Wedding Blog
Don’t worry, I’m not talking about us. I’m talking about our guests. In the last few months, we’ve had 3 invited couples break up. All 3 were in long-term relationships and all 3 just sort of broke up. I know that all 3 of these break ups were hard, and some more complicated than others. For us, it was hard because through each break up, we sort of lost a friend (at least temporarily). Each couple consisted of someone we were really good friends with and a partner we were just getting to know and like or become pretty good friends with. When couples like that break up, we usually end up severing or suspending ties with the partner until things settle down. It’s complicated but doable, until your friends break up around your wedding. Then, what are you supposed to do?
Are they still coming as a couple (if they broke up on good terms)? Possibly, but probably not. Do we have to say something to one or either person? Probably, but it’s weird and awkward. They just broke up and we’re worried about our numbers? Lame. Do we just leave it and pretend that our friends’ exes (who are recently your new friends) may come anyway and just make sure the couples aren’t sitting together? These are all tough questions.
And what do we do if our friend breaks up with their partner and the is partner invited to other events like the bachelor party, showers, or after party?
We’d love to have the former partners attend, but we want to be sensitive to our friends’ feelings and we don’t want to make their former partners uncomfortable or feel put on the spot.
I’m telling you, breaking up is hard to do, even when you’re not the ones breaking up. Did anyone have good friends break up before your wedding? How did you handle it in terms of the guest list and other wedding events?
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We had this happen to us. One of our groomsmen and his girlfriend broke up about a month and a half before our wedding. They had been together for about a year, and I had become pretty close with his now ex. We just asked the groomsmen if he wanted her to still come or not and he said no. His ex-girlfriend still game to my bachelorette party, since she was and still is my friend, but she understood why she could not attend the wedding.
Argh, that sounds like a really sticky situation. A few of our close friends are in somewhat casual dating relationships, and although they each have a plus-one for the wedding, this exact “what if” has crossed my mind more than once!
Everybody who was invited we sent it to our MAIN friend. So if it was my fiance’s friend and then we became friends with his girlfriend we would invite the friend & guest. We NEVER put the other name because you never know what can happen. Obviously I would love for the girl to be there but the friend came first.
Hmm… this is tricky! I would say stick with your friends - ask them what they’d like you to do…. unless of course you are pretty close friends with the exes - then I think you are okay to go ahead and invite them to showers, etc.
We just had one of our host couples break up 10 days before the wedding. It’s defiantly stressful.
We had this happen to us in a couple of cases. In one case, though, one of the partners was supposed to play music at the wedding, but we decided it would be best for my close friend (the other partner) if the musician wasn’t there.
This means no live music at our wedding, but it was worth it to have my friend feel comfortable!
I broke up with my ex about a month before my best friend’s wedding. We had been together 3 years, so the bride and groom considered him a close friend, and it didn’t bother me in the least that he still showed up (and sat at the same table). Yes, it was akward, but I put it all aside for my friends’ wedding day. If you want them both there, they should be grown up enough to put it behind them for a day.
My FI’s best friend, who is a GM, and his now ex-gf have been dating on and off for 15 years. Yes, you heard me right 15. She is one of my close friends. They are broken up, each seeing other people casually. She lives in another city and every time they come home we all hang out the same as we used to. I finally just asked what their plans were. We sent them separate invites with no plus one. She said if he brought his new interest we could even sit them at the same table… Haven’t gotten the RSVP back… so we’ll see…
Two of my very best friends just ended their 6 year relationship. She is a bridesmaid, he was not in the wedding party, but is so close to my family that he gets invited over on holidays. Their break up is still fresh (about 2 weeks) and my wedding is in 4 weeks. They’re both still coming, seperately though. Anotehr member of the bridal party (also part of this tight knit group) has talked to them both and suggested they talk to each other a few days before the wedding, so there won’t be any surprising feelings or anything to say to each other the day of. That solution will hopefully work for us. I hope you find a fix for yours! Chin up!
My hubyy’s sister and her 7-year boyfriend broke up about 2 months before our wedding. Yikes. Because she wouldn’t really know anyone else at the wedding aside from us and her parents, we told her she could bring a friend instead if she wanted to. Our general rule for “plus ones” was, if you have a significant other, bring them, if you don’t, then come alone. But it sucked for her, especially since they had been together much longer than hubby and I, so everyone thought they would be first, so we let her bring a friend.
My 2 good friends broke up before our wedding and it was really sad. It was a bad break-up. Yet, I wanted them both to attend. I was willing to work out the seating arrangements as they wouldn’t have wanted to sit together. I know he would come as he was a close good friend of mine and I had become really good friends with her. but, as much as I insisted for her to attend, she just couldn’t. Too many hurt feelings. I was sad as she was really nice to me. She wished us happiness and that was it. Unfortunately, I lost her friendship :o(
I guess I had something similar happen to me - however, it happen rather early on in the planning. My sister is in the mist of a divorce. Obviously, her x-husband had been included in the guestlist before the break-up. We have a small wedding (75 guests) and is extremely limited. We are following the dating for one year, live-in, engaged, married rule for dates. Well, her daughters are the only children attending since they are the flower girls; however, I had considered including a date for her after the divroce - but she isnt seeing anyone seriously. Well she made a comment the other day regarding who her date would be? It’s three months before the wedding - and I know she isnt seeing anyone seriously, or even too much on the regular. I feel bad but her daugthers will be with her and we are a big family so she will know & be able to have fun with all our sisters & cousins. Do I bite the bullet & let her bring a date although our budget doesnt account for another $110 for her date or should I tell her she cant bring a date?
