Wedding Blog
I have not talked about my engagement ring, so here it is.
It’s not that I don’t like my engagement ring. I LOVE IT. Yet I often feel particularly uncomfortable about discussing it with people or for lack of a better phrase, “showing it off”. I guess I’ll reveal to you all my insecurity about the fact that my ring is a bit bigger than I expected (Ugh! It pained me to write that!!!). While I love it as the most lovely and generous gift that Mr. Swan has ever given me, I find that often some other people view my ring (or really engagement rings in general) in a different way.
The moment I got engaged to Mr. Swan I was this big ball of emotion and tears.
I looked at my ring and thought it looked great, but I think I was just so out of sorts and giddy that I didn’t really think about it much. Plus, it didn’t even fit my ring finger. I had a pretty expensive pinky ring for about a week before I got a chance to get it re-sized by the jeweler.
After I started to see friends and acquaintances post-engagement, people were starting to make more of a big deal about my ring than I was. I started to get upset. In my mind, I was just excited to even be getting married. My mother never got married, and again, most of my female family and friends are not. I was just happy to have found someone. Yet, all many people could talk about was the ring. As an illustrative example, I will share with you a “ring run in” that occurred with a relative of Mr. Swan last year during the holidays.
Pretty much, said relative walked into the room, asked me how I was doing, and then said, “Let’s see your ring,” all within the span of two minutes! I had just started a new, challenging and interesting job the month before. She didn’t ask me about that. I was spending my first major holiday away from my family. She didn’t ask me how I felt about that. She didn’t even asked about how I was enjoying being engaged. Um, hello, it’s nice to see you, too. I was a bit pissy that she barely even made an effort to even make some kind of conversation before she even looked at my ring. Dude, I’m a person that exists independently of my ring.
It got me thinking about engagement rings and why we as a society put so much stock in them. I understand the symbolism of the ring, of course. I know that it signifies an acceptance of a marriage proposal and life long commitment, but I definitely feel like perhaps there is a little too much emphasis on it. I wish sometimes I would get more congratulations and questions about how I’m feeling about becoming a wife than about my ring.
It upsets me when I read about women made to feel inferior or otherwise because they receive a diamond that’s too small or too big (or did not receive a diamond at all!) by others who choose to steal their joy about the ring instead of giving words of encouragement to them regarding this amazing new life event. I don’t think we should do away with engagement rings, and I think that they are important to some degree. By the way, I am not perfect. I have had my judgey moments about big rings… BUT I keep it hidden away in the back of my mind in the “Keep it to Yourself” folder!!!
Have you been in a situation where you felt uncomfortable about your engagement ring? I will get down off my soapbox now, but I’d be interested in hearing your opinions.
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Share this post: Through the Ring-er
I had similar feelings, but not centered around the ring. It really bugged me that as soon as I said I was engaged, people seemed to take me more seriously. They treated me differently despite the fact that I was the very same 36 year old just a few days earlier.
Why is it that engagement/marriage seems to provide us with more legitimacy? I was shocked to notice the change, despite the fact that I always knew there was societal pressure there!
I completely agree with your thoughts here. I find myself feeling uncomfortable too, because without fail, immediately upon random person grabbing my hand to see the ring, comes the obligatory “oh my goodness, it’s [insert adjective!]! He did a good job!”. I’m curious what my ring would need to look like in order to not get this response … haha. Not that I’m not appreciative of compliments [and I do think he did a good job] … I just don’t feel it’s necessary and it doesn’t make me any more excited to be marrying my guy!
I totally agree. Just this past weekend while with my future in-laws I got the “I want to see the ring again” (this was our third trip to see them since getting engaged). I got the “I can’t believe how big it is!” oh! and the best part was when cousin G started comparing my ring to cousin A’s ring. Asking how big they were and then who’s was bigger. It’s really uncomfortable.
