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Weddingbee Blog
One of the biggest reasons I wanted to blog for Weddingbee was because I see so many bees on the boards writing about all the really tough issues they’re facing as young-ish brides. I say “young-ish” because I’ve always been kind of old for my age, but know that I still have parts of my maturity that correspond perfectly with the date on my birth certificate. Many of the other bloggers here are in their mid-20s, which is still not ancient by any stretch, but I think brides who are in their early 20s face a unique set of challenges that I haven’t seen talked about much on the blog. So here I am, hoping to ease the young-ish brides’ concerns and to let you all know that you’re not alone and you’re definitely not crazy!
At least we’re not that young, right?
I am 22 (although I’m turning the big 2-3 on July 11!), but have the added luck and difficulty of looking like I’m about 16, as you might have noticed from some of my pics. One of the hardest parts of being a young-ish bride that I’ve encountered is the general negativity I get from people I don’t know or barely know when they find out that I’m engaged.
About a third of the time, people are enthusiastic and supportive, and the rest of the time, the conversation goes something like this:
New Person I’m Meeting: So, what did you do this weekend?
Miss Star: Well, I had an audition and then my fiance and I had a picnic in the park, and then –
New Person: —Wait, you have a fiance? You’re engaged??
Miss Star: Yep, guilty as charged.
New Person: Holy cow, how old are you?
Miss Star: 22, going on 23…
New Person: Wow, you’re SO young. I got married at {insert age here} and it was so {insert unpleasant adjective here}.
It got so bad that after about 6 months of being engaged, I would tell people I didn’t know very well about my “boyfriend”, for fear of having someone else play Debbie Downer on my wedding parade. A few months into that, though, and I realized that I shouldn’t have to feel ashamed and went back to standing my ground and talking about my fiance. Now my response to, “How old are you??” is, “Old enough to know bad manners!” It might be a little harsh, but I got so tired of having people I barely knew bringing me down!
One of the most frustrating parts of this is also one of the best parts for my Mr. Star. When he talks about his fiancee and his engagement, he never EVER gets queries about his age! I was so shocked when he told me that a few months ago, because he’s only a year older than I am! I’m really glad that people don’t bug him about it and make him feel bad. But the idea that it’s totally okay for a man to get married young, while a woman marrying young-ish must be desperate and impetuous, really irks me!
I was one of those girls in high school who was bitter at the male race and planned to grow old as a loving cat lady, so the idea that I’m marrying my college sweetheart out of naivete just doesn’t fit. I didn’t try to get married young, I just found the love of my life when I found him! I know there are other bees for whom that’s true, too!
I’m really hoping to write several more posts about the issues that young-ish brides are facing, so please comment and tell me about your experiences and what you’d like to hear about!
I know EXACTLY what that’s like! I’m also 22 (will be 23 this October) and I get the same comments all the time. It doesn’t irk me too much, I just let it roll off my shoulders. I know what I want and I don’t need anyone else’s permission. My family and close friends are all excited about the wedding and that’s all the matters, really. So don’t let anyone rain on your parade!
I love your old enough to know my manners response! I feel super young still, even though I’ll be 25 tomorrow (eeek!) But people still say stuff to me too! I know I look young, I’m reminded everytime I get carded for anything and everything. I guess that’s better then looking old though! 
Thank you! This is why I love weddingbee!!!! I just turned 21, but me and my fiance have been engaged for 6 months already. Our family thought we were too young, so we promised them that we wouldn’t get married until we graduate. So… now we have to wait a couple of years, just to please the “age bar” supposedly placed by our family. So now we also have to plan around getting jobs, graduation, finding a house, and my man going into police academy..!!!.. It can get pretty frustrating. What other unexpected (or expected) events did you run into? I’m trying to plan ahead.
Haha, i get the same (opposite) crap at 30! “well at *your* age…,” “the older you get” blah blah blah! What? do I need a cane and walker down the aisle now?!? I have found that people –strangers especially!– have a fondness for telling you their opinion no matter what…even if you never asked for it!!
You have nothing to be shy about at all! Follow your heart You will be such a wonderful young-ish Mrs.!!
I am 29 and look like I am 22. For real. My husband is 36 and looks it. When he first brought me home, his family thought I was still in high school and acted like I was too young for him. I was 28 at the time. What in the world are people thinking these days?
haha Miss Cloud, I feel you on that one. I get carded for rated R movies. Seriously!!!! At 29 years old!!!!!
I think people are just rude in general. I’m 30 and when they hear that I’m not married yet and that we have been engaged for such a long time I get the “aren’t you getting old?” “shouldn’t you be married already at your age?”
You can’t make anyone happy
Haha Miss Star I’m just a little bit younger than you so I hear ya!!
I’m 23 and only one person has said anything about my age.
