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The topic of children at a wedding is a controversial one. Some people believe strongly that children should be part of the day, while other believe they should stay at home. We’ve been to weddings where we couldn’t imagine what it would have been like not seeing the adorable flower girl forget to line the aisle with petals, or the ring bearer swinging the pillow around by the ribbon tied tightly around the rings. However, we’ve also been to weddings where an uncomfortable baby has cried in the middle the vows, or a bored toddler talked loudly throughout the ceremony.
Every couple decides what is best for their wedding based on their venue, their guests, the time of day, etc. Mr Frenchie and I made the unpopular decision, early on, that we are not going to have children in our wedding and we were not going to invite children under a certain age. As you know, our wedding will take place at a winery, and will take place completely outside. In our opinion, our venue does not lend itself to young children.
We have a few friends with babies (whom we absolutely adore) that have shared with us how excited they are to have a night/weekend for just the two of them. However, we also have a few friends who really want to bring their children along.
We understand that finding a sitter cannot always be easy, as we’ve spent many nights hanging out with friends at their houses, instead of going out, so they didn’t have to hire a sitter. We also understand that, for some, that means they will not be able to attend our wedding. But, if we bend our rule for one couple, we have to do it for everyone, so we’re standing our ground.
To get “the word” out we decided to approach any opposition on a case by case basis. We made sure to put the names of all the invited parties on the invitations and decided that if someone RSVPed for more, we would just explain to them “our policy”. A couple guests have emailed us, before RSVPing, to ask, and we’ve responded to each as diplomatically as possible. One couple has been less understanding than the others, but again, we are standing our ground.
Have you decided not to invite children to your wedding? How did you get the word out?
no kids for us. unfortunately most of our nieces and nephews are horribly behaved. one constantly whines. there is no diplomatic way to not invite kids based upon behavior so it is all, or in this case none. and like you said, maybe some will appreciate an adult night out.
We didn’t invite anyone under the age of 16. It just made the most sense for us for lots of reasons. We let parents know ahead of time, through word-of-mouth and email, so that they could make plans. Luckily, no one had a real issue with it, so it worked for everyone.
Our rule is no one under 16 - however, my two flower girls ( which are my entire bridal party aside from the best man) are attending. They are my sister’s daughters & I know they are well behaved and will be entertained by having all there aunties there, etc.
BUT NO we are not allowing any other children - not even my cousin’s children who would probably be the only one. I attended a wedding (actually a vow renewal) and I was just freaking out the entire time because all the kids were surrounding the cake and daring to touch it & almost made the place catch on fire by playing with candles on the tables - I could not take that at my wedding. I want an adult wedding and I want the adult’s to enjoy themselves.
You can have the best of both worlds by having only the children in your bridal party attend - however, only because they are children you know are well behaved - at least that’s the route we are going.
Just to put in my 2C’s!
None of our friends have kids yet so it’s not really an issue. The couple of relatives that do know not to bring the kids. I’ve never been to a wedding with kids, so I sort of feel like people just assume kids aren’t invited to ours either.
We are inviting out of state kids, but no in-state kids. It is much easier to get a sitter for a few hours instead of an entire weekend. This has created a little drama, but oh well. Plus, as weird as it is, I am much closer to all out of state kids than I am to in-state kids. And all people that live in-state, live in the same town they were born and raised in - so finding a sitter is easy for them i.e. your mother-in-law. We don’t have enough room for in-state kids…at all. 
I feel that unless close relatives of the bride or groom are young, it is perfectly alright to not allow children under a certain age. This is your wedding and you two are allowed to choose who will be there supporting you. I am a huge fan of no children at weddings and I am glad to hear that you two are sticking to your guns!
We had tons of kids at our wedding and I really regret putting “Mr. Smith plus family” on the invites. We did that out of kindness b/c we didn’t want to disappoint anyone but we blindly thought that people knew not to bring kids at weddings unless they were family or relatives. I just thought that was an unspoken rule that everyone knew about. Big mistake. We didn’t have enough seats for the adults b/c people didn’t RSVP properly so we ended up having to set up extra tables.
We started out with no kids but it was a huge area of contention with my FMIL, who wanted her sisters teenage sons to be invited. We went back and forth and I eventually gave in. The only kids invited were those three teens and my niece and nephew… Everyone else is being told we don’t have room. (a little white lie…) Also our reception doesn’t start till 730 so I can’t imagine people would want to bring their young children… But I guess we will see what happens when the invites go out next week!
right now we are leaning towards no kids under 16. i can already tell that there is going to be some opposition from my FI’s family. In their family the kids are ALWAYS invited to any family function.. ..so i know i’ll will be breaking that tradition.
