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Mrs. Penguin, Northern California Age and Occupation: 27, Weddingbee Editor in Chief Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Doctor of Physical Therapy Engagement Date: January 29, 2007 Wedding Date: June 7, 2008 Blogging Since: September 14, 2007 Venue: Winery in the Gold Country About Me: I love the Spice Girls, dogs with underbites, bean burritos, making messes, high fives, avoiding showers, crossword puzzles, blogs, weddings, and blogs about weddings!
About Mrs. Penguin

DOC-less and Regretful

July 6th, 2009 @ 4:49 pm by Mrs. Penguin

Despite almost every bee before me advising that their day of coordinator was one of the best investments they made in their weddings, I just refused to listen. I considered myself a laid-back bride. I definitely thought that if things went wrong during our wedding day, I would just be able to roll with the punches. This is NOT what having a DOC is about. Anal or not, someone will have to take on this task on your wedding day, whether you pay them or not, especially if you’re a DIY bride. This is my experience, and I hope that if you’re on the fence as to whether or not to hire a DOC, this helps you make your decision!

Our wedding was very DIY in almost every aspect. Our florist was not on-site, our friend was our DJ, and other than the cake and groom’s cake bakers delivering our cakes, the only real vendors on site were people associated with our reception venue. With so few vendors on site at our wedding, someone had to take the reins and make sure everything was in place… and that person was NOT me. Don’t delude yourself (like I did) into thinking that you can swing by the ceremony site in the morning and run around and set everything up as a DIY bride. It’s unrealistic, and really, it takes away from the experience of your day, I think. At crunch time you should be spending time with your closest friends and family, primping and preening!

I was pretty selfish when it came to planning out the setup of our wedding day. There were so many people that told us that they were available to help set up the wedding, that I was just oddly confident we could all just throw something together at the last minute. After all the sweat I put into all those DIY projects, I thought, ‘we’ll just throw it all out there.’ I have no idea why. Finally, during the week of the wedding, I realized that it was unrealistic to send out a massive gang of my family members out to the site (most non-English speaking) and have them just throw it all together. They really had no idea what I had been planning all along, and describing it to a gaggle of Thai relatives just didn’t seem like the right thing to do. So, I realized I had to put someone in charge; someone who already had a real idea of what I’d envisioned.

I LUCKED OUT tremendously on this front. Obviously I’d been blogging my whole wedding process, and my friend Jenny Louwheeeeeeeeeze had been following along, as she’d been planning her own gorgeous wedding to take place a few months after mine. I put together a quick Google document (viewable here) and begged of her assistance setting the reception up. She happily obliged (and had no idea what she was getting herself into).

I took several steps in order to help ease her process:

  • I created the directions document (above)
  • At Mrs. Lemon’s suggestion, I packed each table’s contents up in 19 individual boxes (one per table) so each box could be plopped on each table, unpacked, and everything that I’d provided for each table would be available. Each box was marked clearly with the table number, and who was to be seated at that table, so contents could be double checked.
  • I spent a late night the night before the wedding (after the RD) at Jenny’s house recreating the centerpieces with her so she knew exactly how it was all to work.

The individual table boxes were genius—and I don’t have any pictures of them in action, but we use them for storage now, so here’s what they look like today:

w197025

Each labeled box included a table number and stand, the centerpiece glass, 6 votive holders and candles, and 6 favors, and had them delivered to the reception site the day before the wedding.

I showed up early to the site—although by then I had my hair, makeup, and dress on, and couldn’t really help. I unrealistically thought I’d show up to the site in work clothes to help set up, but it just didn’t work out.

On the day of, our friends and family (officiant, my dad and a couple uncles, Jenny, our DJ) showed up to set up. None of them were professionals, but I was confident that whatever happened, I’d be happy with it. And they did a fantastic job. There were small hitches, but none big enough to revisit nor dwell upon. To me, it was perfect. But to our “friendors”, it was a different story, and being good friends, they hid it from me, but the truth came out once it was all said and done, and I was really upset about it.