I agree too. I get TONS of compliments about my ring - people always want to see it: relatives, coworkers, waitresses, cashiers… and I catch random strangers staring at it. And then the “he did a great job!” comments, as claire mentioned. (Mr. MJ and I picked out -and paid for- my ring together.) I am pleased that people like my ring, but there are a lot more important things about me than just the jewelry on my finger! Sometimes i find myself covering my hand when I’m in the presence of certain acquaintances - I just don’t want the attention (in that way).
I’ve had people blatantly ask my carat size or try to guess (and guessed to small!). It’s uncomfortable and both times I was annoyed at myself for sharing the information instead of saying something witty like “big enough.” HA. But people are curious and I choose to believe its not with malicious intent. FH didn’t buy my ring for other people. He bought it for us. It’s something we both love and are very proud of. I don’t focus on it and if other people do, I consider it their loss.
I agree 100%. It is literally the first thing people ask to see and, like you Miss Swan, they typically have a comment on size and style. I never know what to say so I just say “he did a good job”… little do they know I went with him ring shopping 
I love my ring but the attention it receives has tainted it a little for me. That sounds horrible but you know what I mean.
People are so crazy about rings! I got an inexpensive, artsy engagement ring, because I knew that I would be asked constantly to show it off. I did like the romance of it for a while, but then it started catching on things, I got tired of talking about wedding plans with disapproving strangers, and I didn’t want to ruin it at work… so I stopped wearing it even before the wedding. Just not my thing.
After the wedding, neither of us chose to wear wedding bands. I haven’t gotten a lot of flack for that, but I am constantly aware of the outrage inspired by a man deciding not to wear a wedding band. I didn’t make the choice because I don’t love my husband or value the marriage… it’s because I’m just not a jewelry person. I cringe every time I see a woman claim that all men who refuse to wear wedding bands are less committed to or deserving of the marriage.
(I wrote a comment and it got lost somewhere in the interwebs 
)
I just wanted to say that I see how this could happen to someone and how frustrating it must be, but I was thinking while I was reading your post that this doesn’t happen to me. Most the time ppl notice my ring out of the corner of their eye while they are talking to me, but has never been the first topic of conversation. I think it was b/c everyone knew for so long that Mr Frenchie and I would get engaged, but ti was just a matter of when.
I’m so glad you wrote this! I too recieved a ring that is bigger than I had ever dreamed. Of course, I love my ring - the mister put a lot of thought and research into a custom design that showcases a gorgeous solitaire - but I agree, it’s very uncomfortable when people tell me how huge it is, or how lucky I am. To avoid the awkwardness, I’ve started to just agree with them - “Why yes, it is quite large and beautiful isn’t it? That’s why I said, ‘Yes!’” That way I’ve made a joke as a response to a silly comment in the first place.
This is SO true! I am in LOVE with my ring, but without fail when people look at my ring they grab my hand say “oh wow” and then pull it closer to their eyes are say “oh my god”. Every single person has done this, I kid you not. My brother even asked me if ALL of the diamonds were real. OF COURSE THEY’RE ALL REAL! My Fiance’s brother (whom just got married) looked at my ring and blurted out “MAN! Why’d you have to show me up like that?!” His wife was NOT very happy…
I’m on the other side of this one. Apparently my ring is “too small”. I LOVE my ring and it is exactly what I wanted….however many of my husband’s friends have made off-hand comments about expecting something larger. I’m sure they are comparing my ring to the rings of my husband’s family members but it still drives me crazy. I’d had whitty responses ready for a few and ignored them for the most part but inside I’d like to punch a few of them. The part that really bothers me is when he feels the need to explain that I could have had any size I wanted but I picked an ornate vintage setting so it dictated a smaller stone. And yes, it is often the first thing people ask to see. Now post-wedding there has been an addition to my annoyance. I had the nerve to pick a partial eternity band that perfectly matched the etchings on my vintage e-ring….apparently he’s getting a hard time for not springing for the full eternity band…. le sigh!! Ok, I’ll step off my soapbox now too, thanks for the opportunity to vent a bit! 
I have a lovely, but small, simple ring with tiny diamonds that I picked out myself and basically told my fiance to buy. I love it, and I feel like it reflects where we are now. We are just not people that can afford a $3,000 ring. We are people who can’t even afford the $800 ring he got me, but he put it on the old credit card anyhow.
