Wedding Blog
Everyone knows about the stereotype of the crazy, controlling bride who dictates what her husband-to-be and best buds can and can’t do for his bachelor party. Apparently, even though our groomsmen know nothing else about wedding planning or traditions, even they know about this stereotype (either that, or they just think I’m nuts, which is also possible).
As it turns out, Mr. Star’s guys have been planning his bachelor party for some time now and Mr. Star told me the other day how humorous he found it that they were all taking such pains to keep any and every detail from my knowledge.
Even my brother has been sworn to secrecy under pain of death because of his relationship to me — and he agreed wholeheartedly!
The thing is, I don’t really care. True story. If Mr. Star wants to see a naked woman jump out a cake, he can be my guest. I’m fully confident in the fact that he doesn’t, but that’s an issue for him and his groomsmen to work out. 
I trust Mr. Star with my whole heart and believe that he would probably be willing to be involved in even less craziness than what I would deem to be perfectly acceptable. My ex-boyfriend and I once had a big fight over him possibly heading to a strip club, which I now think was a combination of my silliness and the fact that he didn’t make me have enough faith in us to not be worried about the rest. My trust in Mr. Star is a credit to how he treats me, because I am so totally secure in how head-over-heels in love with me he is that I’m completely unconcerned about what may or may not transpire at his bachelor party. Maybe that’s naive, but I don’t think so.
Are you worried about what your guy and his buddies might get into at his bachelor party or are you unconcerned?
|
Share this post: Trusting My “Bachelor”
I am just very relieved that the bestman is not into that stuff! So the party will probably be more golf/beer related than anything else.
I was not concerned. I trust my husband completely. They went out and had a good time at dinner and a hockey game.
Hear! Hear!
Not concerned one little ‘bit.
“I’m fully confident in the fact that he doesn’t, but that’s an issue for him and his groomsmen to work out.”
Exactly. =)
@Gerbera: Mr. Star’s oldest brother is most definitely into that kind of stuff and for all of our groomsmen, this will be their first time planning a bachelor party, so I think they’re getting geared up to go a little wild to celebrate. Mr. Star, on the other hand, wants something low-key and involving sports. We’ll see where that gets him lol.
Nah-if my fiance wants to pay for a lap dance that’s his problem but don’t complain to me about money when i come home with new shoes. He actually went to a strip club last weekend with his friends-He told me when I got home around 1AM-I was so NOT interested that I even suprised myself. I was just like “take a shower before you get into bed with me… and burn your jeans” lol.
I trust that my FH doesn’t want that anyway. It’s not him. He’s never been to a strip club, doesn’t want to ever go, and that’s a-okay with me.
In truth, if he DID want that, I think I would be a little hurt.
@Miss Star:
That’s the thing. I know weddings are suppose to be about US. But honestly, is it really? Same goes for bachelor/rette party. The FI would be much rather do a golf day and I keep pushing him to suggest that. But being the youngest one a “tradition” has already been foreset that he does not have the heart to break, even though it’s not what he really wants. It’s just not that big of a deal to us. The wedding day is more impt.
@Gerbera: Mr. Star’s already suggested a softball game several times and he’s been met with, “yeah, yeah…and AFTER that, we’ll…” We’ll see what happens.
I agree with flaming red- I hope he has a blast, whatever he does, just be sober and ready to go for the wedding. In fact, I could probably plan a raunchier party for him than his friends anyway- boys aren’t all that creative.
The one thing I have on my side is that his groomsmen live on other corners of the US. So my guess is after paying for transportation to get back over here they won’t have the funds for debauchery. I hope! Frankly I can’t get behind that business when it’s done in relation to a wedding especially when it’s not something they would normally do. I am much more fond of all day events that start out with golf, followed by a sporting event and finishing at the bar. It gives you more time to actually hang with the fellas anyway.
I’m completely secure in my relationship and myself that I will actually encourage the guys to have a stripper involved- it’s a bachelor party afterall, I think it’s to be expected. I know at my Fiances party there will be large quantities of alcohol, rowdyness, sillyness and probably boobies. My Fiance is a very trustworthy person, I’m not owrried at all. Now had you asked me that when I was younger or with a different guy the answer would have been that I was worried.
It us customary for the guys to all agree not to talk about or admit to the strippers, lap dances, etc. that happen at bachelor parties.
