Wedding Blog
Mr. GB and I are that couple. That couple that your kids love to see because our house is filled to the brim with candy and has all the coolest toys. We buy kids whatever they want, spoil them rotten, and then send them home pouting and saying “but THEY let me do _____!! How come you’re not as cool as they are!?” Mr. GB claims he’s going to designate a wall in our house as the “art” wall, where he’ll let the kids draw all over it and send them home with the supplies to make art at their own house. Wrong wrong wrong!
However, we don’t want children of our own. It comes as a shock to most of our friends and family, and they’ve been hearing it for years, but still believe we’ll change our mind. We have our reasons - usually we like to lightheartedly say, “Can you imagine Mr. GB’s huge nose on my tiny featured face? We can’t have children knowing they’d have to go through life with a face like that!” Sometimes I say, “Because it hurts. A lot.” But honestly, we have many real reasons for our decision, many of which are easily dismissed with “just wait, you’ll come around.”
As we’ve been married longer and more people around us are having kids, most of our friends don’t bother; they figure it’ll happen eventually. But strangers/people we’re not as close to think there is actually something psychologically, emotionally wrong with me. I’m a soul-less monster and a disgrace as a woman for not wanting children. I should be handing in my vagina and resigning. They have even taken it as an attack on them that we don’t want children; they get defensive and angry.
I’m still young, they say, and it’s true. I’m not yet 30, but I’ve known for a long time that this is what I want. Mr. GB also agrees with me; he doesn’t want children and he’s happy being that guy with the cool stuff.
Other than flailing about and yelling “My uterus! My decision!” I’m at a loss as to what to say anymore. Mr. GB and I support and are genuinely excited for our friends who have kids or want them. But how do we get people to even just accept our decision, even if they don’t agree or understand, and just trust that we know what is best for us?
|
Share this post: Please Return Your Ovaries at the Front Desk
I want kids one day so I cannot give you any advice on what to say to the incredibly rude & prying (or genuinely curious) people who question your personal decisions. Bravo for being open and honest with this choice!
And even though I want children one day, that day is far into the future after I’m relatively done being selfish with the goals I want to achieve before parenthood. I’m already dreading the “when are you having kids” question that naturally follows any wedding. “Um, when I’ve finished growing up and have determined that I am financially and emotionally stable enough to have them! K, thx.” 
just say that you can’t have children. if someone is prying enough to ask, that should probably shut them up.
I was going to suggest.. burst in to tears! That’d make them think twice next time they try to force their reproductive opinions on others!!
Good for you for knowing what you want/don’t want to do with your life. My bestfriend doesn’t want kids. She loves them and is great with them but doesn’t want them. No, like many of your friends have assumed with you, she could change her mind. I doubt she will. She’ll be the Auntie that spoils mine rotten. Just like you do. I say you’re right. Your body, your choice. No one elses. So screw ‘em. ;o)
I’ve always planned on saying we couldn’t have children. I actually plan on having kids someday in the not all that distant future, but it’s such an incredibly rude question that I think people who ask it deserve to be embarrassed (and having someone tell you something that sad when you ask what you thought was an innocent question? very embarrassing).
Say to them the same thing you would say to anyone sticking their nose into your life and your decisions, be it bridesmaid bouquets or babies … none of your business!
Ok, you might want to tone it down slightly, maybe to something like “that’s a matter between me and my husband”, but whatever you do, don’t feel guilty about saying it. No-one, and I mean NO-ONE has a right to question the decisions that you make in your marriage. They are the ones that should be embarrassed.
I had one very many years ago, at a very young age. While I love her madly, I have no desire, not now, not ever, to have any more. I know FI would have one if I wanted to, but I had to made it clear that it would not be with me. Now he is on board, and just knowing that we agree on that is good for us.
If you don’t want them, don’t have them, and you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. It’s frankly quite rude of them to ask. It’s a personal decision, and a HUGE one at that. None of their business.
I was pretty much going to say the same thing lou said. Sorry, ppl can be so rude!
People have no right to ask you questions about your reproductive life– just like Mrs. Bee explained earlier this week for other reasons. I think it’s good to remember this even with close friends and family– I’ve seen several friends put on the spot by someone they were close to. no matter what– it’s a matter for the couple involved, no one else.