I can tell that people are disappointed when they have to look at it, and then feel pressure to react. I don’t feel sorry for them though, because I think it’s annoying when people ask to see it, because it is usually in annoying situations like you described above, Miss Swan. I love my fiance, and I love jewelry (and even big diamonds!) but this ring is not an expression of his love for me. And getting engaged was not at all about the ring.
Of course, once we’re rich (because of course we’ll be rich!) I want big diamonds, hell yeahs.
My ring is a sapphire, so yeah, I’ve gotten comments. Mostly just surprised little noises indicating that the ring viewer is surprised to not find a diamond on my finger. Or “Did he pick it out himself” which translates to “Are you disappointed?” Which I’m not.. at least not that it’s a sapphire. We planned it that way, but he has much simpler tastes in settings than I do.
The worst comment, though, was from a friend who I started really being friends with after our engagement and more so after the wedding, when I moved my engagement ring to my right hand (maybe she didn’t realize she was insulting the e-ring?). But anyway, she was telling a group of us about the beautiful sapphire ring her boyfriend bought her in Mexico for like, 5 bucks or whatever cheapo price he got, and then noticing my ring said, “Oh, it actually looks a lot like that ring!” Thanks. I appreciate being compared to your random cheap Mexican ring.
I think I can relate! I love my engagement ring, and I could stare it all day long! My engagement ring diamond is also a lot bigger than I was expecting, and it doesn’t help that my hand is very small, making it appear even larger.
The most awkward moment I had was at the end of a meeting with the Mayor of a local City (it was a work meeting), and he says to me, “Next time we meet, would you mind taking off your rock? It’s blinding me!!” I had absolutely no idea what to say in response. I was with my boss and this was my first big meeting with City officials (I work in land development). Very awkward!!!
The strangest part of the whole ring situation for me is that while my fiance purchased the setting new, the diamond is an heirloom. So I am always of what someone will think, whether they think we paid for the diamond, or just lucked out and got it. Since then, I’ve just decided that people can think whatever they want, I know what the ring means to me and my fiance, and I love it!
My ring was my fiance’s grandmother’s. She wanted him to have it and use it. It is much bigger than anything we would have picked out on our own and it was a very generous gift from his grandmother.
I’ve had all sorts of unpleasant exchanges, including a strange guy who grabbed my hand at a bar to examine my ring (scary!) and coworkers who came over after they found out I got engaged, skipped the congratulations part and just asked to see the ring (rude) and of course, my own mother who has said more than once, “it is so big it looks fake”. Gee, thanks, Mom.
I was very grateful to receive such a beautiful ring but again, I didn’t pick it out or ask for it.
It hasn’t all been bad so I guess I can’t complain and it is a beautiful ring.
it’s that outside perception that’s delaying my ring. boo. the boy wants to make sure he gets the right one, one i’d apparently be proud to show off but i’d be proud to “show off” whatever he chose for me. alas, i cannot get him to see it that way.
My fiance is from a country where engagement rings are not typical, and I am a lifelong feminist who finds diamonds morally uncomfortable. STILL - I insisted on an engagement ring when we started planning our marriage. Why? I knew that some people wouldn’t take our planning seriously without a ring and that it’s the first thing people want to see when you announce that you’re engaged. We ended up buying an antique ring that suits me just fine and didn’t put anyone in debt. I feel kind of stupid that I needed that ring, but I did!
what frustrates me is that majority of society do not take an engagement seriously without a ring. Just 2 months after we started dating, the FH asked me to marry him. Of course we both knew that meant in the distant future b/c neither of use was ready for marriage at that point… fast forward 10 months to January and we actually set the date for next May.
Now I don’t have my ring yet, he has bought it, but I haven’t received it yet because I took a summer sabbatical 2000 miles away. He’s giving it to me when I come home in Aug. And yet even though we are planning a wedding. We have vendors booked… we are 100% committed to each other… everyone (including my parents) refuse to accept that we are engaged simply because I don’t have a ring on my finger.