I’m so glad you’re blogging about this! My FI and I will both be 21 when we get married next June. We’ve been together since freshman year of high school so it’s interesting to hear ‘It’s about time!” from the people who have known us the whole time and ‘But you’re so young!’ from people who haven’t. We both look older than we are, so I think that helps too. Oh, and it bothers me when people talk about ‘When you know, you know!’ but think that doesn’t apply if you know when you’re young. Whew, I’ll stop. But thanks again for writing about this - I obviously totally get what you’re saying!
I think it really depends on who you are talking to. My parents may think of me as their baby eternally, but a lot of my extended family thinks I’m terribly old to still be unmarried. 
I’ll be 28 when we tie the knot, and they think that’s ancient!
I like what you’re telling them about bad manners. If more people did that, people might stop asking such rude questions as if they are entitled to know the answers!
I’m sorry so many people have been so quick to judge!
There are some people I’ve known who have definitely been ready for marriage at 21, 22, 23+.
Then there are some other people I’ve known who still aren’t ready for marriage. My sister got engaged when she was 20. I would have been happy for her if I had thought the guy was right for her, but he definitely wasn’t (and eventually cheated on her hardcore). I think it’s all about the relationship, which says something about the inner maturity level. My ex, for example, is definitely not ready for marriage. And he’s 30!
I can relate, in a way, because Mr. Bruschetta and I are (technically) high school sweethearts, and sometimes, I get the feeling people are biting back comments about “playing the field” more before settling down. Not really any of their business, but it no longer makes me uncomfortable.
There was nothing young-ish about my age, but I do share a birthday with you!! I wish my next one was “the big 2-3!!”
Like you said, it’s all about meeting the right guy and feeling ready from the inside.
Funny you should post about this. I definitely thought you were too young but I know better than say that to someone I don’t know. I guess people assume that you haven’t “lived life” yet whatever that means.
I’m glad you wrote about this! I turn 23 two weeks after my fiance and I get married and am constantly having complete strangers make awkward comments about my age. I too look like I’m still in high school (even though I just graduated with my masters and am now a child therapist!). I wish people would think a bit before opening their big mouths!
I was 21 when FI popped the big question, and I was still finishing my last semester of college. I’m fortunate that no one has made any rude comments about my young age. I think that has to do with the fact that FI and I have been together for so long (4 years). I am also turning the big 2-3 this year (in Sept)! I just hope they stop carding me at the mall on friday nights (curfew for teens & you have to be 18+ to get in).
Cannot wait for more posts from the Adventures of Young-ish Bride!
The interesting thing for me was the difference between how I was treated down here where I live (in Georgia) and how people acted when I visited my hometown in Maryland. In Tennessee (where my fiance is from) and Georgia, no one has really said anything about my age. I’ll be 22 when we get married (21 now), and my fiance will be 23. After all, all my other friends in Georgia are getting married now, too! When I went up to Maryland for an engagement party, I could tell that people there were.. not necessarily put off by, but wary of being engaged so young. Most of them made comments about how they wouldn’t be ready.. but they were happy for me. So far my parents are the only one who explicitly said something about it, but they were married at 22/23 as well.. so they don’t have much ground to stand on there
Oh girl, I’m right there with you! My favorite comment was from a woman with a daughter younger than me with a baby. Her 19 year old daughter was old enough to be a mother, but me, at 22, not old enough to be engaged. I was 23 on our big day, and my lovely hubby is 22.
On the flip side, my grandparents got married when they were 18 and 19 (thanks to my grandfather going into the military). They will celebrate their 57th anniversary on Friday. They have a wall hanging in their house that says “young marriage, long love.” That’s us!
*Gulp*, ok, here goes…I’ll be getting married a few days before I turn 21! That’s right, I’ll only be *twenty*. My fiance will be 22. Fortunately, anyone who’s scoffed at the age has generally hushed when I’ve told them we’ll both be college graduates, and that I’ll actually have graduated the semester prior (and that I managed to get my 4 year degree in 2 1/2!). I’m actually thankful to be getting married at a young age. I know we both have some growing up to do, but I like that we’ll have the opportunity to do that together. We’ll have been through some real ups and downs, significant difficulties, and will have over 4 years behind us as we walk down the aisle.
*Sigh* ok, time to stop defending myself
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Mrs. Star, New York City Age and Occupation: 22, Actress Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Casting Assistant Wedding Date: October 2009 Venue: Ceremony: The Kraine Theatre, Reception: Midtown Loft & Terrace About Me: I’m a professional actress who’s always had New York City in her blood and I'm finally getting the chance to make a home in Manhattan with my fiancé, my dog, and my big dreams! I love polka dots, craft projects, Dunkin’ Donuts’ iced coffee, and anything sparkly. I’m having a blast planning our elegant/dramatic/New York City/acting-themed/largely-DIY wedding and am thrilled to be the youngest current Miss Blogger!
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