. And both my fiance and I feel like I can deal with it without medication. But I know that it is an option and I’m not afraid to go that route if need be.
Thank you for writing this.
@Alex — I am impressed with your courage. I am hoping to work with my doctor this fall to get off the medication. It was never meant to be a long-term thing, but with the stress of the wedding, we decided that I should wait until afterward to stop.
@tessabella76 — I am so glad you opened up to your fiance about what you were feeling! I, too, have always felt like admitting how much I struggled meant I was weak or a bad person. It has helped so much just being able to tell Mr. Bunny or my mother or whoever, “I’m really having a hard time managing my anxiety right now,” instead of just trying to pretend nothing was wrong.
The healthiest way to deal with anything is to address & and make is better. There is such a stigma attached to anxiety and depression, when in reality, a lot of us suffer from this.
I’ve found that oga and breathing meditation help tremendously with my anxiety. Do you do either of these?
Such an honest post Miss Bunny, Thank you!!!!!! I too struggle with major anxiety in just my day-to day life and i noticed its really intensified since becoming engaged/ wedding planning. Its so encouraging to read how you are successfully dealing with your anxiety issues and gives me a positive outlook on my own treatment with it. Thanks for posting this!!
I agree with Mrs. Quiche! I had really debilitating anxiety and depression last year and yoga, meditation and A LOT of journaling really helped. I saw a counsellor for a while, but just long enough to pull me to a certain point. I’ll never forget my husband’s unwavering support through all of that. I also really share your belief about love and relationships. It might not be romantic enough for some people, but it feels right to me. Thank you so much for your courageous post.
Not only are your brave to write about this, you did so with such clarity and insight. Bravo!
Thank you for posting this. I am very high strung and full of anxiety, I also have a hard time being happy. It is the most elusive feeling for me! I got married 3 weeks ago and I went through the not enough time period, and amazingly there was enough time and everything did get done.
I love you so so much. SO MUCH!!! And I’m coming home soon.
– Sister Bunny
Thank you so much for writing about this, Miss Bunny. I, too, struggle with anxiety and depression and it makes me feel so much better to hear that I’m not the only one who sometimes wrongly translates that into wedding panic. Mr. Star keeps me grounded and sane, too, and I’m so happy that you’ve found the same thing in Mr. Bunny
Thank you so much for writing this. It helps more than you could ever know.
Lovely and honest! That is just beautiful.
Thank you so much for your honesty in sharing this with us. I so appreciate it when Bees share the difficult parts of planning for marriage along with all the parties and crafting and fun stuff. Making the choice to pledge your life to someone is gigantic (and so is single-handedly coordinating a party for 100+ people!). I don’t generally struggle with depression/anxiety, but I can so relate to the fact that engagement isn’t all sparkly magic fun times. I think that lots of people will feel grateful for this post.
What a wonderfully written post! As has been obvious in the comments, so many of us deal with issues of anxiety and/or depression and it really is still such a taboo topic, that too often young women think they are suffering alone. Or, as in my case, I thought I was weak and not ready for marriage if I couldn’t keep it all together!
My fiance stepped up to the plate just like yours did, and we joke that the months of our engagement were our test of “in sickness and in health” as I struggled to learn to manage my anxiety. Counseling and medication were the answer for me, and life has been 1000 times better since I got help.
I wish you all the best with the final weeks of wedding planning! Sounds like you’ve found a fabulous man, and you are definitely ready to make a life with him
I have similar feelings of depression and anxiety and my doctor always wants me to go on meds for it. But I’m scared of going on meds. I have read lots of bad reviews about them online and the bad side effects. I don’t want to have to deal with those things. Did you have to try out a few different types of meds before you found one that worked for you?
miss bunny, i just want to thank you for sharing that with us! that was very personal and thoughtful and super courageous of you to do. thanks and hugs!!!
So happy for you! I’m like you with the anxiety - and happily, my fiancee is also able to help me get my head on straight. It’s great you talk about this, because so many, many, many brides and women in general are just like this. Only happiness and the best of luck to all of us!
What a beautiful post! I’ve suffered the same things with anxiety and depression since I was 13. I’ve had plenty of horrible panic attacks and have tried countless drugs and therapy…until one day I put all of my fears, emotions, and struggles into the hands of God. Although I’m not a “religious” person, after lots of prayer and faith…I am no longer under meds or therapy. I’ve learned how to handle things…sometimes I do struggle, but I have the most wonderful, understanding man by my side…who ALWAYS reminds me…that in the end…everything will be ok. I’m so glad to hear that you have someone by your side who balances you out as well and reminds you that everything does work out. Good luck!
Love your honesty and your story!! I have to say that three weeks before the wedding was the most stressful for me. If felt overwhelming. Week Two seems like everything starts to fall into place and with one week to go everything is a blur. Enjoy the journey. It really is exciting!!
Miss Bunny…
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for this post. The past three months I have been dealing with similar anxieties, so much so that my FI thought I was going to call off the wedding.
It really had nothing to do with him however and everything to do with me. My own personal issues. Your post has really helped me realize the things I could never put into words (it’s that whole lump in the throat thing).
