Wedding Anxiety

I have been wanting to write a post about wedding anxiety for a while now, but as I was going through it, I couldn’t find the words to describe it. Now that I am a newlywed, my thoughts seem to be flowing much more easily. So here goes…

Keeping busy with wedding tasks helped distract me from the fact that I was scared sh*tless of my wedding day. Not about the marriage and “happily ever after” part (because I knew I wanted to marry Mr. G), but the actual wedding part. Being the center of attention is never my style, and having 250 people staring at me was a daunting thought. I put on a calm face to the outside world, but inside, I was a panicking, nervous wreck. Ahhh, it feels so good to finally admit that.

I’m not usually a very nervous or high strung person. I swear, I’m not. However, planning for months on end for one big day is a lot of pressure. My mind was constantly racing. I second guessed many decisions I made. I obsessed over outlandish things like if I would faint or vomit while walking down the aisle. My stomach hurt constantly. One evening, I wondered if I was giving myself an ulcer. Then I Googled “stomach ulcers” and spent the rest of the night worrying that my worrying was giving me an ulcer. I guess you could say I had issues.

Two weeks before the wedding, I couldn’t sleep most nights. I would wake up with my heart racing.

I wasn’t eating normally. Food was not appetizing (which really depressed me!). I tried to relax my body, but my mind would not stop going! I had given the wedding so much power. Now when I look back on it, I gave it way too much power. I don’t know how I could have remedied the situation or calmed myself down. However, I do know that this was a process I was supposed to be enjoying. Instead, I was making myself miserable.

The day of the wedding I woke up and was still stressed out. However, slowly but surely, everything came together (just like everyone said it would). I found that people are so kind and accommodating toward you on your wedding day. Being the center of attention isn’t a negative thing, because everyone is looking at you with happiness and love. I never felt judged or awkward (like I imagined I would). The wedding wasn’t perfect. A number of details fell through. But, all of the special moments melted into one fabulous day that I will remember always. I was finally free to relax and enjoy myself.

I let my wedding anxiety get the best of me at times. But rather than look back on it regretfully, I am trying to let it go and allow myself to settle back into my pre-wedding life. Except now I am officially a “wife”… and newlywed bliss feels so good!

Did you suffer or are you suffering from wedding anxiety? How did you cope with it? Or how are you coping with it?

BLOGGER

Mrs. Glitter

Location:
Los Angeles
Wedding Date:
July 2014
Add a comment

comments

  1. Member
    JaniceP72 50 posts, Worker bee @ 2:10 pm

    @Anette:
    Hi Anette! It’s no surprise with all the additives and preservatives in food nowadays why we’re all walking around like a shaky mess.

    To be perfectly honest I did have my thyroid checked in 2011 due to it running in my family, blood work came back normal. I was on a low dosage of Zoloft for about 6mos. due to 3 deaths in a row; 9/1, 9/4 & 9/10 the most significant being my FMIL loosing her battle to cancer on 9/4/10 and I had a miscarriage on 9/10/10. The Zoloft helped me get over the doom & gloom and feeling like death was lurking around every corner but then it seemed to not help any longer so I weened myself off of it.

    I’m a highly sensitive person; spiritually in tune and connected to those who have passed and not necessarily just people I’ve known. At the risk of sounding like a complete whack o I’ll stop there ahahahaha.

  2. Guest Icon Guest
    Anette, Guest @ 12:46 pm

    Hi Janice,

    First of all, that’s a lot of loss to process and handle – I’m so sorry. I think some anxiety and depression are natural under those circumstances, for anyone, especially someone who’s more sensitive and in-tune. It kind of sounds like you communicate with those who’ve passed – cool!!! You’re not a wacko at all, I think it’s neat. :) I don’t know what’s best for you but the gluten thing really was life changing for me and it’s easy to try. I also found that being honest with my feelings (around the wedding) was really helpful for me. Have you heard of “The Conscious Bride?” It’s a great book that really helped me understand and navigate all the complex feelings that go along with getting married. Sometimes, I think that anxiety has a lot to do with trying to force yourself to be happy and be normal, when you just don’t feel that way. Allowing yourself to feel what you feel, without judgement, is an amazing way to lift anxiety and get to root of your real emotion (anxiety often is a shield for the real emotions we feel that are actually harder to face). Anyhow, I wish you the very best! You’ll have a lovely wedding no matter what happens. :)

    ~Anette

  3. Guest Icon Guest
    Rebecca, Guest @ 12:11 pm

    Thank you for this blog! Wonderful. I actually started laughing, not because its funny, but because it is me. I have anxiety and migraines as it is so I was able to get some valium. I try really really hard to not take it if I don’t have to, its my last resort. I do zumba and do breathing exercises. Mine is February 18. So glad it is so soon!

