Weddingbee Blog
I was nervous. Oh, so nervous.
After my hair was done,
my makeup was on,
I’d chosen jewelry,
sent a few last minute messages,
and grabbed my flowers,
it was time.
Nine months of angst and soul-searching since he asked me to marry him, two years after I met him at a bar, and finally coming to terms with my past and the whole purpose of this wedding thing, it was time.
“Four minutes,” she said. I thought I might vomit.
Photo by my father
“The men are down there,” he assured me. I regretted not taking a potty break.
Photo by my father
“The music’s playing,” she said. I wanted to pass out.
“We’re off. We love you,” they told me, just before smiling and heading down the hill – together, simply because I asked. My stomach was in my throat.
“Can we go now? It’s time for the flower petals!” I kissed my niece and sister and sent them on their way. My hands were shaking.
Suddenly, the decision to walk myself down the aisle didn’t seem like such a great idea. Sure, the symbolism was clear, but I hadn’t anticipated not being able to move.
I prayed. “Dear God, I can’t do this. I don’t think I’m up to it. I can’t be a great wife and a great person and everything this marriage deserves. And all of these people… they’ve worked so hard, spent so much money, been so amazing. How am I worth all of this? I don’t think I can do this.”
I was going to cry. And then, I heard the first few bars of my favorite song. “Sweet Pea, Apple of my eye…”
Played by my talented and supportive little brother, that song makes me smile, every time. I call my husband, my cat, and any adorable little kid, “sweet pea.”
And that was it. That was my moment. My happy song, my people waiting, my almost-husband at the end of the trek, and I was standing alone with myself. If all of these people had faith in me, then so would I. So I took a deep breath, and I took a step.
And then another.
And then another.
And I was there. It was time.
Photo by my father.
Next up: our ceremony.
All photography by Angela Herzog of Angela Herzog Photography (www.angelaherzogphotography.com) unless otherwise noted. Asterisks (*) indicate that post-processing was done by me, and thus, should not be held against her. See this post for more details.
Late to the party? See previous recaps here:
Part I: And It Begins
Part II: My People, Part I
|
Share this post:
mrs. cheese- you looked beautiful. wonderful recap- i can’t wait to hear the rest of the stories from your day!
I absolutely love how you do your recaps with the photos and the story flowing seamlessly together. What an absolutely beautiful wedding… I could feel the anticipation to walking down the aisle as I read along 
I can’t wait to read even more of your recaps!
your wedding has me wishing we could get married at home!
Your writing is so filled with emotion. Even just the words “I took a step.” You are strong for being able to watch yourself down that aisle. I don’t know if I could have done that! What a big FIRST step, literally. A first step you will always remember.
Keep these recaps coming. I love your posts.
lovely. I teared up reading about your pre-walk anxiety. You made it! and you looked gorgeous.
Amazing. Brought tears to my eyes. Beautiful recap and you looked so beautiful Congratulations to you both!
P.S. Love those little glasses of yours!
Aww! I’m becoming a sucker and cry every time I read your perfect post!
Note to self: have someone schedule me a potty break.
Awww! I’m all choked up!
I plan to also walk myself down the aisle and I wemble between I CAN DO IT and OMG! I CAN’T DO IT! I’m so glad I’m not the only one that’s feeling that!
Here I am, at work, tearing up. You look amazing walking alone. So strong & sure of yourself. I’m so proud of you, big hugs! I love your recaps.
Sarah
@tbrooke: I get all nervous and my hands shake rereading it, actually, so I guess I got the words right.
Your post gave me goosebumps! And I LOVE Amos Lee’s “Sweet Pea.” We used it as our mother/son dance, because my hubby’s mom always calls him sweet pea!
I’m also glad to know another bride was really nervous before the walk down the aisle! The morning seems to go by so slowly, and then before you know it, the music starts and it’s time to make your entrance, and all of your hard work, dreams, tears and laughs are coming to fruition!
I was SO nervous, I frantically kept asking everyone if they could see my face through the blusher on my veil before I went down the aisle. (D’uh, if I can see them, they can see me!)
@MDaggs678: I didn’t realize how difficult that first step would be, in such a literal way. I’m glad I walked myself, though, because I didn’t get carried away in the moment on someone’s arm. I had no choice but to take that first step myself… and it took me a few minutes.
You make me tear up!! And I cannot believe that wonderful land is all yours, so beautiful!!
Mrs. Cheese… you totally got the words right. I think all of us could feel it too
@grumpybear722: You can do it, and if you’re seriously considering it, you should. You’ll be proud of yourself later.
I swear I was thisclose to crying. You’re amazing Mrs Cheese! I Love your phrase ” I thought I might vomit”. I have the pukey feeling when I’m super nervous and anticipating something. I’m sure that’s how I’m going to feel walking down the aisle.
