Weddingbee Blog

Although we’ve only been married for a little over nine months, I’ve noticed that being a wife also means being thrown into a culture obsessed with babies. There’s a lot of pressure to pull off parenthood while trying to juggle married life and a career. Not to mention trying to be able to afford a house somewhere in the mix (since that’s the next “step”, after all).

I think that too many newly married couples believe they need to have a child to complete that next phase in their relationship, while not really paying attention to whether or not they are doing what’s best for the child. I don’t think that’s the way it is in the hive, but out here in the non-bee world I am seeing this happening more often than not.

I am not going to say that I’ll never have biological children, because (unfortunately) I’m not Miss Cleo and I can’t predict the future. I have always wanted to adopt children—it’s just a matter of being able to start saving up for our future together so we can give our child the best life possible.

I’ll never forget being asked if I wanted to have children by Mr. Candy Corn via AIM the first day we started dating, like a minute or two after he asked me out (via AIM, folks). My first reaction was, “Whoa, we’re moving a little too fast here, buddy!” but I responded honestly by telling him that the idea of having my own children both terrified me physically (don’t get me started on vaginal stitches) and I also didn’t think it was fair to all of the children out there who need families and are in foster care. That doesn’t mean I judge those couples who choose to have biological children by any means. Although I agree that a little candy corn combo might be fun to see, I would rather open my home up to a child who is already out there without a family than focus on recreating my genetics and passing down our vertically-challenged awesomeness. It just gets a bit tiring to be told that a) I’m selfish or b) “You’ll change your mind when you’re older and that maternal instinct kicks in.”

I have a wildly aggressive maternal instinct, thank you very much. It’s the reason I have six pets and cradle them in my arms and make gushy “boo boo” mommy noises at them when no one is listening. But it doesn’t mean that I want or need to have a baby of my own.

I see how good Mr. Candy Corn is with kids and how much he wants to be a dad and it makes me want to adopt so badly. One day. Just not anytime soon. Call me selfish, call me overly-realistic, but I just think I’m being reasonable. We are 25, living paycheck to paycheck, renting, in couples therapy and have so much more exploring to do as a couple before we’ll be able to maintain a healthy & happy environment for a child.

I want to sleep in on Sundays and go to brunch together. I want a stable, thriving career and some money in the savings account. I want a mortgage. I want to foster dogs. I want to create artwork non-stop for a year and donate the proceeds to animal shelters. I want to embrace my inner child and wear footie pajamas whenever weather permits. I want to travel (I’ve never even been on a plane). I want to live my life with my husband before we devote years and years and all of our energy into (hopefully) being selected as adoptive parents.

I’m not ready to be a supermom and I think it’s fine to admit that. Now, if only everyone else would accept that.

Does anyone else find themselves in a similar situation or are you buckling down and having children right away (please don’t think I’m judging you if you are, I promise I am not a total bee-yotch)?