Wedding Blog

If you’re in a semi-rural location and you’re considering a courthouse wedding, this post is for you.

Your town isn’t San Francisco. Don’t assume that you can stroll in to your local or regional county seat and ask them to marry you! I pretty much assumed that, and boy was I wrong. I’ve now called four counties.

Grand Forks only does weddings on Mondays, and they’re at the jail.

Two of them (Red Lake and Pennington) don’t have a judge or magistrate available on a normal schedule.

And Polk couldn’t commit to the date; they wanted us to give a time-span so that the gal could call us when she was available to ’do a wedding’. That just won’t work for us: my family’s flying in to be here, plus we have a pro-photographer scheduled for a specific date.

I was pleasant; I wasn’t a bridez*lla to anyone, but I was firm on my date. I asked for exceptions, asked if schedule changes could be made (since we’re still well over 2 months out), asked if there was anything we could do to make it work. One lady gave me a firm, “No exceptions.” Two of them pushed me off onto someone else. Another gal did give me a possible option I’ll discuss in a minute.

Of course, I didn’t expect everyone to be gushing and oohing and ahhing.

I know it’s a government office and their staff are busy people. But boy, do I feel like I’ve been put in my place! I am aware that courthouses don’t exist specifically to marry people. But all of the government offices I talked to gave me the attitude that weddings are bottom-of-the-barrel, last-on-the-priority-list. I was excited as I called the first courthouse. But now, with 4 under my belt and 8 more to call, I’m feeling depressed and silly. How dare I think a wedding is a happy occasion! Turns out, it’s an annoyance that judges don’t like to deal with unless they’re already in the area and have nothing more pressing to take care of. “Hush, you ridiculous little bride! We have criminals to deal with!” (At least, that’s the vibe I’ve been getting from my phone conversations.)

[source]

Anyhow… back to that option I mentioned. The judge who couldn’t commit to a date (she’s a busy woman) did give me the phone numbers of two officiants who probably could (provided they aren’t already booked - ahh, the benefits of a weekday wedding!). We’d have to pay them for their time and travel, but she said they could marry us at the courthouse of our choice (our choice would be Red Lake County). I haven’t called them yet. Something about that scenario feels like cheating. We’re getting married at a courthouse. I’d like a judge! But I have their numbers, so we do have the option.

Most of the 8 county seats I’ve yet to call are small towns that are within an hour of Grand Forks. Their counties are not very populated, so I’m not expecting much more luck than I’ve already encountered in my calls. Honestly, I’m hoping that I’ll hit on a county whose one-day-per-week weddings happen to take place on the day we want!

And, there’s always…

[source]

The movie poster calls it “the middle of nowhere”, but Fargo is actually North Dakota’s largest city. They must do wedding ceremonies fairly regularly, wouldn’t you think? (Then again, I thought that about Grand Forks county before I called.) For our guests’ and our photographers’ sake, I’m hoping we can get married a little closer to home, but 80 miles ain’t so bad. And their courthouse is pretty majestic looking, too (unlike some of the others, which are ’80s government-building-tastic).

The Fargo courthouse:

[source]

Needless to say, I’m surprised at how difficult it is to find a courthouse to marry us. I’m tempted to just “eff it” and go to Vegas. Even more surprising is the nonchalant attitude of everyone I’ve talked to. They don’t understand why I’m calling now. One gal said to me, “If you’re getting married in September, call us in September. Do you even have your license approved yet?” We brides read so many planning resources that tell us to schedule our venues early: the earlier the better. But if you step outside the bounds of the WIC, you may find the opposite to be true. (A friend of mine, while trying to find an outdoor venue to host a reception for 300 next summer, was told by a local park official to call back when the date was less than six months away!)

While planning, have you been surprised by restrictions set by venues, vendors or other professionals? Have you encountered any sour attitudes that left you with a lump in your throat?