Wedding Blog
Although we’ve only been married for a little over nine months, I’ve noticed that being a wife also means being thrown into a culture obsessed with babies. There’s a lot of pressure to pull off parenthood while trying to juggle married life and a career. Not to mention trying to be able to afford a house somewhere in the mix (since that’s the next “step”, after all).
I think that too many newly married couples believe they need to have a child to complete that next phase in their relationship, while not really paying attention to whether or not they are doing what’s best for the child. I don’t think that’s the way it is in the hive, but out here in the non-bee world I am seeing this happening more often than not.
I am not going to say that I’ll never have biological children, because (unfortunately) I’m not Miss Cleo and I can’t predict the future. I have always wanted to adopt children—it’s just a matter of being able to start saving up for our future together so we can give our child the best life possible.
I’ll never forget being asked if I wanted to have children by Mr. Candy Corn via AIM the first day we started dating, like a minute or two after he asked me out (via AIM, folks). My first reaction was, “Whoa, we’re moving a little too fast here, buddy!” but I responded honestly by telling him that the idea of having my own children both terrified me physically (don’t get me started on vaginal stitches) and I also didn’t think it was fair to all of the children out there who need families and are in foster care. That doesn’t mean I judge those couples who choose to have biological children by any means. Although I agree that a little candy corn combo might be fun to see, I would rather open my home up to a child who is already out there without a family than focus on recreating my genetics and passing down our vertically-challenged awesomeness. It just gets a bit tiring to be told that a) I’m selfish or b) “You’ll change your mind when you’re older and that maternal instinct kicks in.”
I have a wildly aggressive maternal instinct, thank you very much. It’s the reason I have six pets and cradle them in my arms and make gushy “boo boo” mommy noises at them when no one is listening. But it doesn’t mean that I want or need to have a baby of my own.
I see how good Mr. Candy Corn is with kids and how much he wants to be a dad and it makes me want to adopt so badly. One day. Just not anytime soon. Call me selfish, call me overly-realistic, but I just think I’m being reasonable. We are 25, living paycheck to paycheck, renting, in couples therapy and have so much more exploring to do as a couple before we’ll be able to maintain a healthy & happy environment for a child.
I want to sleep in on Sundays and go to brunch together. I want a stable, thriving career and some money in the savings account. I want a mortgage. I want to foster dogs. I want to create artwork non-stop for a year and donate the proceeds to animal shelters. I want to embrace my inner child and wear footie pajamas whenever weather permits. I want to travel (I’ve never even been on a plane). I want to live my life with my husband before we devote years and years and all of our energy into (hopefully) being selected as adoptive parents.
I’m not ready to be a supermom and I think it’s fine to admit that. Now, if only everyone else would accept that.
Does anyone else find themselves in a similar situation or are you buckling down and having children right away (please don’t think I’m judging you if you are, I promise I am not a total bee-yotch)?
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Share this post: Why I Want to Adopt a Baby, Angelina-style. (Just Not Anytime Soon.)
I think it’s amazing that you want to adopt - and I think the time will be right when it just is. I placed a child for adoption when I was 18 and it’s a beautiful thing.
That said, as an encore, I find it slightly irritating that people feel the need to ask FI and I when we will have our “own” kids. (I have 2, he has none) They seen a little off-put that we aren’t planning to have any.
Good for you for going after everything you want, you’ll cherish the Sunday brunches when you do have little ones.
I admire your UNselfishness in wanting to adopt a child. And not as a last resort either! That is extremely commendable. I wish you all the best in luck in that endeavor. As I’m sure you’re aware, it IS a long hard, extremely expensive path. Especially Angelina style! =)
I think you are absolutely right in wanting to spend more quality time with the hubby, have a home and a steadier income (back up income for that matter!) before having/adopting kids. Too many people do NOT realize that babies are a lot of money and time.
Great post! I think it’s awesome that you want to adopt. There are so many kids in the world who need someone to love and care for them.
We’re kinda in the same boat as you guys. We definitely want to have kids (someday) but right now, we just aren’t in a place where we could do it and do a great job. I’m in grad school, we’re living in an apartment and getting by, but just barely! I want to feel totally secure in our lives (and relationship) before we have kids! However, good luck telling that to my MIL!
