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To say it has been a rough few days would be an understatement. And everything that has gone on has left me with very little motivation to work on any projects or blog. I have a half-done pomander to show soon, and even a few half-written posts about other projects. Unfortunately, all of these things have fallen out of my view after some bad (partially expected news) fell in my lap instead.
One of my bridesmaids is backing out.
To say the least, this breaks my heart. But I had a feeling it was coming. To make a very long and complicated story short, we have just grown apart. Very, very far apart. We were roommates in college and shortly after Mr. Cloud asked me to marry him, I asked her to be my maid of honor. Not long after that, things started to change. She got “busy”, and I started planning and expecting too much. We had a conversation and decided it would be better for her to be a bridesmaid, so she could still be involved, just with less on her shoulders. This should have been a warning sign. It has now come to light that she not only is tired of hearing about my planning progress, but she no longer wants to be involved. Period. Despite my bitterness about the situation, it was still hard to hear that, and I still cried.
I am trying to focus on the fact that I still have wonderful ladies who love me, and other people who want to be involved and are interested about what is going on. But it still causes me to second guess every time I open my mouth about any of these details. I find myself wondering who else might be getting upset or sick of it all. Mr. C says I can’t dwell though, and he’s right. I want people standing up with me who are there for ME, and love Mr. C and me, and want to celebrate with us. Not ones who think of us and our day as an annoyance.
So, I’m focusing on other things. I’m going to finish that pomander, and those posts, and be excited for our tasting with the reception site and my first shower!! I refuse to allow one person to put a damper on such an important and special event. REFUSE.
Instead, I will leave you with a pretty picture of our gorgeous reception venue, The Jefferson Hotel! I will be sharing all of its beautiful details soon because I am still swooning every time I see it!
Did your engagement result in a damaged relationship? What happened, and were you able to get through it?
Oh Ms. Cloud - I understand completely! I had the same thing happen! My MOH is no longer… we had a pretty bad falling out and I knew it was coming, but it was still really hard. My FI has been really great and supportive, as well as the rest of my family and friends. You really only do want people there for you that will be genuinely happy for you. Good luck - it will all work out. Lots of hugs!
Miss Cloud, I’m sorry you had to go through such heart-ache! 
Sigh. Unfortunately I do understand. My sister is supposed to be my MOH…but she ran off in January and married her boyfriend and hasn’t talked to me in months. Her name will be in the program, but I have no reason to think she will be there on that day. I understand it is tough, but try to focus on the people who will be there for you, loving and supporting you.
I’m sorry Miss Cloud! I’ve been there too - I asked an old friend to be a BM and then we both slowly started to realize we weren’t as close as we had once been, but she didn’t tell me about it until after blowing up at me in a huge argument about something COMPLETELY frivolous and not wedding related. It was a bummer, but eh, what can you do? You have other ladies and friends who I’m sure are absolutely thrilled to stand by you!
Miss Cloud, I so feel for you. I have also struggled with feeling like no one wants to hear anything about our wedding. It’s so hard. I go back and forth with being afraid to say anything to anyone, thinking that people are secretly scoffing at me, and being resentful that I have to pretend like I’m not getting married in order not to offend anyone. I’m so sorry you are going through this.
I’m so sorry Miss Cloud!! what a terrible thing to experience during what is supposed to be a wonderful time in your life! I hope you feel better soon and just think about your wonderful reception venue! as another Richmond bride-to-be I know the Jefferson is a gorgeous place for the reception…you will have such a good time there!
To put it short, I can relate to this.
I hope that you keep your chin up and DO focus on the other lovely ladies in your life!
Good for you! Right attitude, refuse to let her get you down!
I’m so sorry to hear this! I had something similar happen, but to be honest, I was SO *relieved* when my bridesmaid backed down, and felt happy more than anything. I’m so glad you’re focusing on all the fantastic people who are with you and supporting you!
awww… sorry to hear about that. i am firm believer that things happen for a reason. and this too shall past. it’s great thing that you have turned ur lemons into lemonade.
WOW! Your venue is to die for! I’m sorry you’ve had to go through some hard things with your MOH-turned bridesmaid. But like you said, you want people by your side who love and support you and Mr.C completely! I’m a firm believer in “everything happens for a reason”. Maybe her backing out now saved you from having to go through something harder and more emotional closer to the wedding. Or heaven forbid something terrible happen on your big day. I know it hurts but try and look at the positives. And when you get sad about it look at Mr. C and all your sadness will melt away. 
Oh man, Miss Cloud, I am right there with you. The same thing occured with my dear friend and old roommate, who I lived with when I first became engaged. I wanted her to be a BM and of course be there and she was really weird about the dates and ultimately ended up telling me that she wasn’t happy for us and didn’t think our marriage would work out. It has been really difficult. On top of that, we made mutual (I thought) decisions about moving out of our place and then she demanded that I pay her money for it.
Needless to say, she is NOT coming to the wedding. I have been able to see how amazing my MOH, other BM and mom are though. They are so helpful and happy for me. That’s what it is supposed to be about.
Hang in there. This sounds like it is about her and not about you.
