Wedding Blog
I have been wanting to write a post about wedding anxiety for a while now, but as I was going through it, I couldn’t find the words to describe it. Now that I am a newlywed, my thoughts seem to be flowing much more easily. So here goes…
Keeping busy with wedding tasks helped distract me from the fact that I was scared sh*tless of my wedding day. Not about the marriage and “happily ever after” part (because I knew I wanted to marry Mr. G), but the actual wedding part. Being the center of attention is never my style, and having 250 people staring at me was a daunting thought. I put on a calm face to the outside world, but inside, I was a panicking, nervous wreck. Ahhh, it feels so good to finally admit that.
I’m not usually a very nervous or high strung person. I swear, I’m not. However, planning for months on end for one big day is a lot of pressure. My mind was constantly racing. I second guessed many decisions I made. I obsessed over outlandish things like if I would faint or vomit while walking down the aisle. My stomach hurt constantly. One evening, I wondered if I was giving myself an ulcer. Then I Googled “stomach ulcers” and spent the rest of the night worrying that my worrying was giving me an ulcer. I guess you could say I had issues.
Two weeks before the wedding, I couldn’t sleep most nights. I would wake up with my heart racing.
I wasn’t eating normally. Food was not appetizing (which really depressed me!). I tried to relax my body, but my mind would not stop going! I had given the wedding so much power. Now when I look back on it, I gave it way too much power. I don’t know how I could have remedied the situation or calmed myself down. However, I do know that this was a process I was supposed to be enjoying. Instead, I was making myself miserable.
The day of the wedding I woke up and was still stressed out. However, slowly but surely, everything came together (just like everyone said it would). I found that people are so kind and accommodating toward you on your wedding day. Being the center of attention isn’t a negative thing, because everyone is looking at you with happiness and love. I never felt judged or awkward (like I imagined I would). The wedding wasn’t perfect. A number of details fell through. But, all of the special moments melted into one fabulous day that I will remember always. I was finally free to relax and enjoy myself.
I let my wedding anxiety get the best of me at times. But rather than look back on it regretfully, I am trying to let it go and allow myself to settle back into my pre-wedding life. Except now I am officially a “wife”… and newlywed bliss feels so good!
Did you suffer or are you suffering from wedding anxiety? How did you cope with it? Or how are you coping with it?
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I could not sleep for more than four hours the days before my wedding. I woke up every night about four o’clock and listened to audio books, trying to go back to sleep. I was also in the midst of finishing university, so I was hyper-stressed out. My mind was always racing, especially when lying in bed. At my courthouse wedding (you have to do that in Germany in order to be allowed to marry in a church) I nearly fainted during the ceremony due to lack of sleep and food. On the morning of our wedding day, my soon-to-be husband conferred with my mum: they considered bringing me to a doctor to prescribe me something to dope me because I was so beside myself. It was truly horrible. My hair stylist was late an hour, which didn’t stress me at all. I was just glad to sit in that chair and do nothing, fighting nausea. Perfect, no? Thankfully, the moment I stepped into the church, together with my beloved, I began to feel wonderful. All the people were smiling at me and I felt so loved. I could even eat at our reception! 
That was a real accomplishment and a very good sign that I was okay again
I can’t say what I could have done to avoid it. No idea. It was just the way it was. What I learned from the experience: the moment the important thing starts (aka the church wedding), everything will be ok
Sorry for the rambling. Your post just resonated so much with my experience.
I definitely suffered from it! But, I am an anxious person in general. I lessened it by doing yoga and meditation. When that didn’t work, I went to the doctor and she prescribed me something for those restless nights. It ended up being just what I needed at the time…& I’m not ashamed to say it!
Glad your wedding stress melted away on the big day!!
Thank you for this post! I am getting married in August and have this very problem. I know I should be enjoying this - but I am worrying myself to death. The only way I do cope is exercising or having a glass (or 2 or 3…) of wine. It’s nice to know this is common.