The site coordinator (included with our venue) was extremely rude to my friends and family. I don’t know if she thought that our friends and family were actual professionals, and therefore she felt that she could treat them like “workers”, or what, but I heard from several people that she was yelling at them and treating them really poorly. At the last minute, I emailed our DJ friend, Chris, a playlist of ceremony music, and for whatever reason, he didn’t get it. No worries, he thought… he would just talk to us (by now it was an hour before the ceremony) and ask us if we had any ideas for alternative music. The site coordinator had other ideas. For some reason, she said, under no circumstances, was he allowed to talk to us. I guess this was a communication error on my part, but I never expressed to the site coordinator that these were my friends, not wedding professionals, and I was absolutely available at any time for them to chat with us about logistics. By that time, we were just hanging out, waiting for the ceremony to start, in a room off to the side. We weren’t doing ANYTHING and frankly, I didn’t give a crap if our guests saw me before the ceremony. If someone needed help, I wanted to be there. But the site coordinator acted as a barrier to my friends and family. I had no idea because I was behind closed doors. Chris ended up in a panic, being yelled at by the site coordinator, and was forced to play a 20 second loop of the non-instrumental version of our ceremony music. It sounded awful, and had he been able to run in and ask us what we wanted, we could have easily told him that he was free to just play the full vocal version of the song that he happened to have on hand. After all, it was my fault for emailing him the set list so late… but instead, he was being punished. Jenny reluctantly reported (she didn’t tell me, but her sister told me) that she was also treated the same… and that the reception was much more work than we both thought it’d be to set up.

I was devastated. This was not how I wanted a good portion of my closest friends and family to remember our wedding day… being barked and yelled at by some inexperienced site coordinator. Honestly, if they’d all been professionals, and the site coordinator treated them poorly, I would have probably felt a little bad, but not that bad. After all, it wasn’t my fault that the lady was less-than-cordial. But because these were our closest friends, doing us tremendous favors on our wedding day, I was crushed.

I think what I learned was that if you have your friends and family setting up your wedding, let EVERYONE know that you’re available to talk, chat, and answer questions, at any given moment during the setup process. If this isn’t something you’re willing to do, and you want to be unavailable to “help” on your wedding day, then a DOC is definitely for you. It was my fault for failing to alert the site coordinator of the fact that I was happy to be available to work logistics, even though this wasn’t something I even thought to tell her before the wedding. I understand her reasoning—she felt it was her job to make sure that my day was stress-free, and didn’t want “vendors” bugging me with pesky questions, and in a way, she did a great job. I had no idea that all this was going on. But, in the end, not just hiring someone to be our DOC was something I’ll always regret. I feel horrible that our friends were yelled and snapped at on our wedding day. Plus, we were a bit in over our heads with setup. I was convinced that having Jenny on site 3 hours or so before the ceremony was supposed to begin would be enough time for her to set up the tables. What did I know? This is something that a good DOC would know—and she/he would have probably realized that this was not enough time. Everything got done, but not without a lot of panic on Jenny’s end.

If you do have a lot of vendors on site on the day of your wedding, there is a chance you could get away without a DOC. With an experienced person handling each of their duties: flower set-up, rental set-up, catering manager, DJ, etc., it may be possible that everything will run smoothly. AT LEAST you should designate a friend, not directly involved in your day (perhaps an attendant or a close friend that has been enthusiastic about your wedding plans but isn’t a bridesmaid) and give all your vendors that friend’s cell phone number. Ideally, she’d be on site at your reception site a few hours before the wedding, overseeing things, and would have a clear idea of YOUR vision for the decor and feel of your wedding.

So, here I am, another married bee, suggesting that if you DIY your wedding, that you hire a DOC.

What say you? Have you decided to hire a DOC? If you’re a married DIY bride that chose not to have a DOC, how’d your wedding day go?

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52 Responses to “DOC-less and Regretful”

1.
Bee Icon
Bee
Miss Star (message)  1,291 posts, Bumble bee

What a cool post. I love the Google Document that you created. It’s something like what I want to give my DOC.