No kids in the wedding because it seems like it would put uneccessary pressure on the parents. We decided early on that kids will definately be invited to our wedding. We haven’t worked out the logistics yet but the event will be casual enough that parents that want to bring their children should feel comfortable enough to do so.
Most of our guests are coming from out of town, and 95% of guests with small children are family. Therefore, they wouldn’t have anyone to watch their kids in this city since they only know family! While we HATE the crying/rambling kid during the celebration, we’d rather have the family there with kids than not there at all. It might be a cringe-worthy moment or two but we weren’t willing to inconvenience family. There aren’t too many kids though, and I COMPLETELY understand/respect your choice… and kind of really wish we could do that too.
Miss Frenchie I love that you are standing your ground. We are also not inviting any children to our wedding because we only have a few friends who have children and those that do are very young still. One of my worst wedding day fears is a baby crying at the church during our vows. We have yet to send out our invitations but we will also be specifically naming the invitees and any problems… well I’ll let my mom handle that! Best of luck with your touchy situation.
I didn’t want kids at our wedding but my fiance does. It’s still a very sticky subject for us. We are having kids now because he’s so adamant about it. If any of them cry or are running around wild I think I will be very upset. My fiance says the kid’s parents will watch them, but I’ve been to his family events and see how the kids run around and make noise. It just better not happen at our Art museum venue. I don’t think it is a venue that is friendly for kids either!
I’ve posted about this before and got extreme answers on both sides. I do not want children at my wedding due to the number of kids in our families (10 under 10, 1 on the way) and the fact that they are mostly very badly behaved. It is going to be impossible for us to ’stick to our guns’ because there are parents who will not travel without their children and those parents are in our wedding party.
What we’re doing is not having a children’s table at the reception and telling all the adults way ahead of time so they can decide if they want to have an overnight babysitter or not come at all. I know it’s unfortunate that some people would choose not to come, but we are being very understanding and hope everyone will do the same for us.
We both decided that we too didn’t want kids at the wedding. It was a very hard subject but I think we made a good choice. However, the only kids I did allow to come were my brothers son and sisters son. Other than them, that was it!
On my invites in the left hand corner we put
“Adult Affair”
I thought saying Adults only was some what tacky… I think it sounds more formal to put Adult Affair.
Good luck with the situation. I too hope it doesn’t hurt anybody’s feelings but again at the same time you have to step back and look and know that this day is all about your fiance and you! =)
I have come to learn that this is a really “touchy” subject. We have made the decision to have no one under the age of 21. We are having an open bar for the entire evening. I learned the hard way that once you say “no children”, it means “no children, not even your own nieces and nephews. It becomes an issue of why can your kids go and not mine. It’s best to make your decision and stick with it.
I am hiring a babysitter for the entire day of the wedding. If a child is getting out of hand during the ceremony the parent can take the child to the sitter in the church. At the reception the sitter will have a room (ours is at a hotel) and so when the kids get tired or cranky you can drop your kids off at the “kids room” and go back to the party and enjoy yourself! I just didnt want any guests to feel like any members of their family were not welcome but I also wanted them to not be burdened by hiring a babysitter on my behalf.
We had to put a SECURITY DEPOSIT down for our site, and if it’s messed up in any way that can’t easily be fixed, we won’t get that money back. Even though we were already trending toward not kids, that definitely tipped the balance to make it grown-ups only.
Our invites were addressed to the only people per family invited. Simple as that!
I’m so relieved to read that a lot of you are also not having kids at your wedding AND I’m not the only one w/ the fear of a baby crying in the middle of our vows 
Thanks for all the support!
We are having kids there, but are hiring a babysitter and they have their own kids room with activities, beanbags, movies, food buffet, etc. I think you are VERY SMART to stand your ground. Too often people bully the bride and groom into making an exception “just for them” which ends up being a slippery slope or an awkward situation at the wedding when one family asks “how come their child was allowed?” Stay strong!
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Mrs. French Bulldog, Orange County Age and Occupation: 28, Administrative Assistant & Interior Design Student Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Purchasing Analyst Engagement Date: November 8, 2008 Wedding Date: August 2009 Venue: Bernardo Winery About Me: I've lived in Atlanta, Dallas and Laguna Niguel; although I've lived in Orange County, CA most my life, I'm a Southerner at heart. I work full time for a Commercial General Contractor (aka my father) and I go to school for Interior Design at night. I love modern design, music, wine, crafting, DMailing, my family, my Westies, and of course, Mr Frenchie! Mr Frenchie and I met 3 years ago on Match.com and have been best friends ever since. I love his "old soul" and how he laughs with his whole body, among many other things. We are planning our summer wedding at the winery near his hometown, just 45 minutes south of Orange County.
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