Wedding Blog
I think before Mr. Beagle proposed, I always assumed that I would just take my future husband’s last name and, in the process, drop my last name. I hadn’t really thought of the seemingly endless possibilities of creating a new name or keeping my own, or even combining both of our last names.
Then, he proposed. And during one discussion soon afterward, he told me that he would be perfectly okay with, even be greatly supportive, if I decided to keep my last name. (Um, how did I find this guy… isn’t he great?)
The more I thought about it, the more I liked it. My father had two girls, and he’s the only son of my grandparents that had children of his own. I liked the idea of carrying on my name and representing my lineage. I’ve been known as Miss Beagle for almost 27 years now, and changing my name—essentially becoming someone new—started making less and less sense.
For the same reasons, I understand why people do change their names when they get married. A marriage is a new direction for two people, and from that point on, one union is formed. It’s romantic and symbolic to share a last name. It’d also be nice to have the same family name as your children.
On the other hand, I love Mr. Beagle’s last name and I really liked the idea of adding it to mine.
I didn’t want to drop my middle name, which was also my grandmother’s name, to add his last name. So after much thought and deliberation, I’ve decided to hyphenate, so that my new name will be: first middle my last-mister’s last.
Surprisingly (or not), I’ve been criticized quite a bit about this decision, but not by the people who are close to me. It’s the people who I don’t know very well that usually ask, “Why would you do that?” when I explain what my new last name will be. I wouldn’t think that hyphenating is that odd or unusual in today’s society, but what do I know?
What have you decided to do with your last name? Is you SO supportive or argumentative toward your decision? Has anyone else experienced outside criticism?
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Share this post: The Name Game
Thanks for sharing, Miss Beagle! I can’t wait to write MY name post 
Oh no! I just posted yesterday. I decided to take his name and already have….but in the process of doing so, he made an off-hand comment: “what’s the point in getting married if you didn’t take my name?” and it bugged the crap out of me. GRRRRRRRRRR.
But yes, I took his name. He said it was his gift to me, lol. My initials stayed the same though so it doesn’t feel TOO weird.
Miss Poodle will probably go into this more - in Chile, there’s not really any issue with losing your maiden name. It gets informally added to the end of everything -
first middle hislast maidenlast
Then the children have this name - first middle dadslast momslast
That’s not really helpful, though - sorry (
We have been talking about this as my first name kind of rhymes with his last name…think Julia Gulia…
He really wants me to take his but I am still not sold. Part of me wants a hyphentated last name, but then when we have kids, what will their name be?
Lol, sorry…I probably didn’t help.
I love reading about other people’s name decisions! I decided to take my fiance’s last name, but he acted like I was totally nuts when I said that I had considered otherwise. 
Thanks for sharing! I don’t think there is ANYTHING wrong with hyphenating… but I don’t know anyone who’s ever done it. It seems like most people end up going for the convenience of one last name or another!
I am really sad to change my name, but FI really wants me to and I want to have the same last name as my future children. Hyphenating would be so unwieldy for us because we both have long, difficult to pronounce last names!
I am keeping my name. I would have hyphenated but our names are both long and would sound bad. I figured I would just wind up dropping one anyway.
I contemplated hyphenating, but my FH wants me to **keep** my name. But his is so simple and easy to spell. I flipped flopped a lot, but ultimately decided that I am keeping mine, and that we will hyphenate our children’s.
I’m keeping my name. My fiance asked once about it, but given that his mom kept her name, he wasn’t that bothered by it. And at least now (without the prospect of children actually on the horizon for a few more years still), we’ve agreed on alternating one last name for kids.
I know a bunch of people with hyphenated last names from grad school, and they don’t phase me at all. It just seems like a slightly longer last name than mine!
My husband was totally supportive of either choice, but I decided to take his name because for me it was an important symbol of our new life together and our unity as a couple. Also, I think it’s sad that people wouldn’t be able to refer to us and our kids as “The Smiths.” Instead, to feel PC people would have to refer to “Joe Jones, Mary Jones-Smith, and their kid, Jane Jones-Smith.” God forbid Jane gets married and wants to hyphenate….