Star - I feel the same way as you about the cake lady. In my opinion, if it gets the group of 20 guys who traveled to New Orleans for his Bachelor party revved up and creates lasting hilarious memories for them all, the more power to them! My bachelor will have a HUGE group of guys pumped up to spend all their money on a destination bachelor party and go WILD. I think it’s exciting and kind of cute and I completely trust my little bachelor 
I was only concerned because the mister’s friends tend to want him to drink more than he usually does, and like to do really goofy antics that make me nervous for his safety — like picking him up all together to carry him around on their shoulders (but what if they drop him!?).
My fiance just left for Vegas yesterday for his bachelor party. It’s a joint party for him and his best friend who is getting married a few weeks after we are. I know there will be strip clubs involved - totally his buddies’ idea - my fiance says he hates strip clubs because he feels sorry for the strippers. In a way, it is a bit depressing. Anyway, it doesn’t bother me a bit. I totally trust him. I just want him to get home clean and in one piece!
My husband went bowling. He didn’t even want a bachelor party because he was afraid that there would be uncomfortable nakedness! Like you, Miss Star, I have complete and total faith in my husband–and always have even before we got married. The only girl he sees is me, everyone is is merely a person–not a possibly object of any sort of affection. It’s definitely one of his finer qualities
I’d say we’re lucky to so sure about our men!
I know they’ll have a good time no matter what. The only rules are: 1. Don’t get arrested, and 2. No cuts or bruises where the camera can see ‘em. Same goes for me
@Miss Bruschetta: Aww, Bru. Mr. Star’s guys encourage him to do all the same sorts of things. I get nervous when I have to sit there and watch it (eek!), but I think it’ll be easier for me to be at my Bachelorette at the same time and not worrying about him! Plus, I know he’ll have allll his guys there with him (even his dad!) and surely one of them will veto anything seriously dangerous or at least get him bandaged up before I see him, haha.
@pieceacake: We are definitely two lucky ladies
That is a great attitude to have!
Mr. Duff’s best man (his brother) actually ran his ideas by me to make sure that I was okay with what was going on. I thought that was really thoughtful of him, but like I told him, I don’t really care since I trust the whole group of them not to do anything too awful.
nope, not a single worry. that’s not his style anyway so if his friends planned a party like that, it would be for their benefit and not his. he’s always been clear about the woman who has his heart and attention. so party on boys!
Very well said, and exactly matches my views and my experiences. It’s like you channeled my brain or something!
This stereotype is one of several that people seemed to repeat to me all through our engagement that I just thought was total crap. I think the difference here is that bachelorette parties (like showers) are seen as a party FOR the bride. But a lot of guys value their man-time and like to see marriage as the time when their good friend will be handing over his balls to his lady. And so, the bachelor party is more for them to have one last hoorah with him before he has to compromise and be responsible for the rest of his life. As such, they often plan ridiculous unpleasantries that are predominantly for their amusement, not the groom’s……makes me glad I’m a woman:-)
My mister is going to Vegas…and we joke about them re-creating the Hangover (which is why he will be going WEEKS before the wedding)! Honestly, I don’t care what they get into as long as they are safe
I totally agree! I actually encouraged him to go out to a strip club, if that’s actually what he wants to do. He doesn’t, incidentally, but if his boys want to take him there, I trust him completely, and have no problems. He’s so nervous about the whole day anyway, I want him to go out and be distracted and enjoy himself!!
Good for you, Miss Star! My only concern about my FI’s bachelor party is how much it will affect him for the days following - it’s two nights before our wedding, with the rehearsal dinner sandwiched in between. My FI has also been known to have gout flare-ups, and drinking definitely won’t help that situation. But fortunately, none of my concerns have anything to do with not trusting him. I just don’t want him to wear himself out too much before our wedding night! (wink, wink)
My bachelor’s friend has already bought an ice cream maker to make liquor ice cream like they had at Chase’s bachelor party on the tv show House! even though it is still very far away, hehehe. I agree with your thoughts, it is all about the trust. thanks for a great post star!
I think a great test of anyone’s relationship is trusting the other person in situations like these. Temptation is going to be thrown at us throughout our lives, but that trust factor is so important.
Mr. S trusted me for my evening out of debauchery and I trust him out for his! Besides, the naked ladies are usually more for the benefit of the other guys than for the groom
My bachelor can do whatever he wants, which usually isn’t very much. As in, he’s easy to please. I have a feeling that his older brother is going to the one who, as a divorcee, is going to encourage him to step out of his comfort zone.
