Project RSVP

Project RSVP

July 15th, 2009 @ 1:39 pm by Mrs. Swan
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Our RSVP deadline has come and gone. We are still waiting for people to get back to us about whether or not they’re coming to the wedding to the point where I have dubbed the past few days “Project RSVP”.

(source)

No paper RSVPs for us, but you get the point.

I’ve tried Facebook, Gmail, Yahoo, and even sicced Mommy Swan on a few in an effort to a get straight answer. Some people have been apologetic and disappointed (at least their e-mails conveyed that). Others, not so much. Hmm….

It’s been interesting to see who RSVPs, who doesn’t, when and how. Most of the late RSVPs have come in the following categories. Some of which are surprising:

Couples with kids - This is primarily Mr. Swan’s domain. While some couples with kids were on point, a large percentage waited until the second follow-up e-mail to finally answer. I know having kids changes your priorities; I will not hold this against anyone.
Couples that have recently had weddings - Surprisingly, a few recently married couples have been the least responsive. I thought they would be a bit easier to wrangle having gone through this before.
Single guys - Sometimes I think single men think weddings just appear out of thin air.
Close friends - Seriously… you have to RSVP too. I know you love me, but the rules still apply! I’ve had multiple friends say, “Of course, I’m coming!” Well you need to tell me, too! You gotta love your friends.

Honestly, I’m amazed that this process has sometimes resembled pulling teeth. I know some people were holding out because they were still sorting out travel plans, but I honestly think some people just didn’t want to write the email or make the necessary phone call to let us know. I sound bitter, don’t I? I also know that this wedding is not on everyone’s radar every day; life gets in the way (it does for me too, even as the bride).

I’m not going to say that I have been totally happy with our RSVPs. There are many people who I thought would come, despite having to travel, who are not going to be there. Others have completely surprised and flattered me. I’m touched that they are going to take time and spend their hard-earned money to be with me and Mr. Swan that day.

We’ve STILL got a few holdouts, and I’m wondering if it’s safe to assume they’re not coming.

Was your RSVP process smooth? Are/were you surprised by some of the people who were able to make it? How did you deal with the holdouts?

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38 Responses to “Project RSVP”

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Hostess

Jessie516 (message) 5,480 posts, Bee Keeper

OMG, I love your categories of late RSVPers! We had all of those types, too. When I called to check in with one of our single guy guests (my cousin), he actually told me that he was waiting to RSVP until he could find a date! I think the one that most shocked me was our friends who were getting married 2 months after us. I would have thought that they would understand the importance of a timely RSVP.

7/15/09 @ 1:47 pm (reply)

Guest

LLKFSU

By far, one of the most frustrating parts of planning a wedding! I had a similar situation as yours. Can you get others to help you get answers? Have one friend say to a non-responder “Miss Swan is getting so upset because people aren’t responding. Can you believe people do that?” Hopefully that will prompt the non-responder to either reply asap or tell that friend their reply. Hang in there and try not to hate the non-responders:)

7/15/09 @ 1:48 pm (reply)

Hostess

august15bride (message) 1,667 posts, Bumble bee

We have a week to go until our wedding - and half of the RSVPs still out there! Crazy! How hard is it to stick it in the mail?!?

7/15/09 @ 1:50 pm (reply)

Member

fizicsGirl (message) 1,296 posts, Bumble bee

We’ve got to get final table counts to the florist this w/e, and catering counts by next w/e. Still some hold outs, though. I love your categories and would add:

Couples/Individuals with demanding jobs

This of course, includes us as well. But somehow many (not all) of my friends who have hectic work schedules feel like it’s okay to just not tell us whether they’re coming until the last minute. I get that it can be difficult (and I’ve twice had to sort these things out while planning international work-related travel which was fairly last minute and was able to do it by at least 2 weeks out) but seriously people.

7/15/09 @ 1:54 pm (reply)

Member

sambasoo79 (message) 76 posts, Worker bee

We had a 55% return rate after our deadline and ended up having to call/email people for a response! A hassle…but I think it’s a common problem for people. I know I’ll be a lot more intentional about a timely RSVP after having gone through the process myself!!!

7/15/09 @ 1:54 pm (reply)

Member

nvybaby82 (message) 306 posts, Helper bee

with 10 days till our wedding I’m STILL getting RSVP’s in the mail… half of them never made their way back to us… just an email or something… we put stamps on them, was it that hard?? :-/

7/15/09 @ 1:54 pm (reply)

Guest

yet another bride

We’re planning a semi-destination wedding. Within driving distance from where most of our friends and family live, but not in the same urban area. I know that makes it tough to determine whether or not a guest can come (added hotel costs and all), but a decision does have to be made at some point.

Maybe I should have included “it’s okay to say no, I won’t be offended” on the invitiations?

7/15/09 @ 1:56 pm (reply)

Member

Luvbug6315 (message) 425 posts, Helper bee

I think this is one of the most frustrating things ever. It’s not that hard to write your name, check off your meal, and stick it in the mail? Seriously people! I always make sure to get our RSVP’s back in a timely manner, but my FI is another story… our late RSVP’ers are mostly the men and FI is on duty to get those cards back.