I think I will hyphenate my name and he’s thinking of hyphenating too.. it’s hard though b/c he’s the last of the M*’s and I’m not the last in my family.
At the very least I will use my maiden name professionally.
Hyphenating is also a good idea if you have already established yourself professionally in a particular field.
As an older, first time bride to be I was fortunate that my FH assumed that I would keep my maiden name. Professionally it is too complicated to change my name so I decided to split things up. I’ll stay Dr. P professionally and will be Mrs. G otherwise. FH was thrilled that I even considered (and ultimately decided) to go the Mrs G route (as am I).
I also hate the idea of “loosing” my last name and have decided to make it a second middle name. This way my work email doesn’t need to change but in my personal life I can go by his last name. As you know, a lot of customs are different about this (in some African cultures, children are given their own first AND last name) and I don’t think there ever is a “wrong way.”
As I work at a university, many female professors have hyphenated names. As many of them received their professional degrees under their maiden name, they did not want to lose it. Most of their children go by their husband’s last name.
On another note, I have a friend who is half Venezuelan & half Hungarian who goes by her her dad’s last name and BOTH of her mother’s last names. She usually shortens to FirstName DadsLastName-MomsNameInitals (ie: Smith-A.B.). She is proud that her parents shared their names with her and since she does not have a middle name, it makes her feel more connected to both sides of the family.
So don’t give up! You can definitely make it work
I dont think there is anything wrong with hyphenating the name. I thought it was rather normal in today’s society. I am going to take my FI’s last name but I’m going to change my middle name to my currently last name since I don’t originally have a middle name.
I am taking his last name but making my last name my middle name, I think. A few reasons why I’m taking his name:
- Nice last name, sounds good, easier to say and spell
- Easier with kids
- I am a hopeless romantic!!!!!
I’m still working on what we’re doing (post to come!), but I just wanted to say that it’s ridiculous that people are giving you a hard time about it. So silly.
I’m hyphenating. But now my name will be really really long. Lol.
My SO (don’t know what that means, but I’m assuming fiance? lol) is very supportive of my decision.
And I haven’t received much criticism. Some people (those that don’t know me) think it’s strange. But even his mom thinks it’s great that I’m keeping my last name. lol.
I am taking my FIs last name, and he’s taking mine! So we will both have 2 last names! Of course our names will be exceptionally long (we both have 2 middle names also) but neither of us would dream of dropping any of our names. So we will be the 5 name couple. Our kids will also have both last names. It’s a little long, but it works for us!
I’m doing something similar to DrMrsG. I work in the family business so there is no way professionally that I would want to lose my maiden name. I’m throwing his on at the end (without giving up my middle name). That way at work I’m just, F M Maiden, and elsewhere I can go by his last name. I’ll end up with 4 names but no hyphen.
I’m also hyphenating! After my Dad passed away in 2008 I realized all that my last name means to me. My Dad picked my first name (I’m named after his best friend - only it’s the female version of the name), and we have the same middle initial. I’ll go from an 8 letter last name to a 15 letter last name (not including the hyphen, of course). I get comments too, but whatever to them! LOL
in Mexico, women don’t lose their last names when they get married (we actually have 2 last names: dad’s last name and mom’s last name).
But there’s a tradition when you get married that you adopt -informally- your husband’s lastname, instead your mom’s, but it’s not a ‘legal’ thing.
I.E. If my maiden name was: Giovanna Hernández Pérez (is not), now it’ll be Giovanna Hernández de González. But i don’t use it because that “de” means like i ”belong” to my husband and i’m not really fond with that idea…
in Mexico, women don’t lose their last names when they get married (we actually have 2 last names: dad’s last name and mom’s last name).
But there’s a tradition when you get married that you adopt -informally- your husband’s lastname, instead your mom’s, but it’s not a ‘legal’ thing.