I’m so glad that you are doing better. Congrats on your big day and your new life to come with Mr. Bunny!
Thank you for sharing your struggles. We’ve talked briefly about mine, but is comforting to know that we all struggle and that places like the WB give us the support we need to make these important and difficult decisions.
@Mrs. Quiche — My counselor taught me the meditative breathing, and it works pretty well. I have not tried yoga, though.
@Andrea — I tried one other type of medication before I switched over to what I’m on now. I have not experienced bad side effects except when I tried to stop medication on my own.
@emg — My faith has made a huge difference for me, as well. Prayer was often the only thing that helped me get through the day.
Great post Miss Bunny and thank you SO much for sharing. It is evident that your post has shown many of we’re not alone in our anxiety and/or depression. You’re post could not have come at a better time for me… I broke down in tears at my Dr apt on Monday w/ all the stress of everything on my plate right now. I have a history of depression and a stress disorder that slows my digestion, my Dr prescribed some medication for me and hopefully that will help Anyway thank you for posting this ((HUGS))
Thank you for sharing Miss Bunny! I know many people that battle anxiety and depression, and it’s nice to hear real stories about real struggles, and how each individual deals.
Aww, Miss Bunny. *Hugs*
Thanks for sharing such a personal part of yourself with us. I’m glad you got help and that you are marrying such a great guy!
Go Miss Bunny! Thank you for sharing this. There is such a bad stigma attached to depression, and I hate that because it makes it difficult to share and talk openly. I haven’t told most people that I’m on anti-depressants becuse I don’t want them to view me differently. I just think that they’ll keep wondering if I’m going to go off the deep end or go crazy and do something stupid…I never have, and I doubt I would, and it’s just easier if they don’t know. So thank you for sharing your journey with all of us!
As for your views on “The one”, I don’t know if I agree or not. It makes sense for there not to be only one person for each of us, and I’d have to agree that if the person you’re with were to die, for instace, you would eventually be able to love again just as deeply. But I just can’t imagine finding another person as perfect for me as my husband!
Miss Bunny, this was an extremely relevant topic for me. My FI and I are seperated by 2000 miles, and one night I felt so overwhelmed by the despair of not seeing him and my anxiety over wedding planning that I told him that I was unsure if we were going to be able to make it. Like Mr. Bunny, he was extremely supportive and never waivered in his love.
Like you said, you have to ask yourself why you want to be married to this person. That night, my answer was clear.
Thank you for putting this into words- I admire your wedding style, and now, your relationship style, too!
Way to go Miss Bunny for getting the help you needed and being so open about it here. I’m one more woman who has faced depression, and gotten through it with the help of the right medications and (especially) the right man! He was there for me even when the depression made me unable to be a very good girlfriend, and now we’re counting down to the wedding… in sickness and in health.
And to the readers out there who are worried about medications and side effects: find a doctor you trust, and don’t give up! (Yep, I’m an almost-MD) A good doctor will work with you to either reassure you about side effects that will go away (many of them do after a little while) or keep trying to find the medication that works best for you as an individual. And some medications can take weeks or even months to work, which is a long time to wait. But stay on the medication until you have talked to your doctor about how to stop, and just keep those lines of communication open, and there is very real help available for a lot of people with depression and anxiety. And no, you are _definitely_ not alone!
I dont think I will ever be able to thank you enough for this post.
When I met my now husband I told him that I was on anti-depressants. He didn’t like the idea and he would always tell me he would make me happy, I wouldn’t need them anymore since we were together. I would say no, it isn’t like that. It’s a chemical thing in my brain and it doesn’t matter what someone else does, it is something that helps me.
Well, almost a year into our relationship I tested myself and went off the meds (with my dr.’s approval) and you know, I’ve been great, happy, okay, able to deal with life.
I know he is partly the reason but also because I’ve resolved many issues in myself. And I also will never hesitate if I feel I need the help again. Props to you, take care of yourself.
It sounds like you found yourself a keeper, and luckily he has seen you through hard times so he won’t let you get there again.
[...] Everyone seemed so CHEERFUL and FRIENDLY. And at the time, I was struggling pretty deeply with anxiety and depression following the death of my grandfather and my sister’s move to California. Cheerful and friendly [...]
Great, honest post, Mrs. Bunny! So great to see how you have conquered your obstacles.
| Visit our sister sites | Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Fertile Thoughts Infertility Support |
Mrs. Bunny, Columbus
Age and Occupation: 24, Associate Editor/Reporter
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Reporter
Engagement Date: September 23, 2008
Wedding Date: July 2009
Venue: Everal Barn, Westerville
About Me: Organized, but messy. I love art (all kinds). I don't have any secrets. I talk a lot and listen even more. I show love by baking. I'm timid by nature, but brave when it counts.
Mr. Bunny and I work at competing weekly newspapers, which makes it a little interesting trying to describe our work joys and frustrations without giving away too much before the paper comes out. In spite of that little hurdle, we've managed to build a pretty solid relationship in the short one-and-a-half years we will have been together when we tie the knot. I can't wait!
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |
| 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 |
| 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |
| 29 | 30 |
Latest Gallery Pics