I think this is wonderful. Even if you were to never want children or pets and just want the two of you, that’s still not selfish. You do what works for you, and I must say that you guys are being very responsible wanting to save, know each other better, etc. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty.
All I have to say is “WORD!!” I’m pushing 32, and we’ve still decided to wait a little. Having children is a major life change, and I believe that many people don’t fathom the depths of how much that can change the husband-wife paradigm. Thanks for a thoughtful post.
You are awesome, Mrs. Candy Corn. It sounds like you have a good sense of what is going to work for you as a couple now and in the future. Give smooches to your pets from me!
I agree with Gerbera - it’s incredibly UNselfish of you to want to adopt. What an amazing way to help a child. AND, There is nothing wrong with being 25 and not wanting to have children yet! The FI and I are both 25, and are getting married next June. We both know we want to have children, but certainly do not want to bring any kids into this world until we’re more financially stable, feel like we’re settled a little more in careers, hopefully have a house, and are most importantly, ready to take that next step! I love going out to brunch just like you, and when I sleep in on a Sunday and lazily head down to get brunch with my mister, I often think about how I am SO not ready to give that up yet. Kids can wait - and it’ll be better for them to be brought into a stable environment where both parents were ready for the responsibility. Good things are worth waiting for!
I heart you even more. I think you hit that right on and maybe people feel the same way but just don’t say it. I wanted to be a mom 3 months ago… and now that changed. Imagine if I were preggos? People ask me all the time “are you pregnant? When are the babies coming?” People think its funny… but when they’re the 1000000 person asking you… well its just so annoying.
Mr.F and I just purchased a house and thats our baby for now. Maybe next year, I dunno… but I was in a rush to be a mom 6 months ago… and now… I can wait another 2 years. Hmm..
I love that your considering adoption… thats actually something Mr.Flamingo would like to do… dunno if we will… only time will tell 
I think wanting to adopt is a very good thing to do. From our first marriages my FH and I have 5 children between the two of us, so I don’t think we’ll have anymore of our own (starting over now when the youngest are 6 sounds like too much work), but maybe inviting foster children in or adopting an older child might be an option for us.
BTW - I love the pj’s in the picture - my oldest daughter has those same ones with frogs on it.
I think any decision regarding children is an awful one if you feel rushed into it and not prepared. That is definitely the worst environment to bring a child up in. Take your time and wait until you’re ready because you can’t send ‘em back.
I will admit that we would like to start trying right away, but it’s a decision that’s right for us and our situation. I don’t think it can work for every individual. I do get tired, however, of people knocking us for even mentioning that we MIGHT try (oh, there’s plenty of time for that. Spend time with your husband and enjoy each other’s company). It’s an individual’s right to decide when or when not to try! (:
(Miss Candy Corn, it sounds like we’re from different regions if everyone knocks you for not trying right away and everyone knocks me for wanting to think about trying right away!)
Overall gist, I’m glad that we can each make our own informed decisions about reproducing. I will also say, that no matter what (with or without biological children), we do intend to adopt. I find myself to be very spiritual and believe that there are children out there born to certain mothers but meant for certain families. It’s a beautiful thing to think about!
I think thats so smart to wait until you’re ready to adopt or have a baby! I’m going to be 26 when I get married but I’m not planning on kids until at least 30…It’s not fair to the child if you’re not ready for it…You’re doing the right thing for you, thats what’s important.
We are so not having kids right away–probably not for 5 years–and also really want to adopt, at least one. I have always felt the same way as you–how can I have a baby when there are so many children who needs home. I know I may change my mind but we will definitely adopt at least one kid. So I am so with you!
Thanks everyone, I’m glad I’m not alone! I was a little worried I’d be stirring up some controversy with this one.
@darilinda:
Sounds like we have a lot in common, just on opposite sides of the spectrum! So interesting I think it’s ridiculous that people you barely even know feel like they have a right to comment on something so personal. Le sigh, when will people learn?
i love this post mrs. candy corn! i have always wanted to adopt, and then met mister who IS adopted! we used to tell people that we want to adopt, when the kids question would come up, but now we just say “yes, we want to have kids someday”…because…its true and it stops the awkward condescending looks and comments. i don’t know what the future holds, like you said, but when the time comes we will open our hearts and enjoy the ride!
