Wedding Blog
There’s been a lot of talk around the hive about name changing, so I thought I’d throw in my own little name conundrum.
I have a very interesting last name. Unless you’re Sri-Lankan or spent some time near a large Sri-Lankan community, it’s not a name that you’d probably be familiar with or be comfortable attempting to say. On the first day of 2nd grade, my art teacher, Mrs. Lundeen, told me that over the summer she learned to spell my last name from memory. I remember how proud she was of herself. It’s a big accomplishment. It took me months to learn to spell it myself.
I like my last name but I’m not THAT attached to it. Apparently it’s not my Dad’s last name at all. I’m told that our real last name is Fernando, but the British made my grandfather change it. I’m not sure on the details of the story, though.
I always felt like I’d be happy to take my husband’s name. I wasn’t worried about my last name dying out — I have 4 male cousins who will ensure it will live on. Notice I said, “felt.” I’m not sure I feel that way now.
Yes, part of my reasoning is about my identity. It’s my last name and it’s been my constant name. I say that, because Mr. Joey says my family is like the Wu-Tang Clan; we all have about 5 aliases. He’s not kidding. My real name is Catherine. My family calls me Cat, Ca-tee, Cats and Ate (pronounced Ah-teh — it’s my title as oldest sister). In kindergarten there were two Catherines, and I became Cathy. I was Cathy until college when I became Catherine. In college, not only was I Catherine, but I was Cathy to my high school friends, and Katia to my friends and teachers in Russia. Still with me?
Mr. Joey knows me as Catherine, but he calls me Catty, and his students nicknamed me kitty kat (awesome right?). So there you have it. I’ve always had various first names, but always the same last name. And now, I could be changing it from this really interesting, long and hard to say name, to something that is very similar to Danielson.
Catherine Danielson. It’s no Julia Gulia, but it’s just not there. I thought about hyphenating my last name, but I’m pretty sure the new name would be too long. My first and last name are 20 letters now. If you added his 10 letter last name, I’d have a whopping 21 letter (not including the hyphen) last name. I wouldn’t think about making my current last name my middle name. I have a middle name, and it stays. It’s Liberty. Seriously. I was born on the 4th of July (unlike Tom Cruise) and my parents wanted to be patriotic.
I will say that the advantage to taking Mr. Joey’s last name is not having to listening to the Safeway cashier butcher it week in and week out. Or having to spell and re-spell it over the phone. I can just say, “Danielson,” and it’s done. No more, “Wow, I’m not even going to attempt that name.”
So here I am. Do I take my new name that sounds kind of boring, or keep my current name? Mr. Joey doesn’t care, but does agree that my new name would sound super boring. FILs Joey say to keep my name if decide that hyphenating is too much. I just can’t decide. If we have kids, I want everyone to have the same last name. If I’m not hyphenating, I’m not going to make them do it.
I haven’t made a decision yet, and it’s possible it won’t be made until after the wedding, but the name issue is on my mind.
Is anyone else out there not sure they like the sound of their potential new last name?
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HA, I’m a hyphen baby with the most awkward last name ever….therefore, am PUMPED to change my name to FI’s super easy 5-letter last name…sorry!
Tough call…I am kind of sad at losing my fantastically long French last name…for a very plain and oh-so common English five letter last name…buuuut, my issue lies in wanting my children to have the same last name as me…and hyphenating is totally out of the question.
So kids names are my breaker…
I’m not thrilled. I’m going from a fairly simple (although seemingly impossible for anyone to say/spell right) last name to an annoyingly long one thats also hard to say/spell. I want my family to have one name though so I’m rolling with it. I’m keeping my middle and adding my maiden so I’ll be up to 4 names but thats the way I want it! Yours sounds like a tough decision. I’m sure you’ll come up with something that you are happy with though!
yeah, i’m not changing mine either. I agree with you–it’s my identity! I’ve gone 27 years with this name, why would I change it now? I don’t think it’s a big deal to not have the same last name as my kids and I will still feel like a family with my husband. So go with what you feel comfortable with–you have to live with your name forever!
