Wedding Blog
Oh yes we seriously did. We seriously just decided the whole name change debacle with rock, paper, scissors. The stakes? If Mr. D won we’d either both take my last name as a second middle and his as our communal last; I’d also retain middle name rights or my surname as a first name for our future kids. If I won? We’d both double barrel and so would our future kids. We played best out of five to determine the winner.
The results? Mr. D won 3 out of 5 and we had one draw.
As far as the name changing goes, we had reached a stalemate. Mr. D didn’t want to upset his family and I didn’t want anyone else dictating my choices. After yet another day of irritated discussion, going to our separate corners and me poring over WB name changing posts and Indie Bride Kvetch, I somehow came up with the rock, paper, scissors idea. If we can’t decide, let “fate” decide. While there is obviously game theory and strategy involved in “ro sham bo”, neither Mr. D or I are at a skill level that would dominate the other to create an unfair advantage. It really seemed like the fairest option.
Mr. D’s main concern was that if I lost (and I tend to be a wee bit of a sore loser), I’d be unhappy or bitter about the outcome. So he had to take several minutes to consider whether or not he really wanted this important decision to come down to a child’s game. He acquiesced and we laid out the ground rules, which, basically were best out of five, and release on the word shoot. But hey, it’s over now, and we’ve made a decision. Yay for making decisions!
These past two weeks, I’ve just been all about the decision making. There are so many that need to be made, I just want to get them over with. I’m probably most happy with this decision being finalized, more so than the flowers, centerpieces or cakes (obviously). But also because this particular decision has caused me so much strife. Several times a week I’d get pretty upset about the whole thing and I’m kinda glad it’s over, and that it was decided fair and square. I’m pretty content with the decision in the end; Mr. D will incorporate my last name into his and our future children will for sure be given my birth name and the history associated with it in some way or another.
How did you decide the name change issue?
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Miss D - isn’t ro sham bo where you kick your opponent in the balls to settle a dispute?? haha!
Please tell me you opted for a less painful conflict resolution 
Although I truly love my surname, I followed my husband’s. I thought it wasn’t an issue anymore although deep inside me I didn’t want to yield.
i’m boring…taking his last name because mine is more complicated/always have to spell it out/etc…although it will be weird to have a new name & will take some getting used to, i guess i am old fashioned and am happy for us to share his name.
The most efficient way to make any decision! Hopefully you are happy with it.
I suppose I am old-fashioned when it comes to the name-change debate…
But my future husband and I settle any number of disputes with the old “rock paper scissors” game. Which I love, because I win at least 60% of the time. =) And it really does feel fair and square, making decisions like this! When I lose, I’ve no one to blame but fate and my own five fingers.
Good decision making technique! I’m sure we’ll be using this at some point too. For us, it meant a lot to Mr Sunbeam to take his name, and I wasn’t set either way (they sound really similar anyway which also makes keeping them both sound really funny). So I just decided to take his! Easy peasy.
This is such an interesting topic! I have no idea how to decide the last name to take!
I like your creativity at deciding which name to take! My fiance and I are having some naming issues at the moment. We are trying to find some compromises, but it is difficult for sure. I am dead-set on keeping my last name as my last name. We’ve joked about swapping last names, but I’m pretty sure he’d like to keep his as well!
We got on the topic of future children over the weekend. My FI is a III, so he insisted on naming our future son (if we have one) Mr. First Name Middle Name Mojito, IV. We are already disagreeing about that one, so I think the kids’ names will be our major dispute. I’d compromise by using his last name for the kids instead of my last name, but I’m not too keen on having a Fourth as a son.
I’ve been wanting to get rid of my last name for oh, about 30 years now. It isn’t a horrid last name, just one that I received much teasing about during the elementary and middle school years. Talk about emotional scars! I always tell my mom I know she was-and still is- in love to take my dad’s name!
My significant other thinks I should keep my last name, maybe a hyphen joining the two names would be okay. He says he feels like he’d be taking away a bit of my independence. We discussed again last night, and I listened to his arguement, but I’ve told him he doesn’t have a say. I’m taking his last name whether he likes it or not!
My FH really couldn’t care less about changing names or not. I will be the last person in my family to have our last name, so it’s personally significant to me. FH and I have been living together for years, so changing my name at this point really seems useless. I’m also worried that I’ll be forced to carry marriage license copies everywhere to prove that my IDs are actually mine and valid and also that it may be a licensing problem after I complete my postgrad. At this point, no plans to change– seems like a big headache with really no purpose or advantage.
Hee! This reminds me of when my friend told me she and her brothers would settle family disputes with the Dungeons & Dragons 8-sided die. I think all relationship disputes should be settled in a similar manner.
After a heated and long discussion one night (that rested in a dead battery on my car) we decided I would talk Mr Frenchie’s last name but all our kids would have my last name as their middle name I’m still not 100% pleased, but I need to move on.
I love that this is how you decided! I’m old fashioned and I have been dying to take FI’s last name!
I’m glad you have that decision out of the way. =) It’s never fun to fight when you’re supposed to be looking forward to being married!
I decided I was going to take Mr. Poodle’s name because for me it symbolizes the beginning of a new life and well it really meant so much to him and all of his family, so I’m happy with the that
When ever we disagree over something we do the old flipping the coin 
always works lol
Oh how I love rock paper scissor! We have made some many decisions this way! It fits us though! I am gladly changing my name! I can’t wait!
Haha, some of the best decisions come from the simplest solutions.
What a funny way to decide that! But hey, whatever works!!! Before I met my man, I had been dreading the possibility of being paired with someone whose name didn’t sound good with my first name…but boy did I ever breathe a sigh of relief when I realized that my FI’s last name sounds really good after mine!
OMG Ms. D- me and FH are thinking about making the decision between living in San Francisco or Brighton with a coin toss. Everything gets settled with a coin toss around here. It’s so good to see another couple making big choices like this. Hooray for getting things done the simple way!
I do find it amusing that the day after I get back from running a weekend long event where everything is decided by Rock Paper Scissors, you choose it to solve the name issue. When you decide to leave it to fate, I say RPS is the way to go.
[...] why I’m laughing so much at this bride’s way of making her name change decision: Rock, Paper, Scissors. No, seriously, she and her husband-to-be [...]
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Mrs. D'orsay, Baltimore/Lancaster UK
Age and Occupation: 24, Stay at home fiance (formerly in nonprofit communications)
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Web site developer and designer; co-owner of men's skincare shop
Engagement Date: August 10, 2008
Wedding Date: August, 2009
Venue: Oakland Manor
About Me: I'm a Maryland raised environmental policy wonk/activist/organizer and communications aficionado. In the past year I've lived in Baltimore, MD, Tucson, AZ, Miami, FL and Lancaster, England. In my not so spare time I enjoy planning trips with Mr. D' Orsay, visiting friends and family and crafting like a mo-fo. I also enjoy modern dance classes, rugby and soccer but have been banned by my mother, MOHs, and Mr. D' Orsay from playing till after the wedding. I have an unnatural addiction to cheese and shoes, but love Mr. D' Orsay more than either and can't wait to become Mrs. D' Orsay!
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