I.E. If my maiden name was: Giovanna Hernández Pérez (which, btw is not), now it’ll be Giovanna Hernández de González. But i don’t use it because that “de” means like i ”belong” to my husband and i’m not really fond with that idea…
I know lots of women with hyphenated names and I don’t think there’s anything unusual about it at all, especially if it’s a choice that works for you. I kept my last name, and my partner was very supportive. We’ve decided to hyphenate our children’s last names if we have children.
I’m glad you found a name solution your happy with It’s your name and the one you will have to live with the rest of you life, I don’t see why anyone should have an opinion
Before my fiance and I got engaged, we had talked about the name issue only because it’s a part of a larger conversation - gender equality in our marriage. For me, the tradition of the woman changing her last name initially sounded romantic, but as I grew up and started to understand myself as me, I realized that the tradition was too patriarchal for me. Fortunately for me, my fiance echoed my concerns. I knew I didn’t have to change my last name, but I knew that we wanted something that signified our union. So we decided that we’re both going to hyphenate our last names.
I think what was important to us was the intention and attitude behind the name change. My fiance never assumed that I was going to change my last name because I was the woman. And he welcomed the idea that we both do it together because we are going into this marriage together.
Those are just my thoughts. I don’t think that it’s fair for people to make anyone feel guilty about how they make their name change, it’s not about them. So, hyphenate, taking or not changing, I think it’s great!
I’m a hyphen baby (I think I wrote that when Miss Swan wrote her name post) and all I can say is be prepared for some really annoying inconveniences because of the hyphen. Even my freakin’ BANK can’t get it right, they have my first name, the the initial of the first name in the hyphen, then my last name as the second name in the hyphen….Nobody gets it, people get really confused, miss-pronounce it, nobody ever knows which name it’s filed under at doctor’s offices….in short, it’s a good idea in theory but is a HUGE pain in the ass in reality. Good luck and hopefully your kids won’t get teased about their wierd last name the way I did!
We have been debating this one for awhile. I really don’t want to “lose” my last name. I tried to explain that it is ME & asked how he would feel if he was expected to change his name and he said “But that’s always been my name”….. uh huh exactly. I have decided to add his on the end and have 4 names but Mr. S doesn’t understand why I would want to use it & not always use his last name. I see nothing wrong with keeping both I am also a last generation with no boys to carry on the name & the first grandchild to graduate college with that name.
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I’m keeping my last name. That’s who I am. I always thought I might keep my name professionally bc my career is based on my name, I’m a journalist, and take his name. But now that the time has come I’ve decided to stay as is for now. I’ve left it open but hyphenating would be a major pain in the ass (imagine two long Sicilian last names that don’t sound like they are pronounced). I’ve gotten so many comments about it, often from my friends, it really pisses me off. They are so shocked. I mean I’m a total feminist, why is this strange? My mom has always gone her maiden name professionally and married name personal. I do get a little sad we’ll never be the “Smiths” but that’s why I leave the option open. FI is super supportive (since he thought it was absolutely ridiculous for me to suggest he change his name =) His only request is our kids have his last name, which is fine with me. I don’t want to saddle them with a long long uber Italian hyphenated name. Whew. You obviously hit a note with me =)
@Mrs. Starfish: I am having the same dilemma.
When I was born my mother gave me her maiden name. There are no boys in our family to carry on the name. I am the first to graduate from college as well.
I am not sure what I want to do with my last name.
My fiance’s last name is another whole story b/c he wasn’t given his family’s name, which is why he understands that I don’t want to take his name- but he doesn’t want to change his.
And then what DO we do when we have children?
I think I’ll keep my name as long as I feel comfortable. If I end up feeling comfortable having it forever, then I will do that…
If I want to change to his last name at some point, then at least I know that I made the decision in my own time.
He is a gem to support me no matter what- although the kiddies do complicate things a bit…
My husband had the same reaction as yours - that it’s okay either way. Secretly I wished he’d tell me that he wanted me to take his name, but he showed zero preference. It was a really tough decision for me.
All of my degrees and awards are all in my name now, so I thought about keeping my last name. But my most important degree will be in my new last name, so I guess it won’t matter really. I’m thinking I’ll put my first, last, maiden and married just so people will connect the 2 last names in the future. I’ll miss my last name, but I can’t wait to take his!