LOL…know what you mean about Sri Lankan last names. I just got married and went from a super easy Sri Lankan name (Perera) to a totally unpronounceable Sri Lankan name. It’s a challenge to get people to say right…and I have given up already!!
I’m mostly unwilling to give up my maiden name. I have my mom’s maiden name as a middle name; its super German, as is my dad’s last name. They are unique, and to me they represent who I am and where I come from. I might hyphenate, but I might just keep my name…
It does get sticky on the kids names though!
I never thought I’d care about changing my name…although my last name is only five letters and pronouced just like its spelled nobody ever gets it right. People want to make the “j” a “y” but its not European. But my fiance’s last name, if I changed mine to his, would give me the same name as a fruit drink. And if I hypenated it would be a really bad tongue twister so that’s a no. But I do want our family as a whole to have one name…maybe by the time I have kids the fruit drink will have changed its name. And then I can change mine.
@runrgurl10:
Rungurl10, I’m so psyched that I finally found someone in the same boat as me. I am also a hyphen baby with a unique (but super awkward) last name. I can’t wait to change my last name to my fiance’s short british last name. Since I’ve always been so sure that I want to change my last name when I get married, my #1 rule of dating has always been never to date someone else with a long or awkward last name 
Miss Joey, I’m not changing my name either. It’s not that I don’t like the sound of my fiance’s last name (which is a long se asian name) , but more the identity that I have with mine. I’ve gotten my graduate degree with my name, published papers with my name and established myself with my name. There’s also my cultural hertiage and the fact that I’m in my 30’s and am getting set in my ways. When we have kids, they will take his last name, no crazy hyphenation.
My name has become my identity, and I think it’s going to be hard to let go of part of that. Even after being engaged for a year, I still find myself creating user names with my full name.
My FH’s last name is a very common boy’s first name, and it’s only 3 letters long (same as my current last name). While I won’t be asked how to spell my full name like usual, I will have to make sure people realize that I am a woman.
I will most likely take my FH’s last name. I just wonder how I will adjust to it and how that might change my identity.
@sparkle - how interesting, I also have a 5 letter last name that starts with J, and is often mispronounced with Y!! Anyway, I love my last name, because I have an incredible family and my grandfather did a lot of great things, so people familiar with his contribution who hear my name often ask if we’re related. And my fiance’s last name is 9 letters, and Polish! BUT, I’m taking his, hands down, because to me that symbolizes the relationship we will have as husband and wife, he will be the leader of our home. And we’re going to name our first son after my grandfather, with my maiden name as his middle name.
Yay for Wedding Singer references! I’m totally with you on this Miss Joey. I’ve been waking up in cold sweats about the very prospect. Like you, I have an unusual and ethnic last name that no one knows how to spell or pronounce. (It’s German, so not quite as major an undertaking as a Sri Lankan one, those ARE doozies!) Future hubby also has a very ethnic last name, but it’s easy to pronounce. Both our names, however, mean our children will inevitably be teased at school.
I didn’t think I’d care, but now that it’s approaching, I’m balking at the idea. A few companies have mistakenly put his last name with my first name, and I was taken aback at my response. I didn’t know who that person was, it certainly isn’t ME!
I’m not completely in love with my name, but it is MY name. And in my case, there are only 300 of us in the whole world and I have no brothers or male cousins. He doesn’t care whether I keep it or change it, but I want both of us and our future kids all to have the same last name. I’ve been trying to convince the fiance to do a hybrid (zeewagen is actually a hybrid of our two names) but to no avail.
Good luck, because it is definitely a sticky challenge!
If and when I take Mr. Spin’s last name I’ll have the exact same name as this heinous girl I knew in college. Ugh. Which is so superficial and embarassing to admit, but that’s mostly my main hangup. I accept the idea of changing to his name and I’m fine for awhile, then I remember her and that we’d have the same name…*sigh* Then I get all weirded out again.