Say that you can’t (it’s emotionally true, right?)… It’ll keep them from asking and you in the clear
I think the most ridiculous response/suggestion we heard was “as soon as I get a windowless van.” Which is in bad taste, but it’s funny!
My grandparents keep threatening to die if I don’t. Talk about guilt.
i have the same problem. i tell people OVER AND OVER how we feel (my husband even had a vasectomy, so we are very serious about it) and almost everyone i talk to says “oh well, you’re young, you’ll change your mind”/”you never know what might happen”/”he can get his vasectomy reversed, you know”/etc. it’s like…really? did i ask for any of that advice? why do YOU want me to have kids so much? YOU’RE not me or my husband! and i’ve also gotten the “uhh…something must be psychologically wrong with you” type looks/conversations. “but you’d be such a good mom!” but i don’t WANT to be, so why does it matter whether i would or not? RAWR!!!
so no advice from me, just sympathy.
Amen, sister! I get the whole “you’ll change your mind” thing constantly, especially from people who don’t know me very well. Seriously? How on earth do you know I’ll change my mind about one of the most important decisions I’ll ever make?! GRR. Or, “your child will be the greatest joy in your life”. Eff you, friend! Double grr.
I have found that consistency and harsh reasons not to reproduce will eventually wear most people down. When I go through my entire litany of reasons (I don’t want to be pregnant, I don’t want to go through labor or delivery, I don’t want to breastfeed, I don’t want to raise a child, I don’t want to have to potty train, I don’t want to choose schools, I don’t want to put a car seat in my car everytime I go anywhere, I don’t want to worry every day for the rest of my life, I want my happiness/greatest joy to come from myself not another person, I don’t want to deal with whining, I don’t want the responsibility, I just plainly don’t want a child, and so on), most people get overwhelmed with the amount of arguing they would have to do and give up. That is my best suggestion. 
I truly do not understand why people care so much that I reproduce. At this point, I will never have children out of spite. (I am Scottish, I can hold a grudge like nobody’s business.) Also, I honestly would not suggest lying about your fertility; it just invites a lot of suggestions and whatnot on ways to work around that. And people suggesting their mortality rests on your future children–well, I would say, “I will be so sad when you are gone, let’s try to focus on having a really nice time together while we still can!”
I’m right there with you sister. I am 30 years old, fiance is turning 30 next month and we still get told that we’ll change our minds. For 30 years I have never wanted kids but they know me better then I know myself and know I will change my mind.
I’ve actually been told by someone I barely know that I’m selfish person and to her I said yes you’re right I am selfish, I’m not sharing my money with a kid, I’d rather buy shoes. Nobody cares about the multiple very good reasons why neither of us want to have kids so I now just give snotty comments in hopes they’ll leave me alone (because they never bother the fiance just me). Anyway…I feel your pain! :p
So bizarre. If you want children, they are a great joy. But even then they are SO MUCH WORK!!!!! Why would anyone try to get you to have kids if you don’t want them? Except your parents of course, who just want grandchildren…
@liz: I find it astounding that people would actually go as far as to consider reversing the vasectomy a possibility. The fact that he got one should have made things loud and clear. They’re really grasping in desperation. No one says I’d be a good mom, even Mr. GB says he’d feel sorry for any kids that had me as a mother. I’m totally nuts. HA!
Sorry people are so rude about prying into your biz so much! I totally respect and get that not everybody wants their own kids. Not everyone’s a cat person, not everyone’s a dog person. Why should kids be any different? Except that they grown in ya, obviously. Just tell them “you’re just jealous you don’t get to spend your money traveling the world” because secretly, that is kinda true. All that money that goes to baby clothes could be saved up for some sweeeeet vacations, and you’ll have the best of the best vacays!
Your uterus, your decision, lol =]
I actually do want children, but people asking me when we are going to have kids makes me not want to have them just out of spite.
Sounds healthy right?
My favorite response to the question, “When are you having children?”
“Next Thursday.”
You shouldn’t have the guilt, it’s your choice, not theirs. If they have to pry into your life, they should be the ones feeling bad. Some people are just unbelievable. So what if you two decided you don’t want kids? Children aren’t for everyone.
