Weddingbee Blog

I’ve been meaning to address this issue for quite a long time. I wrote the post below the day we got our marriage license, a week before our wedding. But, before I published it, we hit a roadblock that has kept me from publishing it since. You may remember 2 days before the wedding, I mentioned we had our first pre-wedding crisis. Well, c’est ca, yo!

I’m posting about it, in large part because it’s an issue I’m hearing more and more couples talk about, and I hope my story will help from a practical standpoint. I’m writing about it, in small part to address some of the emotional issues involved (both yours and mine), which is equally important to consider.

So, rather than retelling the whole story, we’re going back in time and reliving the first half here, as written in that moment, unedited. Stay tuned for the conclusion, written from today’s perspective.

And away we go….

I ain’t gonna lie. I have a rad last name. It’s so cool, it’s got two capital letters. It’s French. People love to say my name. When I meet people, they say, “What a great name! You should be an actress!” (tee hee.) Some even ask if it’s real. I have been called it, as a nickname, almost as much as my first name. Its a major part of my identity.

Mr. M’s first name is actually his mother’s maiden name, which I think is very cool. His last name is also very unique. It’s German. People also tell him, “What a great name!” It’s got a rich history that means a lot to their clan. But, its just not my name.

Growing up, I always thought I’d hyphenate for personal use. Professionally, I planned to keep my maiden name. But, I (not so secretly) dreamed of a situation in which we would both hyphenate, so our children would have my name, too. So the new family we are creating together would share one common name. It just makes sense: we honor both the names and histories of those that made us who we are: these two loving souls joining together and forming a new family unit. It’s the ultimate show of love not just to each other, but to our families, as well. Marriage is all about inclusiveness. Blending. Unity. Right?

Mr. M suggested we might name our child my maiden name, like he was named, and while I love the idea and it works great with his firstname, I’m just not feelin’ it 100% with my name. Mayyyyybe with a girl. Not so much with a boy. We had this discussion several times over the nearly two years we’ve been engaged. We never quite settled the question.

Today we went to get our marriage license, and in California we have a law called the Name Equality Act, which allows couples to submit their new middle and/or last names at the time of filing for the license. This way, the marriage certificate will reflect their new name, which makes the rest of the name change processes much easier. As we stood in line, we discussed my new name, and we talked again about all of our options. Then it was our turn. We stood there with our pens, looked at the form, then at one another, and made our commitment with gleeful tears in our eyes.

I am thrilled to announce that we have chosen to both hyphenate! I am overwhelmed with joy! After 19 months of periodic jokes about it, it happened. We will soon be Mr. and Mrs. hislastname-mylastname. (It rolls off the tongue better than if we did it the other way around.) It was an amazing moment between us. I felt it so deeply inside; it was my first taste of what that ceremonial commitment will feel like. That promise of a certain future.

When I asked him what led him to this conclusion, his answer was sweeter than I ever dreamed. “I love your name,” he said “It’s a great name, and it’s who you are. But also, your family has taken me in as one of their own from the very start, and I’m proud to be one of them.”

Le sigh. I picked the right one, I did.