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One of the other unforeseen age-related issues that we have run into while planning our wedding is one that many of you brought up in your comments: getting vendors to take us seriously as adults.
As I’ve mentioned before, not only are Mr. Star and I actually young-ish, but we look even younger. I have been able tell from the look on their faces that a lot of these Manhattan vendors have not taken us seriously from the moment we walked in. A few vendors have actually said something out loud about it.
There’s one really simple fix for this: don’t give them your money. I have walked away from one florist who didn’t seem to be taking me seriously, and there are so many amazing vendors out there who will be thrilled and excited to be working on your wedding (there really are, it’s great)!
If, however, there’s some reason why you can’t just pick up and change vendors (like there’s only one florist in town or you’re really in love with your venue like we are), there are a few things you can try!
1. Professionalism in your interactions. A lot of us use half a dozen exclamation points or misspelled wordz (haha, I can’t pull that one off) in our Facebook wall posts or instant messaging. I am totally guilty of this myself. But when it comes to emailing a potential wedding vendor, that kind of stuff has to go. This may seem obvious, but I think it really makes a big difference when you take the time to write a cohesive, edited email.
2. Dress up! I’m a big proponent of dressing nicely to get people to take you seriously. Sad as it may be, people do judge you by the way you look and how you present yourself. I never went to meet with a vendor without making sure I looked nice. I even made Mr. Star throw on a nice shirt and coat to come with me to put the deposit down on our loft:
I didn’t get him out of jeans, but he’s at least wearing a sportcoat!
3. Have a clear idea of what you want and what your budget is. Even though I don’t know a lot about flower names or how many tiers of cake I needed, I always bring inspiration pictures along with me to show my vendors. Many of them really appreciated getting a look at what I wanted when I wasn’t able to clearly articulate it in an expert way and I think it helped them to take me seriously as an adult who knows what she wants. One thing I didn’t always do was walk into a meeting knowing exactly what I was able to spend, and I now think that was a mistake.
4. Know what is and isn’t fair. Have an idea of what comparable vendors are charging in your area. This is the best way to not get taken advantage of, no matter what your age.
5. Research the vendor and his or her past work/events. I tried to do my homework on each vendor before I went in to talk with them by checking our their online portfolios or researching reviews on Yelp or Weddingbee, if possible! This gives you something to chat about with your vendor, and lets him or her know that you know what you’re talking about, and might even inspire you for your own wedding!
Hopefully some of these tips will help you and your young-ish sweetie to be taken seriously when you meet with the people who are helping create your special day.
What vendor troubles have you run into? Have all of yours taken you seriously?
How funny. I get that a lot as well, and I’m quite a bit older than you are. I look much younger than I am (or so I’m told — I actually hate it) especially in my “work attire” (I work from home, so it’s VERY casual) and hair pulled back. I have a few tricks I use, but I agree, sometimes, you just have to walk out.
(Sorry, I’m a terrible serial commenter…)
I’d also add: speak with a purpose - as in, don’t interrupt yourself, speak in complete sentences, and speak slowly, as if giving a presentation. I also make an effort to drop my voice a bit (again, as if giving a presentation), and to have good posture and carriage. It actually does make a difference!
I also ran into some “age” issues while planning my wedding - vendors seeming lax and not caring so much that it was a serious wedding. I agree that the strongest statement you can make is with your wallet, and I chose not to work with people who weren’t seeing us as “adults” which at 24 I believe we were!
Vendors don’t always take me seriously because I’m planning a fairly extravagant wedding - but only for 50 people. That’s been incredibly frustrated. I also hate hate HATE when people are late - we met with an officiant who called me to confirm ten minutes before we were meeting, to check on the location - uhm, shouldn’t you BE THERE already??
I haven’t had any problems with vendors for the wedding (which is nice) but I’ve run into this before.
A couple of years ago we went to buy a couch and, while I’ll admit we were both in jeans and t-shirts because we were going to a football game later that day, I really didn’t expect the treatment we received. We walked into the store and a sales guy approached us and gave us this whole speech about how they didn’t compromise on prices because they sell quality items. He told us they had 4 floors, the top being the most expensive quality items, and going down in price from there. While we couldn’t have afforded the $10,000 couch that they specially mold to your butt we were serious about buying quality items and happily found some stuff we loved and gave the commission to the actually helpful sales girl we talked to next. I think this guy thought he was in Manhattan (where I used to live and I know what that costs) instead of Southwest Virginia.
It is frustrating when people don’t take you seriously because you look too young or casual but I think your advice is really helpful!