A friend of mine kept her last name simply because “if I took his name, it’d make me sound like a Muppet.”
And that was no exaggeration.
I changed my name in the opposite way–from an easy to spell, fairly common name to something a little bit different. I wanted to change for various reasons, but it’s been strange. For the first time in my life, I’ve had to say stuff like “N-as-in-Nancy, etc” while spelling my name out to people. I’m getting used to it and I don’t regret my decision, but it definitely wasn’t an easy transition.
I’m in the same boat. I want to take my FI’s last name out of tradition, but I really dislike that my first name Stephanie will now be combined with a way longer last name instead of my current short last name. The new name just doesn’t flow. I’m thinking of going by Steph with the new last name to help the flow of my whole name. I also don’t want to lose my middle names (yup, my parents graced me with 2), but I like the tradition of keeping my maiden name too. What’s a girl to do? FI and I joke around all the time that we’re just going to combine our last names into a new one that we both like and flows, but that seems to be socially unacceptable in our little part of the world!
Could you just add the “Danielson” to the end of your current name? That way you would be Catherine Liberty [MaidenName] Danielson. You could always use the whole thing on important legal documents and things, but just sign “Catherine Danielson” on receipts or other small matters.
I was really torn about what to do for a while. My maiden name starts with a D and his last name is a Z.. so i’d be moving all the way to the back of the alphabet! And my last name has a bit of identity with it. When you do something a bit crazy, people who know my family will say things like “that is such a ‘D’ thing!” So i am ditching my middle name and moving it up. But if you aren’t actually attached to yours, its just a plain name you are worried about, I’d say to look at the bigger picture, and since you are saying forever, your new last name will become a constant from here on out.
I LOVE my last name — I love my family history and in my hometown (where no one seems to be local anymore) there is N Farm and N road and N businesses, so I am very sad to “lose” it. But I also am very glad my Mr A has a great last name that fits Meredith nicely. My intials are transitioning from M.A.N (I despised the MAN initials when i was a girl!) to M.N.A … and I really am both happy and sad about it!
My last name has been mispronounced all my life but it’s my name. I can’t bare to let it go. It’s rare and his isn’t. So…I’m keeping mine and taking his as my middle name (I don’t have one). He’ll be doing the same with my last lame. Punto. Finito.
I can’t really relate to the feeling that your new name is “boring.” Why does that really matter? I think you are just going through those transition feelings of letting go of your previous (and obviously more noteworthy) name for one that is more like, well, a whole slew of us who never had exciting names to begin with. I got used to mine fairly quickly.
I’m going to be a Smith, so I guess that name goes with everything.
As for Catherine Danielson, that’s nothing. I know a Kim Kim. Once she married, she started using Kimberly a lot more…!
Best Wishes!
My husband took my name — resolution… and controversy! But seriously, I was so on the fence. I’m really attached to my name. I’m the only child and I wanted the name to continue… sure there are cousins, but I wanted it to continue with me. I mentioned that I didn’t want to change my name to my husband and he said, fine I’ll just take your name then. Done Right? Wrong, it’s been 9 months and the talk has just finally started to settle down.
Taking my FI’s last name is a givena nd it does sound nice too… altho it’s one of those plain names.
I am torn though, because my dad was the only and last son to carry his family name, and it’s name with a lot of history… like we can trace back to the german military in the 1800’s. So it does make me sad that our name will die with me marrying.
I’m considering sticking with my mother’s spanish roots and having my formal name be {First Name} {Middle Name} {Married Last Name} de la {Maiden Name}.
Still undecided… it makes me sad b/c my family names have been lost on both my paternal and maternal side. And both sides had strong geneologies that just died off with the last generation.