I just don’t get it!
Some people just lack that internal filter. Either that or they’re just easily distracted by sparkly objects.
I would imagine the people that are most important to you care more about your excitment for your marriage than your ring.
@mismikado: that frustrates me as well. I have a set of friends who are planning their wedding without the ring (it’s a family heirloom that requires some work before it’s usable) and no one seems to take them seriously. Seems like I remember Mrs. Avacado having the same problem during their engagement as well. Very frustrating!
A couple of my friends have all gotten engaged in the same few months as me (me being the last)… all of my friends have gorgeous rings and I wasn’t just saying that, but mine well was a little bigger. One of my friends even went on making comments “well could it get any bigger?” or “i hope you aren’t adding a wedding band onto that massive ring as well are you?” it makes me feel bad and not want to show my ring at all. i HATED when they asked me how many karats my ring was especially when my main stone was more then her entire ring… i just learned to say “i’m not sure” which they don’t seem to believe. i said that to one friend and she was like “i saw the card that has all in the info in your house!” oh well, it all passed everyone is over the initial ring shock i guess.
I’ve definitely had a similar experience. I had people say “That’s the biggest ring I’ve ever seen!” and my husband’s mom even said “I wish my ring were that big, mine is just this little thing”….right in front of her husband!
first, congratulations to miss swan on your engagement!
secondly, the diamond engagement ring is a tradition started by debeers, in an attempt to increase demand when sales were low. it was a very clever marketing plan to last decades.
that said, there’s no legit need for a diamond engagement ring, but we all partake in the tradition. it’s become customary these days. fine. i’ll accept that. so have most of you (and your fiances). what i don’t understand is, why is it such a bad thing to have a nice, big, sparkly ring? the man i love invested a lot of time and energy and heart (not to mention AGES of planning) to find me the perfect ring. it’s bigger and more brilliant than i ever expected, not because my fiance is shallow and wants to be able to show off the ring he got me, but rather, is merely the product of his own perfectionism and high standards for himself coupled with what he was able to afford at the time (a product years of meticulous planning and budgeting). is that such a bad thing? i find it’s something i’m rather proud of. not the ring itself so much as the HOW, the WHY and the WHO.
I’ve gotten used to the immediate need to see the ring, and actually in talking to some engaged friends, I felt bad when I forgot to ask to see it after they looked at mine. It’s just a pretty shiny thing.
@Habibi: I can’t believe that people have actually blatantly asked the carat size. How rude! I also got a ring that was somewhat larger than what I expected (and it looks even bigger on me b/c my fingers are very small and petite). I love my ring, but I find myself trying to hide it at work, since I’m a grad student, and most other engaged or married grad students in my department don’t have such big rocks on their fingers. I get a lot of uncomfortable comments about how big it is, and I never know how to respond.
I have the same issue, and people can be so rude about it. I mean, I introduce FI to people that he hasn’t met yet, and it’s always “Oh, hey, nice to meet you…where’s the ring?”
Whhaaa??
And then, people hurt both our feelings by saying “well…it’s pretty small, but at least it’s sparkly!”. What’s up with the back handed compliments?
And like others here, my family refused to recognize the engagement until the ring was on my finger. Messed up!!!
I go out of my way to ask other engaged girls with rings to see their rings. I enjoy it when people ask me about mine and ooh and ahh over it. So I try to send the love back.