The people in your life should just be grateful enough to accept the fact that you’re a great aunt/friend to their children and be done with it.
I really hate how women are seen as “selfish” or
“unnatural” for not wanting kids. As if it is every woman’s destiny to reproduce. I think a lot of people have a hard time getting around their sexist notions of women their desire (or lack thereof) to have babies.
@Miss Mary Jane: OMG best idea ever!
I really believe that it should be more of a choice TO have children, whereas most people act like the choice is not to. As if having children is a default, and by not, you’re somehow a deviant.
You could just say, “that’s a really personal question.” And leave it at that. Only someone truly without sensitivity or boundaries would proceed after that.
I find that people, in general, are idiots. They like to force their ideals and values on you, especially when they conflict with their own. They just can’t see that not everybody wants to procreate. To me, you owe them no explanation. “We don’t have kids and don’t see it as a part of our plans as a couple.” They’ll say,”You’ll want them later.” and you say…NOTHING else after that. You’re not going to convince them that you won’t change your mind and they can’t convince you to change your mind. What’s the point of mulling over it any further?
I notice more and more that people think that marriage=kids next. Maybe it’s because my older sister doesn’t want kids and that I’m not sure that I can that I just don’t ask. If people want kids or can have kids, then they will and I will find out at that time. I don’t need to give them preconception counseling and I can’t help them further along. Why do I need to know anything beforehand?
Good for you for knowing what you want and sticking to your guns. =) I’m sorry that people are being less than understanding/supportive…sadly, I don’t think that there’s anything you can tell them that will make them stop asking.
Good for you for standing up for what you know is right for you, GB. Reproduction is such a personal decision, I can’t believe that other people would feel it’s OK to give unwanted opinions.
Yes, I want children someday, but I am waaaay too selfish right now to even think about having a baby. I’d rather focus on my work and my husband than changing diapers. Plus, I work with children all day long- I don’t need to come home to them too.
As far as responding to the naysayers- I’ve found that sometimes the best response is no response at all. Just smile and walk away.
@RedBullfanatic: I get the ‘You’re selfish.’ line all the time.
Do people not understand the feeling of wanting to just pick up when you want and go where you want and enjoy time with your husband? I know my mother has expressed that she wished her job would allow as much, let alone having a kid! My FH and I love our pets, love our life being simple, and not having to worry about where another sentient being is or what they could be destroying at any given moment.
What annoys me the most is that every gyno and doctor in conservative AZ don’t even respect our decision. No one will perform any lasting procedures to prevent pregnancy on the basis that I and my FH are too young to know we don’t want kids. Aren’t doctors supposed to be EDUCATED and UNDERSTANDING?
Like everyone else has been saying - its your body, it is your decision! It just stinks that everyone feels like they can impose their personal opinions on you.
I’m not even married yet, and I get that question! I am starting 5 years of graduate school this fall, so kids are completely out of the question for me until after I finish AND work in my field for a while (don’t want to waste that time and effort). I have actually had people ask me if I’m going to quit my program and just get a job so that I can work on the wedding and then have kids! WHAT!?!?! Who says that?!?!!? Good for you for knowing what you want, don’t feel bad about it!
Mrs. GB, you have an AWESOME sense of humor! I have no advice for you because I am in the exact same boat. I think people get angry because sometimes they are jealous that they are missing all the “luxuries” of a home without kids. Like quiet, for instance:)
Mrs. GB, you can borrow my mom. I told her i was feeling a little icky/nauseus today (bc side effect) and she goes, “uh oh, E” (all disappointed bummed like) and i go “oh ma, that’s not possible, don’t worry” and she goes” OH GOOD!” (like I just told her i won the lottery)
She’s begging me not to have any yet =]
Bravo for knowing what you want and sticking to it! Bravo for not backing down! Bravo for standing up for yourself! FH and I have been together for six years now. We (I really mean I) get bugged all the time about when we are having children. I do want them, but right now is not the best time for us. People have been asking us when we are having children for years now, it’s annoying! I can’t even imagine how it must make you feel! I don’t know that there is a good way to deal with the constant questions other than to keep saying you just don’t want children. Have you tried telling people it’s rude to assume they know you better than you know yourself? Like one of the other girls said, not all people are cat people or dog people, so why are children any different? I guess your decision MIGHT change if you were 12 years old saying you don’t ever want kids, but being that you’re an adult, I don’t know why people just KNOW you’ll change your mind. Your body, your choice. As long as you and your FH agree, screw what everyone else thinks or wants! Do whatever makes you happy!