One way we’re going to try to link to the past though, is by giving our children names derived from their ancestors
I’m one of those who is looking forward to changing my name. I’ll be going from a simple 3 letter english name [which sadly, being that it's an extremely common word, people still misprounounce it] to an 8 letter irish O’ name. I love my name, but changing my name isn’t going to change me, who I am. It’s more important to me to share one name with my family.
@sparkle: I have spend the last five mintues trying to figure what fruit drink could also be a last name - Hawaaian Punch? Juicy Juice? Capri Sun? Still haven’t figured it out!
I’m torn too - my last name is long and always mispronounced, but it’s part of my identity. His last name is easy and shorter but more generic-sounding. I want to keep my last name professionally and also don’t want to lose my middle name (which also has family significance to me) so I think I’m also going to be a “4-namer” using my maiden professionally and his last name in more social situations.
I just finished the name change process…which is enough of a pain to deter even the most certain name changer.
The ethnic/historical natures of names can really add stress to the decision…and confuse others dramatically. My extremely fair, freckled skin, light eyes and curly hair make it quite obvious that my heritage is Irish; the poor mother and daughter that came to our door looking for Spanish-speaking families in the area based on my new last name were entirely bewildered.
My last name is very italian, but most of the time, mispronounced. So, growing up, I always told myself that I would definitely change my name when I got married. Well, now I have a dilemma. Mr. AM’s mother kept her last name, so now his last name is hypenated with his mother’s & father’s last names. Im not a fan of her last name, nor do I want a hypenated last name (my first name is already long enough). Do I really have to take her last name too? Or can I just take his dad’s last name. What is the etiquette with this??
I’m called Ate too! For the longest time, I was looking forward to changing my last name to my FI’s last name…but as the wedding gets closer, I’m having a hard time with the name change. As everyone else before me mentioned, it’s become a part of their identity. I’ve spent my entire life having the cool rare last name and i don’t want to give it up!
I don’t think I’ll hyphenate. I think I’ll just do My name Mom’s Maiden name Current Last Name FI’s Last Name. I’m also thinking of having my maiden name as part of my kids middle name since mine is my mom’s maiden name. You know, so somehow my last name gets passed down too.
@AM: how does he feel about his hyphenated name? Maybe you could use this as an opportunity for both of you to go through the name change process. Then you both could have his father’s last name.
I think we will def have that talk. He is actually not a fan of his hypenated name, but he knows his mother would be upset/hurt if he got rid of it.
As your facebook friend, I have to say - I love your last name. When I see your status updates I say it out loud! Or really, I attempt to because you’re right, it is a bit hard to pronounce. But in a sea of facebook status updates yours always stands out.
I agree with others about the double barrel, so you’d be Catherine Liberty BirthLast Danielson. Your kids could be kid middle yourlast hislast and Mr. Joey could even add yours as a second last or second middle name.
It is a tough decision. I legally changed my last name to my mom’s maiden name (and her current legal last name) four years ago, so I’m hesitant to change my name legally again - especially because I have an established business under my current name. The fiance doesn’t want to take my last name. I don’t mind his last name. Our compromise, which isn’t going to work for you, is to drop our middle names completely and take each other’s last names as our only middle names. I am resigned to the fact (as is he) that people are going to call him Mr. Mylastname and I’m going to be Mrs. Hislastname no matter what - and, honestly, it does make me sad that we won’t have the same last name. But I’m not changing mine.
I have to make a choice; our last names begin with the same three letters and mine has four syllables and his three. Hyphenating would look like a phone-book entry! Even if I keep mine, it might just be too confusing because of the similarities…..
The only thing that I don’t like is I’ll have the same name as my fiance’s stepmother who I don’t particularly care for. She seems like a nice enough person, but just a different… species. I dunno, seems shallow to admit it, but it does bother me.
@West Coast Bride: It sounds weird but it does matter. Mr. Joey has an interesting first name because his last name is so plain. Plus, my name stands out in databases, hiring pools, the office in general — through sometimes in that’s the best thing.
@wagamama: I totally agree. All my degrees have my current last name. People know it professionally.