What a great post! My friends and I talked about this over the weekend, they seemed shocked that I wanted to adopt, and not simply as a “last resort” as you put it. I want to be a mom one day, and there are so many children in the world that need a home. I just hope I will be in a good enough place one day to get there.
Ummm…where did you get those awesome footie Jammies?! I need me a pair. Pronto!
While I totally want (and am ready) for my own kiddies, I also want to adopt. I’ve wanted to adopt a child since I can remember, back in my teen years. My mother put her first child up for adoption (she was 18, VERY catholic, living in the Philippines, in poverty) and I think I’ve always wanted to adopt to “make-up” for it. Mr. Sushi isn’t totally on board yet, but I’m working on it.
@Mrs. Sushi:
hahaha kids section at Target!
Same here, for as long as I can remember I’ve always wanted to either never have children and just have a ton of pets, or adopt children. Recently I’ve been leaning more toward adopting AND having a ton of pets
Adoption is awesome, and you’re not alone in wanting to fend off the kiddies for a little while. You are so young girl! Enjoy your youth! Everyone I know is either pregnant now or dying to get pregnant and I find myself huddling in a corner with my remaining 2 friends that aren’t ready for children, fending off the baby talk. It’s so alien to me to want to be dying to have a child at this point in my life… I want to enjoy working and my husband and travel and all the things you mentioned! I think if I’m not able to get pregnant, I won’t go through all that fertility junk… I’d love to adopt too, or maybe just not have a kid at all. Although my mom would probably kill herself if we didn’t have a kid, so that would be bad.
I love your answer Mrs. Candy Corn and I think it’s smart. And you should both enjoy being married and putting some ground down and its the answer a lot of couples should have in their head but most jump right into it when they dont even know where to start. Kids are cute and so are all the toys, clothes, shoes, etc but once you have a kid its not like babysitting anymore…you can’t give this one back! My fiance has three children and I love them all and Im glad I dont have to change any diapers or pick up after them…I like being lazy sometimes and having my time to sleep in or scrapbook or go on WeddingBee…but I also love our time together with the kids…this is where I figure I won the lottery because I got to adopt kids and I didnt have to wipe any butts in the process! I LOVE YOUR POST!!
At this point, the Mr and I don’t want children. Maybe we’ll change our minds, maybe we won’t. I get REALLY tired of always being asked that question, like its any of your freaking business anyway!!! We are both way too selfish and set in our ways to have kids at this point, we have enough with the dog and cat. We want to buy a house soon, and that will be it for a while for us. We want to travel and just be by ourselves, and I don’t know if that will ever change.
Luckily, my parents said they are happy with whatever makes us happy. And his sister has 3 kids, so we tell his parents to enjoy them! I love my niece and nephews, but I still ALWAYS want to give them back. Maybe if that changes….
YOU have plenty of time–you’re right, 25 is young. It is NOT selfish to adopt–it’s very giving. I have always maintained that I would adopt IF I have children. You need to LIVE your life first. I feel EXACTLY the same way you do–I am not ready to stop sleeping in & traveling sans rugrats. I am 32 (and newly married) & because I am a little older, I have savings, have traveled a fair amount, have a mortgage (I don’t know if I would wish for that!), have a (maybe not “thriving”) career, etc., etc. Remember, the grass is always greener… (I am also an animal lover, btw!) Unfortunately I feel a little pressure to have/adopt children sooner than later–what w/ my age & my husband being an only child (his wonderful parents haven’t so much as hinted), but I am going to WAIT. Wait until I am more settled into my new career, wait until I complete a Master’s Degree, wait until we can sell our condo & buy a house. Hell, wait until I have been on all 7 continents! So, don’t worry about the pressure–enjoy being young & married & get your life in order before plunging in–you have all of the time in the world. Good luck!