Thanks for the advice! =) We don’t plan on using a lot of traditional wedding vendors, so hopefully we won’t have to deal with this AS MUCH…but we’ll probably have to face up to it some. *sigh*
I think this advice is applicable for any age. It’s almost just common sense (which isn’t so common) to follow these rules. I’m amazed at how often I’ve been to a wedding vendor/venue/etc. and seen another couple or bride come in and completely disregard all these tips. Even as a fellow bride, I never take people like that seriously. Good job Star!
i had this experience a little bit my first time meeting with my vendor. At the second meeting he complimented me on how organized I was, and on the day before the wedding, he said I was the calmest bride he’d worked with! I took that at a big compliment to a young bride.
I am (almost) 29 - and I look about 20! So, I always perceive people as not taking me seriously. I think that feeling and acting confidently is paramount in letting people know you are serious.
Those are great tips for dealing with vendors regardless of your age! I feel your pain though - despite the fact I’m 27, I still get carded most places, and within the last year, I even had to show my ID at the movie theater to get into an R-rated movie!
I know exactly how you feel - I’m 24, but where I work (golf course…driving a bev cart), because of the dress code, I have to pull my hair back and wear a polo shirt and bermuda shorts…I seriously look about 17 or 18.
I COMPLETELY agree with your idea to be dressed up to meet vendors - obviously, its a bit disheartening to know that people can and will judge you by appearance, but if you are aware of this, its not like you can’t beat the system! Just because you LOOK 18 doesn’t mean that you aren’t a mature, professional woman. You definitely will end up surprising them…in a good way!
This s a great post and series you are doing 
I think these pointers could help anyone, no matter what age, be taken more seriously.
wow, that is pretty ridiculous to me that people would treat you that way!
we were 22 and 23 when we got married… i never had any issue with vendors, but maybe it’s bc i live in the south? i think people tend to get married younger down here!
i would be pretty appalled with anyone who didn’t treat me with respect as a potential customer - then again, i carry on with others in a mature manner i guess.
I’m wondering if it’s a ny/manhattan thing? I feel like many times ny lacks customer service and client care in general, but looking young doesn’t help the cause. I feel like (and maybe I’m evil) I shouldn’t have to impress them to give them my money. It should, in fact, be the other way around. Should I be rude, no, but I am also not going to go an extra mile to prove to them that I am worthy of them servicing me. Maybe I’m hideous for saying/feeling that.
I will definitely agree, though, that professionalism on both ends is key.
Love that you two get all jazzed up to meet your vendors — you’re too cute!
It’s so great that you walked out on some of your vendors! I have to say, sometimes people forget you’re the one paying. People who work in customer service seem to forget to serve the customer. I’m so sick of rude peeps. It’s none of their business how old you are. Their only concern should be to do a good job so they can get paid. : O ) Nice post.
I can’t believe the rudeness and presumptuousness you have had to deal with! Seriously, how is it a vendor’s position to judge your relationship? Ugh, I am so mad on your behalf!
I have to completely agree w/your point of NOT giving them your money. For whatever reason if a vendor (or anyone for that matter) is no taking you seriously. Walk away. There are 50 million others out there doing the same job that will gladly work twice as hard for your money, especially in these hard economic times.
When contacting vendors I had a strict policy that if they were not getting back to me within 2-3 business days I moved on. I don’t care how great they are, how great their prices are, how great their reviews are. IF this is how they treat me before getting my money how will it be after getting my money?
It is so important to have a good relationship with your vendors! Not only should you love their work, but you also need to trust them. If I ever met vendors who acted like I was taking up their time (instead of giving me their full attention) and acting condescending in any way, I walked. And like you said, it is YOUR money, and it should only be given to those vendors who will work their hardest to earn it.
My worst vendor experience was with a florist who showed up 40 minutes late to our meeting, with no apology. She actually complained about how busy she was, as if to make us feel bad for her. I had taken vacation time to meet with her on her schedule, and she couldn’t bother showing up on time? She also admitted that accepts multiple weddings a weekend and then places them in order of importance by how much money they are paying. Who says that to a bride? And even though I didn’t have to, when I had the courtesy to let her know later that we wouldn’t be using her services, she was extremely rude. I knew I made the right decision.
I think your tips are fantastic for everyone no matter what their age. I work in the industry, and tend to speak as such in day to day life, especially with my vendors. I think they absolutely respect you if you have done your research because it shows you know what you want and that you have taken the time to check their background. Great Post!
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Mrs. Star, New York City Age and Occupation: 22, Actress Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Casting Assistant Wedding Date: October 2009 Venue: Ceremony: The Kraine Theatre, Reception: Midtown Loft & Terrace About Me: I’m a professional actress who’s always had New York City in her blood and I'm finally getting the chance to make a home in Manhattan with my fiancé, my dog, and my big dreams! I love polka dots, craft projects, Dunkin’ Donuts’ iced coffee, and anything sparkly. I’m having a blast planning our elegant/dramatic/New York City/acting-themed/largely-DIY wedding and am thrilled to be the youngest current Miss Blogger!
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