- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee Blog
When I started reading Weddingbee last September, I was suddenly overwhelmed with ideas that I could incorporate into my wedding. Gradually I started changing my mind about many early decisions I had made based on new information gleaned from the hive. Originally I wasn’t going to wear a veil because I thought they were too “bridal”—but when I realized just how many quirky options there are out there, I decided on two veils! One for the ceremony, one for the reception. I wasn’t going to spend a lot of money on a photographer or flowers, but I quickly discovered (based on a ton of photographic evidence) how key these two items are for pulling off “the dream wedding”. And c’mon, I had never even HEARD of out-of-town bags or blocking out hotel rooms for non-local guests!
Having your mind opened is a good thing, no doubt.
One thing that I am stubbornly clinging to, however, is the idea of not having assigned seating for the dinner reception. Some of you will gasp.
Some may even keel over with fright. But no matter how cute (and fun!) the bees have shown me escort cards can be, I refuse to assign seats to my guests.
I’m not saying that I think assigned seating is pointless or rude. I just know it’s not for us; it feels too formal and stiff for the Dude and me. We’re a casual couple. We like to drink beer and eat pizza and wear hoodie sweatshirts. And most of our friends and family are the same kind of people. Our wedding, no matter how much we “class it up”, is going to have a laid-back vibe—the guest list is modest; the venue is elegantly rustic; I’m wearing a short wedding dress; dinner will be served buffet style. I just don’t see how escort cards and table numbers would fit into this scenario.
True, there may be a handful of people there who don’t know anyone else, and not having an assigned seat to go to may be awkward for them. However, since our guest list is pretty small (about 125), the Dude and I will have time to visit with all of the “singles” during dinner. Additionally, I plan on assigning a couple key players to the task of helping those people find seats. The Dude’s sister would be good at this, as would my maid of honor—not a shy bone on either of their bodies! I think the Dude’s family, my family, and all of our friends will, in general, be more comfortable with the idea of choosing their own seats. And we plan on having plenty of tables and chairs, so no there will be no worries about having to squeeze in at a table full of strangers.
I may bow down to Emily Post even when I think an etiquette rule is silly (such as not including info about your registry in your invitation), but I’m not letting go of this relaxed, sit-where-you-please dinner.
What traditional etiquette are you shirking in order to make your wedding more “you”?
my friend is getting married in two weeks and she’s anti-seating list as well [for similar reasons :)] … i’m interested to see how it works! she already asked a couple bridesmaids and myself to take a single guest under our wings and make sure they have a place to sit, and I’m more than happy to oblige 
Way to go! I’ve always believed that just because something is “usually” or “supposed to be” done, doesn’t mean you are obligated to do it. I think weddings should be reflections of a couple’s style and personality, and it sounds like you’re doing just that!
I went to a wedding last weekend with no set seating… it was fine. If it were a bigger wedding there might have been some problems, but only one table tried to fit 9 people instead of 8 with a 100-person guest list, so there weren’t really many issues.
I’ll post more deets in the future, but we’re actually doing the complete opposite — assigning seats for the RD. Good reasons behind it, though…
I thought about nixing arranged seating, but we want people to move in and sit down for dinner pretty quickly (cocktail hour is not at the dinner location) so we are doing table #’s to help usher the process along!
We’re assigning tables because at my sister’s wedding they didn’t do assigned tables/seating and several family members/older guests/guests that were to give toasts were later to the reception (b/c they were taking pictures) and ended up getting the few seats left in the back. Which was sad for the family members and awkward for the toasts.
We had a small, totally relaxed dinner party style wedding, and assigning the seating definately felt like a weird formality. At the wedding, however, it was a minor organizational detail and it didn’t “feel” stuffy or formal. It was appreciated by many guests even though we would have been fine without it.
I have heard that there are some regional differences in terms of seating style. (A friend from South Carolina said that assigned seating was “New York” style). I’m not from either place, but I have been to both assigned and not-assigned seating. The assigned seating was in Northern states, the non-assigned in Southern states. I wonder if anyone would be interested in adding a poll to see if this matches others experiences.
I have enjoyed both types of weddings equally well!
My only word of caution - I was at a wedding last fall where they had a number of no-shows. Because of that, they had a lot of extra seats, and because of this, a cute elderly couple who obviously didn’t know anyone else there ended up sitting at a table for 10 all by themselves. It was sad 
But I was at another wedding in May and they didn’t assign and the room was packed so it worked out well!
Oh and it may be super dorky of me, but I’ve been looking forward to playing around with the seating chart…yes, I’m Miss Stiletto and I’m a big D-O-R-K!
We had no assigned seating and it turned out fine! No issues!