I don’t think you are selfish at all, if fact I think that you are amazing! Adopting a child is one of the most honorable, selfless things a person could do. While we aren’t even considering kids right now (or even immediately after we get hitched) I know I do want to experience being pregnant. But I am with you on being down right terrified on the physical aspect of it. On of my bms just had her first child and was a bit to honest about the whole thing. And I’m a big fat scaredy cat!
I agree with the poster above who said she admires your UNselfishness in wanting to adopt! And I don’t think there’s anything “selfish” about wanting to wait until you’re ready emotionally and financially to support a child — that’s just called responsibility! Also, your footie pajamas are amazing.
I think you are very sweet, Mrs. CC! I have pretty strong feelings about adoption, mostly because I am, myself. I was born in the US, but the circumstances surrounding my adoption as an infant were very different from a typical American adoption; it was a rather unusual case. From this experience, the greatest emotion I have is overwhelming thankfulness for my wonderful parents and for the beautiful childhood and life they created for me (because I realize it could have been so different!). It takes a very special person or couple to adopt, and when the right parents and child are put together the results can be really miraculous.
For Mr. P and I, I struggled for a bit because I wondered if I should be considering adoption first, given my own background. But I could not deny that I wanted to at least attempt to conceive and carry a child. Given that, I knew if it we had problems I would be open to adoption, but it was not my first choice.
These things are all very personal decisions and I don’t think people on either side can rightfully judge the other or call each other “selfish.” Coming down to the most important part, regardless of if the child is biological or not — it is really all about if the parents are ready and what child they can provide the best home for.
I think you sound like one of the least selfish people I know! Adopting is such a wonderful thing to do for a child and waiting until you’re totally ready is even more wonderful. Don’t let people force you into something you’re not prepared for! Awesome post.
I think we are in the same boat. We have been married a year and a half and even before we were married we knew babies would not be in the picture for at least three years after we were married. We are loving being married, traveling, saving, enjoying each others company, etc. It’s been great and I recommend it for everyone. Be husband and wife, get used to that, enjoy that then be mom and dad.
We are puppy sitting for my sister right now and though I am sure kids are a bit more work it’s definitely an eye opener to what we have to look forward to!
The plan is to stop birth control 2-3 months before the planned grad school graduation date, which means the first chance of spawning will be close to our 4th anniversary. Whatevs. The MIL hasn’t mentioned the spawnlessness for at least a year, so I hope she’s getting used to it.
You know what? THANKS. The hubs and I just had a looooong conversation about kids because I had just spent time around some baby cousins, and we’re the only married couple that hasn’t had kids yet, and shouldn’t we?
Now, a week later, I’m like: we have a really nice cat. Isn’t she nice? Let’s enjoy our cat.
Down the line, I would like to adopt, too, for a lot of the same reasons you’ve mentioned… and I can’t wait for the fallout from the family when we start working on that. “What’s wrong with your own genes?” Well… where should I start?
Mrs Candy Corn! #1 - I heart your PJ’s like nobody’s biz-nass. #2. I WHOLE HEARTEDLY agree. I’m in no way feeling the need to procreate at this time in my life. I also get told I’m still “too young” and I’ll “come around”. I’m 28! I think if I was wanting kids, my body would have told me that by now. I love my fur babies. and I like that if I want to be out all night, locking them up in the bedroom with cartoon network is a-ok. We always said should we decide we have the need to care for a chile I would love to adopt. There are too many children out there with no parents for me to be selfish enough (in my own eyes) to feel the need to make my own. So cheers to you guys for doing what you belive. And get out there and travel!!!
as an adopted person, i am a fan of people who do adopt. i have the most amazing parents and regardless of a person’s reasons for adopting, the point of adopting is no different from having your own biological child. as you said, you just want to give a child a home and a nice start to life. i myself would also seriously consider adopting someday. in fact, i would prefer that almost over having my own children. we’ll probably try having our own before adopting. but someday i would really love to.
my husband and i have been married for 2 years. we have taken our time and enjoyed our time together as well as focused on building our foundation as a family together. that means working at our careers, saving money etc. now we’re building a house and getting to plan what we want in it. and i am really glad we have had this time together to really enjoy life together and focus on ourselves and each other.
everyone says once you have children, your life is completely encompassed by them. and i am ok with that. but not for right now.