  4. Guest Icon Guest
    KatieP, Guest @ 10:30 pm

    I am getting married in 2 days!and every day im getting more nervous!i dont know how to calm down,just the the thought of having all the attention on me is driving me crazy.i never liked any attention on myself.:(

  5. Guest Icon Guest
    LDuarte, Guest @ 1:32 pm

    Oh! I sooo understand this. I’ve arrived home earlier from the make-up trial, and I felt like a wreck! Then I came online and tried to find out if anyone had the same problem, as ‘a bride is supposed to be happy and all excited’, and I’m actually not. I feel lonely and stressed. I feel I’ve taken in too much: I’m panicking over my looks on that day, I can’t choose accessories because I’ve obcessed over it, I’m worried about the details and looks of the party place, and this all is driving me mad! I just can’t wait to get it through! and I still have 3 more months to go… The worst outcome is that I’m irritable, and sometimes am rude to the people that are “close” to me (= fiancé and mother).
    So… reading this blog was actually very therapeutical. It made me laugh and relieved me a bit to know, that it is normal to feel this way and that I’m not the only one reacting this way. (I think it also relieved my fiancée to learn it will be temporary!)
    So to all of you: Thank you very much for this post and sharing your experiences!

  6. Guest Icon Guest
    Marlee, Guest @ 8:47 am

    I got officially engaged last night, although we had already talked about it three days ago, and I have been panicking since then. I’m definitely high-anxiety and prone to panic attacks, but these have really surprised me. I had wanted this for so long, and felt completely sure about him and our life together. Until it was actually happening, and now I’m a mess. I sobbed all last night, and feel like I’m faking emotion with him, which I have never felt before. He is incredibly supportive and he tries, but it is hard for him to understand. He promised he wouldn’t start thinking I was doubting him, just the actual wedding. We are having a small wedding, only family, and I am still petrified. I’ve been nauseous for days, and my brain is starting to tell me that it means I’m not sure I want to marry him. My thoughts are a bitch sometimes.

    Anyways, this was the first thing that came up when I searched this morning, after feeling sick all the way to work. I’m sitting in my office crying (I’m a therapist- I should probably get this under control before my next appointment!), just because it’s so emotional to read that other people have felt the same way. I’m sure I’ll still be freaking out until the wedding, but it does take a little of the sting out of it to commiserate with others!

  7. Guest Icon Guest
    Anette, Guest @ 8:45 pm

    @Marlee:

    Hi Marlee,

    Hang in there! :) You should check out the book, “The Conscious Bride.” It’s really wonderful and talks about the reality and huge transition in life that marriage actually marks and sets into motion. I loved the book and found it really helpful. I think it’s helpful to remember that no man is completely perfect and there isn’t ONE person that’s right for you. If your fiance makes you happy and want to share your lives together, then it sounds great! :) Getting married isn’t perfect and there are real parts to it, like past loves, your identity changing, etc. Also, anxiety and nerves are horrible! They don’t always make sense — even though we try to force meaning into them. ;) Sometimes, it really is just that our bodies are off a little bit. Do you fear losing control and feeling trapped? That’s a common fear for women about to marry. The nice thing to know is that you can always do what you want to do (now or later) and you’re never trapped. Also, I love this quote, “You can’t win if you don’t play.” I think it has powerful meaning if you think about it. Best of luck to you! :)

    Anette

  8. Guest Icon Guest
    Wedding anxiety | Tourdedoubleda, Guest @ 7:17 pm

    [...] Wedding Anxiety | WeddingbeeJul 10, 2009 … I have been wanting to write a post about wedding anxiety for a while now, but as I was going through it, I couldn’t find the words to describe it. [...]

  9. Guest Icon Guest
    Steve, Guest @ 1:47 pm

    I am a 43-year-old never married bachelor who is now engaged and set to be married on May 11, 2013 (a little over a year from now). I can tell you that I am already feeling high levels of anxiety and mind racing. I have a year to plan the entire celebration (my fiance lives in Thailand and won’t make it to the U.S. until about February, three months prior to the wedding date), and every time I think about it, it makes my nerves rattle. I would appreciate any advice that anyone can give me on how to cancel this, as right now, I could very well pass out while standing at the altar on my wedding day.