 
2.
Gilneas
Member
Gilneas (message)  1,029 posts, Bumble bee

This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately… we chose our venue partly because we really liked the venue contact, who would be there and coordinating stuff on the day of our wedding. But I’m a wee bit of a control freak, and think a DoC would help to alleviate some stress, and I had a friend who is starting her own DoC business offer to do it for $300… but I don’t know if that would be stepping on the catering manager’s toes, or a worthwhile investment - will there be enough for her to do?

We’re heading to our venue in about two weeks to talk details, so this is something I’ll definitely ask and see how involved the venue contact is on the day of the wedding - I’ve been to so many weddings lately where the venue contact / maitre’d has been AWFUL (one even walked down the aisle right before the bride, scattering the petals he forgot to put out before the ceremony), and it’s gotten me very worried!

 
3.
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Bee
Miss Bruschetta (message)  5,553 posts, Bee Keeper

Argh. I’m STILL on the fence about the DOC decision, and waiting to hear from my caterer if his staff will be able to handle some of the setup. Our florist’s going to take care of her part, obviously, but I really don’t want to be worrying at all about such small details. Any tips on getting a DOC to drop his/her price since we’d be booking so close to our date?

 
4.
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Guest
Rubrowneyes

I was the maid of honor at my sister’s wedding on Saturday. She did not have a doc, and I had not planned to. However, this morning I emailed one immediately after I woke up. Why? My sister’s wedding was lovely, homegrown, and family oriented, and even THIS wedding would have gone a lot more smoothly with a doc. I was running around so much, taking care of so many details, I didn’t have makeup on until 5 minutes before the wedding was scheduled to start. My fiance even said I was so stressed, he did not want to even see me the week prior to our wedding!! My sister was very laid back and did not seem concerned (our goal), but it definitely made for some extremely stressed out family members pulling their hair out all day.

 
5.
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Bee
Mrs. Yorkie (message)  1,015 posts, Bumble bee

We DIYed a lot of our wedding and, like you, went DOC-less. Mama Yorkie took it upon herself to direct the setup, and while it turned out absolutely beautifully, I think hiring a DOC definitely would have eliminated a lot of stress. Poor Mama Y didn’t have time to get her nails done and had forgotten her earrings and shoes at the house, requiring an extra trip home. I definitely hear ya, Pengy!

 
6.
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Member
vintage2010 (message)  1,028 posts, Bumble bee

My SIL who got married in April hired a DOC and she was wasteless. My family still ended up doing all the work and coordinating. I took the time to label the boxes similiar to who you did. But they lady was only concerned with telling us when it was time to walk down the asile. She never went around and made sure the flowers, center pieces, cakes etc. we even on the tables! Needless to say, if you do hire a DOC make sure that your contract specifies that they will make sure all decorations, hired vendors, etc are in place prior to the wedding according to your instructions. I am not going to hire a DOC because my aunt is the florist and she’ll oversee that and then my other aunt is a former DOC so I’ll ask her to oversee the finer details of the day.

 
7.
Miss Burgundy
Hostess
Miss Burgundy (message)  907 posts, Busy bee

Peng….it sounds like you have a lot of wedding regret! I hope you still look back on it as a happy day…

 
8.
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Guest
MDaggs678

I took Mrs. Lemon’s advice as well and put each table’s contents in a bag. It made it SO easy for friends and family helping to set up the reception room. I didn’t have a DOC but I did have a great site coordinator, DJ and photographer that kept things moving. And my amazing friends and family pitched in to help set up the reception room. I was hesitant to ask them since I didn’t want them working on my wedding day but they were more than happy to help. My bridesmaids told me they got everything set up in 15 minutes, thanks to my very organized instructions!!

I think having a DOC is a good idea though. I didn’t feel like I needed one but it is nice to be organized on your wedding day and not feel like you are overwhelmed with the happenings of the day. You should be able to just relax and leave the set up to professionals.