If this was my friend, and I had kids, I would laugh and move on if I heard you say “we’re fine without ‘em, but you can send yours over anytime!”
GOOD FOR YOU for sticking by your convictions!
i agree with some of the comments above. the big decision is to have kids. it is a huge undertaking and i wish people regarded it as such. when people with bratty kids ask when my mister and i will have kids i always tell them that the more time i spend with their kids the further away that day gets. cheers to you for being the greatest auntie ever!
I struggle with this too. FI and I are still undecided, but leaning more towards HELL NO for right now, but still open to possibilities later on in life. We get that question alot - um hello, can we just freaking get married first???? - and we just say we’re not ready and leave it at that. The last time I was holding our new nephew his aunt asked how I could hold him and not want one, so I told her because I can give him back!!! His uncle looked at me, laughed, and told me I had the right idea!! LOL it was quite funny.
Its hard to know what to say, but I agree with powder Puff that sometimes its better to say nothing at all
I don’t now what you should say to people, but I like the idea of bursting into tears, lol. Really though, I’m glad you made a decision that is great for you and there are honestly so many people who should think harder about their decision to have kids, as well.
I say you shouldn’t have to explain yourself. Having babies is a big decision, and an extremely personal one. If people don’t like it to bad, it is Your and Mr.GB’s life, no one said that every woman had to be a mother. Kids need a fun aunt to :).
My suggestion to all of the happily childfree/childless: Pick a sympathetic friend who has more than two biological children. When you start getting hounded about kids, say, “Oh, we can’t have children now. We gave FriendName our child credit so she could have a third without hurting the planet!” (I’m very fond of my childfree friends. If biology permits, we would like to have more than the replacement rate of two, and I figure they’re balancing me out. Giving people who don’t want children the option of not having them and still living a full life is a more effective means of limiting population growth than almost any official policy you can dream up.) Alternatively, you can respond that, if you do change your mind, there are PLENTY of kids in foster care who need homes. If the nosy types are so into kids, maybe they should consider fostering a few?
“Do people not understand the feeling of wanting to just pick up when you want and go where you want and enjoy time with your husband?”
Yes, yes they do. They’re jealous because *you* can do this and *they* cannot. Hence the “selfish” thing. You’re not carefree — you’re “selfish”! And, by inference, they are not. Just by giving birth, they have made themselves noble and unselfish. Supposedly.
“What annoys me the most is that every gyno and doctor in conservative AZ don’t even respect our decision. No one will perform any lasting procedures to prevent pregnancy on the basis that I and my FH are too young to know we don’t want kids. Aren’t doctors supposed to be EDUCATED and UNDERSTANDING?”
As a libertarian, I theoretically agree that you should be able to do anything to your own body that you want done. As a cynic, I am convinced that one day a woman who has had her tubes tied, gotten divorced and remarried, decided to have kids and failed in her attempt at a reversal will say, “Well, we could always try to raise money for IVF by suing the doctor! I mean, clearly I wasn’t in fit mental shape to have my fertility taken away!” And she’ll have a decent chance of winning in court. OB-GYN types are generally very, very wary of doing anything that could cause them to be sued. They have to intervene in dangerous childbirths to avoid violating their oaths; they don’t have to tie tubes of healthy women. (They also see the women and men who come to them asking for sterilization reversals who are then devastated when the reversals don’t work.) I’m sorry; IT SUCKS. Have you suggested freezing your FH’s sperm as a condition of him getting a vasectomy when you’re talking to doctors? Sperm storage fees aren’t outrageous, and I bet after a few years you could just thaw the stuff out and be on your way.
Its tough… and good for you to stick your ground. Its obvious you will get the question over and over again… cuz people dont seem to GET THE POINT.