  10. Guest Icon Guest
    Kelly, Guest @ 2:27 pm

    Well, I googled the topic “wedding anxiety and depression” and this was the post that came up. I wasn’t surprised to read of so many other people who have went through this. I suffered a major depression last year and have over the past 10 years or so suffered from anxiety triggered by trauma. Life, in general has not been a cake walk for me and bc of that I think my brain has trouble separating good change from bad change. I go from being excited to totally stressed and I cannot turn my brain off to save my life. My wedding is aug 1st, and I worry all the time about having anxiety the day of my wedding. I don’t want to let anyone down and I want to enjoy myself!!! What I have to remind myself of is, I’m marrying the most kind and sympathetic man I have ever known, my close friends and family know about my struggles and everyone will be in my corner on the big day! I’m also changing jobs in to a big promotion and my ma is sick with her diabetes so that’s not helping either. It’s nice to read about others who are banging their heads against the walls going” this is supposed to be happy and exciting! What is wrong with me?!?” the answer I guess is, nothing is wrong with any of us, society makes us feel like we should feel a certain way about our wedding day, or having a baby, or making more money etc… But the truth is, for a lot of us change is scary and can cause stress even if you know you are doing the right thing! I just said to my am this morning that I can’t wait until aug2nd she just laughed and said me either.

  11. Guest Icon Guest
    Raachel, Guest @ 10:25 am

    I’m so glad that I am not the only one waking up at 4 am every day! My wedding is in two weeks – and I’m terrified that people are going to be able to spot the bags under my eyes from the parking lot!

  12. Guest Icon Guest
    Eliz, Guest @ 8:42 am

    Holy sh*t guys, thanks for posting this. It makes me feel better than we’re in this together to some extent and not alone in our strangeness. I especially connected with the ladies who mentioned a nervousness about unveiling the wedding–it’s a project you’ve invested so much time in…I suppose it’s natural to be nervous about that.

    I’m two days out from my wedding and feel like I’m losing my mind. I’m alternately self-conscious, anxious, and excited. More the first two, really. I’m also breaking out like a teenager which doesn’t help matters.

    I wanted to add personal touches to the wedding (we’re having people bring pies & recipes, I made paper flowers, our program is written on chalkboards, there’s a scavenger hunt between the ceremony & reception) but now I feel like some DIY site just exploded all over the wedding and that I’ve ruined it by trying too hard. The Onion, clever paper that is is, even posted a video titled “Horrible Couple Really Wants Wedding to Reflect their Personalities” which was both funny and disturbing. Are modern weddings injected with personal touches really so despicable? I can’t help but feel like somewhere along the way I drank the wedding kool-aid and my original plan for a small, casual wedding morphed into a 140 person, DIY mutant. Sigh.

    I guess I’ll know within two days whether or not this is going to work out. One thing’s for certain–time passes. The day will arrive and then be gone. I’m sure at some point I’ll get into this but as of right now I’m wishing we would have eloped and treated close families and friends to dinner.

    Good luck, ladies, with everything!!

  13. Guest Icon Guest
    Nate, Guest @ 2:46 pm

    I am really glad to have found this post. Wedding is in two weeks and I’ve been sleeping horribly, stress eating, and a bundle of nerves. Everyone does keep telling me things will fall into place, and, deep down, I know things will work out…but that doesn’t help in the here and now. What does help is knowing that this is, for the most part, a typical pre-wedding experience.

    @Eliz – I hear ya on the eloping bit! There’s a pile of DIY supplies in the guest room right now…ahh, complication/awesomeness!

  14. Guest Icon Guest
    Scarycat, Guest @ 6:50 pm

    I am sacred about my wedding which is a month away,having weird thoughts want to pull the whole thing off coz I am scraed

  15. Member
    JaniceP72 50 posts, Worker bee @ 2:40 pm

    @Scarycat – Let me tell you the fear I had two months after I got engaged; I worked myself into a bundle of nerves and thought I’d never make it down the aisle but I did = )

    Looking back I truly feel most of my anxiety was because of planning, static in my ear from others’ and how THEY hoped I would do things, and not getting everything done in time but as the weeks flew by and it got closer to our big day, I was calm…really calm possibly due to exhaustion ahahaha.

    The morning of I woke at 630, finished my place cards, ran to Staples, did a load of laundry, got my hair done at 10 and was cool as a cucumber. Even after I put my dress on…nerves of steel! We lined up, my girls started walking and I was still good. It wasn’t until my music started that I thought my heart would pound out of my chest. I took a few deep breaths and started walking, a little shaky, as blotchy red marks appeared on my chest, a few tears fell but once I focused on my FH the world stopped. When I reached him his eyes filled with tears and he told me how beautiful I looked…

    Take it from the Queen of Anxiety, these are the moments that will stick out and you’ll remember for a lifetime. No one can tell you how or what you’ll feel but if he is worth having you’ll take the short walk into your beautiful future. I was afraid I’d be petrified with fear and the words wouldn’t come from my mouth but they did. I held his hands and looked into his eyes and knew we were exactly where God had intended us to be.

