Wedding Blog
Several bees have written about the splurges they’ve made on their own health, appearance, and mental well being. From new skincare regimens to personal trainers, a lot of brides have used their upcoming weddings as an excellent excuse to make positive and rewarding changes in their self-care.
I have frequently tried to talk myself into things like this. I build myself up and decide to spend the money on better shampoo or a manicure or something that’s just for me. And then I get to the store or the website and… I just. Can’t. Do it. I talk myself out of it. We have too many other things to worry about; I feel horribly guilty and irresponsible spending $40 on a manicure or $200 on good makeup. I rarely even go shopping for clothes unless I need something, and half the time I’ll either talk myself out of the purchase, or try to find it as cheaply as possible. (Even though Mr. Mary Jane is completely on board with me spending money on myself.)
Case in point: I recently won a free tube of Bad Girl Waterproof mascara. My normal waterproof mascara is the basic Maybelline Great Lash Waterproof Mascara. I’m pretty happy with it, but it’s a little clumpy and makes my eyelashes feel heavy when I wear it. It’s also pretty difficult to remove. Not the case with Bad Girl. This is The Shit. I can wear it every day, and wash it off at night. No flakes, no clumps, no eyelids-stuck-together, and it even makes my lashes and eyes look a lot better than the Great Lash does. It’s awesome. It makes me think that more expensive makeup is a worthy investment. But the thing is… I won it. It’s normally about $20, whereas my Great Lash is about $6. Would I buy Bad Girl again?
Probably not. I’d probably stand around in front of the display, holding the tube and having a mental budgeting pep-talk. I might even walk halfway to the checkout before ultimately returning it to the shelf. When it comes to me, I am cheap. Even though I know that “you get what you pay for” in a lot of cases.
But here’s my issue. I could spend $20 for this…
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…or I could save it for this.
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It’s not that we don’t have any money to be flexible with. It’s just that I like to spend that money on stuff that’s for both of us (or just my Mister- he’s got a b-day coming up!). I guess that’s where my priorities lie. I can’t see spending $50 on a mani/pedi when Mr. MJ and I could go out to a nice dinner with that money instead. $200 on my dress? That was hard. Especially when I know that Mr. MJ could use some new computer monitors, or that we could have put that money toward a car loan or honeymoon savings.
I have made some investments in myself. I pay for prescription medicines that have practically cured my acne (they’re only partially covered by insurance). I get my hair cut at an Aveda salon instead of Cost Cutters (but I don’t buy their expensive hair or skin products). I buy a lot of shoes (albeit, mostly clearance shoes). But that’s about where the me-spending stops. I don’t need y’all to talk me in to spending big money on makeup and massages, but I would love to know your experiences with spending on yourselves.
Do you find it hard to spend money on yourself? What are your splurges, and what can’t you bear to buy?
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I need to buy new bras but I never want too. It just seems dumb to me to spend $50+ on a new bra. i’ve never spent that much on one in my life before but with my increasing boob size it looks like i may need to splurge and buy a bra that actually offers support instead of my usual $15 target or kohl’s bras.
I am totally with you. As much as I love the idea of buying something nice for myself I can’t do it. Mani/pedis are the hardest to justify and therefore the rarest treat. The lamest guilty pleasure I partake in is online shopping–I find a great sale, load up my shopping cart and then close the window right after the budget guilt sets in.
I splurge on myself all the time. It’s the only thing that keeps me sane. It’s the little things that get me through life, and I’ve got no shame that my toes are always in perfect polished condition. I work hard, and I deserve it!
Oh geez, I’m the worst. I think my sentiments lie more along the lines of Pengy’s … I work hard for the money, so hard for it honey. I am mostly bad about spending on cosmetics, and somewhat on clothes/shoes/handbags (though I will typically only buy those at a reasonable discount). It’s more a matter of discipline than anything (or lack thereof) … but yeah, I could use some, for sure, because soon enough we’ll be looking to buy a house, and those $150 trips to Sephora will be only a distant memory. If I were a rich girl!
