I have been wanting to write a post about wedding anxiety for a while now, but as I was going through it, I couldn’t find the words to describe it. Now that I am a newlywed, my thoughts seem to be flowing much more easily. So here goes…
Keeping busy with wedding tasks helped distract me from the fact that I was scared sh*tless of my wedding day. Not about the marriage and “happily ever after” part (because I knew I wanted to marry Mr. G), but the actual wedding part. Being the center of attention is never my style, and having 250 people staring at me was a daunting thought. I put on a calm face to the outside world, but inside, I was a panicking, nervous wreck. Ahhh, it feels so good to finally admit that.
I’m not usually a very nervous or high strung person. I swear, I’m not. However, planning for months on end for one big day is a lot of pressure. My mind was constantly racing. I second guessed many decisions I made. I obsessed over outlandish things like if I would faint or vomit while walking down the aisle. My stomach hurt constantly. One evening, I wondered if I was giving myself an ulcer. Then I Googled “stomach ulcers” and spent the rest of the night worrying that my worrying was giving me an ulcer. I guess you could say I had issues.
Two weeks before the wedding, I couldn’t sleep most nights. I would wake up with my heart racing.
I wasn’t eating normally. Food was not appetizing (which really depressed me!). I tried to relax my body, but my mind would not stop going! I had given the wedding so much power. Now when I look back on it, I gave it way too much power. I don’t know how I could have remedied the situation or calmed myself down. However, I do know that this was a process I was supposed to be enjoying. Instead, I was making myself miserable.
The day of the wedding I woke up and was still stressed out. However, slowly but surely, everything came together (just like everyone said it would). I found that people are so kind and accommodating toward you on your wedding day. Being the center of attention isn’t a negative thing, because everyone is looking at you with happiness and love. I never felt judged or awkward (like I imagined I would). The wedding wasn’t perfect. A number of details fell through. But, all of the special moments melted into one fabulous day that I will remember always. I was finally free to relax and enjoy myself.
I let my wedding anxiety get the best of me at times. But rather than look back on it regretfully, I am trying to let it go and allow myself to settle back into my pre-wedding life. Except now I am officially a “wife”… and newlywed bliss feels so good!
Did you suffer or are you suffering from wedding anxiety? How did you cope with it? Or how are you coping with it?
- Los Angeles
- Research Consultant/Writer
- Wedding Date:
- June, 2009
- Millenium Biltmore Hotel