 
9.
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Bee
Mrs. Cookie (message)  784 posts, Busy bee

Thank you, thank you for this post, Pengy! I feel the exact same way! I really, really wish we would have just bit the bullet and hired a professional DOC. A family friend offered to be our DOC, plus our family and friends helped with the setup. Although they did a fantastic job, I feel like they missed out on our day. Also, some details were not set-up on time for our photographers to capture. Not the end of the world, but my biggest wedding regret.

 
10.
Mrs. Penguin
Bee
Mrs. Penguin (message)  2,149 posts, Buzzing bee

@Miss Burgundy: Our day was wonderful! Very sad about how our family was treated, though. :( I carry a lot of guilt (I don’t like to take favors from people, because I feel indebted to them… inherited this trait from my dad!), so asking my friends and family to help out like that, and in turn them being treated poorly, has def. hung over my head. As for our wedding day, it was fantastic!

 
11.
Mrs. Penguin
Bee
Mrs. Penguin (message)  2,149 posts, Buzzing bee

@Gilneas: Doesn’t hurt to ask your catering manager clearly what he expects his job to be on the day of your wedding. If you think he’d feel like his toes were stepped on, ask him if you think it’s a good idea for you to hire someone to take care of XXX, XXX, XXX details, and ask him what he will take care of, so that you can let your extra help know to steer clear of your catering manager’s duties. I def. think there are SO many little tasks that need to be overseen and accomplished on the day of, and I don’t think a caterer will be willing to take care of it (set up your guestbook table? Set up escort cards? Scatter flowers/petals? Direct lost guests and bridal party members to the right place?).

 
12.
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Member
sefditz (message)  52 posts, Worker bee

I am also having a completely DIY wedding. I have chosen NOT to hire a DOC. Instead, my 2 aunts will be my DOC’s. I love the list though—and the box idea, so I think we will absolutely do this!

 
13.
Miss French Bulldog
Bee
Miss French Bulldog (message)  6,077 posts, Bee Keeper

I’ve been begging my mom from day one to get a DOC! She recently hired my top pick and I could not be happier :)

 
14.
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Member
sarsk624 (message)  346 posts, Helper bee

I’m getting nervous I opted not to have one as well as I start to worry about logistics. Our event coordinator on-site is wonderful. She flawlessly laid out our evening without a hitch. I’ve had it in hand since April. But we are getting married in a church that is only 15 miles away though it takes 45 minutes to get there. I won’t be there to ensure things are set-up properly and I’m nervous. But I’m two months out so I think I’m stuck in my bed

 
15.
Mrs. Tiramisu
Bee
Mrs. Tiramisu (message)  877 posts, Busy bee

Oh I feel so strongly about this too- hiring our DOC was the best thing we ever did! Sure your friends / family could do at very least an ok job, but having them enjoy the day as guests instead- and getting to spend that extra time with them- that was priceless to me.

 
16.
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kbp81 (message)  25 posts, Newbee

@Miss Bruschetta: Do you have any acquaintances that may not be invited to the wedding but you know are super organized and awesome? I knew we wouldn’t be able to budget in a DOC, but a friend of ours kind of assumed his invitation to the wedding (he wasn’t on our list) but thankfully offered to help - so I asked him about being DOC. He’s doing it for the cost of the hotel room and some gas money (and we’re getting him a gift, obviously) - but I am already feeling a little weight lifted knowing that all my calls will be forwarded to someone else that day!

 
17.
SanDiegoAli
Member
SanDiegoAli (message)  937 posts, Busy bee

A DOC was a *must* for me and I don’t think I’ll be DIYing THAT much stuff. I want to be able to relax and enjoy the day and I hope that my friends and family will be able to do the same.

 
18.
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Bee
Mrs. Kitten (message)  705 posts, Busy bee

I’m SO glad we had a DOC! It was really a must for a destination wedding. Plus, I really wanted to enjoy my wedding day with friends and family without putting them to work.

 
19.
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Bee
Miss D'orsay (message)  1,295 posts, Bumble bee

k…I’m gonna go look up my previous emails with potential DOC’s and pick one….