I sometimes find it hard to spend on myself! I’ll take myself to go shopping, then end up with nothing after over thinking the price tag on things! Or I’ll check out the same outfit a few times, then finally buy it when I think - ok yes I really do want this. On occasion I let loose and splurge without over thinking it, I have on a few things for the wedding, but that’s not the norm for me!
I love to splurge on myself, but it’s so hard when there are so many other things that I need to buy. I can easilly drop $300 at Sephora, but then I think… “ugh, that’s 1/3 of what a photobooth would cost!”
Mrs. Bee’s post really got me craving a trip to Sephora, though…
I normally have a huge splurge every couple months instead of a regular treat here or there. Like I’ll wake up one day and decide all my clothes are old and gross and I’ll spend $500 on a new wardrobe. But I won’t get regular mani/pedis or go out to eat.
I wish you could give me some of that feeling!!! I splurge on myself ALL of the time… I figure you only live once, so live it up! 
I totally understand where you are coming from - I am a Scrooge when it comes to myself. HOWEVER, [in my opinion] it’s important to treat yourself to things once in awhile. As long as you aren’t going overboard or spending money just to spend it… I think it’s worth it. For me, I select specific things that I am allowed to splurge on: good jeans and mascaras. Recently, I splurged on a whole makeup extravaganza, but that was for the first time in about five years. On a regular basis, I’ll splurge on mascara and then new 7 jeans, when I need them.
I say, pick a couple splurges, and maybe that’ll be a strategy that works for you too!
I don’t hesitate when it comes to personal grooming - hair and skin especially. I hold back on clothes but when I give myself the green light I do go for it. I am a great sale shopper though. Btw, I bet you can find your mascara on ebay. I buy a lot of high end beauty products that way! Don’t deprive yourself to much. If/when you decide to have children it will be so important to take the time to take care of yourself. Get in the habit now! (words of wisdom from my mom, who actually forced my aunt to get a weekly manicure when she first had kids)
I think part of my problem is not wanting to be that girl who spends money on herself. Most of the time I see it as frivolous, and frivality I have not. But I realized that those who were frivolous that I saw, were that way because they spent money they already had, on things they did not need. They had three tubes of expensive mascara and bought it on a credit card for which they could barely afford the minumum payment. I did not want to be labeled as they were. It took me awhile, but I finally realized I was not being like them, if I wasn’t like them.
Get it?
I had one tube of good mascara that I used until it was bone dry, and I bought it with cash, money that I had for that purpose and spending it did not leave me in debt of unable to pay my other bills. So I am not frivolous for buying good mascara. Even if I spend money on myself, I am still sensible, practical and smart…and damn if I don’t look good doing it!
My fiance is a saver, but he doesn’t have a problem with money I spend on myself. I’ve tried to be more budget conscious as a result of his influence but on the other hand sometimes I find myself encouraging him to spend a little on himself. I mean it’s great to be fiscally responsible and prepared but at the same time you have to live a little sometimes, right?
@Andrea: I AM SO WITH YOU ANDREA! I need new ones bad but I just keep on going on and on with the old ones…
Ms. Mary Jane, I so know what you are talking about. I used to use Cover Girls color stay blush. They would run me about $8~9 per month. Sometimes I would get them on sale buy 1 get 1 free or 50% off. However, despite the name “Color Stay” it does not last all day. I would have to re-apply at least once in the afternoon. And then one time at Macy’s when I pass by the Dior counter, the beautician convinced me to get a free makeover. Thinking it was free, I gave it a try. All in all, it was good, but what really impressed me was their blush. It lasted all day and night. So, I eventually caved in and bought one for $31. However, it has lasted for well over 6 months, and it is now time for a new one. I am still hoping that some promotion or freebie will happen soon so I can convince myself to buy it again. Sorry for the long post.
I have moments of both… it’s hard to spend on myself for things like haircuts or manicures (regular expenses that constantly need to be redone), but I haven’t really held back on buying nice things (designer jeans? yes please!), even though I’ve felt terribly guilty about it. I think I just like putting money towards things that both make me feel fabulous and also LAST…
@Andrea:
If my boobs increased on their own, I would be more than happy to buy them new sexy bras to house them……j/k lol.