Oh I’m 14 months out and trying to even find a good location on our budget and it’s stressing me out!
omg, Mrs Swordfish, I´m also in Germany, getting married in 4 weeks and also currently finishing my university degree….I´m permanently stressed out and don´t really sleep at all anymore…so it´s good to hear that things do come together at the end…but right now, I still feel like I´m just going to collapse on the aisle!
I’m just less than a month out now and although everything is pretty much done and there’s nothing to explain it, I have started to feel super stressed. Just so many details, so many people I’m trying to please, etc. But my mom keeps reminding me that really the day is about me and FI being happy, taking this big step together, etc. No one will notice the details, it doesn’t matter if everyone is perfectly happy, and most people will just be, like you said, looking on you with love and best wishes. However, reminding myself of this certainly doesn’t keep the stress away permanently!
I need to get Mr Frenchie to read your post, he is really anxious about all the ppl too, but I LOVE the way you put it that “Being the center of attention isn’t a negative thing, because everyone is looking at you with happiness and love. I never felt judged or awkward (like I imagined I would). ” Great advise for those that are in the same boat as you were
Oh, I think you captured it best when you wrote, “The wedding wasn’t perfect. A number of details fell through. But, all of the special moments melted into one fabulous day that I will remember always.” I never felt anxious just exhausted. I think it’s because I KNEW that the wedding wouldn’t be perfect, and didn’t expect it to me. And there were hiccups. But like you said so accurately, the special moments melted into one fabulous day. I look back on my wedding and am so happy with the way it turned out. You give good perspective, Mrs. G! I reallllllly look forward to your recaps!
I can’t thank you enough for writing this. I feel really alone in what I am going thru right now. I never hear people talk about this…that “bad” part of being engaged. This has not been the happiest time for me…yet I feel like it is supposed to be I am in the process of trying to write a post on my blog about “pre wedding depression”. I feel so alone. You look around and hear about people who are so excited and happy. Yet I don’t hear people talking about the many drives home from work while sobbing about the days events…or the nights where I cannot fall asleep because I feel so stressed that I am laying thier with my hands clenched in a fist. I honestly feel like I have turned into some hormonal pregnant lady with my emotions being so raw and just under the surface. I have always wanted this…but now that it is here…it is “too much”. It is so overwhellming and I am surprised with how stressed and down I have felt.
I thank you SO MUCH for writting about the “other side” of things. It’s nice to know that we are not alone
every morning for 4 days before my wedding as soon as i woke up I vomited (and I swear this was not alcohol related) I was just so nervous. about the day, all the people, the expectations and i think the excitement of it all.
I exprienced the same thing in the weeks leading up to my wedding. I was so stressed that people wouldn’t have fun, or would judge, or I would crack under the pressure. I ruined the day before the wedding and morning of being nervous of these things. I think it’s difficult when you have invested so much time, energy and love to such a big project, to not be nervous when “unveiling” it. You are making yourself vulnerable to those in attendance.
THANK YOU for posting this! I’m a little over a month away (August 15), and I wake up in the middle of the night stressing about the “all eyes” that are going to be on me. Like Mrs. Quiche, I, too enlisted some “help” getting to sleep and staying that way! The best advice that I’ve heard that resonated SO much with me was…instead of imagining a room/church/chapel/etc full of “eyes” that are going to be looking at you, imagine a room/church/chapel/etc of smiles or (insert your own symbol for warm and fuzzy here). It’s so great to hear that I’m not the only one feeling this way! Thank you for being so candid Mrs. Glitter, and congratulations!!
Aww, I can’t say I shared the experience (I basically slept like the dead even on the night before the wedding) but I’m glad you’re sharing this with others. So many of my friends went through the same thing and they just needed to take a deep breath and take it all in. Isn’t it awesome how nice everyone is to you on your wedding day?!
I also had major stress about everything coming together. Maybe I should have been stressed though, I am a terrible procrastinator and left a lot of stuff till the last minute! Having a smaller wedding made me feel less anxious about the attention though. We had about 80 and they were all really close friends and family that we had been hanging out with for the past three days. It was SO nice to wake up after the wedding and know there there was no more wedding to stress about though!