 
20.
Gilneas
Member
Gilneas (message)  1,029 posts, Bumble bee

@Mrs. Penguin: Thanks!! Very smart advice.

 
21.
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Guest
Becki

We have no room in our budget for a DOC, barely squeaking by with everything else. There is an on site coordinator but the interesting part is the person I will sit down with in two weeks to finalize everything is the venue’s 9-5 M-F coordinator and on weekend events they have someone different who probably just looks at paper work and the contract and makes sure everything happens….I accidentally ran across this ‘weekend’ coordinator the first time at the venue, at the time I didn’t know who she was but she struck me as very shy and quiet. Just about all our guests are coming with someone, I just don’t feel confident asking anyone in my family or his family. Neither families have been to a wedding in a long time and don’t have a clue about anything wedding-related. A friend of mine mentioned many months ago that she could do the running around which sounded great at the time but we’ve barely talked since then because her life has been very hectic. She’s bringing her boyfriend who I’ve never met and he knows no one but her. I’d like to ask her again but I don’t like the idea that she’d probably have to leave him alone off and on.

 
22.
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Guest
Mary

My friend in Minneapolis used a DOC coordinator, and she was named the “Best of Minneapolis”, so she thought it was a good choice. But she was a disaster. Totally rude to her family. So I say, not all DOC are worth the money! In this case, she made the church’s DOC coordinator mad, and she also angered the bride’s family!

 
23.
Muffet
Member
Muffet (message)  106 posts, Blushing bee

I’ve been on the fence about hiring a DOC and frankly, after seeing the Bees’ DOC budgets I was pretty sure I would not be spending that kind of cash on a DOC. I did happen to find a friendor that would handle DOC duties for a “donation” (I’m still trying to figure out what that means). Thanks to your post I think I’ll sort out the friendor’s “donation” request and hire her.

 
24.
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Guest
amysue

Our DOC was absolutely the best money we spent. We didn’t worry about a thing on the day of and she managed everything, from details about set-up to family drama. I was worried that she might be overbearing because I’ve had that negative experience with other DOCs in the past as a guest at weddings. However, she was great to everybody and easy to work with.

Before hiring somebody, I would definitely recommend shopping around, getting recommendations from people you trust, and googling names to see what people say on websites. You should also meet in person to make sure your personalities mesh. Our DOC was familiar with our venue and its (many!) quirks which was so, so helpful.

Anyway, I’m sorry that you had this experience, Mrs. Penguin, but I’m glad that you weren’t aware of it on the day of, and I’m glad you’re able now to offer this advice to other bees!

 
25.
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Bee
Mrs. Peony (message)  318 posts, Helper bee

I’m so sorry about the way your family and friends were treated. :-( How unprofessional!

Hiring a DOC was the best decision we made about the wedding. Not only was I able to relax and enjoy and day, she even recommended some of my favorite vendors.

 
26.
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Guest
April

I had a very diy wedding and set up everything the morning of the wedding. It was very stressful. My mom pulled the diva card and was a bit of a pain, We did get everything pretty much done with in 2.5 hours except the food which had to be set up. I did leave specific instructions but the weren’t followed. Things like buy three tapered candles to put in the candleholders on the cake table. Instead there were empty candlesitck holders. No one lit the candles on the tables or on the fireplace mantle until I got there and assigned my sorority sisters to do it. The lights to the building were all on and there were only supposed to be half of the lights on. It was very dissapointing. But my budget was tiny $2500 so there just wasn’t any room in the budget and to be honest I didn’t even know about a DOC.

My sister is getting married at the same place with a $3000 budget so there’s still not room for a DOC but we learned a big lesson. We’ll be having the place for three days. 1 to set up, 1 to party,1 to take down. We’re doing most everything the day before. The only things we’ll have to do is set the flowers in their vases, put the pom poms in the trees and anything else paper that can’t go outside overnight. I guess I’m her DOC and I’m so glad for this site! I’ve learned a ton!

