Wedding Blog
It’s been a roller coaster the past couple of weeks at Casa Meatball. I’ve let you in on my various health issues a bit (the major cause of my broke-assery), and while things have been blissfully quiet on that front for a while, I’ve had a scare that I just can’t shake.
Long story short, each of my eyes is experiencing a different cause for concern at the moment. I won’t bore you with the details, but let’s just say it’s not so yum. While neither of these issues are life-threatening or unmanageable, they just plain suck. I’m under close watch, trying new medication, and under orders to rush in if anything suddenly changes. I feel like a time bomb, ready to go off at any moment, without a hint of warning.
Rocking an eye patch, after emergency glaucoma surgery last June.
The hardest thing to manage about my illness is its unpredictability.
I can go months without change, even almost forgetting about it… and then *wham*, there it is, kicking me in the ass, reminding me that I’m never in control of my health. Sometimes I’m at peace with it, sometimes I get down on it, but this time I’ve been angry. This particular brush with it has left me hopping mad, and uncomfortably so.
Anger makes me unproductive and temperamental. It makes me want to sit and stew, lash out at my husband, hide from my friends. It makes me take everything incredibly personally. So I’m acknowledging that anger, and inviting grace back into my mind and heart. I’m fighting for it, because frankly I don’t like myself when I’m under the spell of anger and self-pity. So today, I woke up to work out. The endorphins helped. I’m focusing on my gratitude. To quote one of our wedding vows, I’m turning to my husband instead of turning on him in this time of need. Or at least, I’m trying.
A very young us, circa 2003 BF (Before ’Fro), post cataract surgery.
I’m very lucky to have good doctors, great insurance, and a strong home-support system in my family and friends. I’m blessed to have my eyesight. Honestly, I don’t know if I would trade my illness for health, since it has been a key formative influence on my adulthood and I am proud of who it has helped me become. I just wish I had a little more patience. A little more control, perhaps. And right now, a little more grace. But I’m working on it, one step at a time.
How do you cope with life’s unexpected twists?
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Hm. not quite sure what happened to my response, but just wanted to say HUGS! I’m sorry things are tough, and I sincerely hope they get better. But your attitude totally rocks! 
I 100% know how you feel. I have a chronic illness that has thankfully not caused major problems in my life, but the diagnosis was hard to take and living with it can be difficult at times. I am so glad you are looking at things in a positive light- it’s the only way to survive these kind of things and I think your attitude plays a great part in how your illness affects you both emotionally and physically.
And kudos to Mr. MB for being such a great supporter. It’s hard watching your loved ones suffer and it can be just as difficult to be the caregiver as it can to be the one in pain.
You are both very lucky and blessed to have found one another Meatballs!
(((BIG BEE HUGS)))
and I love this “I’m turning to my husband instead of turning on him in this time of need”
I have a blood disorder that my dad also suffers from, we only know about it because a clot that formed as a result of the disorder caused him to go blind in his left eye so I understand how scary feeling like a ticking time bomb is. So lots of big hugs your way.
On a side note though when my dad first lost his sight he wore a patch similar to the ones you have on in your pics. And I’ll tell you the same thing I used to tell him, you would make one bad ass pirate!! Lots of love meatball!!
Mrs. Meatball I dont know personally about eye surgery but my boss at work has had several on his eye and I know it itsnt pretty. I do however have a problem with my right eye that Ive had since birth. When I was little they should have put a patch on my good eye to make the weak one stronger but some how the eye doctor didnt catch this and since I was little Ive had almost no vision in my right eye. It wasnt until I was in middle school that I said something to my parents about it and then it was pretty much too late to make it stronger. I said, “You guys know I cant see out of my right eye, right?” And my parents said, “Um no!” So I went to an eye specialist and they said I should have wore a patch on my good eye around the age of 2 to make it stronger. So now things like 3D glasses and binoculars dont work for me…well on my left side they do…but not the right eye…when I look through binoculars I can only see out of the left side. My side vision on my right side is ok so Im able to drive…but anything in front is pretty much a complete blur. Lets hope my left eye stays strong! Seeing my boss go through surgery got me worried about my eyes so I wish you all the luck with whatever your going through with your eyes, thank you for sharing. Like Miss Cloud said…your a cute bad ass pirate!!
Meatball, I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been having a rough time of things, but glad to see that you’re trying to look on the bright side and feel better about everything. I’m about two an a half months away from the wedding and will be undergoing surgery soon, but feel blessed to have avoided being diagnosed with a chronic illness, but nervous since what that means is, is they haven’t found the cause for my symptoms. Awesome. *sigh*
Hope things are back to better soon!