Like Pengy, don’t feel bad about spending money on myself. I work really hard and if something is going to increase my overall quality of life and I can afford it, then I get it! Now that we are combining our incomes, Mr. K and I are setting what you could call “splurge budgets” so that we can occasionally treat ourselves to things without spending too much.
I’ve always found it hard to splurge on myself (other than a good haircut, being a curly girl!), but I’m getting better at it 
I also don’t feel that bad about spending money on myself… I don’t go over board but I buy things that I want and can afford I save money where I can, but I like to splurge on certain things. When we’re married we going to set up “splurge budgets” like Mrs. Kitten
I splurge on myself sometimes as long as I can afford it. When I wasn’t working then I was in “no spending mode”.
I really don’t splurge on MYSELF much. More like dinners out with the mister, mostly!
I was really careful managing my money in college, and came out ahead of the came, so even though I do have loans to pay back, I was able to buy a car putting more than 60% down, get my eye surgery, etc.
I also find it hard to splurge on myself, but sometimes it’s *so* worth it. and if you do splurge, don’t beat yourself up about it once it’s happened - just enjoy the carefree bliss post-massage, or the silky feel of a $20 mascara! as long as you’re a balanced spender overall, why worry?
I guess I just know that I have a job and make money and can be allowed to buy a little something for myself every month. Does your fiance ever eat lunch out while at work? Two of those lunches equal one tube of mascara.
I bring my lunch every day and it earns me the right to buy nice make-up
I do not feel bad about spending money on myself. I just don’t.
I think it is important to take care of yourself and do little things that make you feel better. & if that is a $20 tube of mascara (which it is for me, too ) then I say do it.
I don’t mind splurging on myself once in a while. To be honest, I think part of it is that my mom never does for herself. And I think she’d be happier and feel better if she did…for my parents it is not a budget issue, it’s just how she is.
One cute thing is that my FI is pretty supportive of beauty-related pampering. We have a budget worked out that includes a certain amount of discretionary spending for each of us to do what we’d like with. When we go over our budget, he usually insists on not counting salon/spa visits b/c, as he says, we both benefit from that That said, I tend to find that the best aestheticians run their own salons rather than working at the large high priced ones. they are often much cheaper and better in my experience.
For me, I have a hard time saying no to great bargains. I really don’t like the idea of paying full retail price because I feel like they’re cheating me. But if I see something on sale/clearance, I’m all a flutter around the store.
As for spending on myself, I have no problem making purchases on necessities (like undies), but splurging is rare for me. It probably boils down to our standard of living - what is essential vs. must-have vs. impulse-buy.
MJ - I am a user of Bad Gal Lash and I love it. However, for years before I used Maybelline Full n’ Soft mascara, which is 10,000 better than Great Lash. Great Lash gets a lot of press as being a good mascara, but I think Full n’ Soft is much better and very similar to Bad Gal, minus the price tag. So you can have your cake and eat it too, for $6.
I was reading your blog and thinking OMG that is not me at all. I am more along the lines of Miss French Bulldog. I don’t feel bad about spending on myself but I don’t go overboard. I only spend if I have the money, no credit cards. Each paycheck I pay bills, I put money away for the wedding, and the rest is for me. My fiance is very understands, he kind of likes to shop himself. So, in the future we’re going to have a saving fund and a slush fund.
Manicures are my absolute favorite self-indulgence because even at a cheap place, it makes me feel so good, and it’s only about $12. I’m willing to part with $12 once or twice a month for “me” time and to feel pampered. Even the skimpiest of hand massages is better than none at all!
Miss MJ- I’m just curious what prescription meds cured your acne?
Prior to 2009 - Meet Ms. Spender. Credit Cards were my best friend.
2009 - Meet Ms. Cheapo. My Excel spreadsheet budget is my best friend.
I find it very difficult to spend money on anything. EVERY last dime goes to paying off my credit cards and saving for a house and wedding. (BTW, credit cards are cut in half after 8 months!)
However, recently engaged (Feb09), I went to the dermatologist to see if I could have clear skin for just once in my life (My wedding, July 17, 2010). She assured me I would. I am currently on Spiro (pill), Differin Gel, and Finacea. It wasn’t that much of a splurge, but it does feel great to be doing something for myself! I haven’t purchased a new item of clothing, except for 1 dress (on sale at the Gap for all my weddings this summer) in 8 months or so!!! It does kinda drive you crazy.