 
27.
MrsWoohoo
Member
MrsWoohoo (message)  331 posts, Helper bee

My DOC wasn’t what I expected. I gave her the schedule (with specific times, names, and motions) for the entire day, starting from when I was up in the morning getting my hair done all the way until clean-up at the reception. I had been keeping in touch with her so that she knew what I wanted. Day of, minutes before I was about to walk down the aisle with my dad, my cousin comes up and asks me where the cake and truffles were. Of course I was not happy that my family had been up in the reception area when the ceremony had already begun and that my “DOC” was not around for me to tell her that this was not okay. Funny that she didn’t ask me for a review…

But of course, nothing was going to keep me down on my wedding day! I had a blast with hubby and our dear friends! At least she wasn’t rudely yelling at us?

 
28.
budgetbeautiful
Member
budgetbeautiful (message)  1,188 posts, Bumble bee

Even though our wedding is on the small side, it never occured to me not to hire a DOC. As corny as it may sound, I want someone to do the worrying and work for me and I know my DOC will have my back!

 
29.
MrsSl82be
Member
MrsSl82be (message)  1,472 posts, Bumble bee

I am sooo glad we have a DOC, I was on the fence for a while about it, but I’m glad I decided that it was a must since we’re doing so much DIY. I’m so relieved that my family and friends won’t have to experience what your friends and family did….

I don’t want to be bothered on the big day so this works best for us

 
30.
tea
Member
tea (message)  2,658 posts, Sugar bee

i’m looking to get a doc as i don’t want to run the risk of my friends missing the ceremony because they were still setting up the reception. but i do love the table box idea and will definitely find a way to do that!

 
31.
linzella
Member
linzella (message)  407 posts, Helper bee

I had a pretty intensive DIY wedding that went off fine without a DOC. Granted, we were working with an awesome catering/venue staff who set up EVERYTHING (including my DIY centerpieces, guestbook table, place cards, cookie buffet, and linens that I purchased from another company). I dropped everything off at the catering office the Thursday before the wedding in CLEARLY labeled boxes, and they took it from there. Also, the church where we had our ceremony had a very helpful “church lady” who ran the rehearsal and ensured that everyone was in their places and on cue on the wedding day. Family/friends helped out with a few things the day of the wedding, but no one person was responsible for too much.

It’s funny that you mentioned your family having conflicts with wedding vendors while they were helping setup. One reason I didn’t want a DOC was b/c I remember being snapped at by my sister’s DOC on her wedding day! The DOC was sweet and sugary to my sister (the bride) but a total B to the rest of our family.

I think a key for us in not having a DOC was that we were working with very professional and experienced vendors who didn’t need extra guidance to get the job done. In our vendor interviews, we asked them what their opinions of DOCs were, and we chose vendors who said they didn’t feel that DOCs were necessary.

 
32.
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Bee
Miss Cloud (message)  587 posts, Busy bee

My doc has already saved my life! We hired her as a doc and partial coordinator, and she is on point! We met with others though, one I almost hired but I followed my gut and waited to meet someone I was sure I clicked with. I think if someone gets you as a person, they will also understand what you expect as a bride!

 
33.
Jenniphyr
Member
Jenniphyr (message)  1,397 posts, Bumble bee

While I understand the reasoning behind having a DOC, I still don’t want one…and I don’t think I’ll need one. We’re not having assigned seating or anything like that, so no escort cards; we’re also not having laid-out “tables” per se, just picnic blankets in a basket, so no need for centrepieces, etc. We’ll have to bring the food, blankets, decorations (mostly lighting stuff), the speaker, programs, guest book, etc. Mostly little stuff that can all be arranged on a couple long tables: one for food, one for programs/guestbook/etc. Our speaker is a really nice Bose sound system specifically designed to be portable; we just need to set it where we want it and plug it into our iPod/laptop. The only part I’m worried about is setting up all the lighting decorations, especially if we opt to decorate the back-up tent as well.

 
34.
poodle
Bee
poodle (message)  3,020 posts, Sugar bee

Ok so I have a huge stomached now :( our wedding will be DIY on almost every aspect, I think I was very naive on my “wedding day” vision, because I thought I would be able to physically set everything. Now that I think about it, I don’t think is a good idea or even possible.