I felt the added pressure too. Except as a few people replied I was on the other end of the spectrum. My guy opted for the best quality rather than biggest size. My ring ended up costing the same amount as the 1ct. lower grade diamonds, but I have a 1/2ct. BEAUTIFUL Hearts on Fire diamond. I love my ring, the setting, diamond… everything. But a small part of me feels like all of my friends (who have huge rocks) judge me because it’s smaller than theirs. Lately the one thing I’ve heard that has made me cringe is “Oh how cute.” A ring should always be complimented with beautiful or gorgeous… it’s not a furry kitten. I always try to slip into the convo that my ring is a Hearts on Fire diamond… but that’s typically lost on most. But why should I feel bad about the size of my ring? I’m happy with it? Is it the constant judgement from engaged women why we feel this way? My mother’s engagement ring is a 1/4ct. In 36 years our society has lived up to the “bigger is better” attitude… I believe it’s the quality, not the quantity that matters. *Okay I’m off my soap box too*
@skibobrown: what I’ve found works for me for the “oh my god it’s so big!!” comments is to look the person dead in the eye and with a slight smile, say “my fiance works very hard”. It’s worked well every time, i.e. it shut them right up! I hear you about academia. I was once on a job interview in the sunniest room I ever been in and my ring put on quite the light show. All three women who interviewed me blatantly started at it. Needless to say, I was told I wasn’t the right “fit”. Oh well!
I love “did he pick it out himself?” I get that a lot (almost three years after getting engaged–mostly by new people I meet), I’m assuming because my ring isn’t a traditional solitaire setting. But it definitely comes across like the person asking the question wouldn’t have picked out a ring like mine for herself.
people are a trip indeed! Wait till you get married..then its “when are you going to have a baby?” the minute you return from your honeymoon or the next time they see you after your wedding.
I’m an encore bride, so my new engagement ring is a big deal to me, my family and friends. My ex-husband did not put much effort into selecting my prior engagement ring and I never did receive a wedding band.
My FH is very proud of the ring he picked out for me…it is a big one, but he worked very hard and feels I deserve it.
Try not to trip on people..there will always be someone with out a “filter”.
It’s much easier to make small talk about jewellery than it is to discuss the true depth of commitment and changes in roles you are entering into….I’m not surprised that a relative of Mr. Swan’s would use it as a conversation starter. Not everyone is graceful enough to make conversation in thoughtful, caring ways!
I have a confession.. I have been guilty of a ring and run. Only with friends and never meant in a bad way of course, I just really love jewlery!
I have run into my own strangeness surrounding my ring though. Its just over two carats and I have not only had people ask (actually a lot of people) ask outright how big it is. It always throws me a bit, and I try to answer without sounding snobby. After I was first engaged I even had a woman who I was helping at work (complete and utter stranger) try to grab my hand and take it off so she could try it on. That was super strange. I love it, and that’s all that matters I know, but hands of to the strangers!
I feel EXACTLY the same as you! I get embarrassed… people say, oh wow, he got you at least a carat! I’m too embarrassed/shy to tell them it’s actually bigger!
I am a shy kind of person that doesn’t put as much thought into how big of a ring… but I love my ring and am so grateful for how lovely it is and what it symbolizes, our love!
Yes it is so natural for people to ask about the ring and how big it is, etc. It is weird too because a part of me wanted just a plain band no e-ring, and a part of me wanted the shiny diamond too. I feel weird about the size of my ring sometimes and feel more comfortable around my friends that have bigger rings then me because it down plays the size of my ring. I just got married and was engaged for two years and just a few months ago I started to feel comfortable with my ring, but at the same time people stopped asking about it!
I’ve actually been on both sides of the engagement ring thing - with the same man, I should note!
When Mr. Cat and I got engaged last October, he bought a very simple ring with a very teeny little diamond in it. He wanted it to match a Tiffany’s ring he’d bought me years ago that is exactly the same, only with a teeny sapphire. I was just so happy that he proposed, I didn’t even notice what he was putting on my finger! It could’ve been a twist tie or some piece of plastic crap from a gumball machine (which he looked for and couldn’t find), but it turns out he had a strategy. He said he wanted *us* to design a ring because he knows I’m picky (I am) and my tastes don’t always mesh with his (they don’t). So we embarked on a very long journey. We looked at lots of different styles, checked out a bunch of jewelry designers, and even recruited my mother (a jewelry designer by hobby) to find a stone for us. The Ring appeared at the end of May and I just about swooned. It’s more beautiful, more special, than I thought it would be…
But trying to explain all of this to people who, upon learning we were engaged, went immediately for the ring was impossible. On more than one occasion, very good friends of our actually asked me “Well where is it?” when I was wearing my engagement ring right in front of them! Yes it may be teeny, but Mr. Cat put it on my hand himself!! Why couldn’t my first ring BE my ring to these people? It bothered me, not because I was being judged, but because I knew the disappointed “Oh”s my first ring elicited were somehow judgment about Mr. Cat. I can take any judgments about me, but back off Mr. C!