I think I’ve always been more sure that I wanted to be a mother than I was sure I’d ever want to be someone’s wife. But now I’m getting married to a wonderful guy and we can’t wait to start our family. We’ll be trying right away, and I’m trying to get him on board with adoption, too. I think it’s the most wonderful thing.
I read this post and it reminded me so much of myself. Pretty early on in our relationship, my fiance and I decided that we would want to have kids, but several years after we were married. And, we would definitely want to adopt. We currently settle for adopting and fostering canines, which is the closest we will get for the next 10 years!
I love that photo so much. Thanks for this post. I am 100 percent with you. I’m 25 and my FMIL asked my mom if she knew when we’d be having children. NOT FOR A LONG TIME. I also think your desire to adopt is a beautiful and very unselfish thing. Hell to anyone giving you crap for it
Don’t worry, we are like you, we want what we call the “selfish us time” for a good while before we have kids. You are awesome for wanting to adopt, there really are so many awesome kids out there who need a great home and I’m sure their lives will be filled with much love and laughter in yours!
We are getting married because we love each other and want to be partners in life, not because we want to start a family. We get the usual inappropriate comments from not-so-close acquaintances, etc. inquiring or pressuring us to have kids (we aren’t even MARRIED yet!), but luckily our close family and friends NEVER say anything, partly because they know us well enough and partly because we’re both the youngest in our families and have 10 nieces and nephews between us.
We both have great jobs and make good money, but I don’t think that’s a good enough reason to start having kids. We also like the idea of sleeping in on Sunday’s and going to bruch as well as the freedom to do what we want when we want with our money and time.
I am also an animal-lover and we foster chubby kitties and volunteer at the shelter! I think it is much more likely that we will adopt a chubby cat or doggy than get pregnant.
Love the onesie! I agree with being married to be with your sig fig foreva and not necessarily to start a family. I kinda wish my hubby felt more like that. He’s excited about having a child, while I’m still not ready…
Im stalling.
Thank you so much for addressing this!!! We’re not even married yet and it seems like everyone around us is pregnant or already with kids!! It’s CRAZY!! I feel the pressure and I don’t even want kids anytime soon. Glad I’m not the only one!! I just pray that those that ARE having children (that my fiance and I know) are prepared to devote their lives to their child because that’s what it is!
hubs let me know very shortly after we were dating that he thought it was extremely important that we adopt at least two children to provide them a loving, safe, Christian home. I’m totally thrilled with this idea, but can’t resist the idea of wanting to be pregnant (I can skip the vaginal stitches, yo)
But it’s part of the adventure. I can’t wait to have a wonderfully mixed and happy family with all of MY children, whether I birthed them or not!
Kudos to you for having such a generous spirit to adopt!
LOVE the footies!
Oh, and also - I applaud your decision! Do what is best for YOU two!
Mrs Candy Corn. I respect you for your descision, and I admire you. My mom actually adopted a foster child after she was told she was infertile. It was the right timing for she and my dad and Nathan sort of fell into their laps. Then, she “majically” got pregnant with me. I love my adoptive brother so much and I know sometimes he swears he loves mom even more than I do. So many children out there would be incredibly lucky to have an amazing mother and father like you and Mister Candy Corn. Do what is right for you.
I totally understand the pressure from other people — my mother-in-law started pressuring us about kids DURING the wedding reception!
But I always feel sort of bad when I see 20somethings feeling really pressured to make parenthood decisions right away. It’s one thing if someone really WANTS a baby right away. But in terms of feeling like it “has” to be done … there’s always time. Yes, women have a biological clock. But there’s time.
I got pregnant at 37 (by accident, no less). Sure, I don’t have the same energy that my mother had as a new mother at 23. But in every other way, it’s perfectly fine to be an older parent. In fact, I have more patience and more confidence knowing that I already had my chance to travel the world, finish graduate school, and get my career off and running.
So my advice to 20somethings who are on the fence is always the same: Don’t worry. There’s time. There’s always time.
I think its great that you want to wait.
I would too if I had time, but I am a 30 and I don’t want to be elderly when my kid graduates high school so I don’t have much time to wait. I think you’re age is perfect to just chill and have time with your husband, I would wait too if I was 25.