Thank you for posting this! I am getting married August 8, and my fiance and I are hosting a wedding in California where virtually all of our guests are coming from out of state (and across the country) At the time it seemed like a great idea to have a semi-destination wedding, but now all I am is depressed and stressed about everyone having a great time (bc they spent so much money and time to get here). Plus, I am bummed that certain people won’t be able to join us and also that I feel like I am planning this totally alone (even though my fiance is totally helpful and awesome and I have a great coordinator) I just miss having my “girls” and family to be with me on these last days til the wedding! I was just asking my married friends yesterday if I was crazy for feeling like this- so thank you for again affirming that I am not alone!!!
OMG– Mrs. Glitter– I totally had this. AND IT TOTALLY SURPRISED ME. I am outgoing person (I actually like to be the center of attention) who is usually pretty laid back and non-type A. 2 weeks before the wedding I had a total panic attack, almost fainted. The week of the wedding I had a pit in my stomach and it pretty much lasted the whole day of the wedding until the ceremony was over. I couldn’t calm myself down. I kept saying to my mother– I can’t believe I am so nervous, I have never felt like this before. And she said– You’ve never gotten married before. And I think that’s it– it’s more than a huge event filled with people from every facet of your life, it’s extremely emotional and you feel all this pressure to soak it up, to understand it, to really live it. It’s unique. I don’t really have any advice for other brides other than delegate and know that other people are there to help you and support, don’t be afraid to talk about your anxiety.
up until the week before our wedding, I was pretty much dreading waiting for the nerves to hit…and they really never did. I ate fine, slept great, and had an absolute blast. The only time I felt a little butterfly-ish was about 5 minutes before I walked down the aisle.
I loved being the center of attention for the pictures and at the reception, but the ceremony was a little nerve wracking!
Thanks for sharing, Glitter!
Right now I’m just most concerned about the “little things” coming together. I’m sure once they’re in place, though, my nervous energy will find something else to focus on.
I consider myself an extrovert, though, so hopefully I won’t be too freaked with all eyes on me and the mister!
My wedding is not till next august and I have the same reservations. I am not the top of person who likes a lot of attention on me and I am very worried about that. My WC even told me that she may have a nice adult beverage waiting for me before I walk down the aisle to shake my nerves off.
I actually AM a very high-strung, high-anxiety person and I am very proud of the way I’m handling the stress.
We are 22 days out and I am pretty calm. I tackle DIY projects in the evenings and work during the day.
The really huge issue I’m living with is that I cannot stop crying. They are tears of joy and excitement. I cry when I listen to songs, when I think about walking down the aisle, when I think about our cake, when I try on my dress, when I am shopping for things … I feel like I’m constantly in tears … good tears … but still … I can’t stop crying … I just have so much emotion boiling over it all comes rushing out.
I’m wondering now, should I even have makeup on for the Big Day?
I’m crying now … jeez …
Yup, my wedding anxiety is the money. Are we really going to come up with all of it in time to pull this off? I know it will work out, but could someone please show me a crystal ball to ease my mind in the meantime?
@duckbride: I would really consider going to the doctor and get some sleep medication. I think that’s what I’d do if I had to do it again. I just thought that would be too extreme, but now I think it would have been perfectly justified.
I’m trying desperately too keep the stress/anxiety at bay, but I’m just kidding myself. You put it perfectly, I have given the wedding too much power..
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Mrs. Glitter, Los Angeles
Age and Occupation: 27, Research Consultant/Writer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Accounting
Engagement Date: May 6, 2007
Wedding Date: June, 2009
Venue: Millenium Biltmore Hotel
About Me: I was born and raised in West Los Angeles, California. I spent eight years in the Northeast working and completing my education. Having split time between two sides of the country has given me a true appreciation for both coasts. It has also provided an overabundance of cross country drives, flights and long distance relationship fun/misery! I love my family, my doggy Emma, fabulous wine, Anthropologie, politics, reading, being outdoors, exploring new cities, and good movies! My fiance and I are complete opposites, but somehow we have managed to fall completely and hopelessly in love.
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