@Miss D’orsay: Thanks ;). You don’t think Catherine Liberty xxxxxxxxxxx Danielsons (I added the “S” to get the right number of letters) is too long? My Dad does have 4 names. I could follow in his footsteps.
This was hard for me too. My maiden name had been turned into a Willy Nelson song about a town in Texas where they have a bar and not much else. I think they have music festivals too at that little bar. It’s long and easily mispronounced too! I did change my name but it was a hard choice. My new last name is easy to say though! If I didn’t have a brother though I might not have changed it.
There is absolutely no way I am changing my name for several reasons: (1) I am a physician, so I have publications under my maiden name, and I am professionally known by that name. (2) I am Korean and my fiance is Japanese, so I don’t want to be mistaken for being Japanese. My Korean identity is very important to me. (3) My fiance and I want our childrens’ names to reflect their multicultural background, so we plan to name our kids with a Korean first name, English middle name, and my fiance’s Japanese last name. I think it’s a nice compromise. (4) I have a very long and difficult Korean first name (but my last name is easy, like most Korean last names). My fiance, however, has a very long and hard-to-pronounce Japanese last name. I could not imagine having people not be able to pronounce both my first AND last names…that would just make life too difficult!
I would be completely fine keeping my last name. I mean, it’s MY name! It’s who I AM. The feminist in me dislikes the idea (I’m reluctantly being escorted down the aisle at my wedding… I don’t want people to view it as being “given away”. Humph). But, after quite a few lengthy discussions, in the end, FH has a stronger opinion about it than I do. He’s much more of a traditionalist, and thinks this is the greatest gift he can give me (ithe only thing in his mind that can compare to the fact that I’ll be giving him our children). So, I’m keeping my last name as a second middle name. I guess I’d be more psyched to take his last name if it wasn’t always misspelled and mispronounced. Now I’ll have a first AND last name to correct.
I never thought I would mind giving up my name either…I actually have been looking forward to it for a very long time (I have a very difficult last name too) but as the date approaches, I feel more and more like I will be giving up a piece of who I am, or my past. My FI doesn’t care at all, and I probably will change it in the end, but it is weird that something I didn’t care about at all matter in the end.
I always thought I would change my last name when I got married. My mother was born with a long, difficult to pronounce, Italian name and changed it when she married my father to our very common American name. So I have a great American name all around, first, middle, and last. The problem I’ve always had is that my mother’s family is Italian and Turkish and my father’s family is Native American, the last name was bestowed upon us by one of those horrible “re-education” schools at the turn of the last century. So suffice it to say I don’t look like I should be walking around with the name I have, I have dark olive skin, dark hair and with the combination of heritages people often wonder and even ask “what are you?” Maybe not the most polite question, but I can see why people wonder. I live in Texas and more often than not people are surprised that I’m not Hispanic.
So anyway, I’ve been with my fiance since I was fifteen, we’ve been together ten years now and are getting married in the fall. He’s a lovely Italian guy with a great Italian last name and I’ve thought for years that I would love to have that last name. It solves so many problems! However, during the planning I came to realize how much I cherish my name. It’s mine, not only is it a part of a family story, and a bigger cultural story, it’s a big part of MY story. Like others I don’t want to have a different name from my future children, but I hesitate to give up the name that I’ve had for twenty-five years.
So, long story short, my fiance and I agreed to each take my last name as a second middle name. It was his suggestion and I think it’s a great solution. Knowing that he’s taking on a part of me helps ease whatever loss I feel at not having the last name I grew up with.
I hope this helps! I know it takes a really progressive man to agree to this and that I am truly lucky!
my name actually isn’t TOO interesting, but i have also thought about the whole dilemma in changing my last name and such.
Maybe you can do something like
CatherineLiberty (middle name: your last name) (last name: your new last name)?
As in, make catherine liberty your first name? haaha it’s a little off, but it can work. and perhaps you’ll get another new nickname?