Yes, my special ring customized by us and designed for us is a spectacle. But I wear my “other” engagement ring on my right hand every day because it more than deserves to be worn all the time too!
I’m socially awkward and REALLY shy, so anyone pointing out my ring makes me incredibly uncomfortable and flustered. I never have anything to say because I’m just so nervous.
So yes, I’m totally uncomfortable with my ring in regards to other people.
For me, personally, it’s perfect.
I think the reason people ask to see an engaged woman’s ring is BECAUSE they know that this kind ring-centrism exists. They think it’s expected of them to ask and that if they don’t they’ll appear rude and unsupportive. It’s kind of ironic.
People ask me to see my ring, but it never occurs to me to show it to them on my own. I’d rather show my fiance. He’s the reason I have the ring and that’s what matters. But I guess I’ve been pretty lucky that no one’s commented on the size of my ring at all. Mostly people just turn my finger from side to side and nod, whatever that means.
But isn’t it sad that with anything wedding related we have to be embarrassed if ours isn’t as grand as other people’s and again embarrassed if it’s the reverse?
My fiance actually didn’t get me a ring. And we’re not planning on getting one. It’s just not our style. He got me a beautiful everyday watch instead. Yeah, I guess it doesn’t sound as romantic as a ring, but it was perfect for us. I haven’t had too many people reach for the ring finger. Maybe only 1 or 2 in the 6 months that we’ve been engaged.
I feel the same way. What makes it even worse I guess is that I live in Germany and here e-rings are not very common. It was pretty awkward the first time we went back to the states after our engagement and so many people asked about the ring…
@mandalynn17: You’re not alone! I did not want or get an engagement ring, either. (We did get awesome wedding bands, which I am super excited about!) I’ve only fielded a couple of “didn’t you want a ring?” queries, and I could tell that the questioners were not being rude–they were just trying to wrap their minds around the idea of a ring-less engagement. (It didn’t take them long!) I think your engagement watch was a wonderful idea!
I knew I didn’t want a diamond for an engagement ring, but I loved the sparkle and traditional feeling that a clear stone offered… I stumbled onto the moissanite and my life changed forever.
It’s exactly what I wanted, and my ring is gorgeous - but I AVOID telling people outright (it looks just like a diamond…) that it’s not a diamond, just so I don’t have to deal with the comments / blank stares / inquisitive head-cocks to the side.
Sheesh, people! It’s the man I’m marrying, not the size of his pocketbook!
I acutally have a pearl-and-ruby ring as my e-ring, with the pearl being the central stone. It’s custom, specifically requested by me because of the symbolism and history of the gems. But everytime someone squeals at the first news of my engagement, asks to see the ring, and their face falls… I’m disappointed, defensive, sad, angry. This happens almost every time.
Just so I’m clear…. you are all COMPLAINING because your rings are too BIG??? Poor babies. Try having a real problem, mkay?
Anonymous,
Thanks for your response. I was waiting for someone to be negative.
If you actually read the comments and my post you’ll notice that I was upset about the emphasis on the engagement ring not about the size of the ring. I don’t like it when ANYONE is judged.
Anonymous,
Agree with Miss Swan. It’s the judgment that most of us feel when and if someone goes for the ring or asks about the ring that makes us unhappy. Big or small, ring or no ring, elaborate or simple. There’s a judgment on you and, sadly, on your partner about your worth, your value to one another, or (in my mind, even worse) whether or not your partner “cared enough” to spend “enough” on your engagement ring.
That’s what most of us feel uncomfortable about. It doesn’t always seem enough for other people that we, the fortunate engaged, are fortunate and engaged and HAPPY. It has to be a big honkin’ something-or-other that other people get to look at and ogle and touch and comment on… And when it isn’t - heck, even when it *is* - judgment is born.