I trusted Mr. LL as well, but knew that neither he now his friends would try anything that either of us would be uncomfortable with. He ended up having a couple of nights out with the guys–that included video games and beer!
My thoughts exactly We just watched The Hangover last night, and honestly I just know that bachelor parties are among some of the funnest times that Mr. Peng has with his friends. The movie cracked us both up, and when we were talking about it afterward, seeing how much fun he thinks Vegas with his friend is is something I wouldn’t ruin for him, no matter what. I trust him—through the strippers, heavy drinking, sleeping in stairwells (yes, he got trapped overnight in a stairwell and was too drunk to find his way out… silly goose!)—that he loves me. And if he strays or cheats… is me preventing him from going to, or being not approving of bachelor parties going to solve that problem? Wouldn’t he do it anyway, somewhere, somehow, if he wanted to? I understand peoples’ distastes for strippers, but I really just don’t care about them. They make gobs of money off of silly bachelors at their bachelor parties… and that’s fine with me.
I’m a very jealous person by nature… but bachelor parties are really such good times for Mr. Peng, that I just would never have the heart to not approve of them. I’m jealous, but I also am very trusting of my husband.
I totally agree with you about not really caring what happens. I’ve told him that I could care less about what they plan for his bachelor party because I know at the end of the night he’s going to come home to me. He said he hopes they don’t plan something like that cause that’s just not really him. Hopefully his two brothers will do most of the planning cause that’s not like them either and then maybe they’ll do something my man will actually enjoy.
I’d say if you’re really that worried about a stripper at a bachelor party then you must not have that must trust in your guy, and if that’s the case, then why the wedding??
If you compare what goes into attraction between males and females, what would be perfectly acceptable behavior at a bachelor party (boobies and in your face lapdance gyrations) would be off limits for females (talking to other people, really flirting, etc). Guys like the visual, girls like the fantasy (generally speaking). Getting to that same place at a bachelorette would be a blow to the man’s ego, wouldn’t it? Many guys would say they could care less if you had a stripper in your room with the girls. That’s because very few girls would look at that guy in a little bow tie and outfit and think “boy that’s hot”. They’d just giggle and act silly with their girlfriends. Even if the guys are all acting crazy like the girls would be, the guy’s still not going to be able to get up and go anywhere for a while.
Does anyone know what i mean? I’m not interested in talking to other guys, let alone seeing any strippers at mine. I just wonder why guys have to be so creepy about it
PS: there are a lot of posters on the bachelor party threads that say that they wouldn’t care a bit if the guys went out and acted crazy w/ strippers and booze, but thankfully that their men aren’t really partiers. You may feel differently if your man, or his friends, are heavy partiers. Just another thought!
“I’m fully confident in the fact that he doesn’t, but that’s an issue for him and his groomsmen to work out.” Ditto!
@Melissabegins: Well, like I said in an above comment, his guys are getting pretty pumped about this and his brothers definitely know how to party, so since they’ll be planning everything, who knows what will go down?
But you’re definitely right, if Mr. Star wanted to be TOTALLY uncharacteristically crazy with strippers and booze and such when he never expressed the desire before, I might be more concerned — wouldn’t that be a sign that he wanted more of a partier lifestyle in general, rather than just one blowout bash? I’ve never really understood the concept of a bachelor/bachelorette party where the bride or groom uses the party as an excuse to act totally out of character. Crazy fun is one thing, but in both of our minds, he’s not really a “bachelor” at this point anyways, right?
@ Star - Agree, on the party as an excuse thing. It would be strange for someone to really let loose and behave totally out of character just because it was a special night.
It just makes you wonder though - i mean, if bachelor parties were all hockey games and pats on the back, movies like The Hangover wouldn’t exist!
Whenever strippers are involved, there’s really just no reason to be jealous…remember, they’re at WORK. They’re not hitting on your men, and pretty much have 0 interest in going home with them. They’ll get naked, dance, and take the boys’ money. Then they go home.
Now, I’m not saying that there aren’t hookers masquerading as strippers…but for the most part, strippers just want to dance, take the money, and bolt. So even if my FI has strippers at his bachelor party…it’s fine by me. As long as his friends have the money to pay em!
My fiance isn’t planning on having a bachelor party, so I am unconcerned. Not that I’d be concerned anyways, because I know that out of the two of us, he would have the biggest problem about him seeing another woman naked.
