Weddingbee Blog

I’ve waited 2 1/2 years to write this post.  I’m officially 19 weeks pregnant with a baby boy!

This entire pregnancy has been fraught with worry, and I prepared myself for the possibility that I could miscarry at any time. I haven’t dared plan a single thing lest I jinx the pregnancy. But we’ve miraculously made it to 19 weeks. We had an incredible full anatomy scan today, and everything is 100% healthy!

(It’s not my SS# above. )

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve thought about what I’d say in this post many, many times, but I didn’t allow myself to type out any actual words until after my doctor’s appointment today.

Some of you know that it has been a long journey for me getting here. I miscarried at 6 weeks with my first pregnancy. After several rounds of clomid and IUI’s, I got pregnant a second time, but miscarried again at 9 weeks — even after we’d heard the heartbeat during three different ultrasounds. We saw a reproductive endocrinologist, we had genetic testing done, we had an autopsy done to try to find out what could possibly be wrong with us (although I always believed that the problem was me).

In the end, we got pregnant after a bottle (or two) of wine when we weren’t trying. It always seems to happen that way doesn’t it?

When you miscarry, you get all kinds of unsolicited advice from, “At least you know you can get pregnant,” to “I have a friend that miscarried x many times and went on to have a healthy child.” But your experience is unique and yours alone, and words of encouragement, no matter how well meaning, often make you feel worse.

This is why I hope that you’ll refrain from asking anyone about their reproductive plans. They could be having trouble conceiving, going through fertility treatments, going through a miscarriage, they could not want kids, they could even be having trouble conceiving a second child… you just never know what could be going on because it is such an intensely personal subject.

When you’ve been married for over 4 years and run a wedding site, you get asked “When are you going to have kids/launch a baby site” hundreds of times — in person, over email, through comments on your site… Sometimes I’d get asked that question as I was actively going through a miscarriage, but I couldn’t say anything about it. I could brush the comments off most of the time, but sometimes they were a reminder of what I felt like was my personal failure to do what women around the world seemed to do so easily.

I don’t have any plans to do a baby site in the near future. Baby and parenting communities, if you’re familiar with them, are some of the most difficult types of communities to run and I’d like a little bit of emotional distance for now. I’ll probably take my first work-free vacation since my honeymoon sometime soon, and eventually I’ll launch another site… or two or three.

And since I’m putting it all out there, I may as well share the baby’s heartbeat with you as well.

17 Weeks Doppler from Weddingbee on Vimeo.

I now look forward to joining the Mama Bees before me: Mrs. Firefly (x2!), Ladybug, Butterfly, Butterscotch, Tulip, Petunia, Caterpillar, Daisy, and Corn… with Baby Dumpling and Kiwi on the way!

I can’t wait to meet our future blogging baby!