Love is supposed to be all about the happy, but somehow, when a ring gets involved, the outside world forget that or assumes your happy is directly proportionate to the size/type/existence of a ring. And that’s a judgment most of us seem pretty darn uncomfortable with.
I think Mr. Swan is a swell guy. Great posts Ms. Swan.
First - ring is beautiful - Mr. Swan did a great job
I had the same surprise at seeing the size of my ring (NOT complaining whatsoever…but I was not expecting him to get what he did).
I think the most uncomfortable thing that I have encountered is when I’m at work (I work part time at a golf course, driving the bev cart…classy huh?). As soon as I started wearing the ring (because, clearly, I was so excited to be wearing it around everywhere), the first question out of everyone’s mouth is “What does this guy do? He must be loaded…” or, “Do his parents have lots of money, or did he buy that himself?” Etc, you get the picture. It is so uncomfortable…the guys totally just see the price tag in their heads, and I really don’t feel like discussing my fiance’s financial situation with people…sheesh!
But anyway, congratulations to you!
I’m on the opposite side of everyone here it seems. My ring is beautiful and I love it when people tell me so! I love it because my FI picked it out himself! And I really love it when they say how beautiful it is in front of him! It was really important to him that he pick it out all by himself and he did an INCREDIBLE job! Its a platinum band thats engraved all the way around with flowers and the diamond is from his grandmother’s ring. He spent so much time thinking about me and what I would want while picking the ring out, that I feel its a compliment to our relationship when people tell me how beautiful the ring is… because I agree! It is beautiful, so every time someone reminds me of how beautiful it is, I think about all the time and love that went into picking the ring out… and just how well FI knows me!
I’m sorry that most of the responses have been about negative experiences when it comes to their rings. I have to say that I have not had any negative experiences when it come to my e-ring. Or I just didn’t notice because I assume that most of the comments came from natural curiosity and not a need to judge it. The most common response I get is “That ring is gorgeous and it is such a great pick for you!” Which is true, I like to have unique things and my finace knows that so he picked something that is uniquely us. He picked out a gorgeous emerald (he’s Colombian so he chose a Colombian emerald) and I absolutely love it! And I love to show it off, even though I only wear it about half the time. (I can’t wear it to work for safety reasons.) But I can understand how people would be uncomfortable with people they don’t know well (or at all!) making comments. Much like all the strangers making comments to my pregnant friend. Some of them are very weird…
I think the focus on the ring and the reason why people ask is because the majority of girls WANT to be asked. They probably assume that they are giving you a compliment by acknowledging that
“the ring” exists and that they would love to see it.
But I do understand exactly what you mean about how different/big/small/nice the ring and diamond are is how your significant other is being judged. My fiance bought me the ring we’d both agreed on liking. It happened to be a Tiffany ring. It’s not huge or showy but it’s beautiful and perfect for me. I’ve heard all sorts of comments from “oh he just paid for the name” to “he could’ve gotten a bigger one if it weren’t for the name”. So yes, Miss Swan, I agree that a lot of unnecessary emphasis is placed on the ring and where it came from or how big it is. It’s hard for others to understand that the true emotion, behind buying and receiving the ring or whatever other token of engagement couples have used, is the same one for everyone.
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Mrs. Swan, New York City
Age and Occupation: 31, Legislative Representative
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 33, Finance Guy
Engagement Date: August 9, 2008
Wedding Date: August 2009
Venue: Battery Gardens
About Me: I am an un-crafty but resourceful, Caribbean-born but New York-raised woman who's been known to analyze "Dancing with the Stars" and “So You Think You Can Dance”, buy stinky cheese, and use way too many parentheses. I keep lists for fun, am constantly daydreaming of my next international travel adventure (four continents down, three to go), debating sports (let’s Got Mets/Giants!) and dancing around my apartment to stay sane. I am excited to share our wedding planning journey as I hope to plan a streamlined, personal, and fun wedding with the greatest life partner I could ever imagine, Mr. Swan.
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