Wedding Blog

It was time to read our vows. This was the moment I was dreading more than anything, apart from our first dance, which I was sure would cause me to have nervous poops. My brother had just finished reading “I Like You” when our adorable officiant turned to us and said, “I like you too.” What was my reaction? I responded by doing my best Senator Clay Davis impersonation (for fans of The Wire out there) and saying, “Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyit.” I stared blankly for a moment and wondered if I had really just said that. I glanced around at our giggling wedding party and gave Mr. Candy Corn a “I-so-hope-your-parents-didn’t-just-hear-me-say-that!” grimace, while cackling hysterically. Luckily most of our guests were clueless and our videographer wasn’t able to pick anything up. I took a deep breath and told myself it was time to get back to bid-ness.

For those of you who prefer the “movie version”, there’s a video of the officiant’s address and us reading our vows at the end of this post (where you can see me laughing at how inappropriate I am within the first few seconds). For the readers out there, I’ll be including all of the text from the ceremony. The vows were written by Mr. Candy Corn and me, as if you couldn’t, tell since they are totally wacktacular and “us”. I was insanely nervous because public speaking terrifies me, as does having everyone’s eyes on me, which resulted in me being a total goofball and reading my vows as fast. as. humanly. possible. Mr. Candy Corn was all sweet and loving. If I had to do an impersonation of myself, it would go like this: “LetsgetmarriedcosIreallyloveyouandIwouldlikeyoutosayyesnowsowecanbedoneandgettheheckonwiththeshowpleasekthnx!” Le sigh. Anyway, here goes:

Once in a lifetime (if we’re lucky), fate smiles on us and puts a very special someone in our path. When you find this special person, it seems that everything just fits, like the missing pieces of a puzzle have fallen into place. The two of you share many common values, interests and goals–yet you are different enough to keep things interesting.

One may be the footloose and fancy free type, while the other is more of a planner. One may be inclined to be a little on the messy side–constantly losing things–while the other prefers a cleaner, more organized space. One may be a little vertically challenged (ok, so in this case, they’re both a little vertically challenged!), which is why it all works out. Regardless, the end result is that you complement and balance each other in all the right ways.

Happily, this means that you can be counted among the truly blessed in this life, for you have been fortunate enough to find “The One.” You have found the one who supports you in the pursuit of your dreams and goals, and inspires you to be the very best person you can be. The one who “gets” all of your little quirks, and not only puts up with them, but loves you all the more for them. The one who makes you laugh, and who knows and understands you better than anyone else. The one whose smile melts your heart, whose eyes light up your whole world, and whose arms around you make you feel safe and loved.

One of the most important things to the success of any marriage is to always remember why you came here to this moment. What qualities in this person captured your heart and still makes it go flip-flop in your chest? Take time to often focus on and appreciate these little things–the little things about each other that made you fall in love in the first place, and the ones that cause you to continue to grow in your love for each other.

Miss Candy Corn, try to focus on Mr. Candy Corn’s charming sense of humor, his patience and understanding and the way he always surprises you with little romantic gestures.

Mr. Candy Corn, stay focused on Miss Candy Corn’s passion and drive, her outspokenness, her strong morals and the way she always smiles the first time you see her in the morning.

Marriage is not just a relationship sanctioned by the state or by society, it is a sacred covenant–an agreement between two people which says, “I love you, I trust you, I will be here for you when you are hurting, and when I am hurting, you are the one I will turn to for comfort. Whatever challenges life may bring, I will not leave your side.” The promises you make here today will form the foundation on which your marriage will be built and they are intended to last a lifetime.

And so, if you are both ready now to take the next and greatest step thus far in your journey together–to join with your best friend in saying the solemn vows that will unite your lives forever–then I ask that you please indicate as much by turning to face one another and joining both your hands together.

Do you, Mr. Candy Corn, take Miss Candy Corn now to be your wife? (I do!)

And do you promise to love, honor, cook for, massage and take care of Miss Candy Corn for as long as you both shall live? (I do!)

I understand that you have prepared a few words to share with your bride.

“I, Mr. Candy Corn, choose you, Miss Candy Corn, to be my wife. In front of our friends and family, I promise to love you and cherish you in good times and in bad.”

“I promise to do my best to appreciate your unique fashion sense. I promise to try to remember to clean up my dirty Q-tips and never to flush my glasses down the toilet again.”

“I promise to remember this totally sweet day.”

“I will always make you feel safe, I will always treat you with kindness and respect, I will always be faithful to you and I will always love you.”

I love that our photographer caught Mr. Candy Corn looking at the officiant like “Did I do that okay? Should I just stick this paper in my pocket? Durrrr…” So cute.

Do you, Miss Candy Corn, take Mr. Candy Corn now as your husband? (I do!)

And do you promise to love, honor, clean up after and surrender your share of the blanket to Mr. Candy Corn for as long as you both shall live? (I do!)

I understand that you have prepared a few words to share with Mr. Candy Corn.

“I’m terrified of this! I, Miss Candy Corn, choose you, Mr. Candy Corn, to be my husband.”

*Let me just take a brief moment to demonstrate to you how terrified I was to speak in front of our friends and family. The photo on the left shows what my arms actually looked like–they had broken out with a splotchy rash because I was so incredibly nervous. The shot on the right is the retouched, non-rashy version (thanks Photoshop!), which makes me vaguely resemble a normal chillaxed, bride. I hope these blackmail-licious before & after photos show you just how much I love the hive. OK, back to the vows!!

“In front of our friends and family, I promise to love and cherish you in good times and in bad.”

“I promise to learn how to cook something other than chicken tenders and how to make sense of Ornette Coleman’s music.”

“I promise to do my best to follow you when you speak in run-on sentences. I will comfort you when the Eagles lose (which they always do) and scream like a lunatic with you when they win (which they never do).”

“I will always laugh at your goofy jokes, I will always treat you with kindness and respect, I will always be faithful to you, and I will always laa-oooooooooooooovvveeee you.” Insert me doing a nervous bouncy dance here ________. (Watch the video if you think I’m exaggerating with that one.)

After my little shimmy, I jittered around like a spazmataz and made a series of unfortunate faces that only Mr. Candy Corn could appreciate and love.

Funny-faced flailing ensued.

More flailing.

As soon as I held Mr. Candy Corn’s hands, I felt a sudden calm wash over me. I was able to forget all of the embarrassing faces I had just subjected our guests to and remembered that in less than five minutes I would be his for life and he would be mine. I couldn’t have asked for a better feeling than that.

Officiant reading & vows from Mrs. Candy Corn on Vimeo.

Our Candy Corny Lovefest: The Bachelorette Party (Rated PG-13 For Brief Chocolate Nudity)
Our Candy Corny Lovefest: Our Rehearsal Dinner (The Last Supper As A Single Lady!)
Our Candy Corny Lovefest: Bridal Bouffants and Blushing Bridesmaids and Boobie Grabbing! Oh, My!
Our Candy Corny Lovefest: The Girlies Get Gussied Up
Our Candy Corny Lovefest: The Girls Hitch A Ride In A Limo!
Our Candy Corny Lovefest: The Guys Get Ready At The Museum
Our Candy Corny Lovefest: Fun & Formal Shots Of The Gals
Our Candy Corny Lovefest: A Bridal Blunder Like No Other
Our Candy Corny Lovefest: The Opening Remarks & Sand Ceremony
Our Candy Corny Lovefest: “I Like You”

All photos by the fantastic duo: Laura Kicey & Michael Alan Goldberg!!!