If I start getting RSVP’s of people who cant come perhaps I will offer it to her - but there are tons of our mutual friends that we see every week who are not even invited b/c of our short guest list. I’d rather include several other people before include her flavor of the month - What should I do?
Dang, this sucks big time. I never really thought about the possibility of guest breakups before. One of Mr. Lab’s friends invited his brand new girlfriend along for our Vegas trip in October and we’re praying that they’re still together by the time the trip rolls around. Otherwise, that’s going to be one awkward plane ride. lol
@Miss Labrador: Me neither! And it’s weird because they just went through something painful and I want to respect that but at the same time, I want to be able to adjust numbers or seating if need be. I want them to be comfortable at the wedding not having a recently single guy sitting at a table of couples only.
yikes that is tough! I only had one friend break up before the wedding, but we hadn’t even met her bf at that point so it was easy for her not to bring him with no hard feelings. I don’t envy you, joey!
Ouch, this is a toughie. Honestly though, I don’t think you’re operating from a perspective of “I want them to be comfortable”….it sounds like you’re trying to figure out potential changes to your wedding planning (which is totally valid too, but it isn’t about care taking). I know you want to be sensitive to them though, so in light of that fact I would recommend you do/say nothing about how this impacts the wedding and wait for either member of the former relationship to bring it up with you.
Icky that is a tuff situation :-/ On one hand you want to know for your numbers etc and on the other you want to be sensitive to what they are going through. Sorry I can’t be any help.
>.< I haven’t even given this thought.
I think for the most part we’ll be safe — the people we’re inviting as couples are already married (and, of course, if anyone gets engaged). But we’re not going to be doing +1s, because of budget constraints.
In terms of what you should do…if you’re close to both parties involved, I would still invite both to the wedding (but don’t seat them together). And if one member of the couple is invited to the shower/stag/stagette, I would just keep it as that member of the couple, and leave it at that.
Wow, I hadn’t even thought of this. Two of our closest friends are in the wedding party and they are a couple … I’m not sure what I would do if they separated. You’ve given me something to think about Miss Joey!
For your friends, as long as they both aren’t in the wedding party, I would say as far as the wedding is concerned (not meaning to sound harsh here) it is mostly their issue. I think you can still do your friend duty for both of them and be there for them through the breakup, but as far as the wedding is concerned, they have to decide their own comfort level. I think you can ask them, “Are you going to feel comfortable being at the wedding with [ex] there?” They might be afraid they’ll hurt your feelings by not going even though they feel uncomfortable, and this would give them a solid opportunity to speak up. I don’t think you need to offer any of them plus-ones, especially if the other will be attending. (Yikes! Talk about awkward!)
Wow what a timely post. I just found out today that FI’s cousin broke off her engagement. To make it stickier, her FI LIVED with her dad. Oy. Our wedding is still about 10 months away so who knows what might happen within that time. At this point, though, I don’t see us inviting the ex. No advice for you, unfortunately, but I know you’ll figure it all out 
ahh, yes, we had one couple break up. really sad, but we decided to invite just the girl since we’ve known her longer and she was both our friend
I was worried about this issue BEFORE we sent out the invites. We ended up making a rule that no one would be inviting a date unless they were married or engaged. If we were friends with BOTH people in the relationship that then that would just mean we would invite them separatley and seat them together because inviting one did not depend on whether or not the other person was coming. We treated them as individuals. A problem came up with our pridal party (mainly our siblings) because they wanted to invite their boy/girlfriends. Well am I ever glad we didn’t even though at the time it seemed like a mean thing to do but my fiance’s sister just broke up with her boyfriend last week and our wedding is THIS weekend. THANK GOODNESS. So ya…..I think it’s totally fair ‘uninvite’ because it WOULD be awkward for your friend. But really I think if their ex’s had any manners they should contact you themselves and tell them that they won’t be coming. I would!
some friends of ours were in a long-term relationship, and they were both in our wedding party. they broke up just a week or two ago, and i’ll admit, i immediately worried about how it would affect our wedding party. thankfully, they ended on good terms, so talking about it is okay, and the guy stepped down before it could have become an issue.
I was a bridesmaid at a wedding where my corresponding groomsman had an ex in attendance. They had been broken up ~ a year I believe. She got hammered and threw herself at him and made a big scene, the groom had to get involved, it was nuts! Weddings make emotions run wild, wherever possible I think it’s best to consider the feelings of the original friend, even if you feel bad about offending the partner. 5 years down the road will you still feel bad? Nope!
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Mrs. Joey, Seattle
Age and Occupation: 28, Project Administrator for Public Health NGO
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, High School History Teacher
Engagement Date: June 24, 2008
Wedding Date: August 2009
Venue: Eastside Catholic Chapel and Lake Union Cafe
About Me: I'm a Seattle girl through and through except for the fact that I don't drink coffee. I love my job most of the time because I get to travel and work with brilliant people who are trying to prevent Malaria. I love DIY projects of all sorts, cooking, and watching sports. I'd wear anything at Anthropologie and could spend all day on Etsy. I love to travel but shouldn't because I always get myself into unbelievable situations!
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