Wedding Blog
Okay. It’s time to be real about this detox.
It. Is. Hideous.
The food is pretty foul, despite many of their deceptively delicious sounding names. Cucumber, basil, and lime juice? Shudder. Teriyaki chicken and steamed greens? Tastes like bung when made with 1/2 balsamic vinegar and 1/2 agave syrup.
Am I eating chicken? Am I licking a toad’s rear end? Who knows.
Day 1 was quite the tease. A nice salad for lunch, a handful of nuts for a snack, soup for dinner. While it doesn’t sound substantial, it was actually a great day. The salad was yummy, the soup, tolerable. And I likes me some roasted pumpkin seeds!
I could do this.
Yum! Salad with carrot ginger dressing. A recipe I’ll add to my lunch routine from now on!
On day 2, the menu was substantial enough:
7AM (or upon rising): Glass of room temperature lemon water
8AM: Herbal tea
10AM (breakfast): Raspberry and Rice Milk Smoothie (follow method for Blueberry and Almond Smoothie)
11:30AM: Coconut water
1:30PM (lunch): Detox Teriyaki Chicken and Steamed Greens
4PM (snack): Miso Soup with Watercress
6PM (dinner): Pea and Basil Soup (follow method for Broccoli and Arugula Soup)
1st 1/2 of the day 2’s food
We flipped the times for chicken and the soup, figuring if this was the only real solid protein we’d eat in a few days, we’d enjoy it together, warm, at dinner, rather than have Mr. Peng take a limp cold piece of chicken to work. The “teriyaki” sauce tasted so… blah… that I didn’t eat more than half of the chicken, despite the fact that I probably should have, you know, for the calories and all.
Yesterday was day 3, and a rough day for me, in general. Mr. Peng is actually doing fine on the diet, because he is one of those people with discipline, follow through, and what not. Me? I didn’t do so hot. The good news is that I’m not hungry—I haven’t been hungry once since we started this diet. My typical eating habits consist of 2 cups of coffee with nonfat milk in the morning, followed by a giant sub sandwich ($5 foot long, baby) around 1PM, a Coke around 3, and some sort of dinner around 8. All this eating and drinking 6 times a day really makes it impossible to get hungry, even if I’m choking down half of whatever it is, and eating a handful of blueberries or nuts in place of the other half of the meal/shake/juice.
Drank 1/2, trashed 1/2, scarfed a handful of blueberries instead.
I’ve been whining. I’ve been moaning to everyone that comes within a 2 foot radius of me that I just want a friggin’ double cheeseburger. Or just a bowl of rice doused in soy sauce. Or a salt lick. I don’t miss the fat, the substance, any of that. I. MISS. SALT.
I’m angry that I’m doing this. I know that it sounds so silly, but I’ve come to realize how preciously I value my meals. Getting lunch is the only time I really leave the house during the day (other than driving Mr. Peng to work). The act of thinking about what I want to eat, leaving the house, purchasing it, and coming back to eat it in front of my computer, is a ritual I really really love. I think it’s because it’s the only thing that really varies during my weekday. Subway sandwich? Huge cup of polenta with olive oil and parmesan? A huge onigiri doused in soy sauce? Samosas from Vik’s? Oh, the possibilities.
And then, dinner. I LOVE cooking. I love going to the store, choosing ingredients, and coming home, filling the house with yummy smells for a yummy dinner. Cooking is a ritual, and sharing a warm yummy meal with Mr. Peng is a part of my day that I value.
But on this diet, I feel like a large portion of my time is spent preparing this food, that in the end, tastes like dishwater. Dishwater that someone peed in.
We’re heading to Sonoma this weekend to spend time with some friends, so we’d always planned to do the diet for 5 days, break for the weekend, and then do a round of 5 days next week. But honestly, I don’t think I can do it. I’ve come to realize that meals are what really give Mr. Peng and I time to bond. I either meet him for lunch some days, or we share a really great home cooked meal for dinner. But this week, meals have been more of the “choke it down and deal with it” variety.
Mrs. Coconut made it 4 days, and I can see why she hit the 4 day mark and left it at that. We’ll go one more day, but you can bet your tushie that when my girlfriend rolls into town tomorrow night, I’m gonna eat the starchiest, saltiest, meatiest and cheesiest thing I can find on the menu for dinner.