Im sorry
Omg, we don’t want kids either!!! We’re only 25 so everybody thinks we will “come around” but really… I don’t think we will. Every time we think of a reason we should have kids, we’re quickly able to dispute it as not a valid or good enough reason to actually go through with it, lol.
Good for you for standing your ground - know that you’re not alone!! Childless couples unite! 
You do what you want to do, GB, and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. I can’t believe how rude and presumptuous people can be. Oh wait, yeah I can, because I get the same nasty comments about my age all the time! I’m sorry you have to deal with it, too.
I completely respect your decision. It really boggles my mind the things people say/ask. Although FH and I want kids sometime in the future, people are already telling me we’ve waited too long, it’s too late now, blah blah blah. We’re still in our 20’s! Sometimes people need to zip it!
Thanks for writing this post, Mrs. GB! The Dude and I are unsure if we want to have kids. Maybe we will, maybe we won’t. I just don’t get why people think it’s their business whether or not you have children! It’s a decision that each couple has to make for themselves.
giiirrrrllll you sound exactly like me! i feel you,for real. it’s starting to die down a little now that i’m almost 32, but i think that ’something must be wrong with you for not wanting children’ will always remain. there’s nothing we can or should say in response. we have nothing to prove or disprove, so we owe no explanation. we can only come to terms with the fact that there will always be someone who just doesn’t understand. ya dig?
stupid me jacked the link: http://www.weddingbee.com/2008/08/04/first-comes-love-then-comes-marriage/
I personally admire couples that choose to stay childless. So many people have kids because they feel they have to, not because they really want to. As a result, I think that there often can be some resentment there. I’ve seen that in my own family, and it’s an overall bad situation.
An acquaintance asked me when I was planning on getting married and having kids, I responded by asking her when she planned on losing weight. So rude, but soo effective! When she looked at me stunned that I would say something soo inappropriate, I smiled and said, “Yes, just as inappropriate”.
I felt bad for about 5 seconds.
Oh I feel you! Just minutes before I read this post I got the “Maybe you’ll change your mind”-speech from my co-worker…
I also really enjoy it when people comment on how having children gives purpose and meaning to life. So my life doesn’t have meaning because I don’t have children and don’t plan on having any? Actually was on the receiving end of this conversation a couple of weeks ago with two male co-workers. One of them just looked at me and said “you’ll really understand how great life is and what its all about when you have kids some day.” That must be why so many of my married with children friends have told me at one point or another that they would trade places with me in a heartbeat….
Geez, I would hope that because you’re saying this questioning is coming from people who don’t know you that well that they could get the point that it’s none of their business. You shouldn’t have to explain yourself!
Maybe a “when we’re ready” answer would settle them and keep them from pouring their views on you … you know you’re not going to want them!
We met with our florist for the first time a couple of weeks ago, and at the end of our meeting she asked us if we’re going to have kids. Ummm….I mean, we want them eventually, but let’s not put the card before the horse…we’re focused on the WEDDING right now, not the BABIES. I think people are often very intrusive without even realizing it.
With that said, I think the “selfish” argument by people is such bs…it’s selfish to have children if you’re not 100% on board with the idea (unless it’s an oopsy baby) - you’re shaping someone else’s life, for goodness sakes!
Good for you and Mr. GB for doing what is right for the two of you
Mr. Bruschetta and I have spent our ENTIRE time together with one or both of us in school…so even though that question is already (!!!) starting, we’ve got a solid answer — once we’ve had time to really LIVE our lives, just the two of us! — to go up against it!
@2009cndbride: bahahaha - I can only imagine the look you got. Though it’s rude on your end, it made a point, and I bet that person thinks twice before asking anyone too personal questions now.
GB I love your posts! Good luck to you and definitely use some of the sass on this board. It may not quiet the questioning, but at least give you a laugh in the process
mrs GB, i truly want to thank you and commend you for sharing with us about your trials and tribulations associated with your decision to not have children. Honestly, why is it people’s business? Why do other people feel the need to question you about this? It upsets me to think that people give you grief about this, without fully knowing your reasons..(what if God forbid you couldnt have children but you decided to not share that with them, but here they are nonetheless judging you?!?!?!)