Arrgghh
I don’t understand why this is acceptable?
Your Man is not Single and hasn’t been single for X many years.
Why is okay to celebrate his Freedom with Naked Stippers? What Freedom, he is dating you. He should have enough respect not to see other naked women. Why just because he is getting married to you that its alright? In Fact it should be thats the worse time to see Strippers.
I understand Celebrating with his friends but why does that have to tie in with other Women or Strippers/Hookers?
If women stopped accepting this as tradition than it wouldn’t be there in the 1st place.
Women have some self respect for yourselves!!!!
Haha, I don’t care what Mr. Lab does during his bachelor party (short of paying a prostitute for sex but I’m pretty confidant that it won’t happen, lol). We’re going to Vegas for our parties, so I know things are going to be crazy! For his trip AND mine!
@caserulzall (& others like this): Whoa. I little much in your explanation of YOUR views. I’m completely okay with Mr. Lab visiting a strip club (hell, I’ve even been to one myself before) and I don’t think for one minute that he or I are disrespecting myself or women in general because of it. Everyone has different beliefs and values and I personally think that if a woman (who is of age) wants to be a stripper, it is her choice. And if a man (or woman) is of age and wants to visit one, it shouldn’t be the end of the world. It’s all in good fun. Sheesh.
@caserulzall: First off, I’m inclined to agree with you that celebrating one last night of freedom by watching naked chicks who don’t want to be there dancing for you is a strange tradition. Totally.
That said, I think it’s worth noting that the big events in our lives are often celebrated and marked by strange traditions: a father giving away the bride is rooted in the days when fathers sold their daughters off, bridesmaids come from the belief that we had to ward off and trick evil spirits, and the oft-romanticised wedding night is based on the days when husbands literally had to deflower their brides (sometimes against her will) to make the marriage legal and binding.
Yes, we have some strange traditions. But a tradition is what you and “your people” make of it. Mr. Star has no interest in a stripper, but if (okay, when) one shows up, it will be all about the goofy memories that him and his guys create together, not the boobies. I’m okay with that.
I couldn’t agree more with Pengy and Lab. Would I prefer that FI didn’t go to a strip club for his bach? Probably. Do I really care? Not really. First, if I thought he would cheat or do something gross with a stripper, I wouldn’t be marrying him. Second, if he is going to stray or disrespectful, he would anyways, with our without a stripper at his bachelor party. He has explained that bach parties are “funny” and “goofy” and more for the amusement of friends than for the groom. He didn’t care what I did at my bachelorette (it was tame : ) and I will try my best not to care what he does too.
I’m more worried about my mom, and I repeat MY MOM planning to have a stripper suprise me at my bachelorette party!! EEEEEW! I mean honestly, having a gay dude’s business in my face is not so appetizing. lol
im with you Ms Star, my FI had it all for his B-party… strippers, a girls act, chains & cream and my care factor was kinda zero as i just wanted him to have a good time with the guys and come home safely
@MelissaBegins
My fiance and entourage are definitely partiers and I have no problem with the bachelor party (in New Orleans of all places!!). All I asked of them is to not lose him (The Hangover) and to carry the name of a good local lawyer we know just in case.
I trust my fiance completely and I’m just glad he is taking time off of work to hang out with the boys.
Miss Star, I really enjoyed your response to caserulzall. I happen to agree with her (I’m REALLY not behind the idea of a bachelor/ette party simply existing because we’re about to lose our “freedom”, like marriage is some horrible prison sentence…um, no, that’s not really what it’s all about). But I really like your perspective. Many traditions are silly, and we each pick which ones work for us.
So to me, the question here isn’t really if you trust him or not (cuz, duh, if you don’t, you wouldn’t even be considering this question because you wouldn’t be getting married), but are you marrying someone who likes strippers when you find the profession degrading? Or, they find strippers icky when you wish they’d take you to a club because it turns you on?
Or, are you marrying someone who has the same beliefs as you? THAT’S the important bit.
Totally wasn’t worried about my fiance, but that’s because i wouldnt be marrying a person who would even step foot in a strip club. He went blueberry picking(loves blueberries) played softball and had chick fil a platters. Totally personalized fun day that didn’t involve something that would be against what we stand for
Everything (including replies) were well said, Ms. Star. I’m in the same boat as you. I trust him and quite frankly, it’s traditional and I could care less. If I DID care, and he did it anyways, ok, issue. If I don’t care, then whatever. Frankly, I was fully expecting it, and when the best man had surgery 2 days before, they ended up going to Dave and Busters all night.