Do you ever notice how the more personal a decision is, the more people have an opinion on it? When lunchtime rolls around, no one I talk to tells me what they think I should eat, but talk name change and they start talking.
Anyway, I think I know what I will do but I don’t. It’s such a loaded decision. Right now I am going to add my last name to my middle name, but we’ll see.
I think that the times’-are-a-changin’ and people need to get with the fact that taking on your husband’s name isn’t the only option you have. Some may choose to be more traditional, but they should never force their opinions on you as the only one that’s acceptable!
Is your husband also hyphenating? I am planning on keeping my (bothersomely ethnic and difficult to spell and pronounce) last name, but always go by “Mrs SO’s last name” (except in academic circles) and give my children his last name. We are also negotiating naming any sons we might have with my last name as their middle name (and believe me, it goes with NOTHING and is not aesthetically pleasing, my parents chose neutral one-syllable names for my and my siblings for a reason).
I would also like to make the point that even if you don’t change your name, according to etiquette, you become Mrs Fiance’s First Name Last name regardless.
I have a rather long last name that is difficult to spell … so I was always eager to change my last name … that is until I actually had to think about it. My dad and his brother had all girls, and my dad’s sisters took their husbands names and had boys. That means I am the last of my kind.
In the end, I realized that a name is just that, a name. I don’t change just because my name does, and my family history won’t vanish either. So I am taking my fiance’s name and we’ll share a name and a family.
My family is supportive, my fiance is supportive either way, but my friends are disappointed because they like my current last name. Some think I am too independent to take someone else’s name.
It’s a strange thing this name change business, but in the end, go with your gutt and remember that “a rose by any other name would smell as sweet”.
yet another bride…that sounds exactly like me. Thanks for pointing out that a name is just a name.
I never thought it would be a big deal to change my name but it starting to freak me out a little bit. It is hard to think about being called something else.
My FI doesn’t care and would be completely fine if I kept my name, which is nice. In the end I will still take his name and be the same person, but it will probably take me some time to respond to it.
I just love that there are so many options out there, everyone can choose for themselves what will work best for them. Personally, I’m opting for the hyphen. I wouldn’t be opposed to taking his last name and dropping mine altogether, but I (*embarrassed cough*) actually still call my FI by his last name, since we were friends for years before we started dating. To me, he’s really LastName FirstName! So it would just be too weird to have my last name essentially what his first name is to me! Plus, my last name + his last name is already an existing last name, so with adding the hyphen, it still flows nicely.
Just to add my two cents: For those brides who are having a difficult time hyphenating, or giving up their names–how about making up a new one that your hubby-to-be will take, too?
I know people who have done this, usually by combining their two last names together in some easily-flowing way. I like the idea of it–you’re starting off a new life together, why not start fresh, so to speak? Then you, your hubby, and your children will all have the same name, and it will be related to what your names were before.
Also, it grieves me to no end that men are never expected to even think about this.
As I started thinking about my name change, I began to realize how sensitive and personal an issue this is… even more so now that I’ve read all your responses (which I’ve enjoyed- thanks!). I haven’t talked to Mr. Beagle about hyphenating his last name. I suppose that’s an option, but I don’t feel strongly one way or another on it.
As far as our children… I think they’ll probably just have Mr. Beagle’s last name because I think it may be confusing for a child to understand the hyphenation, as some of you have noted.
I should also say that FMIL Beagle made the same decision I will make by hyphenating. I just think it’s a great way to keep who you are and who you will be. Not that a name really explains anything about you, but it’s a nice symbol of your life before and after marriage. I think marriage does change you and you also change for marriage, so I want his last name to be apart of mine for that reason also.
@Guest: That is a clever idea. If our last names could be combined and actually sounded good… I might consider that as an option.
@Guest: That is a clever idea. If our last names could be combined and actually sounded good… I might have considered that as an option.