Sorry, this is a touchy subject for me. I do intend on having children, God willing, one day after I marry my man, but honestly the thought of having babies (when I was younger) used to make me cringe.
People should respect your wishes!
The worst is people being SURPRISED when i say i dont have any children, and that i am waiting until AFTER i get married to have children…I cant tell you how many people are so surprised by this! (Honestly, this is a whole other issue, but I am African American, and I read a statistic the other day that said close 75% of AA children are born out of wedlock, so i almost feel like its accepted in our community to have children out of wedlock….) So it just frustrates me that because of my desire to be married BEFORE children, I get looked at by other people like i have two heads….26 with no children yet?!!? Oh, im sorry!
Sorry for what?!?!?!?!??!?
Kudos to you Mrs GB!!!
Mrs GB- thanks for the thoughtful & insightful post. It’s truly amazing how some people think that they have everything figured out and that it’s their responsibility to preach their life choices on others… ridiculous! It’s your life… I say, do what makes you and Mr. GB happy and don’t worry about anyone else!
@jmc: nthing this non-response!
Mrs Gummi Bear: A surprised look + “Wow, that’s a really personal question!” + long pause = no need to answer. Number of repetitions is directly correlated with tactlessness and density of the questioner.
I know exactly how you feel. Before I met my husband I dated the same guy for many years. I had never wanted children and that didn’t change with him. People were so personally invested in my decision to not have children. It is just bizarre! I have never been more appaled than when I read an article about abortion that quoted a conservative christian group as saying “we need to focuse on all of the issues. Not just abortion. We should be focusing on the intentionally childless couples”!!!!! WHAT!!! It’s a terrible thing to have to continue to deal with. People think there is no possible way that you will continue to feel that way so you are immediately dismissed. I think I vote for the flailing and yelling approach. Short of that there isn’t alot you can do. Good luck!
I am so glad that you put this out there for us all to read! Kudos to you and Mr. GB for knowign what you want & don’t want
Word–I hear ya! We’re in a similar position as the Due and Miss Mouse, though we’re more of a 90 per cent no kids, 10 per cent maybe kind of household. I find it just as tough because I can’t actually be honest and sincere in my response because it only fans the flames. “Not knowing” is a scary concept for a lot of people, so to tell them that you’re living happily without knowing (and without kids) can be doubly difficult for some people to swallow. I’ve stopped worrying about how I should respond and just focused my energy on letting go of those comments before they even have a chance to stick to me!
I don’t understand. You’re doing the world a service. There’s too many people already. Why do people have such a problem with this??? Though I would prefer if it were the stupid people, not the smart ones who decide not to have children, the less people the better.
I think people tend to feel confident about their own life choices when they are surrounded by people doing similar things. When the average person encounters someone making a dramatically different choice, it tugs at the little corner of doubt in the back of his/her mind. When parents meet childless folks, it makes them question their own decision to have kids or reminds them what they gave up to have kids.
It’s a very human tendency. It comes up in a lot of situations. It doesn’t excuse rude behavior (why would anyone pry about the reproductive choices of a stranger? why would anyone say that the childless are selfish?). But I do think that at core, it’s about insecurity.
Gummi, how about I birth them and hand them over to you to play with? I’m totally cool with having them for mornings and nights only. I guess there are idiots asking rude questions all the time- get pregnant and people start asking if you’ll breastfeed. Really?! I think people don’t have the ability to NOT say anything. Good for you for having convictions and sticking to them.
Let me just say as someone who was formerly strident about not wanting kids, I know exactly how you feel. I never thought about having children, never liked babysitting, don’t especially like other people’s kids, etc.
But I changed my mind and had a beautiful baby girl one year ago. So my advice would be that you don’t actually know how your views or decisions might change. And in the meantime, while I perceived those questions as irritating, now I’d think twice before turning it into a rude race or feeling justified in making people feel bad in my response. People are nosy, they’re gossips, they have their own perspectives, and your response isn’t going to change that. You don’t have anything to defend, so don’t get defensive. A simple, “I don’t think we will,” should be enough. The rest of your response - how it makes you feel, internalizing their judgements, etc. - is really all up to you.