P.S. LOVE the pic of you all glammed up with your glasses and on your phone!
beautiful!!!!:)
If you don’t mind sharing, where did you get your veil? I love it!
you look gorgeous!! i liked that you walked all by yourself, I’m seriously thinking on doing that too
You brought back all those crazy emotions I felt waiting to walk too! You are a fantastic writer. And I love the picture of you with your glasses on checking your phone.
And, a potty break is ESSENTIAL before the walk. Everyone take note!
@bostonbride919: I got it from the lovely Mrs. Seabreeze! You can read about it here: http://www.weddingbee.com/2009/04/17/why-the-mailman-almost-got-smooched/
@yelli: Heh, heh. I’d actually taken one, but that was my classy way of saying, “I wasn’t sure whether I had to pee or puke.” = I was nervous.
Totally know what you mean about that first step…gosh I heart your recaps so much!
well, definetly not alone here as I cried reading this post too…congrats!!
Man, you made me feel anxious and vomity just reading this. You’re such a great storyteller. If you told me a ghost story I’d probably pee myself out of fear.
P.S. I am so toally digging your beautiful pics and recaps!
I love your recaps! I often skim through most wedding recaps, looking only at the pictures, but yours truly drew me in. You capture so much emotion in your words. I look forward to reading more!
@MissCamera: LOL! Sorry! Ugg, my hands are all clammy from rereading it, actually, and I wrote it, for heaven’s sakes. Glad I captured the feeling - but, um, sorry about that!
I love your recaps, I always feel like I’m right there with you!
I really need to stop reading recaps at work… I’m sure my coworkers think I’m crazy for crying at the computer.
I wish I had joined WB sooner, so that I was around for more of your planning. You write beautifully and your wedding looks like it was absolutely perfect. Can’t wait to see more : )
I loved the way the photos are words created an intertwined narrative. Beautiful.
And yes, the funniest part was about almost vomiting.
You’re wonderful.
@Jennarationnext: That’s the beauty of archives — no waiting! Actually, I found a few of my favorite bees long after they stopped blogging (like Mrs. Lovebug). It’s like renting a whole season of a TV show (ahem, The Closer) at once!
Mrs. Cheese - you are beautiful! What a great post. I now have that lovely song in my head - what a great favorite song to have!
p.s. LOVE the pop of color struting out from under your gown!
Mrs. Cheese I love your writing style. It makes me feel like I was there. I remember that “I might puke” moment all too well, I just had it earlier in the day. The only moment in the day where I was totally alone was the last 20 minutes in the salon and the 15 minute drive back to our venue. Walking out of the salon it hit me. Once I made it to the venue “it” would all start. I’d be beautified, dressed, photographed, and sent down an aisle. And I’ll be honest I freaked a little bit. I was already a few minutes later than expected so all my ‘gals were calling….and I turned.off.the.phone. and took the LONG way back to the venue. It wasn’t that I doubted the Mr. or us….I just wasn’t sure I could make it down the aisle without throwing up or passing out. So I drove, in a few circles, made myself late to my “getting ready” photos and calmed the heck down by singing Def Leppard loudly in the car. Long story short, I had that moment and I’m glad it wasn’t just me….and I’m super glad you made it! Because I’m loving the recaps….especially your pink shoe popping out on your walk photos
@ggsb: Are you grateful for that moment? Because I am. That picture of my praying is my personal favorite. I have other favorite pics, but as far as the one that exemplifies everything that I felt and hoped for and want to remember, that one was it — alone, praying, and finally ready.
@Mrs. Cheese: I am extremely grateful for that moment. And I think you just explained it perfectly…”alone, praying, and finally ready”. I think I let go of all the old ghosts, the fears that I wouldn’t live up to what he expected, and in a few minutes pulled over on the side of a small rural dirt road found peace with everything and I knew I..no we…would be just fine. I wouldn’t give anything for that moment. And then I found Def Leppard on XM and had a little ggsb live-in-concert the remainder of the drive 
You’re such a gorgeous bride, Mrs. Cheese! =) I love the emotion in this post.
Aw! I love it! I’m assuming you didn’t wet yourself because of the neglected potty break? lol You look so gorgeous! I’m not sure if I’m ever going to be able to make a comment on these recaps without mentioning how great you look!
that picture of you standing at the beginning of your path and staring up at the heavens is probably one of the most emotional bridal shots i’ve ever seen. so, so lovely.
@emariel: Hee, hee. Thanks. I honestly love it more than any other pic, so I keep finding myself pointing it out to people: “See that one! I was praying! Like, praying because I couldn’t move and wanted to pass out praying! See? I have proof!!” I suppose it only really hits ya if you’re a bride.
Lab - thanks.