7/15/09 @ 2:01 pm (reply)

Member

mdarrah (message) 1,205 posts, Bumble bee

We started phone calls and emails 3 days after the deadline past. We had a few that never responded to ANYTHING, so we left a final message/email saying “We are so sorry you aren’t going to be able to make it. If your plans change and you can come, let us know!!” We had one call us back asap saying that she was so sorry about the mix up, and she was going to make it after all. Glad I left a message to motivate her!

7/15/09 @ 2:01 pm (reply)

10.

Bee

Miss Bruschetta (message) 5,565 posts, Bee Keeper

The mister’s side is being sloooooow at sending back their RSVPs. Mama Bruschetta knows I’m stressing, so she offered to help with reminder calls if and when we need to do them!

Unfortunately, I think it really comes across as rude when people don’t respond promptly — even if they don’t mean it to.

7/15/09 @ 2:02 pm (reply)

11.

Member

Muffet (message) 106 posts, Blushing bee

Thanks for this post. We just sent out our invites and it never occurred to me that people just wouldn’t respond.

7/15/09 @ 2:04 pm (reply)

12.

Member

StrawberryBaby (message) 307 posts, Helper bee

I feel your pain! Our RSVP deadline is today and 40% of our guests still have not RSVP’d. Last night I emailed and Facebooked a bunch and only have of those have gotten back to me. So disappointing and frustrating!

Our RSVPs are online… we thought that would make things easier than postcards that people have to take to a post box… apparently we were wrong!!

The phone calls will be rolled out next week.

One of the late responders is a close friend who has been away for school for the last year. Just found out he can’t make it. I guess he didn’t know how to tell us. But would have been nice to hear sooner, rather than when we had to chase him down.

So disappointing. argh. Glad to hear others feel the same… non-wedding friends don’t understand the stress and frustration. Thanks for writing this post Ms Swan!

7/15/09 @ 2:07 pm (reply)

13.

Member

PlaidBride (message) 203 posts, Helper bee

I have a confession to make - I have been a bad RSVPer in the past. In my case, since I was in the wedding, I didn’t think to actually send in the card saying that I would be there (no entree choice was required). I thought that buying the dress was a positive RSVP. Anyhow, speaking as a bad-RSVPer, I will say that a telephone call usually prompts a more timely response than an e-mail. Even a text message works better in a pinch.

7/15/09 @ 2:12 pm (reply)

14.

Member

sailgrl18 (message) 8 posts, Newbee

I definitely agree with the single guys and close friends / family. Our RSVP date was today and so far the only holdouts are FI’s friends. However, my parents haven’t even bothered to send their RSVP back in the mail.

7/15/09 @ 2:16 pm (reply)

15.

Bee

Miss Gloss (message) 1,222 posts, Bumble bee

Our worst RSVPers were bridal party and immediate family! Um, yes we know you are coming but we still need to know if you are bringing someone and what you want to eat!

7/15/09 @ 2:20 pm (reply)

16.

Guest

KJN

Most of our late responders were guy friends. Even the best man took forever to send his card in! He said “but you know I’m coming to the wedding” and I said “Yeah, but I don’t know how to spell your girlfriend’s last name or what you guys want to eat!”

For most of my husband’s guy friends, I threatened to assign them all the vegetarian meal if they didn’t send their card back. That got those carnivores in shape pretty quick

7/15/09 @ 2:22 pm (reply)

17.

Member

kusinera (message) 37 posts, Newbee

I am deathly afraid, yet fully expect, that all of my late-RSVPing behavior with other people’s weddingswill now come back to bite me in the a@# as we prepare for ours this Oct.

7/15/09 @ 2:33 pm (reply)

18.

Member

mskalinin (message) 664 posts, Busy bee

Wow Miss Swan, I just read your profile for the first time and realized that we’re very similar! I love SYTYCD (although, not Dancing with the Stars), I have a weakness for expensive and stinky cheese, and I use parentheses all the time (I didn’t even mean to up there, but did here ^__~) 4 continents down, 3 to go, too! I am hoping to hit that 5th one on the Honeymoon!

We were just talking about our lack of RSVP’s last night and we’re both kind of disappointed. Only half have come back. How much easier can you make it? You address the envelope, you write their names, you stamp the envelope. All they need to do is put a check by “yes” or “no” and lick the envelope! Come on people!

7/15/09 @ 2:46 pm (reply)

19.

Hostess

naangel55 (message) 3,054 posts, Sugar bee

I was definitely surprised about some people that couldnt make it that had know well in advance and had the funds to make a trip happen (or didnt have to travel far at all). We didnt get any RSVP from immediate family but I guess we knew they were coming so it didnt really matter. I would be surprised too if a recent bride and groom didnt RSVP on time, especially if it was recent. I am so so much more conscious of when I RSVP now because I usually forget until the last day!

7/15/09 @ 2:49 pm (reply)

20.

Hostess

Erindesmar (message) 2,188 posts, Buzzing bee

I am already dreading this one!

We sometimes have a problem RSVP’ing because of FI’s work schedule. He does not know his schedule until the beginning of the month and can’t readily ask for time off. So I usually send an email to the bride/groom letting them know of the sich and asking them to let me know when we MUST tell them. It usually works out ok.

7/15/09 @ 2:53 pm (reply)

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