It will be worth it in the end though!!!
@Andrea: Oh man. Me too. I have bras from H.S. still. Ack!!
@Mrs. Penguin: That’s a really good point! I like to be sane and I do spread myself pretty thin with work and school….
@Miss Snapdragon: I would love to have a nice pair of designer jeans that actually fit my body. I wear jeans all the time, so i’d consider it an investment. What keeps me from shopping them mostly is that we honestly have nowhere in town where you can buy expensive jeans (Macys is our “nicest” store, and it’s not a big city macy’s), and I dont’ like to order online without trying on.
@cg: That’s the way I try to be… but a lot of times I’ll have that “earmarked” money and then still think “you know if I didn’t spend this on this, i could save it for….”
@Tulips: Good point. I really do believe you get what you pay for, even if i don’t practice it all the time myself!
@diorable: Yeah, we both eat lunch at work 4 days a week. Yet, I still feel greedy with that money! I wanna SAAAAVE IT. lol.
@fizicsGirl: Mr. MJ totally wishes I bought more stuff for myself. That’s so nice, to have a supportive guy!
@Bean: Thanks for the rec! I’ll try it when my Bad Gal runs out. Is it waterproof?
@chaikac: I wrote a post about it a while back: http://www.weddingbee.com/2009/04/29/i-have-issues-part-2/ I talked about the regimen and the specific meds there - hope that helps!
Oooh, I love Bad Gal Lash too, but I’m hooked on buying the “A Little Bit Bad Gal Lash”, its a smaller container (just under half of a normal tube), for only $9 at Sephora. I use it everyday and my first tube lasted MONTHS, but you could splurge a little on the smaller tube and use it for when you want your lashes to look great!
Wow, thanks for this post! I honestly have been finding it hard to sympathize or relate when people write about splurging (and especially those who right about the rationalizations they use). I don’t mean people who splurge have no right to–I just can’t relate, it isn’t in me to think that way. Feeling pretty, attractive, confident, and taken care of are all important to me, However, self-care to me means exercising regularly, eating well (and somewhat “properly”), and taking quality time out for the relationships in my life that bring me joy. Somewhere along the way, those things all require a larger portion of money (OR TIME!) that could of course be put toward other things. I guess what I’m saying is, I have important personal care priorities but they don’t ALWAYS mean a splurge of money. And when they do, I don’t feel bad (though I of course always wish there was more money for them, since I enjoy those three aspects of my life immensely!)
I’M SO THERE with you. Because about 10 mani-pedis (priced at $50 each) is a cruise!! ($500)
I don’t like to spend a lot of money for things for myself either. I’m the same way - I’ll carry something around for half and hour, then decide that I don’t really NEED it, and convince myself I wouldn’t really use it, so I’d put it back on the shelf. There are a few things I’ve learned are worth the money, so I go ahead and splurge. I’d say if you’ve found an awesome mascara that makes you feel great, you should splurge the $10 extra on it to make you feel good.
I splurge on my Merrell shoes. I have two pairs, some day-hikers and some sports (lighter weight and low cut) that were totally worth it!
I love to spend money on myself, my husband and our daughter! I do talk myself out of a lot of things, but I am a spender! I hate to buy basic things like bras and undies. They seem so expensive for what they are. Not to mention I’ve got lots going on up there and have to have the expensive big bras. LOL
PS~ buy the good mascara. Cheap clumpy mascara is the worst!
Spend money on what’s important to you. If a dinner out with the Mr. is more important than fancy shampoo, then don’t spend it. A good mascara, however, is worth its weight in gold.
I am a super coupon lover and have really curtailed my spending in the last couple of years. I still buy things that I love, like good cosmetics, but I make sure that they’re perfect and worth the money (and I wait for the annual Fall Sephora sale!). It’s all about your personal priorities - I wouldn’t pay for a gym membership because I can walk outside, but that’s not for everyone.