So beautiful! I love your recaps and can’t wait for the rest. So honest & real!
You just gave me strength. I’ll remember your prayer in a few weeks when I have to do that walk! *Thank you*
These are the absolute best recaps ever . . kind of like poetry. All the emotion is there just like you wanted–to be emotionally present on your wedding day.
Mrs. Cheese, I love EVERYthing about your wedding!
I’m also walking myself down the aisle four months from now, and I’m already in a panic. Reading this really helped ease my mind. So, thank you from a fellow Knoxvillian and fellow brave but terrified bride.
You are so beautiful! I love reading about how it all unfolded…I even teared up a bit! I can’t wait to read more!
Mrs Cheese! You have me in tears! I am going to miss your entries here on WB. Congrats on such a beautiful and lovely wedding!!
::sigh:: beautiful!
I especially love the photo of you in your glasses, texting.
Awesome post! I am totally crying right now, thanks to the insight of your prayer.
You are sooo gorgeous!
What a wonderful recap, I felt like I was with you anticipating your walk down the aisle
So beautiful! I have goosebumps now and tears in my eyes, you girls always seem to do that to me! And also I met my fiance in a bar too, I wasn’t even supposed to be there that night but I was and thank goodness I was!
1) I see totally awesome pink shoes poking out from your dress!
2) I LOVE your hair!
3) This is a fantastic recap, I can’t wait for more.
What a beautiful post - it makes me want to fast forward to my own wedding day next May. You did a wonderful job of telling your beautiful wedding story! Thank you for it!
P.S. - your hair looked fabulous - I have a shorter ‘do as well, and yours was extremely successful! I’ve been stressing out over what to do…grow it out or to keep it like it is!
Not since Lovebug has a bee written a post that gives me such goosebumps.
Aww.. You are such an amazing women. I pray that when I walk myself down the aisle I can take that first step. It means so much to walk myself towards Mr. FF because he is my future and since I got myself where I am today I feel like I should do this alone. Ugh…
I LOVE your post! You look beautiful. I had butterflies in my stomach just reading about yours. I can’t wait to hear more.
How is this the girl that was always stressing about her wedding not being good enough and not being able to pull it off?
Your amazing garden path makes me die. There is nothign more dreamy than being married at your own home and your garden is just so beautiful. If only I didn’t have such an affinity for appartments!
And damn, you are one sexy bombshell of a woman! HOT! The look is just absolute perfection.
Mrs. Cheese, I read this post twice today. Both times, when you said your stomach was in your throat, my stomach was in my throat for you, and both times, I had tears in my eyes. Your recaps are so touching. Oh yeah, and you look hot
How beautiful! Congrats! I love your hair! Now I am rethinking a veil! What a perfect place to get married!
Mrs. Cheese - you looked simply amazing and I loved reading such an honest recap of how you felt in that moment. Thank you.
The colors in the photos are so vibrant! Finally I get to see the color scheme you’ve talked about from time to time–I could never picture it before.
You looked absolutely beautiful! Still loving your recaps and can’t wait for more!
Your previous post about walking yourself down the aisle inspired me to block out a few moments of total alone time on my wedding day and I am SO GLAD I did. I had everyone leave and head for the ceremony spot about ten minutes before it was set to start and had the room to myself. All I really did was looked out at the beautiful scenery, took some deep breaths and thought really clearly about what was about to happen. Up until that time, none of the other wedding day rituals actually made me feel like I was going to be getting married that day. It all became real when I had a moment to hear my own heart.
you look beautiful! and what a brave gal walking it alone, I think I would freeze too!
Mrs. Cheese! This was on the front page of Etsy today and I thought of you…
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=27550497&ref=fp_feat_4
[...] hopefully lowered, I’ll go ahead and get this part recapped. I’ll start by setting the stage. Moments before, I’d said a prayer, borrowed faith in myself from my loved ones, and walked myself down a steep [...]
| Visit our sister sites | Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Fertile Thoughts Infertility Support |
Mrs. Cheese, Knoxville
Age and Occupation: 29, Engineering Manager
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, CAD Designer
Engagement Date: July 31, 2008
Wedding Date: May, 2009
Blogging Since: October 16, 2008
Venue: Our home and the two acres it sits on
About Me: I’m an emotional girl who loves sentimental things, parenthetical asides, and trying to do things herself. I can cook, sew, am a whiz at planning, terrible at delegating, and totally in love with my fiancé (who will be my second husband but first love of the rest of my life). For our home/ garden/ DIY wedding, we’ll be moonlighting as interior designers, home improvers, and gardeners with the help of our fabulous friends and neighbors. We can’t wait to be married, and are learning how fun getting married can be.
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 31 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
| 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 |
| 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 |
| 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 |
| 28 |
Latest Gallery Pics