I haven’t failed quite yet. But my tolerance for any more of this is very, very low. I’m way too grumpy to notice if my body is feeling any better, or not.
What’s the best time of day, for you? Like me, is it mealtime, or do you find much more joy in something else?
|
Share this post: GOOP Detox, Day 3
Hmmm…the picking and mini meals aspect of this detox sounds appealing because that’s how I eat normally — no huge meals, just little bites throughout the day (each one being about 50 to 150 calories). But mine all taste good 
so I guess that’s the big difference!
Man, I’m so glad you wrote this. I always think about doing one of those programs and I’m glad to hear that they’re not as deliciously satisfying as they portray themselves. Be careful not to make yourself sick by switching back to greasy food really quickly, though; even after a couple of days of sticking mostly to veggies, a burger is enough to make me queasy.
i would get grumpy too! It’s hard to prepare, and then doesn’t even taste good! I think it’s possible to eat healthy and yummy….everything in moderation!
Ah, a girl after my own heart. This is why I can’t do any type of detox.
Sorry that your diet food is well…gross. But I totally understand what you mean about enjoying cooking and eating with your husband. I think that meal time brings family’s together. It reminded me of my all time favorite quote from a book called Our Daily Bread.
The table is one of the most intimate places in our lives. It is there that we give ourselves to one another. When we say, ‘Take some more, let me serve you another plate, let me pour you another glass, don’t be shy, enjoy it,’ we say a lot more than our words express. We invite our friends to become part of our lives. We want them to be nurtured by the same food and drink that nurture us. We desire communion…. Every breakfast, lunch, or dinner can become a time of growing communion with one another
I know you didn’t mean for this post to be hilarious, but it really is. I’m sorry for the horrible foods you’re torturing yourself with~ if it were me, I probably wouldn’t make it two weeks either I like food too much!
Mrs. Penguin, I was thinking about you & Mr. Penguin this morning & how the detox was progressing. It sounds like a very difficult time, so kudos to you for keeping it up for four days!!
im like you pengy-eating for me is more then a meal, its a social event! and if i dont enjoy the food or conversation i feel cheated.
i know diet detox is suppose to be good for people, but i would rather do a negative th ought detox instead. no negative thoughts for 5 days. i feel like it would be “food for the soul” 
You are one brave, brave woman. I am definitely not brave enough. And yes, I agree w/Luvbug that this is darkly freakin’ hilarious.
Have fun on your Sonoma weekend and live it up!!! You deserve it.
After reading your recap, I’m impressed that you made it as far as you did with this diet. I think I might have finished after the first day!! I debated doing it when I saw it in the email, but I think, after this, no thanks! Thanks for “taking one for the team” and letting us all know how this went. You’ve spared me the grossness!
blech! that does not sound fun at all pengy! def a funny post though
Pengs-a book that has changed my life: Naturally Thin by Bethenny Frankel. Her methods for showing you how to eat whatever you want in moderation are great! I hate hate hate being told what to eat and in her book she repeats over and over that she refuses to do that. LOVE IT!!!
Hahahhaaha… the toad’s rear end thing had me laughing out loud at work. And I couldn’t even tell them why!!!!
If you want to detox, there are definitely less unpleasant ways to do it. On a hot day (when you have nothing to do and don’t have to leave the house!), juice fasts can be really great. They don’t give you enough energy to run around, though… they just give you enough energy to take the day off and relax, so you really have to plan for it!
Ok, I only read the first paragraph and Im laughing so hard I felt like I needed to post before continuing. Good thing my office is quiet today and lacks curious onlookers! HAHAHAH Pengy you kill me
Eat the starchiest things this weekend! Enjoy your food. I was planning on doing this GOOP detox right after my wedding, Gwenyth Paltrow makes it sound so easy. I might love food too much to do this.
PS You guys! I didn’t want to write this in the post but I haven’t pooped in FIVE DAYS!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHH!
I’ve been drinking detox tea like crazy. I even drank a couple tablespoons of olive oil. No go. Literally.
SO OVER ITTTTTT!!!!
@Mrs. Penguin: Pengy i would be going NUTS if that was me right now. AHH! 5 days?! I would drinking a couple cups of coffee if I were you.