I hear you, Miss Mary Jane! =D I’m a big saver, and I just cannot justify spending on myself. (Luckily for me, my fiance can — and frequently does — though lately I’ve been talking him out of it because he’s unemployed and I’d rather he saved what little he has.)
I will, on the other hand, spend money on both of us (though my fiance prefers to be the one to do it, silly boy — I can’t wait until we have a joint account!). We love movies, and dinners out together…but we’re also looking forward to having dinners in and snuggling to watch movies on the couch!
Bad Girl Lash was my splurge a few years ago, it’s the best (I think) mascara out there. I’ve been saving up so I can get a new tube, It really lasts a long time.
I am like you Ms. MJ. I also have difficulty actually spending money on myself. Typically if I do, I feel like I have to come home with something for my fiance and my children also. Not that they expect me to, I just feel like I should. Maybe it is because until we left the house my mom was the same way and rarely bought anything for herself. Even though I don’t have regular shopping sprees, I do consider a few things necessity. One is my hair. I don’t buy really expensive salon products, but I do splurge on the better stuff because my hair is natually curly and I straighten it every. Single. Day. So, it needs a lot of love. I know it sounds weird but I splurge on groceries. I like greek yogurt as opposed to Yoplait or Dannon, but it also cost about $1.50 more. However, it is better for you. Same thing with our gym membership. It is for our health and provides an outlet for me sometimes.
I have recently been thinking about the various posts Bees have posted about pampering themselves so they look their best. I’m debating getting the Origins cleanser oil Mrs. Peep wrote about. I’ve been debating for about the past 3-4 years (seriously) buying the starter kit for Bare Minerals makeup. I have recently thought maybe it is time to take the plunge so my skin looks its best. I have ALSO been debating on a facial. I used to splurge on my eyebrows every two weeks because it was $10 including the tip. I don’t splurge on that anymore with the economy. BUT, when i did the lady always tried to get me to get a facial and always mentioned how much better my skin would look. It made me a little self conscious. LOL
With all my thoughts, I never end up buying those things or spending the money because it seems like there is always something else that I could spend that money on that would be more useful or have more benefit.
I learned a great lesson earlier in life. I accrued a few thousand in CC debt just from being spendy and splurgy. I slowed down a lot after that, and then when I entered the real world, I started spending my money like mad!
When I got engaged, I realized my spendiness could make my FI (now DH) and I’s life more difficult. So, now, I don’t splurge…period! I have some dental work that was recently done that is taking up a good bit of my money, so no splurges for this girl. My wedding and Disneymoon was enough of a splurge to last me for a couple of years, I think!
Just know you aren’t alone in having trouble justifying splurges.
I get what you’re saying. I rarely splurge on myself! In the month before the wedding, I treated myself to 2 pedicures (1 every 2 weeks), and I felt so guilty. It’s not that I’m a miser or cheap, I just always think about how I could spend the money on more worthwhile things for the two of us. Mr. G wholly disagrees with my logic. He’s been known to splurge on me from time to time. I guess that makes me a spoiled woman who doesn’t splurge? Not sure.
Out of curiosity, what meds are you on for acne? I know it’s a personal question, so I understand if you don’t want to answer.
I almost never splurge on myself. I love the designer jeans that actually fit my hard to fit body, but cannot justify the price tag. I love manis/pedis, but honestly go like one, maybe twice a year for them. And my bras….so bad, like ones from Mervyns (before they all closed down) and stuff that I’m just now realizing don’t properly support me. *Sigh* So you are no alone!
I don’t really have a problem spending on myself. I do try to limit my shopping, but if I really want something I usually buy it if it’s a reasonable price. Being a student for the past 8 years, it’s been hard to set a firm budget for myself. I usually end up spending above whatever my student loans + crappy-paying job of the moment gets me. I’m hoping to get straightened out once I get a “real” job.
Buy the good makeup! That stuff lasts for FOREVER! Plus, I don’t know about you, but I tend to take better care of something if I know that I can’t just go out and buy another one (that’s also my rationale with sunglasses).
I have a really hard time spending on myself, too. My splurge is Victoria’s Secret bras. As small as I am, it’s really important to find one that fits!
i have a tube of the blue bad gal lash for sale, as well as a few other benefit products. i was going to give them to wedding guests as prizes, but didn’t. contact me if you want to buy anything.