    Hang in there and enjoy the ride because all the planning and sleepless nights are over in the blink of an eye. Feel free to PM me anytime and CONGRATULATIONS!

  16. Guest Icon Guest
    sashapierce, Guest @ 4:38 am

    im so glad this comment is on here, i was just casually surfing wedding nerves and this popped up, very ideal as im getting married in 11 days!! thats right the 12/12/2012…
    i have been planning this day for years and up until 6 months ago it didnt real real, but slowly as the day has creaped up on me im getting more and more nervous.
    if people ask me how my nerves are, i say “im fine” ” nerves what nerves?” its all a big fat cover up for a shivvering gut churning wreck under this skin of mine…

    im so nervous, my dress is to big where iv lost so much weight so i am having to eat more to gain weight but eating when u feel sick with nerves is impossible and i worry i dont wana get to big an look like a beach whale when iv tried so hard to shift the unwanted weight…..

    its been dilemma after dilemma ……

    whats the day going to be like if the past month has been this bad???

    dreading it when i should be excited :(

  17. Guest Icon Guest
    Keira Cox, Guest @ 4:10 pm

    Hi girls :) I am also so happy to have stumbled across this. I have been suffering with anxiety for the past year and it’s truely horrible. I have so many symptoms from panick attacks whilst asleep!! So i wake up to shaking in my sleep, an upset tummy and a racing heart. I am so looking forward to being married but this has totally thrown me. I am also never an anxious person but I am now!! I find the anxiety has made me worry about things I would never worry about i.e flying???? this has never bothered me before but suddenly I don’t want to fly.
    I find that when talking to friends they instantly jump on the negative and assume its issues you have with future happy. I know this isn’t the case. I go through phases sometimes where i’m convinced I cant breathe and totally freak myself out. Has anyone else had it this severe? I have been to the doctors because I was sure there was something else wrong with me. Just wondered if anyone else has had these sort of effects from their anxiety? and any tips????

    Nice to know we’re not along… 8 weeks and counting!! XXX

  18. Guest Icon Guest
    Nikki, Guest @ 4:31 pm

    This doesnt directly link but I guess does a little. I am a perfectionist and I had everything to the last bit planned. I even decorated the bathrooms and had an emergency pack for the guests. But on the day, stuff went wrong. Everyone said the day was perfect and the best wedding they have ever been too. Its just I know stuff went wrong, I dont think anyone but me would have noticed but its eating away at me. I hate that it wasnt perfect. I know that nothing was ever going to be perfect but I didnt expect that many things to go wrong. I tried talking to my husband but when I do he seems upset because he thinks I didnt love iur wedding. I did. I just cant shake all the things that went wrong. How to I get out of this funk? I am trying really hard but I get these sudden moments of sadness. I dont want to focus on the wrong things I want and need to get over it. Honestly overall it was perfect but like I said I am a perfectionist which has been a problem

  19. Guest Icon Guest
    Jae, Guest @ 1:13 pm

    My wedding is in 5 days and every time I think of it I feel like I could throw up. Thankfully its just our families coming to the wedding, not even all of them. I tried to keep it as small as possible with 50 people.
    I too am obsessing about fainting or throwing up down the aisle. I need to stop that!
    We are having a beach wedding and if it rains we will move inside. I don’t want it inside but if it happens it happens and I can deal with that. But what I cant deal with is people constantly telling me that it might rain or what ifs!
    My mom is constantly texting me questions about the wedding. I find myself finally relaxing then BAM she texts me and I get nervous all over again.
    Ive been with my man for 13 years! yes 13. I am 28 years old and he truly is my best friend. I wasn’t in a rush to get married, clearly. Im not nervous about marrying him. I just hate being center of attention, I should have had a private ceremony and a nice reception! bahhhh I cant change it now lol.
    Im glad im not the only one feeling like this.
    *sigh*

  20. Member
    mariana17 84 posts, Worker bee @ 8:38 am

    Thank you so much for posting this! I have been having so many concerns about being in front of everyone that by body is being negatively influenced. Reading this really helped my understand that I’m not alone, I feel so much better. Thanks again!
    -Getting married next week! :D

  21. Guest Icon Guest
    Nick Chatt, Guest @ 8:24 am

    Really interesting reading the initial post and the other comments. I was wondering is there anyone on here still that can give me some advice.

    I am getting married on Saturday coming (17th May) its not the conventional wedding i am gay and i am having the newly legalized same sex marriage not a civil partnership.