And yes I get adoption, I said that all of my life and people gave me a hard time then I became pregnant unexpectedly and felt a connection like nothing I have ever experienced. We lost the baby but now I would like to have both experiences.
I am glad you are speaking on this topic!
Candy Corn, I think this is an awesome post — and you’ve got some great reasons for waiting and some amazingly inspiring ones for possibly choosing to “have” children non-biologically. Seriously, regardless of whether you give birth to the child, any kid would be so lucky to have you and Mr. Candy Corn as parents — one day.
Regarding the comment of “save our money,” are you looking to adopt privately? One awesome program I’ve experienced some exposure to lately is “Fost-to-Adopt.” You foster parent a kid with the goal of adopting them. Because of this, many kids came from rough homes, or they had some drugs in their system, but it’s a wonderful wonderful program. My friends just finalized their adoption with a little girl named Emily, they got her when she was about a year and 3 months old. It’s been about six month and she’s now legally theirs! Her parents couldn’t raise her as they are addicted to drugs; she had meth in her system when she was born. The grandmother raised her 3 siblings but just couldn’t handle four children, so she was put in ‘the system.’ My friends got a call the day Emily was officially okay to adopt, they drove and picked her up, and parental rights were relinquished soon after that. The parents wrote a note to our friends saying how thankful they are that their little girl will grow up being cared for and loved. It was really beautiful.
One of the great things about Fost-to-Adopt is that it only takes about $500 to adopt a child, instead of $20,000. Since it’s thru the state, the child gets Medicaid until they are 18, and the family receives a foster check until the adoption to help pay to get the child settled. My friends now have 2 children they have adopted. I got to go to the adoption finalization and it was really awesome.
I think that it’s beautiful that you want to adopt. And I agree with you that it’s not really a good idea to start that process while you’re living paycheque to paycheque. I honestly don’t understand where the “selfish” part is coming from, though….
MY FI and I are thinking about adoption too. I think we would have one of our own and then adopt the other, probably a toddler or pre schooler. Most people want to adopt babies not the older children, so there is more of a need there. It is just like with dogs, mine was 2 when I got him and I don’t regret missing those puppy years for a moment.
I think it is GREAT that you want to consider adoption. My mother and father recently adopted a child from Hong Kong. They are in there forties and established and careers and adopted a 3 year old. I may be biased when I say this, but hands down this has been the most amazing experience of my life thus far. I am thoroughly a 100 percent advocate for adoption!
Awww I love the pic!
I don’t think that you are selfish at all! You just got married, I think that is normal to want to have some “you” time with your husband to get used to married life, save up, etc…thats responsible!!! Since I’m still in school getting my Ph.D. at the moment, and I won’t be finished for 5 years…I can’t fathom children until I accomplish that!
That is such a cute picture of you and Miss Betty!
I agree on the whole kids thing…the one dog is almost too much responsibility for me! hahaha!
I’ve been thinking about this for several days before responding… For anyone that doesn’t know, 12 of my siblings are through adoption. Some were babies when they became my siblings. Some were as old as 16. Some were adopted from the U.S., others from overseas. Some are only slightly mentally or physically disabled - some are hugely disabled. A few have major emotional problems due to abuse by their birthparents.
The reason I bring this up is to show I am not pulling my opinion out of my booty!
Choosing to adopt is a serious decision. Adoption, in a large number of cases, is more difficult than having a child biologically. Adoption - especially when you adopt an older child or one that came from less-than-awesome birthparents - is TOUGH. Not everybody’s cut out for it, and THAT IS OK. The worst thing a couple can do is adopt because they feel like it’s a charitable or philanthropic thing to do. THE WORST. Any adoptive couple that is adopting a child out of a sense of sacrifice is in for a world of hurt.
I also often hear people use the phrase “Why have biological children when so many children languish in foster care.” Yes, the number of kids in foster care is horrible.
But it’s not a reason to adopt. Not everybody can do it.