I’m not planning to add FI’s name unless he also changes his name to adopt mine somehow. I agree with Miss Beagle that “marriage does change you and you also change for marriage,” but I think it’s equally true for men as for women and I refuse to start out our marriage on unequal footing (as I see it). I’m not completely opposed to being referred to as “The HisLasts” on occasion but I HATE, HATE, HATE the title “Mrs.” Ugh.
Even if hyphenation was an option (it’s not, because a) I don’t like it and b) it would lead to a 22-character last name) I can’t imagine hyphenating our kids’ names. Regardless of what my FI and I end up doing with our names, kids will have my last as a middle, and his last as their last.
I’m taking his name, BUT:
I grew up with a girl who’s mom hyphenated her name with the dads last name with they got married and gave the child the hyphenated last name of “Anderson-Moore” . She just had two last names that acted like one, plus its actually pretty cute!
It’s so great that your FI’s supportive! Do what makes you happy!
Wow this has been talked about a lot lately.
Personally, the one thing that rubs me wrong about the whole discussion is the idea that you transform into an entirely new person and somehow lose who you were when you change your name.
I changed my name to my husband’s, because I’d never imagined it any other way. However, I’m still the same person, I haven’t lost my identity or changed my personality. My friends don’t wonder who this new woman in their midst is. I may be known by a different name, but it hasn’t changed me. “A rose by any other name …” etc.
I love, love, love my last name. I cant imagine myself without it. My last name is rather unique since no one else besides my dad has this name in his family (long story, but turns out name was written wrong on his birth certificate and when he came to this country it stuck). My fiance never understood the idea of women having to give up their names because of marriage and is all for me keeping my name. He knows how attached I am to it. We will still be married, and if someone has a problem with it, well they must be bored since my life doesnt affect theirs. The kids situation will be crossed when we get to it, but they will probably have my last name as a middle name.
I’m not a bride to be, but I love this blog, and this post really made smile. A lot of people are commenting on the practicality of hyphenating future children’s last names, and as someone born with a 21 letter hyphenated last name, I felt compelled to respond. Though my legal name is laughably long (and makes for a great story to tell), I have only ever gone by the second half of the hyphenation, my father’s last name. My full last name is on all my legal documents, and never comes up otherwise, but is still a big part of my name and who I am (the daughter of a woman who shuns practicality).
I also know families where the children have hyphenated last names, and the girls go by the mothers-name half, and the boys go by the fathers-name half.
No matter what you decide to do, you can use or not use however much or little of your name that you want. You don’t have to worry about giving up too much of yourself, or worry that it’s too much to take on a whole other name– believe me (and my friends in the same situation), your kids won’t care. I don’t intend to change my last name, and I might even triple hyphenate my children’s last names, I know my mother would.
I’m hyphenated and although it can get annoying at time (hello, some people don’t know what a hyphen is sometimes?!…weird! and they don’t know what letter my last name starts with, etc), I think it’s cool that I represent both my mother AND father. See, my mom kept her last name (yay feminism! hah), so there are 3 last names in my family. It’s a cool way to keep traditions going
I’ve recently started a blog, the information you provide on this site has helped me tremendously. Thank you for all of your time & work.
@DrMrsG:
I have a similar issue. I thought about changing my name but there are too many people in my field with the soon-to-be Hubby’s last name!
And people will still call me Mrs. D, even if I’m legally still Ms. S. My current boss didn’t change her name, but she goes by hubby’s last name, and this just seems very confusing to me. I think hyphenation is the way to go, and when kids come it can be a discussion then too.
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Mrs. Beagle, Austin
Age and Occupation: 26, Electrical Engineer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Finance
Engagement Date: July 12, 2008
Wedding Date: October 2009
Venue: Church Ceremony/Reception at The Waterford House
About Me: I am a true, but rare, Austinite---I was born, raised, and continue to live in this great city! Although
I am an engineer by day, I feed my inner creative side through crafting, sewing, and obsessing over Martha Stewart. I love coffee, my mister, NPR, and exploring all the nooks and crannies of Austin.
I can't wait to share my adventures in DIY and wedding planning with all of you!
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