This is why I love coming to WB so much. You can all express your opinions here without having some stranger squelch your personal views to a pulp. What a wonderful community we got going here.
I really respect your decision. I would think most couples have at least entertained the question of trying to have kids or not. And it is rude when people pry into our lives. Sadly, there is no way to stop them. When you’re single, it’s “when will you get married?” When you’re married, it’s “when will you have children?” When you have kids, it’s a whole slew of kid-specific questions. People are always prying, judging and assuming!! Mr. G and I do want children, but because we don’t know what the future holds, I tell people, “Yes, we hope to have children.” No one knows what will happen tomorrow. And I totally find strangers’ questions to be jarring at times.
Sorry I haven’t provided much advice. Maybe just support? I think you’ve gotten some good suggestions. The bottomline is it’s nobody’s business but yours. We shouldn’t have to explain ourselves in these situations!
Yeah, I always I would have kids, two, one boy one girl. That’s what my fiance thinks too. But now I’m starting to realize I don’t really want kids, the only reason i want kids eventually is because i figure i have to, i should, like it’s an obligation or something.
Kudos to you for writing this Gummy
I don’t get why people think they can ask about everything and not make others feel uncomfortable.
THANK YOU SO MUCH for posting this! My FI and I are not planning on having children, maybe ever, and often get confused stares or the “you’ll change your mind” line - AHHH!!!
his grandmother actually gave us the book “101 great places to take your children” book AND a baby’s first christmas ornament for christmas last year. it’s like my ovaries are now family property!
I really appreciate this forum for other women who do not want children (and don’t feel bad about it!) and women who support our decision.
Hmmm - when people ask us when we’ll start having kiddos I say something like “Not yet - we’re still enjoying being selfish”. Hopefully by saying we’re SELFISH clues them into the fact we wouldn’t be good parents (for us ‘yet’) and leave me alone
Not much you CAN say — people will always find something to say about your family/marriage/parenting or not choices/etc.
People never believe us when we say we’re just having this ONE child. I won’t say never because I know how babies are made and we haven’t yet snipped/tied off any parts, but we’re pretty convinced and set on that decision. Still, people keep telling us we’ll change our minds. At this point, we just nod our heads and go with the flow. All you can do really.
We’re not having children either. And yes, my Fi’s been snipped too, so stop trying to change our minds people!
It’s so rude of people to tell you will change your mind when you get older or see other babies. It’s like if someone told you they were pregnant and you responded “oh, you’ll change your mind when it starts crying. Don’t worry there’s always adoption!”
Whenever people bug me about why I don’t want kids, I tell them because the world is overpopulated and I don’t have a big enough ego to think it wouldn’t survive without my precious offspring in it.
Oh, and whatever you do, DON’T burst into tears! I imagine that would only reinforce their backwards idea that there’s something wrong with not having kids
I don’t want kids either. When people ask me if I’m in a nice mood I’ll smile and tell them that I don’t want children and then ignore the rest of their coments. If I get pissed off by the constant nagging their after I usually tell them that I can’t have children for medical reasons and then thank them for reminding me of this horrible news. Now I really don’t have a medical reason for not having kids I just don’t want any. But if someone wants to make me feel bad for it then I’m going to make them feel bad for asking:) I know it sounds mean, but just because I don’t want kids doesn’t make me a bad person, but you keep pestering me and you deserve whatever I say.
| Visit our sister sites | Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Fertile Thoughts Infertility Support |
Mrs. Gummi Bear, San Francisco
Age and Occupation: 25, Japanese Importer/Illustrator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Game Developer/Programmer
Engagement Date: April 15, 2006
Wedding Date: October 13, 2007
Blogging Since: June 19, 2007
Venue: Organic farm an hour from San Francisco
About Me: I live for anthropologie, design blogs, sweets, japanese zakka, and vintage goods. We just bought our first home together and live with our two puppies and cat - it's a strange mixture of vintage, high-tech (we have 7 computers and 21 video game systems in all), and a whole lot of fur. Our wedding tries to embody the Japanese idea of "slow life", which is truly taking the time to enjoy food, company, and your environment!
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |
| 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 |
| 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |
| 29 | 30 |
Latest Gallery Pics