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I was perusing Dear Abby (yet again…shameless!) & the topic of asking your girlfriend’s parents for “permission” to marry their daughter was heating up!
The reader responses were all over the board, of course. Some stated that they were independent women who have been succeeding on their own & would be downright insulted if their fiance asked her parents first. That to me is a bit ridiculous… insulted? I know it’s old fashioned, but I like the tradition of the hubby-to-(hopefully)-be nervously approaching his girlfriend’s father (or mother, you get the idea) with the anticipation of what is about to finally happen. I love it!
Mr. Quiche called my mom before he popped the question, and I thought it was very thoughtful & downright cute of him to do it! It made my mom happy, too. When I called her after he proposed, she was practically bursting at the seams!
With Mama & Petey Quiche… a little wedding day teaser for you!
So hive, where do you stand? Is this a dated, irrelevant tradition? Did your fiance “ask” your parents before asking you?
Photo by the always awesome Ashley Colhouer
I’m with you, Mrs. Quiche, I think it’s sweet and thoughtful.
I like to think of it as asking for their “blessing” instead of their “permission” - permission implies they can say no! (happened to a friend . . . I mean, what do you do then??).
My husband asked my dad for permission about a week beforehand. My dad was so happy and felt respected that my husband took the time to ask him. Im so happy he did =)
I’m also with you. I find it respectful and I know my father very much appreciated it. It’s a little tradition that made him happy. I’m not about to get up on my feminist soap box (and trust me, I generally carry it around with me) and upset my father for something that is really just a nice gesture.
He did ask both sets of my parents, but (at my request) not for “permission” so much as for their blessing and approval. I think that should satisfy both sides pretty well, no?
My FI asked and I thought it was sweet 
I’m not going to get all worked up about it being my decision because even he does ask the parents it, in the end, is still MY decision. My parents being super excited and knowing before me doesn’t take that away, it just makes it that much cuter when you call them and they are ready to burst with happiness!
Also that picture is gorgeous! I can’t wait to see more!
I would have had no problems with my fiance asking for my parents blessing but I knew 100% that my dad would scoff at the idea.
I’m a grown woman, supporting myself and dating whom I choose - and my dad would have most likely told my fiance the same thing adding that if I say “yes” it’s up to me, not him.
My parents had met my husband several times and really, we wouldn’t have planned on an engagement if we didn’t think our families would be on board.
My FI had never mentioned, when the day would come, that he wanted to ask my dad first. I was totally surprised just before I called to tell my dad he said that my dad already knew, he had asked for his BLESSING. I was so touched and I know my dad was thrilled FI would be asking me but also that he spoke to him about it….which wasn’t required either but was a nice, respectful thing to do. I agree though, don’t ask for PERMISSION ask for a BLESSING. 
I think it’s dated, for sure, but so are many traditions. You just have to pick the ones that work for you! I would’ve rolled my eyes if the Dude had asked my parents for permission, but then again we are not a very traditional couple.
Nope, he didn’t ask. It didn’t even cross our minds. I inherited my shyness from my dad and my FI is also very shy. It would have been awkward and uncomfortable for both of them. Our parents knew we were planning on getting engaged, so it’s not like it was a surprise.
my fiance asked and neither me or my dad would have had it any other way!
I had a friend who after her fiance proposed immediately asked…”Did you ask my dad?”
It was important to me to be ‘handed off’ however traditional that is, from one important guy in my life to another. I loved it.
My husband asked my parents for permission and she acidentally hung up on him! hahaha it makes for such a great story now.
I really like the idea of approaching her parents (or his parents if she is doing the asking). A marriage is also about the joining of two families and it is such a nice way to kick off the hoopla of wedding planning.
Oh and Dan called my Mom back and she said yes. and then was dying to hear a call from me when he finally did it.
Fi had no idea about this tradition so he didn’t ask my parents, I believe to each their own and it depends on the situation and the couples beliefs. Had I known he was going to propose as soon as he did, I would have dropped the fact that its a good idea, but it is what it is
depends on the girl and the fam! For me, not necessary. But for some ladies, it’s just such a nice gesture.
I think it depends on the girl. It’s true that we’re a whole new generation, some women don’t like this. I loved that my fiance took my dad out to lunch to ask him. It was more of a respect thing…because it’s not like he NEEDS his permission. Likewise, my dad knows that his permission isn’t needed, but he loved that he asked. My sister’s husbands didn’t do this, and I know one of my sisters wishes her husband had.
I think it’s a great tradition of respect and in our case helped my parents and my fiance become closer. I realize it’s not feasible or appropriate in all circumstances, but in our situation it was! My mom was the same way, Mrs. Quiche!
I’m ridiculously opposed to so many wedding traditions, mainly cause I took entirely too many history classes, and learned that the reasons behind most of them are pretty sexist. When my guy and I started ring shopping, the subject was broached and I gave him a resounding, “No. We’ve been living together for six years without anyone’s permission, why on earth would we need it now?” Then I thought about how excited my parents would feel to be included in the process, and with the direction that it would be asking for their blessing, told him to go for it. Apparently my dad cried, my mom screamed (hysterical since we’ve been living together for so long), and in the end, their joy in being in on the “surprise” completely outweighed my aversions to being inadvertantly compared to chattel.
I was not expecting my FI to ask my father in person, but he did! I thought it was adorable, especially since he told me he was still on a business trip and instead he was at my house.
Kourtann I agree with you! It really does depend though, my one older sister’s hubby didn’t ask and the other sister’s did, but neither was viewed as right or wrong.
I specifically told my fiance that he was not to ask my father for his permission or blessing. I’m a grown woman and I support myself. I’m no one else’s to be given away. If he wanted to tell my parents that he was going to propose, that was fine, but there would be no asking. I would have been upset with him if he had, and all he asked was that I tell my parents that I had requested him not to just in case they think him rude.
A lot of traditions surrounding weddings are so misogynist. Not seeing the bride before the wedding? A misogynist tradition. Asking permission and father “giving away,” a misogynist tradition from when women were property. Bride always changing her name to her new husband’s? More property. I realize that I have my father’s (another man’s) name, but I’ve grown up with it and into it, and it is now my own and part of my own identity. No thanks to any of that.
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Mrs. Quiche, Chicago/Montego Bay Age and Occupation: 28, Interior Designer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 42, Telecom Guru Engagement Date: July 2, 2008 Wedding Date: May, 2009 Venue: Coyaba Resort, Montego Bay About Me: I love Chicago and can’t imagine living anywhere else (Well, except Paris. Or anywhere in France, for that matter!). I’m a full-time worker, part-time student, soon-to-be-step-mom, indie music lovin’, architecture and design fanatic, macaroni and cheese addict, vegetarian, Francophile, Ohio State football obsessed, wedding planning girl. Mr. Quiche and I are “Partners-in-Crime” and cannot wait to celebrate our marriage surrounded by our family and closest friends. I plan on DIYing my little heart out (or as much as a suitcase to Jamaica will hold).
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