Thank you for so gracefully putting things into perspective. Sometimes we take the most important things in life for granted and let other virtually small, unimportant things take control (like getting upset over really wanting a $1200 bag but not being able to afford it when it seems like everyone you know can) when in the grand scheme of things they’re really trivial and actually kinda stupid. Btw that example is SO not personal to me. Just an example. I just recently graduated from law school and man, for 3 years I was so angry that I was so busy and stressed all the time, that I couldn’t get married until after the bar, etc. But then one day I realized that I should be thankful for the opportunities that I’ve been given in life, not resentful. And when I forget at times, Mr. S is always there to patiently remind me of what’s important (ie family, health, love, etc.). I, too, am trying to work on turning to him and not against him during tough times. Wishing you the best health ever!
HUGSSSS! And you rock for acknowledging the anger and looking for grace. I also love that you are using your awesome hubby bubby for lots of love, support and understanding, he really loves you no matter what yo! The hive loves you too!
I know not by personal experience, but through my sister. She has had glaucoma since she was about 10. She has also been under close watch and has had many ups and downs throughout her life with her eyes as well. She has also had cataract surgery, the surgery to fix your eyes when they are crossed 2 times, and multiple glaucoma surgeries. The last which has seemed to help for a couple years. 2 years ago she also had a detached retina and surgery for that. I know exactly what you are going through and it is no fun. Hope things start to look better.
Mrs. Meatball, your eyes should meet my uterus. It’s been going crazy since it figured out it was in me!
I hope your health issues look up soon! If anything, it helps you appreciate the good things in life, doesn’t it? In a weird sort of way…
It is so good to see you be able to smile in the pictures and make the best of the cards you have been dealt. It is SO inspiring!
*HUGS* I’m so sorry that things are sucky right now. But I am so proud of you for actively taking a stance against that and trying to make yourself even more awesome.
here’s lots of hugs your way…………….so sorry to hear about your situation:-( i remember as a teen reading that your health was the most important thing…..didn’t realize the significance of that til i got older….i haven’t had any major health concerns (thank God!), but whenever i feel sick and can’t function properly, i always remember how to true that sentiment is. i’m not religious, but very spiritual, and i believe that everything happens for a reason.
life is full of ups and downs. it has to be. otherwise, how would we have a measure for celebrating the good things? whenever something bad happens or i’m having a yucky day, i just try to remember that something great will come my way. when life is good, i try to relish in all the goodness and just enjoy the moment.
Mrs. Meatball, I’m so sorry things aren’t going so great for you with your eyes right now. However, that’s wonderful you have such a great support system and a wonderful husband. I agree with French Bulldog that it’s great about turning TO your hubby instead of turning ON him. *hug*
Awww, “eye” have so much sympathy for you — hope joking a lil bit is okay — but you really have a great outlook on this. Love the recognition of turning to — rather than ON — your husband. One of the reasons he’s there, right?
Aw, Meatball…. Im sorry to hear things arent peachy… but you are lucky to have a husband like yours.
Keep us posted, and regardless you are one beautiful gal. Bee hugs!!!
I am rooting for you, Meaty!!! I know Mr. Meatball will take good care of you during this stressful time. Yes, endorphins are good, but maybe you should have a little extra melty cheese to make you feel better. 
Aw Miss Meatball - I had some complications after lasik surgery a few years ago. It’s so refreshing and inspiring to see you and your husband being so happy in spite of things! You’re such an inspiration!
Ms. Meaty,
i’ve so enjoyed reading your blog posts - they encourage me to get my own post-wedding lazy ass in shape!
hang in there, do a bit of yoga, and i will pray for you as your eyes heal!
I love how you have managed to keep using your humor and sunny outlook…I know that must be hard, and most people couldn’t! I love to see that you are still smiling in the pictures you posted…you are inspirational
Meatball, you posts are such an inspiration–my thoughts are with you.
Hoping you’re feeling better soon, Dana!
wow, i think you have such a great perspective on things, and i’m glad Mr. Meatball is there to help you out! keep the positive vibe, i hope you feel better soon 
Coping is hard Mrs. MB, but you do so with grace and I think that is to be admired. You can tell you are one tough woman!
I’m so happy that you’re feeling better and healthy! And I’m glad you’ve had all your support along the way!
Very inspiring, I must have missed your first post. You are so awesome, and the Mr clearly loves you and takes great care of you. I really need to work on turning to FI and not against him, I’ve gotten better at it but still could be better
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Mrs. Meatball, Hollywood
Age and Occupation: 30, Actor/Writer/Office Maven
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Actor/Writer
Engagement Date: October 7, 2007
Wedding Date: May, 2009
Blogging Since: September 16, 2008
Venue: Private Garden/The Bungalow Club
About Me: I love melty cheese and diet coke almost as much as I love my man. I'm from Chicago, he's from NYC, and we both miss public transit and great pizza. We have an adorable muppet dog called Paco. I'm part hippie with a healthy dash of hip hop superstar, have excessive empathy for animals, and have not one, but two bionic eyes (long story). We're broke and it ain't no joke. It can't stop us from planning the bold and whimsical wedding of our dreams, but we've had to get pretty creative to make it work, yo!
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