Starting Over is Really Not That Bad, Ackshually

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Hi, Hive – I’ve missed you ladies! (And gents! – Gents? Do boys read this blog?) :)

Long time no blog – mainly because I was busy crying in my oatmeal. (Kidding – mostly!)

I just got back from my Honeymoon turned Sistamoon, and I promise to share all of the deets with you soon: including cruise and travel tips, as well as a DIY travel journal to end all travel journals (The journal is either incredibly amazing, or incredibly obsessive-compulsive, depending on how you look at it.) Before we get to that though, I was moved to write this blog because I am still active on the Weddingbee message boards, and on a fairly regular-ish basis, I see a post by a bride who had to call off her wedding, due to a variety of horrible circumstances.

Weddingbee is about the experience of moving towards the altar, and for some brides, that journey gets cut short, which is what happened to me.

I have gained what feels like a master’s degree in love recently, and I feel like this merits a post to support those brides whose world seems to have fallen in, as well as to help those of you support a bud of yours who may be starting over in the marriage/love department.

To those of you who are calling off your wedding – IT SUCKS A WHOLE LOT, doesn’t it? Especially when the sudden relationship bomb is infidelity. I want to give you a little hope…

Your best days are ahead of you. Really.

Even though I am in no way glad Mr. ex-Snapdragon cheated on me, I am SO thankful I found out before we got married. As anyone who has been through a divorce will tell you – getting divorced is way more horrible than breaking up, even when you are calling off a wedding. I was able to walk away immediately, with no lawyers. When you’re married, you don’t get to do that.

The worst months are definitely the ones that immediately follow your breakup, but now that I am four months out… I don’t really cry about it anymore. I actually feel good most of the time, instead of totally broken. I have fun and laugh now (which was unthinkable several months ago!)

Another tough thing about calling off a wedding is that at least a hundred people are now all up in your business; you don’t really get to be private about it. You know what that means… lots of advice (!) which is the last thing we need. Thankfully, even though many people loved to word vomit their horrible cheating stories on me, my close friends and family were smart enough to just say, “Snappy, how are you doing?” and then take me out for multiple margaritas and tell me lots of jokes.

The most loving thing any buddy or family member can do is to just show you that they love you. Nobody that has called off their wedding wants advice, none of us want to hear your sad cheating story – we just want to know that you love us and support our decision that we have made for ourselves. I think the worst thing someone said to me was, “I always thought he was a cheater – I’m not surprised.” :O

So again, I want to reiterate that calling off your wedding is an excruciating event… but it really does get better. I will say this again: Your best days are ahead of you.

In news of the miraculous, I am going on my first post-Mr.-ex-Snap date this week, and I am kind of totally excited about it!

Breaking up doesn’t have to break you. Keep your chin up.

BLOGGER

Mrs. Snapdragon

Location:
Chicago/Dallas
Wedding Date:
March 2012
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  1. Member
    jessicaxmaria 1 posts, Wannabee @ 4:19 pm

    You have a great attitude about everything – it’s great, and I’m glad you enjoyed your sistamoon!!

    And, good luck on your date this week!

  2. Member
    jennyj 175 posts, Blushing bee @ 12:05 am

    Oh. I’m so happy to read your post.

    My wedding would have been in two weeks; instead I’m completely devastated. Everyone says “at least you weren’t married, at least it didn’t happen a year from now, five years from now…” but it’s so different to hear it from someone who’s gone through the agony of calling off a marriage.

    Thank you for your words. Everything feels black right now, but thanks for assuring me there’s a light at the end of this very dark tunnel. Seriously, Snappy. Thanks.

  3. Member
    Mrs. Emerald 1057 posts, Bumble bee @ 6:38 pm

    How did I miss this post?! *high five*!!

  4. Member
    mandalynn17 1509 posts, Bumble bee @ 7:01 pm

    Thanks so much for this post, Miss Snappy! I’m looking forward to hearing about your sistamoon and I hope you have a fantabulous time on your date!

  5. Guest
    Katie, Guest @ 11:38 am

    I had a wedding called off too, though several months before the wedding, and he actually called off the wedding (reason still unknown, but almost 3 years later I could care less).

    It hurts for a while, and it will still “haunt you” for a long time, maybe forever. My fi (now) is a somewhat insecure guy having been hurt in the past, so it does hurt him that we’re not both wedding virgins. I just remind him that this is different, and even if I did something before it doesn’t mean this isn’t special. Be mindful of that in the future. It might be a sore point for some guys, but w/ the right guy you’ll work through it together.

    There are a lot of people who will want to give you their opinion, maybe just to be gossipy. Maybe they think it will help, I don’t know; just try to ignore it and accept that they think they are being helpful. At least they are there for you.

    I have been where you are and it is such a relief to make it to the place where you’ve stopped crying and start living. When you’re in that pit of despair you feel like you’ll never make it out, but then you do- and great things happen! My mom told me when I was in the pit that this was the best thing that could have ever happened to me “WHAT??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? How is having my heart ripped out and stomped on the best thing that could happen to me?” Well, she was exactly right, which she reminded me the day my fiance proposed- and to her delight- I agreed with her. I did SO many awesome things when I was single. For the first time I lived for ME, and I learned so much about myself. And when I met my fi, I was the me I needed/wanted to be, and that is so fulfilling.

    Best wishes- now go have the time of your life and be grateful you avoided disaster!

  6. Guest
    A Snappy Drive-by | Weddingbee, Guest @ 9:45 am

    [...] bees! The last time you heard from me, I wrote about starting over after calling it all off. I wrote about how the best days of your life are ahead of you when you walk away from a [...]

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