 
35.
Mrs. Bee
Bee
Mrs. Bee (message)  3,261 posts, Sugar bee

Hiring a DOC was one of the best decisions we made during our wedding planning. I can’t imagine what our wedding would have been like without them!

 
36.
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Bee
Mrs. Taffy (message)  2,605 posts, Sugar bee

Hiring a DOC definitely took the stress off of me the day of. Luckily, our wedding venue took on placing the escort cards and favors, and the florist installed the centerpieces and ceremony flowers, so all they really had to do was accept the vendors before things started, as well as keep everything running on schedule. They did a great job!

For some reason, I didn’t want them to be setting up certain decorative elements (like the favor voting station and guest book table, or the very minimal ceremony decorations), so my sisters did the ceremony decorations and we did the few things in the reception area. My friend Katie was going to do it, but our hair ran way early (I know this isn’t always the case), and two bridesmaids and I were able to set up everything in under ten minutes, before we put our dresses on. I had time to call my friend and tell her that she didn’t have to worry about coming early!

 
37.
llc2011
Member
llc2011 (message)  466 posts, Helper bee

Thanks for posting this, it reassures me that we made the right decision in booking a wedding coordinator.

 
38.
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Bee
Miss Bruschetta (message)  5,553 posts, Bee Keeper

@Miss D’orsay: I think I’ll be doing the same thing tomorrow!

 
39.
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Guest
Nickki

I never realized it until a bridesmaid actually called me a DOC that I was one! I was/am always the go-to-girl at family and friend weddings that can fix a dress, touch up makeup, wrangle guests, etc with ease. Of all of the weddings I’ve DOC-ed, the women have never hired coordinators. They self planned the whole event from start to finish and needed someone to take responsibility for the day of duties.

In asking the women that had those extra helping hands on their big day vs those that didn’t , those that did were VERY happy with their whole wedding, less stressful, and able to enjoy it more.

 
40.
MeredithN
Member
MeredithN (message)  110 posts, Blushing bee

This post is so helpful…I have sent it straight to my Mr. since he was of the opinion we might not need a DOC. Of course when I calmly explained to him all that needed to be done with my DIY’s and that I just couldnt do it myself—and he wasnt very well going to be the one to do it, was he??? Of course not! He came around (kind of) but your post summarizes the DOC need perfectly! Thank you!

 
41.
Mrs. DG
Hostess
Mrs. DG (message)  4,236 posts, Honey bee

Don’t scare me like this! I don’t have one, but I’ve been writing detailed instructions for each project for people to assemble at the site. I also created a checklist to make sure each task gets completed. There should be enough instruction there so that no one even needs to talk to me about it!

 
42.
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West Coast Bride (message)  672 posts, Busy bee

I would advise any bride, DOC-less or not to do as I did–take the time to make a detailed TO DO list of tasks for the final week, including the decorating and other tasks to be done the day of. This eliminated the stress of delegating, and meant that I had a variety of tasks readily execute-able for each time that someone came up to me and said “What can I do?” Honestly, my family and friends wanted to help…really wanted, to the point of feeling excluded if I didn’t put them to work in some way! And since we hated the thought of our wedding feeling like a choreographed event, we went this way rather than having a DOC. We also made sure to delegate important day-of tasks to people, but to spread these around. So four people each had two things to remember to do for us, rather than 1 person having it all on them. To be honest though, certain things didn’t get done properly or didn’t get done at all, but we we’re a pretty laid back couple.

 
43.
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Mrs. Quiche (message)  2,186 posts, Buzzing bee

Yep, DOC all the way…

 
44.
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Mrs. Corn (message)  1,010 posts, Bumble bee

If it were at all possible, I would recommend to every bride to seek out the event planner at their company and ask to hang around them while they plan and execute an event. Then, and only then, would every. single. bride. realize the importance of a DOC. When you plan an event that isn’t your own, you are the contact person. When you are the bride, if you don’t assign someone else in a business capacity, you are still the contact person. With that in mind, I can’t even imagine a bride wanting to take all of that on.

