Weddingbee Blog

Source

I know what you are thinking, and there is not a baby duckling on its way. However, that was the topic of the week at our couples counseling.

It was an interesting conversation to have, and while we’ve talked about it before, it was a good time to really look at a variety of issues. I thought I’d share some of the conversations that we had.

We started right at the actual birth and labor aspect. Now, because of my psychology degree and lifespan developmental/women’s issues classes, I have seen several videos of births. And honestly, it scares me a little bit each time.

I always thought that I would be one to ask for some medication to manage the pain. Our therapist asked if I had ever considered hypnotherapy during labor, because it takes away the pain. I had never heard of it, but after her explanation I would definitely consider it as an option. Has anyone ever tried hypnotherapy?

When do we want kids? Mr. Ducky and I have always said that we want to wait at least 3 years or so before starting to have kids. We are both young and really want to invest in our relationship and build a strong foundation as a married couple before introducing kids into the picture. Another huge factor is financial readiness. Could an accident happen and could we end up with a baby sooner, rather than later? Yes, but we are hoping this will not be the case. We both agree that we would like 2 kids.

I’d like to be home with the baby at first, but I don’t see myself becoming a full-time stay at home mom. As a therapist I am able to set my own hours and days that I work. I hope to arrange my hours so that I am working when our kids are in school and be able to pick them up and be home with them in the afternoon. Before they are in school, I would maybe want to work a few days a week and arrange child care accordingly depending on where we are at that point. Mr. Ducky is very supportive of these ideas. He knows that I love what I do and how much I have invested in my education. He wants me to be able to continue my work and be a mom.

How do we want to raise our children? Mr. Ducky and I had similar upbringings in terms of values and discipline. Our families were a good balance of strong boundaries and lots of support. We want to raise our kids in that same environment. We want to take our kids to church with us and teach them about our faith. There will be discipline, but also conversations of understanding and acceptance.

It’s really important to me that even after we get married, we continue to “date” and pursue one another. Our relationship will always be a priority and we will continue to be husband and wife as well as being parents. I think it is easy to lose those roles when the focus becomes the children. Mr. Ducky and I want to be accountable to each other that we continue to take time for ourselves and invest in our relationship even when children come into the picture. This means that we have to start the habit of date nights, etc., now.

While I don’t think either of us are ready for kids yet, it was exciting to think about the future. It also gave us a chance to reflect on the appreciation we have for our families. We are both lucky to have amazing parents that invested in us and gave us so many opportunities.

Alright, hive, now it is your turn for some questions:

• How many kids do you plan on having?
• When do you want to have kids?
• If you already have kids, what effects will marriage have on them?
• Do you or your partner plan on being at home for any period of time after they are born? Will someone be a stay at home mom or dad?
• How do you plan on disciplining your children?
• Have you and your partner talked much about children in the future?
• Do you share the same view on most things related to children?

What topics have you covered in your couples counseling or premarital classes?