Oh Pengy, I totally feel you. I’ve never done a detox diet for every reason/struggle that you’ve outlined above! When I can’t eat the food I want, I get super grumpy. Also, I am so undisciplined. I was laughing the whole way through your post - “tastes like bung”, LOL. But I know it can’t be fun times for you. 
Hang in there!
Ok barf. Like you, i really value the food i eat, even if it isn’t very healthy food. I would never have made it this long - i’m such a little diet-cheater.
oh my gosh this sounds awful!
I’m really glad you posted it though. It’s a great example of why these things never work for people. They starve you and then make you crave salt, fat, starch. Also… it seems like they make you hate food. Prob not a healthy attitude.
pengy, if i have learned one thing in life, it’s that life is too short to eat crappy food.
that said, i know i wouldn’t last too long on that detox!
Oh no Pengy! The no poop GOOP diet, is definantely a no go for me. That’s where I draw the line. 5 days…sheesh.
My favorite time of the day is lunchtime. I take a time out from work sit in front of my computer and go straight to Weddingbee!
You’re hilarious! I second the commenter somewhere above about Naturally Thin. She mainly focuses on a mentality of screw diets, screw people telling you what to do, eat what you want BUT just eat less of it. Don’t deny yourself the chocolate because you’ll wind up going crazy and binging later– instead just have a few bites. But then again, I haven’t followed the book because I’m not ready to give up my (admittedly horrible) eating habits. It is entertaining though, if anything.
@Mrs. Penguin: how are you detoxing if you can’t poo? Isn’t that the natural way of removing things from your body?
I can’t detox either. I tried one detox diet once, I felt SO tired and drained from it, I stopped after day 3.
@Mrs. Penguin: After licking the toad rear end and no poopies, I would be out! Enjoy your cheesy starchy goodness
@Mrs. Toucan: EXACTLY!!! I don’t know! Yes, the whole point is to get rid of it all, but I think I’m not eating enough (cause I can’t choke down this food) to “get it all out”.
I’mma eat a big ass bowl of oatmeal.
poor Pengy (I say as I sit here eating the other half of my Subway footlong from yesterday’s lunch) you need to eat some real food girl!!! I agree about coffee, it always makes me go. Enjoy your dinner tomorrow night!!
man, you sound grumpy. f&*% the detox. maybe it will have inspired you to eat more frequent, smaller meals and cook with healthy ingredients, but i think it’s ok to let it go.
@Mrs. Penguin: Oh my, I thought that’s what the ‘detox’ thing was all about… not only are you licking ‘toad rear end’, but you can’t seem to get rid of it either. How miserable. I’m so sorry
You are so strong for doing this, I’m afraid I would have given up the first time I tasted something bung-like. hehe
Good lucky with the rest of your day(s), but more importantly - enjoy your weekend!
Aw, I’m sorry you don’t like it. I did it a while back and actually liked the chicken, the soups, and the smoothies. I don’t have a juicer, so I’d substitute soup for the green juices (yuck), which probably helped. I still make the smoothies for breakfast sometimes, and I keep a tub of dressing in the fridge.
Also, for the pooping — it’s castor oil that will make you go pretty much immediately. Like a couple tablespoons, and take them near a toilet.
(You can also chug a quart of salt water first thing in the morning - immediate results - but that’s a serious last ditch effort kind of thing. It works but it’s grooooosssss).
UGH how have you done this for so long? Haha, there is no way I could ever handle any kind of detox. They just sound insane to me - I love the food I eat, we keep it pretty healthy, and if eating food that tastes like bung gives me another 3 years at the end of my life, I don’t want them
I totally agree with your reasons for not being able to do a detox. To me, all this energy spent on magical nectars and winning combinations of acids, herbs and proteins was been better spent establishing a great exercise regime (and building up my work out discipline), and learning to menu-plan so I could still enjoy cooking without over ingulding (everytime…not EVERY meal I make is healthy, that would be no fun!). I am much better equipped for long-term health because of these habits, and when I feel the need to detox, it’s mostly a matter of more fruit and veg, less starch and salt for a week or two, more water and less coffee.
wow…over-indulging in a lack of proofreading my post before hitting the button!