I honestly think that hiring a DOC is just plain old common sense.

 
45.
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LizCailen (message)  55 posts, Worker bee

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for sharing your google document. The last few weeks I was feeling that my trusty checklist was getting check off, but I was feeling less and less organized. I just finished making my document and sent it off to my DOC. My DOC, I should tell you how lucky I am! My sister’s MIL is my free DOC. She has directed a few wedding at her church as is a calm, rational, intelligent person and has survived her 2 children getting married. She’s not in the immediate family per se so there is a sufficient emotional distance but is also close enough to really care about the day. Even though my wedding is still a month off, my advice would be to not use a aunt/best friend/mom/sibling as a DOC but to think more broadly about the people you know who might be willing to help that aren’t already directly involved in the big day.

Also, thank you Ms. Emerald for your list as well. It’s so true how much time adds up doing “little” things!

 
46.
LatteLove
Hostess
LatteLove (message)  4,120 posts, Honey bee

i created a modified version of Daffodil’s wedding packet, forced myself to “let go” and let my friends and family help….and it went off without a hitch!

I didn’t give anyone person TOO many tasks, and I gave only a few people ultimate responsibility (my aunt/florist, another aunt and my sister/MOH)

DOC’s can be very handy, especially if they’re professionals, but my wedding had the personal touch of people that loved me and were invested in my wedding through the whole process, and I cannot say how perfectly it went (for me at least!)

 
47.
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DOC and DOC+ » Weddingbee PRO » The Wedding Blog

[...] has been a lot of discussion about day of coordinators on Weddingbee recently, so I want focus on that and [...]

 
48.
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DOC and DOC+ » Weddingbee » The Wedding Blog

[...] has been a lot of discussion about day of coordinators on Weddingbee recently, so I want to differentiate between [...]

 
49.
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Watercooler » Weddingbee » The Wedding Blog

[...] DOC-less and Regretful by Mrs. Penguin [...]

 
50.
HistoryBride
Member
HistoryBride (message)  411 posts, Helper bee

I’m a married DIY bride with no DOC and everything went off without a hitch, literally. I was in the “something WILL go wrong” mentality, and nothing did. I think there were a couple of things that helped this happen:

1. I had fantastic vendors who all went above and beyond, giving us layers of safety net if something did go wrong. Caterer: “You want us to help set up tables? No problem, let me set my whole staff on it.” DJ: “Do you have the knife for the cake? No? I’ll find one.” Etc.

2. We were allowed to set up the night before, and I put my sister-in-law in charge. We worked together on design beforehand and I shared my vision with her, so she knew what was going on. I was there to help, but whenever someone came up to me with a question, I pointed them at her.

So, at the reception everything ran smoothly on it’s own. At the church, the minister’s wife was there to make sure all of the timing was right and we didn’t have to worry about when to be where.

A DOC was an expense that our budget couldn’t afford, but we didn’t end up needing one. All you non-DOC brides, there’s hope!

 
51.
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Guest
DOC Duties » Weddingbee » The Wedding Blog

[...] I had ready and willing workers but it didn’t ease my nerves. I thought of Pengy’s post, “DOC-less and Regretful.” I thought of the big day and how I’d have to remember to create all of the detailed [...]

 
52.
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SeiLuna (message)  65 posts, Worker bee

Aww! I’m sorry to hear that didn’t go so well for your friends and family. :(

 


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Mrs. Penguin
Mrs. Penguin Mrs. Penguin, Northern California Age and Occupation: 27, Weddingbee Editor in Chief Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Doctor of Physical Therapy Engagement Date: January 29, 2007 Wedding Date: June 7, 2008 Blogging Since: September 14, 2007 Venue: Winery in the Gold Country About Me: I love the Spice Girls, dogs with underbites, bean burritos, making messes, high fives, avoiding showers, crossword puzzles, blogs, weddings, and blogs about weddings!
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