Not everybody is capable of adopting. Not everyone is ready or strong (in this way) enough. You can do more harm than good if you aren’t cut out to parent a child with HUGE emotional or physical problems. Several of my siblings were adopted before… by young parents who just weren’t ready. The emotional devastation inflicted on a child that has been rejected TWICE+ is beyond imagination.
When making the decision to adopt, it’s important to ask yourself if you are ready to deal with a child who may not (ever) really love you because their birth parent was abusive, whether you are capable of parenting a child with negative zero self esteem, with a child who will test you and any other children in the home in every way possible because the world has been unbelievably unkind to them.
If you can say yes to those questions, then you MAY be ready. MAYBE.
This comment is actually not directed as Mrs. CC at all (at all!) I am saying this because so many of the comments say things like “how unselfish,” etc. etc. This is something I hear from many young people out of naivete. If it were up to me, I wouldn’t let anybody under the age of 30 adopt, unless they were adopting a newborn baby whose birthparents were healthy.
Adopting is not a charity project. The adoptive parents are the lucky ones.
I am super pro-adoption - but only by couples that are READY and don’t have this idea that it’s a charitable thing to do. A couple must adopt with eyes wide open, because they want to love a child whose birthparents either were too young, or were incapable. Not everybody is cut out for it, and that’s ok. The key is knowing if you are truly up to the task and being realistic.
I appreciate the comments from everyone–thanks for the support.
Snappy, thanks so much for taking the time to comment with this. I know it probably sounded naive for me to say that there are plenty of children out there who need homes, etc. but I am by no means expecting this to be an easy journey. I wouldn’t want to start the adoption process until we have a house, steady incomes, a strong marriage, etc. I honestly don’t think that would be until I am at least 33-35. I definitely don’t plan on just jumping into this. I want to do a ton of research and reading before anything else so I can be as prepared as possible, even though I know that adoption can throw incredibly tough situations at you that you’ll never expect. We really would like to do a foster to adopt program, which doesn’t necessarily mean having a chance to raise an infant, and I’m fine with that. I have been around many people with low self esteems, drug abuse and physical abuse problems and although I absolutely know how to go about handling a relationship with a grown person with those troubles, by no means will it be the same hearing it from the mouth of a child. I expect it to be incredibly hard, not only on me but on our marriage, but I am fully prepared to delve into it. Just not yet. I want to be the best parent possible and I know I can’t do that anytime soon. But it doesn’t mean talking about it is a bad thing because as we all know, Weddingbee is a fantabulous outlet!
I think it’s great that you have so many adopted siblings and I agree with you, it’s not them that are the lucky ones, but your parents. I can only hope we’ll be that lucky one day (well I don’t want 12, more like 2, but still). If I didn’t think we could handle it, I wouldn’t ever consider it. But I know our relationship and how much we can take and I have total confidence that we will have an amazing family one day. For now though, we’ll just adopt animals since that’s much easier
You have no idea how much I appreciate your comment. It’s nice to hear a voice of reason. I think it’s a little too easy sometimes to get caught up in everyone thinking it’s so “charitable,” etc. You rock, Snappy
We are leaning towards both having kids and adopting kids. We really want our own and to help out kids in the foster care system. Since my fiance is in the social worker arena, he and I really see what it’s like for kids to be without a stable environment.
@Mrs. Penguin: “I’d love to adopt too, or maybe just not have a kid at all. Although my mom would probably kill herself if we didn’t have a kid, so that would be bad.”
hahaha that cracked me up!
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Mrs. Candy Corn, Philadelphia
Age and Occupation: 24, Senior Editor/Writer & Freelance Illustrator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Inventory Manager for a Music Publisher
Engagement Date: September 1, 2004
Wedding Date: October, 2008
Blogging Since: May 6, 2008
Venue: Pennsylvania Museum of Archaelogy and Anthropology
About Me: I enjoy people watching (especially in New Jersey malls), obsessive collecting, drooling over contemporary art, browsing flea markets for vintage finds and eating an absurd amount of cheese. In my Philadelphia abode, I create mixed media artwork and one-of-a-kind home accessories in the company of my farmer-tanned husband, our Westiepoo (Betty White), our three rabbits (Cadbury, Willie Nelson and Applesauce) and our two frisky chinchillas (Ethel Funk and Maude).
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