    I have always suffered with anxiety several years ago i was diagnosed with Manic Anxiety Disorder (bi polar)
    I have been ok’ish things enter my head and i over analyze to myself and gradually i deal with them however this weed is just turning in to hell.
    Luckily my mother and farther in law to be have been the organizers and the ones with the credit card which is amazing. However from what i would have organized (small wedding with close friends and immediate family) has now turned in to a massive wedding. My anxiety levels and stress levels are through the roof. I’m doubting everything worrying that life may change worrying that i’m not going to enjoy the day when up until this week i’ve been ok.

    I’m looking forward to post-wedding when i can have normal conversations with people. Everyone is so nice and excited but everyone only ever wants to talk about the wedding the one question you can guarantee will be asked “only a few more days how are the wedding plans going?” We have a lot of friends imagine how many times a day i get asked this and that itself is driving me crazy lol. It’s like when you are pregnant and have a baby everyone asks hows the baby and forget about you lol!

    I should be getting excited but instead im getting more anxious can anyone help!?!?

  22. Guest Icon Guest
    Jae, Guest @ 12:14 pm

    Hey Nick. Boy do i know how you feel lol. I struggle with anxiety and on my wedding day thankfully I was pretty calm. I think because I knew it was happening and I could either enjoy it or be dying inside. The day after the wedding was by far my favorite, we hung out with some friends NO PRESSURE! But looking back now I wish I was more “there” during my wedding. All happened so fast. Just be sure to try to enjoy yourself ( I know its easier said then done ) Best of luck and Congrats! You will do awesome :)

  23. Guest Icon Guest
    Erin, Guest @ 5:41 pm

    My wedding anxiety is so severe that I don’t even want to have a wedding! There is so much pressure to make this one day PERFECT. As always, when something is stressful, I avoid it. Hence my perpetual habit of procrastination. But, I really cannot push off the planning this time….grrrr
    Months of planning and decision making, magazines, wedding shows, emails, the questions, thousands if dollars, so many choices, the dueling voices–”It’s the biggest day of your life, make it how you want it!. Carpe diem!” vs. “It’s ONE day that flies by, why spend so much energy and $$$? Keep it simple and reasonably priced.”
    Then, after it is all over, comes the dreaded withdraw. It’s done after endless hours of obsessing over this one day. Cold turkey.
    And I am so jealous of all those women who are enjoying the entire process….and that’s really all I want to do. Revel in the excitement. Be present in this joyous celebration.

    Any words of advice? Would really love some.

  24. Guest Icon Guest
    AiRm, Guest @ 1:34 pm

    Jae, Guest – I’m pretty sure you and I are in the exact same boat. I’ve been with my fiancé and I have been together 12 years and I too am having a small (40 person) beach wedding and hate/loathe being the center of attention and planning things is majorly stress inducing for me. I am so happy to marry my FH but I feel this added pressure of 12 years + the rest of my life is making me obsess about every detail. Not to mention the fact that I have always wanted to elope but my FH big ethnic family would never be o.k. with that so I’m planning a wedding that my heart isn’t really in to appease my FH and family. We are paying for it ourselves and watching our savings be gradually evaporated down to beans isn’t helping either. On top of being extremely anxious about it all, my mom isn’t supportive and I feel really alone with my fiancé in all this. Luckily our relationship is better than ever despite all this horrible wedding planning stuff. Wedding planning is not the experience I had hoped for at all, I thought my friends and family would really rally and they just haven’t yet. I know its completely self induced but I’m fairly certain I am going to have an ulcer at the end of all of this and I’m still 3 months out.

  25. Guest Icon Guest
    Jae, Guest @ 1:44 pm

    AiRm – The best advice I can give is just try to relax. I know its so hard to do. But looking back now I am glad its over sure but if i could just have enjoyed it a bit more I would. Sometimes we just have to let go of people who aren’t supportive. My dad walked me down the aisle but it was not special to me, he acted as if he didnt care i was getting married. I did my best to just let it go. My sister recently got engaged and for some reason i am so excited to help her plan but with mine i didnt like it lol.
    When ever you start to feel that gross stressed out kill me now feeling take a few deep breaths and think of the man you are marrying. In the end all that matters is that you and your husband are happy. My biggest fear was it would rain, and woke up to a sunny calm day, the hour before my wedding it started to storm, then wind and rain. ( so my beach wedding turned into an indoor wedding ) Then no kidding 5 min after taking our photos inside the sun came out. I swear it was a test of some sorts.
    I still suffer badly with anxiety and sometimes i dont believe i even did get married lol. If i can do it, you can do it :) Best of luck!

add a comment

Find Amazing Vendors