I can completely relate. I had a friend who, before I was even engaged, acted icky when I mentioned my FI. I tried to make the best out of it, but when I asked her one day “do you want to know when I get engaged?” and she replied “ugh, no…why would you get engaged? dumb.” I pretty much wrote her off.
She never congratulated me on my engagement after it actually happened, not that I’m surprised. She still sees me every once in awhile due to mutual friends, but suffice to say, we’re not really friends anymore.
Glad to hear that you have the right attitude about it — who wants someone standing up in their wedding who really, truly does not want to be there? best of luck!
Ms Could I understand you completely. The BM that backed out on me was my cousin. It was really hard and still hurts but I am not going to dwell on it. I have one month left and am going to have an amazing wedding.
I am so sorry Miss Cloud! I went through the same thing with one of my bridesmaids. At the time I asked her, we were close and working at the same company. A few months later, she became pregnant and changed jobs. We stayed in touch for awhile, but after her baby shower, I slowly felt her losing interest in the wedding. I couldn’t get her to commit to our engagement party (which fell through) or to meet me for bridesmaid dress shopping. When the rest of my girls chose a dress and I sent her the link, she was upset at the price. I could tell she didn’t want to be a part of the bridal party any longer, so I approached her and asked her how she was feeling before we bought the dresses, and she admitted that she wanted out. What was left of our friendship quickly deteriorated after that, as we both became busy with our own lives. It’s sad how someone can go from bridesmaid (or MOH in your case) to distant acquaintence in just one year. It’s one of the tricky things about long engagements, I suppose! You never know what will happen between “I will” and “I do!”
But you are right about not letting it upset you. It’s so easy to focus on negative people or things during wedding planning, but when you stop and think about all of the people who truly love you and are excited for your wedding - that is tmost important! In the end, I couldn’t have asked for better bridesmaids, and I know you will feel the same way!
You know, it’s funny. my FI has had so much more backlash than I have. To say the least his friends do NOT like me. One of them completely trash talked me to him, and they don’t even speak anymore. It breaks my heart (more than his i think), but he just says that his real friends will be happy that he’s happy. I know everyone is so sick of hearing about our wedding, and I’m crazy obsessed with talking about it, and that does not make a good combination. I’ve lost one “bridesmaid” because she was his friend, and now hates me. (the trash talking ex friend of FI’s is her sister, go figure)
I can completely relate…I’m 5 weeks out before my wedding, some of my girls just had their fittings, needless to say my best friend since I was 15 called and told me not only was she backing out but she wouldn’t be there at all…I was just finalizing bouquets and ceremony programs. It hurts a lot because I’ve gone over and beyond for her, her wedding, 1st baby and no matter how many or how far others are traveling to make it, I won’t have her.
I am so sorry for the news but I might also understand her position. A good friend of mine got engaged last year and without asking she assumed that I would be a bridesmaid. Although surprised at first, I reluctantly went along with the plan. Realizing the type of wedding she wants (extravagant and expensive) I feel as though I cannot be an adequate bridesmaid. I cannot afford the bridesmaid dress nevertheless showers and other bridesmaids duties. I would like to explain this to her but I have no idea how to bring it up without hurting her feelings. I want her day to be everything she dreamed of and I want to support her, I’m just not able to do it the right way. I would rather be a guest enjoying the wedding then a bridesmaid dreading her credit card bill. Please help!
(((((HUGS))))
I am in your place right now
My bridesmaid dropped out yesterday..5 weeks to go and I think that it may have been the end of a freindship too.
I am sorry and I really understand your pain. I have had the worst time with feeling like people are laughing at me or are sick of me for talking about it. It has made me feel alone. I feel like instead of gushing…I stop myself and get embaressed. I feel like no one else can understand.
BUT….as I have now been doing this for almost 8 months…I am getting a little better about that. I have learned that your REAL friends do care and they want to hear about it. My other BM listens endlessly, though I am sure she is SICK of hearing about it somedays. Another freind pokes fun at me a little…but overall…totally has my back.
The bridesmaid who left is someone I had doubts about from the begining. It isn’t the same situation as yours…because it was a huge fight that ultimatly took her out of the wedding…but I had a feeling that something might happen. I have 36days and I am just going to roll with hte punches. I have a freind who I wished I had asked all along to be a maid…and she is the same dress size. So it all works out in the end
Think of it and thinning out the crowd and cutting the fat. I KNOW it sucks to lose someone …..but let that make the light shine evne brighter on the people who love you. Look around! I bet you have a bunch of people who love and support you with all thier hearts. Don’t let one person bring you down.
Chin up and big (((((((HUGS)))))))
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Mrs. Cloud, Richmond Age and Occupation: 25, Sales Rep Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Customer Service Manager/DJ Engagement Date: February 14, 2008 Wedding Date: November 2009 Venue: Cathedral of the Sacred Heart & The Jefferson Hotel About Me: Mr. Cloud and I are Yankees planning a Southern wedding to show our families from Boston and New York our fabulous city. We are complete opposites, resulting in a wedding to include bridesmaids in pearls and groomsmen in Adidas shell toes. I’m a sorority girl at heart with strong addictions to my blackberry, cherry Chapstick, Coach purses, the Boston Red Sox and our fur baby, Bella. I can’t wait to the throw the party of our lives and of course, marry my best friend!
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