Mrs. Penguin, you are so flippin’ hilarious. I love you. I’m pullin’ for you and your Honey. Good job, Sweetie!
@Mrs. Penguin: Pengy-eat some prunes…for real those things work like magic for me! I eat a couple and 20 minutes later sweet release!
Thanks for the honesty. There is no way I can diet or detox. What works for me is honestly thinking about my food, where is comes from, and how my body is feeling and eating small meals.
Looks very healthy. I don’t know if you ever tried Vita Coco Water, it taste very refreshing. My favorite is Vita Coco Water with Pineapple. Something to drink on a hot day of summer.
And Good Luck!
Meal time is an important time for my and my FH because we get to download eachothers days. I love that he will grill out and I’ll cook the sides (teamwork!). When I first started my diet, I was SO gruchy and grumbely - it drove FH CRAZY! Once my trainer pointed out I wasn’t getting enough protein and I upped that, I have felt so much better and I’ve lost weight faster. On top of that my mood and my attitude about my diet has gone way up. Good luck and you have my support to go all out this weekend!
See, this just seems wrong to me. There is no reason to eat food that doesn’t taste nice - not when there’s so many options for healthy food that does taste great!
Totally agree with you about food being a social event, and a part of your day. Numerous food writers have written about how important a part of life food is (Nigella Lawson and Nigel Slater in particular) - providing for yourself, taking care of others, celebrating life events - food is part of all of this. It shouldn’t be a chore - at the moment you’re ‘eating to live’, not ‘living to eat’.
Finish the detox if you feel you need to, by all means. But then, please, start enjoying food again. For me! That doesn’t need to mean footlongs and cheeseburgers (not all the time anyway), but there is so much great food out there that is healthy. Especially in summer, with all the fresh fruit and veg around.
Could you not use the detox meals as inspiration for future meals that are still pretty healthy, but don’t make you wish you’d licked the toilet bowl instead?
I agree with you that preparing and eating good food brings so much joy and happiness into our lives that taking it away would definitely put a damper on things. FH and I love to cook together! We love to take turns cooking and pamper each other too! But, whenever one of us starts to gain a few pounds or just feel sluggish, we have to be super careful about what we make and how often we eat. It is still fun though!
I thought I was going to pass out and die on a daily basis when we did a detox a couple of years ago. I ended up cheating & would go to Jimmy John’s and scarf down 2 subs in secret…I was so ashamed that I couldn’t do it! Then…i got over it
@Mrs. Quiche: Haha, I told Mr. Peng I was gonna eat Subway for lunch today, and he said I shouldn’t… so I told him I could have just LIED and told him I was gonna stick to the diet, but I didn’t and told him my intention to eat a Sub instead… and that I was such a good girl for telling the truth that I should be rewarded with said sub sandwich.
Either way, I ate the damn sub for lunch. So worth it.
Sorry, Mrs Penguin, but I can’t stop giggling at “dishwater that someone peed in!”
I hate to say “I told you so”, so I won’t. I will say “I totally saw this coming!” I’m sorry, but those meals sounded vile - and TINY - to me the second I read them! I am full of admiration that you lasted this long!
I love Vik’s Chaat Corner!! Back when I had a job nearby I would go there for lunch all the time.
I dunno… I’m pretty skeptical of detox diets. I suppose I’ve just read a lot of criticism by doctors of the whole detox idea. I’m not 100% convinced that it’s necessary.
rolling on the floor laughing. So glad I waited to here your results before I went hunting down ingredients for this detox. I think I’ll stick to tuna and salad for a few days rather than liking a toad’s rear and stopping myself up!
Thanks for testing this out for us Pengy
| Visit our sister sites | Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Fertile Thoughts Infertility Support |
Mrs. Penguin, Northern California
Age and Occupation: 27, Weddingbee Editor in Chief
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Doctor of Physical Therapy
Engagement Date: January 29, 2007
Wedding Date: June 7, 2008
Blogging Since: September 14, 2007
Venue: Winery in the Gold Country
About Me: I love the Spice Girls, dogs with underbites, bean burritos, making messes, high fives, avoiding showers, crossword puzzles, blogs, weddings, and blogs about weddings!
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |
| 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 |
| 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |
| 29 | 30 |
Latest Gallery Pics