I’m a Catherine, too! My last name isn’t really hard to say (people still mess it up though) but it’s really unique. His, not quite so much, but, it sounds really cute with my name (it’s not ‘Angel,’ but it’s the same amount of letters and apparently about the same amount of popularity, according to namestatistics.com). My middle name is Marie, and I love how it flows with my first name. I’m just taking 2 middle names: Catherine (Marie xxxxx) Angel.
I think Catherine Danielson sounds beautiful.
I switched from a unqiue longer last name to a common and short one (with much trepidation but mostly the same reasoning as you). I kept my maiden as a second middle, but I only rarely use it. I do feel like “one of many” now but it’s not so bad, really. And Liberty is an amazing middle name!
I love my new name more each day. I think you should go the four name route and give yourself all the options you could possibly want. I have four names too and it’s not really a problem. You’ll only rarely use the second middle. It’s more like your secret name that makes you feel better just to know it’s there.
There is no good answer! My partner’s last name is basically hyphenated (his mom kept her name and they gave him her maiden name as a middle name and his dad’s last name, but when he started school, they basically hyphenated his last name), and I am NOT excited about taking on someone else’s hyphen. I feel like if I have to hyphenate, my name should at least be part of it… and I don’t think hyphenating is that great of a solution in the first place—he never knows which name he used to book tickets, reservations, etc!
I’m loving my new last name. Has a good ring with my first name.
That is quite a conundrum! The good news is, you don’t have to make a decision right now if you don’t want to. You can always keep your name for now and then revisit the issue when you guys decide to have kids.
I think I will take my FI last name. Hyphenating or making my last name my middle name is not an option since both our last names are also first names. As it is people are constantly taking the first name for the last name or the other way round - I don’t want to produce even more chaos here…
Tough call, at least you have a better choice, my first name has 12 alphabet which no one ever attempt to pronounce , No one knows me by my first name, I was always given a nick name because my first name is so hard to pronounce it has always been Ms. Phillips(which is my last name), but now I am getting married my Fiance’s last name has 11 alphabet in it which is even harder to pronounce than my first name, so I can not have a name that can not me pronounced, I wanted to have the same last name as my future husband but how are people going to call me?
Miss Joey,
This post really resonated with me because my new last name will be very similar to Danielson too. And my current last name is Eastern European and very unique and i love it. Since I don’t have a middle name, I am going to put my last name as my middle name and taken on the “Danielson.” I also want to have the same last name as my kids and that’s a big reason for it. But I totally see your conundrum.
keep yr name, use yr husband’s for informal stuff! like when calling places / making reservations!
different problem. if i take my new husband’s last name, we will have exactly the same name, since we both have the same first name. ugh. he thinks it’s kind of funny.
I want to take my husband’s name, but it’s technically his stepdad’s name (who legally adopted him). I love his stepdad’s surname, but my husband isn’t close to his stepdad at all, and wants to give our children his original surname - which I really hate!
It’s confusing :/
I’m keeping my name. Eileen is gaelic for light and his last name is Irish. I’m not Irish and he’s not very Irish, so I really just didn’t want a name that had so little in common with me. My last name is a longish hard to pronounce French one, but I like it and it’s just more me. The kids issue gave me pause, but I’m not going to be upset if people call me Mrs. Irishlastname and I think it’s a common enough occurence that teachers can deal.
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Mrs. Joey, Seattle
Age and Occupation: 28, Project Administrator for Public Health NGO
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, High School History Teacher
Engagement Date: June 24, 2008
Wedding Date: August 2009
Venue: Eastside Catholic Chapel and Lake Union Cafe
About Me: I'm a Seattle girl through and through except for the fact that I don't drink coffee. I love my job most of the time because I get to travel and work with brilliant people who are trying to prevent Malaria. I love DIY projects of all sorts, cooking, and watching sports. I'd wear anything at Anthropologie and could spend all day on Etsy. I love to travel but shouldn't because I always get myself into unbelievable situations!
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