Mine, however, was the “traditional” party in which the cops show up. No, it wasn’t “ooo man junk!” it was more “omg this is hilarious” and watching all my friends get tormented along with me. My husband said he didn’t care less. It’s like I wanted the stripper or wanted to sleep with him! It was a funny evening. It’s a two-way street. Sure, there are some scummy guys out there who “want” their female strippers, but if that’s the case, I think you got a whole lot of other problems.
I’d still marry him; he’s been to them before, it’s like he’s putting hundreds of bucks in her undies or anything. The ritual of it is amusing; the guys take the groom there to give them a hard time. I think most of the time, it’s almost for the groomsmen more than the groom, anyways =]
I trust my FI completly but I am looking at like this…I don’t want my husband to cheat or have any notion to cheat, so why would I would be okay of him to look at other naked women with his friends???? Before we get married???? or even after??? I have enough self respect for myself to be okay to telll my FI no, and its not out of jealously. Women have always been taught to turn the other cheek, but I don’t want to. I tell him how it is…and I have enough respect I wouldn’t go out and see some man naked and putting money in his undies. We need to keep the message clear, and consistent.
Oh yes and most strippers are not out there on there own free will most are hook on drugs, and or pimped out or came to the countries illegally (Women are being sold in Cataleogs), and any self respecting women wouldn’t have that job.
Remember stripppers and hookers are somebodies daughters/sisters and people are okay with this?????
“Oh wow, boobs and cha cha. Never seen that before.”
It’s all good. If you trust them, it’s nothing to worry about.
@Guest:
I agree with you. I think it all comes down to whether or not both parties agree. As for a bachelor party, I don’t really care either way, but I also know my FI isn’t interested in going to a strip club. Even if he were dragged to one at his bachelor party, I wouldn’t mind, because it’s not something he’s into. I probably would have a problem if my guy was actually interested in going to strip clubs with his buddies for more than the occasional bachelor party. In my opinion, strip clubs are sleazy, and more than anything, I’d just be embarrassed to be with a man who actually enjoyed visiting them.
The Dude’s bachelor party is probably going to consist of watching the Nebraska football game at a bar, batting cages, and possibly going to see a band play in the evening. I have to say I’m relieved that there are no strip club plans in the works. I trust him 100%, and if he wanted to go to a strip club I wouldn’t stop him. But they are just so icky and sad to me.
Very well put Miss Star! Its a great thing to hear that you’d trust your man enough to not be going overboard at his bachelor party. I know that my fiance is the same way…he doesn’t even want to go out to a bar or anything (doesn’t drink much)…I’m wondering if he’ll even have one at all…perhaps HE should be more worried about MY party….I kid I kid….
@KatieBug3017: Haha, exactly — he should definitely be more worried about my party! J/K…mostly
No, that’s not an issue for me. My fiance doesn’t drink at all, so there is no chance of him misbehaving because of being inebriated.
I think if a husband to be was going to do something “wrong”, the bachelor party would not be the avenue to execute the poor behavior. He would’ve already done it and in secrecy.
Especially if your sibling is going to be there
That’s awesome that you are completely trusting and not worried. Makes it so he has a good time (that he doesn’t have to worry about coming home to you with a rolling pin in your hand!)
@SeiLuna: Haha, I’m LOLing at the image of me waiting for him to come home with a rolling pin in hand. I’ll be waiting for him to come home, pink feathered tiara and bachelorette sash in hand!
P.S. I have no doubt that my brother would be no guarantee of anything. He’s one of the worst instigators!
| Visit our sister sites | Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Fertile Thoughts Infertility Support |
Mrs. Star, New York City
Age and Occupation: 22, Actress
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Casting Assistant
Wedding Date: October 2009
Venue: Ceremony: The Kraine Theatre, Reception: Midtown Loft & Terrace
About Me: I’m a professional actress who’s always had New York City in her blood and I'm finally getting the chance to make a home in Manhattan with my fiancé, my dog, and my big dreams! I love polka dots, craft projects, Dunkin’ Donuts’ iced coffee, and anything sparkly. I’m having a blast planning our elegant/dramatic/New York City/acting-themed/largely-DIY wedding and am thrilled to be the youngest current Miss Blogger!
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |
| 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 |
| 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |
| 29 | 30 |
Latest Gallery Pics