Im a shoe, purse and makeup fanatic… yup im a girly girl…
But when Mr.Flamingo was in school… I got used to not spending… cuz on little money we had.
Now, when I do spend… I feel bad. 
Mr.Flamingo sorta has to give me the ok…
@Lindsay: I blogged it! This post lists the products and how I use them. http://www.weddingbee.com/2009/04/29/i-have-issues-part-2/
Mrs. MJ, I just want to second some other posters and say BUY THE FANCY JEANS! They are so worth it! When you get a chance to go to a bigger mall and try them on, of course. I like 7 Jeans, but I think Joe’s are my ultimate fave. I’ve converted lots of people (including my mom–no more “mom jeans”!) to Joe’s. You can find them at Antropologie and try a few styles on, and then find some of the same styles at bluefly.com for a much cheaper price!
I fel guilty about skin/beauty care, but when mr. c knows it makes me feel better so he has started to encourage it
I definitely advocate splurging a little bit on oneself every once in a while…whatever it is that you need, you shouldn’t hold out, within reason of course! I treat myself to a pedicure every once in a while because it just makes me feel so nice afterwards! There are also a few makeup items that I can’t live without that are more expensive (my Bobbi Brown Apricot blush…and my Smashbox foundation primer)…but I think about how long it lasts and I don’t feel so bad anymore!
I have a really hard time splurging on myself. When I was single, or at least before I moved in with FH, I could enjoy going out for dinner or to a nicer salon but not anymore. There are too many other things that need the money more.
However, I have noticed that if I don’t do a little something for myself every month or two I get a bit grouchy. Oddly enough, sometimes it just means buying bones when I go get dog food. It doesn’t have to be much, just something outside of our budget.
We’re major penny-pinchers in every day life, but we go on vacation at least once a year where we deny ourselves nothing.
I’m very cheap, and necessarily so. I’m still in school, with a big chunk of student loans that I’ll have to pay. With my retail job, I have no money to spare, as I will not ever put myself in credit card debt.
I don’t manicure my nails, I shop the clearance racks at my retail job (where I get a discount), I get haircuts at Great Clips when I have a coupon, and I eat food I cook at home. My only decent beauty expenditure is my mineral make up. I’ve even stopped buying contacts, and have switched to my glasses to save money.
[...] So I went back to the ol’ budget. This bracelet is $63, shipped. I’d allotted myself $150 to spend on accessories (hair/shoes/jewelry). With $70 spent, I still had $80 remaining. But did I really want to spend a large chunk of that on a bracelet? I don’t even wear bracelets on a regular basis, and I have no jewelry that costs even half as much as this bracelet (aside from two necklaces I’ve received from relatives and my wedding set). The $8.00 string of pearls from eBay (top of this post) was looking pretty appealing. Hell, I even found one on Amazon for $2.00! Sure it’s pretty cheapie-looking, but who’s going to look that close? I could use the $50 I saved on a nice manicure or maybe (wow, I’m boring) a small area rug for our kitchen. I was definitely suffering from “Can’t Spend On Self” syndrome. [...]
I am SO cheap w/ myself, but for the wedding…I did the old “but it’s for the wedding…” and really over-spent. My original wedding dress was from Isaac Mizrahi at Target! (I ended up with a Reem Acra.) I hope to ebay a bunch of my stuff though. You HAVE to treat yourself now & again, Maryjane. So please, for you, for the Hive, GET your Bad Girl mascara–you are worth it. Remember, you get what you pay for–always.
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Mrs. Mary Jane, Grand Forks, ND
Age and Occupation: 26, Instructional Designer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Lead Programmer
Engagement Date: February 28, 2009
Wedding Date: September 2009
Venue: City Hall
About Me: I'm a career woman on the surface and a homemaker at heart. I love fast cars and high heels, and my favorite food is cake. Mr. Mary Jane and I are both full-time employees and students, and we just bought our first house. We love to curl up on the couch with buttery popcorn, Sour Patch Kids, and the latest Netflix arrival -- whenever we can get a break from everyday life.
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