Ah, I wish I could do this! Seating arrangements and place cards stress me out just thinking about it! But are required by my venu since the seated dinner has options guests will have pre-requetsed on the rsvp cards. Who cares about emily post anyway, do what is best for you!
I am def kicking a few things that most brides do out the doors. Personally, and call me weird, but I don’t like bridal portraits. I am very girly and actually really like the way I look in pictures, but for some reason the appeal of having pictures of my wedding dress w/ no groom just isn’t my thing. So obviously this means no bridal portrait at the reception either.
I’m also having my guests RSVP online, which means no inserts in my invitations, I’m sure this is a no no when it comes to etiquette, but it just seems easier to have everything online
the thing about non assigning seats (for us anyway) was that if we did not then people who did not know one another would not mingle with new people but rather stick with the people they knew. When we sat the MOH Fiance with my (male) Cousin they had the best time, bonded and we still hear stories!!! if not for assigned seating they never would have met.
We’re NOt doing assigned seating either for pretty much the same reasons you listed. Right now we’re only expecting about 65 guests and everyone knows at least 5 people there.
We’re all adults, I don’t see why some brides think people can’t be bothered or dont have the know-how to find their own seats.
There are very many things that I’ve done/ haven’t done that some other people may call downright tacky. But do I care? No.
-I didn’t send formal invites. (STD magnet & website)
-I didn’t assign seats.
-I invited people to the bridal shower that were’t invited to the wedding.
-I’m not getting married in a church.
-We aren’t having a bridal party. or flower centerpieces. or a bouquet toss. or garter toss. or DJ for that matter.
-We’re having sno cones at the cocktail hour.
-I bought a skateboard deck to use in lieu of a guestbook.
Is my weding any less of a wedding? No.
To each her own! Dance to the beat of your own drum ladies (and gents).
The only caution I have about not even assigning tables is that I’ve been to a couple weddings where people dragged over chairs from other tables, so there would be like 15 people at some tables and only like 2 chairs left at some, so people ended up sitting alone, etc. It was pretty chaotic…but that might just be FI’s crazy friends that would do that!
No assigned seating here, either! There wouldn’t be room for a dance floor if we seated everyone for dinner — plus we’re saving a boatload of money by not serving a full meal.
*high-fives ya*
I’m not getting married in a church, instead, at the courthouse. The wedding reception will be held on a different day (possible a week apart?), but it will still hold some elements of tradition. Our invitations aren’t formal at all. They are a fun and modern design. My dress is cocktail length. I have a symbolic wedding party. We will serve buffet dinner and our favors will be goodie bags instead. But, we’ll still have a DJ, a photographer, centerpieces, nicer chairs, the first dances, and . . . I think that’s it?
We’re having a maximum of 120 guests. At first, considered not having assigned seating because it just seemed overly anal. Instead, we’re just gonna have assigned tables. I don’t expect everyone to keep their seats.
It’s just a matter of making sure that everyone has a seat and no one group is overstuffed or understuffed. Also, certain family groups can’t sit together . . .
I like reading about seating chart thoughts–I’ve been to a ton of weddings, all in the Midwest, and I’ve yet to go to one with assigned seating, although I would love to (see if it feels as formal as I think it does). I toyed with the idea for our wedding, but frankly, since it’s so accepted around here to have free-for-all seating, I think my friends and Mr. Spin’s family would freak over a seating chart. ^_^
Ah well, less work for me. Mwaha. We’ll just reserve several tables up front for our family members. That’s usually the accepted practice around here.
We skipped assigned seating b/c our families and friends have known each other for years… even though there were over 200 guests.
The only problem we had that threw me for a loop was that the day of coordinator messed up the signs for the reserved tables (bridal party, parents & grandparents) and did not assist properly with seating these individuals. My first sight of my reception was a bridesmaid telling the DO that noone knew where to sit and I paniced inside (tired+hungry=mini panic attack). Just make sure if you have reserved tables to tell the people who will be sitting there. And don’t hire a sub-par DO, like me
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Mrs. Mouse, Austin Age and Occupation: 25, Weddingbee Editor/Attorney Fiance's Age and Occupation: 31, Civil Engineer Engagement Date: December 19, 2007 Wedding Date: September 2009 Venue: Barr Mansion About Me: I just graduated from law school and will be taking the bar, getting married, going on a honeymoon with my guy, and then trying to figure out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. I was born and raised in a small East Texas town, but I'm no country girl! I'm obsessed with British accents, fantasy (including Harry Potter, of course), and classic rock. My fiance and I consider ourselves both music and beer snobs--but every once in awhile we love to hear a crappy band and drink a cheap brew or two. We're planning an eco-friendly, casual, English garden affair for the end of summer, and we can't wait for it to get here!
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 29 | 30 | 31 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |
| 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 |
| 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 |
| 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 |
| 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 |
Latest Gallery Pics